Is this something I should be seriously worried about?

LegacyUser

Hi, I would like to hear some opinions please if anyone can help.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time we are both in our early thirties. My BF is an amazingly intelligent person, people are just blown away by how sharp and tuned in he is when they meet him. He is also musically gifted and has a wicked sense of humour, has a well-paid job, a great family and lovely friends.

The reason I mention these things is because he has started telling me recently that he hates his life. I am trying to understand him because I love him but I can't see what there is to hate. He gets very very upset about things beyond his control like the government for example. He thinks people who aren't upset about these things are pathetic and won't listen when I say that they can just put it in perspective. He is very very hard on himself and constantly needs to be reassured that people don't hate him. I dread him drinking - not because he is bad when he is drunk but he seems to get 'the fear' a million times worse than anyone else I know. He is very self-obsessed, I don't mean that he is arrogant, but will constantly talk about his problems and forget to ask me about important things that are going on in my life. I know he doesn't mean it in a cruel way but just that he can't think about other things.

I am finding it hard to put up with this, I mean I love him but I have pleaded with him to get professional help and he just won't so I feel like I'm just banging my head against the wall and I am not having a relationship with 'an equal' anymore. He has become very irrational about buying necessary things that he could easily afford but won't because he thinks he's proving something to somebody (not sure who?). He just doesn't seem able to cope with normal everyday life.

A real worry for me is the other night I asked him if he every thought about suicide. He said not seriously but then spoke about that German goalkeeper who killed himself last week and said he thought he was 'brave'. I'm worried. I don't know if this is a real danger sign or just a flyaway comment, does anyone have any experience of this? I can't talk to his family who are having other troubles at the moment.

thanks for reading

Overheal

Yes. Be worried.
From the way youve lined up your post I get the notion that this Sharpness and Intelligence and Musical ability is also a heightened emotional perception for him? Not your typical guy, not afraid to show his emotions and he lets himself feel them a bit more deeply than others because it probably teaches him things.

The reason I say that is because when faced with World Affairs its easy as a normal and callous person to feel overwhelmed by it all. Someone who is very pathos on the other hand would probably take it very deeply and very personally. Hence if the stat of affairs is not well, he is not well. Do you see any of that when he has these Poor Me sessions?

Again I'd be concerned. If he keeps getting stuck thinking that he is powerless to do anything about the world around him I dont see it ending for him favourably. If you could get him into couples counseling or something that might be best for him. I think all you can do in the interim the though is point him the right direction. Perhaps by focusing all this bad energy into his music it will actually do him some good. Catharsis.

pookie82

Unfortunately yes, you should be worried, because you have just described to a t someone I know, and he suffers from depression.

Luckily he's on medication now and is much better but you have listed numerous signs of the condition and you should push him to get help. Not just in a suggestive way - you'll need to be forceful. You say he's extremely intelligent and creative - the down side of this is often mood swings, frustrations with the rest of the "regular" people in the world, and full blown depression. Depression makes people deeply selfish (not their fault, but they really can't see past themselves and their own angers/problems to be of any aid to anyone else).

You could always ring aware or some such body who will give you advice on how to proceed. And feel free to pm me if you need to talk further.

Sorry just re-read your post there - for god's sake let the number one course of action be to somehow convince him to stop drinking. Alcohol is a natural depressant - throw in someone who already suffers from these thoughts and feelings and he's going to worsen his condition ten fold.

Moomoo1

talented people are often like this. I was also quite musically and academically gifted as a kid so I can sympathise to a degree. You feel like God gave you all those talents, and you are compelled to use them, and when you find that you cannot, it's a real, massive downer, and it means that whatever occupation in life you have (short of being a military dictator or a major philosopher, and let's face it, few of us get to be either of those), it would seem that you are destined for more.

Does he also have an over-inflated sense of empathy?

LegacyUser

Thanks for taking the time to reply. He doesn't drink very much at all, very rarely in fact so I'm not too worried about that. No, he doesn't have any empathy at all. I'm at a loss I really am. I confided in someone close to me tonight and they said I should tell his parents but I'm not sure that's the best course of action.