How to get over this

LegacyUser

So, I was seeing this guy for about 10 months and he broke up with me a little over 2 month ago. Even though I was mad about him, we had always taken things really slow because both of us weren't ready to jump into a serious relationship. He had a previous girlfriend about 5 years ago that broke his heart and I had a similar situation.

When we started seeing each other we would spend 4-5 days in a row together, but after a few months it was about 2-3 times a week. He had always made it clear to me that he wasn't sure how he felt about me, but he did enjoy spending time with me and liked how he felt when he was around me. As of recently, I thought things were going really well. I used to go to his family's place every Sunday for dinner and went to several weddings with him. I went on holiday for a month and a half and we kept in touch and we missed each other and everything seemed to be moving forward.

We had never really discussed our feelings and the day we broke up we decided to discuss them. I told him that my feelings were growing for him, but I was happy the way things were. He proceeded to tell me that although he thought I was beautiful and great, I didn't excite him in that way and he could never love me and it just didn't feel right! He then continued to say that he wanted me in his life because he really cared for me. Although I wasn't yet in love with him, the breakup has absolutely devastated me.

I was so incredibly hurt when he told me that he could never love me, that my confidence has been severely knocked. I keep thinking that I was dreaming up our whole relationship and that he never liked me in the first place. I just can't understand why someone would spend almost a year with someone they could never be with. To make it worse, he calls/ texts me at least once a week since. I guess my question is how to get over something like this? It has made me think that everything is my fault and that no one could be in a relationship with me. I am now scared to get involved with anyone else, for fear that the same thing will happen again I thought he was falling in love with me, but instead he breaks up with me? Please help.

RubyLamb

Kel4545 wrote: »

When we started seeing each other we would spend 4-5 days in a row together, but after a few months it was about 2-3 times a week. He had always made it clear to me that he wasn't sure how he felt about me, but he did enjoy spending time with me and liked how he felt when he was around me. As of recently, I thought things were going really well. I used to go to his family's place every Sunday for dinner and went to several weddings with him. I went on holiday for a month and a half and we kept in touch and we missed each other and everything seemed to be moving forward.

We had never really discussed our feelings and the day we broke up we decided to discuss them. I told him that my feelings were growing for him, but I was happy the way things were. He proceeded to tell me that although he thought I was beautiful and great, I didn't excite him in that way and he could never love me and it just didn't feel right! He then continued to say that he wanted me in his life because he really cared for me. Although I wasn't yet in love with him, the breakup has absolutely devastated me.

Hey OP, sorry to hear bout this, any break up is hard. It sounds like he didn't/doesn't really know what he wants, and like he was stringing you along all this time. Especially that he said he wasn't sure how he felt, like he was having his cake and eating it.

The best thing to do now if just try and forget about him. I know at the moment it seems nigh on impossible, but like with everything it'll just take time. You're going to have to cut all contact with him he can't break up with you and then expect to still have you at his beck and call. Just don't text him back, or answer his calls, its the only way to get over someone. Try not to take it to heart. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

hi OP i don't know if i can help you much but would just like to let you know you're not alone im in the exact same situation and i know how horrible it can feel. i was with my bf 1yr and a half before he admitted that he didn't love me and never has... despite months of him actually saying i love you on a regular basis... he said this was just something he said just for the sake of it and that he liked "having someone around".
that was 1 month ago, i've found the only way for me is to try and cut all contact. it's hard (actually like chopping off your arm in an effort not to text or answer his calls) but i think it will be harder if you continue to let him use you as a crutch just cos he doesn't want to be alone..
my fear is that he will eventually find a girl he does love and do you really want to be around in the background when that happens? that would probably hurt a lot more.
If you can at all, cut contact with him. It will get a bit easier x
good luck x

magneticimpulse

its sad reading these posts. but comforting because lots people in same boat. cut all contact as he seems confused and stringing you along. at least if you have no contact he might actually realise what hes lost out on.

you sound like a really nice person. just get your life back to way it was. you survived before you ever met him and you will live without him just as you did before you ever knew him. get exercising, pamper yourself, buy a new dress and shoes, get your hair done and go out there and look fabulous. its the best way. and when guys come over to chat to you (even if you have absolutely no interest), it will boost your confidence