bf-meeting my family/ ADVICE NEEDED!

LegacyUser

Hi there,

not sure how to start. Well, I am in a relationship for the last two years and I love my bf to bites and he feels the same about me. The "problem" is that he hasn't meet my family yet.
His family adores me, I really feel welcome there and I like spending time with his family. He of course wants to meet my family but the problem is that I know my family wont give him a chance and will try to tear us appart. Why? Well my family cares a lot about what other people might think, so its already a shame that my bf doesn't speak the same language as my family. But I am also a shame for my family as I dont look the way they want me to. I am not a girly girl, not skinny (size L-XL) but I am happy with the way I look. My family doesnt understand me at all and keeps making comments which are pretty hurtfull. I think if I werent there daughter they wouldnt look at me or talk to me. I love my family but they just dont accept me the way I am. Thats why I am sure that they wont accept my bf as he is pretty big (3XL). They have seen pictures of him and made comments already even so he looks slimmer in pictures then in real life, which they of course dont know. My family already tries to couple me up with other guys, guys they like. They dont listen when I tell them that I love my bf and that I dont want to be with anybody else. They just keep going with hurtfull comments. Its not just my parents, also my siblings aunts, uncles and my granny. I am afraid that they would say even worse things once they have meet him as i know they will judge him just from his looks. I just dont want my bf to feel like a pice of dirt or like a bad person so would rather not want him to meet my family but I know that that could give him the impression that I am ashamed of him or something which I am not. So I just need advice on how we can "survive" a meeting with my family. My bf is the most important person in my life, he is amazing I just love him very much thats why I don't want him to feel bad once he meets my family. He doesnt speak my families language but I am sure he will understand when they are saying bad things. And I know I will get angry, upset, mad, ... cause I just can not understand how people can be like that.

Sorry for the long post! Any advice would be much appreatiated!

Thanks

Sinall

I'm sure your boyfriend is aware of the current situation with your family. He probably has some indication after going out with you for this long.

IMO the best way to handle this is to have two separate conversations with two sets of people.

With your boyfriend: explain that your family can be "difficult" and tell him to take what they say with a pinch of salt. He already knows you and loves you, I don't think this will change how he feels about you.

With your family: Tell them that you have been going out with X for quite a length of time now and that he means a lot to you. Say, "I know that as my family, you want me to be happy and I really am happy with X. I'm excited for you to meet him and I know you will like him."

You might not feel that your family will like him but it's letting them know that this is important to you and hopefully giving them an indication to be on their best behaviour!

Keep the meeting short. A few hours at most (if possible). And remember, what other people think isn't important. You and your boyfriend sound really happy together and that is the main thing. A lot of people have difficult or troublesome families but you aren't going out with each other's families, you are going out with each other.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your reply Sinall.

From the beginning I have been very honest to my bf about my family and my thoughts about how they will react to him and he also knows that they are trying to find me an other bf and all this ****. He really knows everything. I know that his feelings wont change when he meets my family but I dont want him to feel like crap and I know my family is well able to let him feel like this, it would break my heart! I see how hurt he is when my family says bad things about me (when I am talking with them on the phone or when I am back home for a visit) and I get upset so I am pretty sure he will get even more hurt when he sees and hears everything in real life.

Also I can't keep the meeting short as my family lives in an other country so we would have to spend at lest 3 days with them. Would also have to live with my parents as there are no hotels or anything nearby. The fact that we have to stay for a while makes it even worse.

Sinall

Comments from other people's families are usually not as hurtful as comments from your own family! I know that I would be more easily wounded if a member of my family said something mean about me, but would probably become defiant if somebody else said it!

You need to take a step back. Of course it hurts when people are cruel, but it's their problem really. If you can learn a way to prevent their comments from hurting you so deeply you will be better off. Even saying something like, "That's your opinion and you are entitled to it, but that's not the way I feel" will help.

You mentioned a language difference, so your boyfriend won't hopefully understand some of the comments. Don't translate them for him if you feel he will be hurt by them.