No time to meet the lovely man again and it sucks.

LegacyUser

I met a guy last week at a bar and for the first time in a very long time, I felt a real connection. He´s absolutely lovely, clever, funny, good-looking and all that business. We talked for ages about everything and anything and he walked me home but we didn´t kiss but I think there was something there. We decided to meet up again so we exchanged numbers. So we´ve been in touch since trying to arrange a day to meet up but we´re both really busy with work at the moment and it seems like he´s busy when I´m free and visa-versa. This happens so infrequently for me to meet someone I really like and it´d be such a pity if nothing could come of it because we were too busy with work. I really want to see him again and the sooner the better but this whole trying to find a space in our week is kind of ruining the romance a little bit. Anyone else ever have this problem and how did you deal with it? This is wreaking my head.

Terodil

To be honest, OP, we do not 'not have time'. We have at least 14h disposable time every day. It's up to us to decide how we use them.

It sounds trivial but that in itself is its strength. Make the time. Try to move some of your work around to another day. Check your deadlines and the possibility of extension. Usually nothing is really 'hard-coded'. (Took me a while to realise too and I still am not always able of doing it, but keeping this firmly in mind does help lots.)

Good luck!

Nervous Wreck

Terodil wrote: »

To be honest, OP, we do not 'not have time'. We have at least 14h disposable time every day. It's up to us to decide how we use them.

It sounds trivial but that in itself is its strength. Make the time. Try to move some of your work around to another day. Check your deadlines and the possibility of extension. Usually nothing is really 'hard-coded'. (Took me a while to realise too and I still am not always able of doing it, but keeping this firmly in mind does help lots.)

Good luck!

Agreed. Making time is easy when you try.

mood

I agree. We can all find time if we really want to. It doesn't sound like either of you have other major commitments apart from work (like children) so it should be manageable.

sunnyside

If it's that important to you take a day off or ring in sick or something. You don't want to be looking back in a few years wondering "what if?"

winking weber

I was on the receiving end of this recently. I'm of the opinion that if he were really interested, he would have made the time.

Your job is important but if you like this man, you'll have to make time for him. Or he'll think you're not bothered. As I do in a similar situation.

Wibbs

While work is important on many levels, not least financial, at the end of your days you will not look back on your life and think "I should have done more overtime". I guarantee that. We can always make time. So many of us get stuck in the notion that we can't and that stops us, not the lack of time itself.

SarahSassy

Devils advocate and all that - why bother starting something ye evidently dont have the time to follow through.

Auldloon

Terodil wrote: »

We have at least 14h disposable time every day.

No "we" don't. I for one get up at 5.45 start work at 6.30, get home at 7. Then gym, cook, clean etc maybe get to sit down about 9 and I don't have kids or other responsibilities.
My partner is just as busy.

When we met op we had similar problem but once we hooked up we made time, its easy if the interest is there.

LegacyUser

Chuileog wrote: »

No "we" don't. I for one get up at 5.45 start work at 6.30, get home at 7. Then gym, cook, clean etc maybe get to sit down about 9 and I don't have kids or other responsibilities.
My partner is just as busy.

When we met op we had similar problem but once we hooked up we made time, its easy if the interest is there.

Thank you Chuileog. Therodil, thanks for your comment but I honestly don´t have 14 hours at my disposal a day...if I did, I wouldn´t be writing here. My spare time during the week is spent sleeping. I get up at 6am, start work at 8am, one hour lunch, and finish work at 8pm and get home at 9pm....and then I´ve a few hours to plan classes (I´m a teacher) for the following day and them I´m too knackered to do anything else. To presume that everyone has this type of time free is completely unrealistic....this is not the case for a lot of people....maybe it is among your peers, but not mine. I don´t live in Ireland by the way. I have no other choice but to work in this area, at least for the time being...I know it´s completely **** but I love it here and just need to get myself sorted. The pay is crap so I barely manage to pay bills. This is how it´s going to be ´till I save up some money and pay off a few debts.

To be honest, I would´ve given the same advice you guys have given if I read this post 6 months ago. Career before love? No way! I´m not at all career driven but sometimes you have to do what you don´t want to do.

This guy on the other hand is the screenwriter of a film that been released in the last few months worldwide (not joking..madness!). I didn´t realise this until I googled his name after he told me he was a screenwriter (I presumed he was small-time...he´s not). By the way, I liked this guy BEFORE I googled his name and the fact that he´s well known over here kind of puts me off seeing him, to be honest. He seemed so normal and humble (I´m sure he´s both but the whole fame thing is intimidating). He´s obviously busy doing what screenwriters of big Hollywood blockbusters do....but we really got along when we met. We were both sober but just hit it off and talked for hours....and in fairness to him, he´s more accomodating than I am. Turns out I´m busier than a famous screenwriter!

Anyway, I guess it´s a lost caused. I shouldn´t get involved or I´ll only have my head-wreaked, I suppose. It´s a pity...I rarely feel this way about anyone I meet, at least not for a very long time. You know how it is, I´m sure. Thanks for the comments everyone.

ManOfMystery

SarahSassy wrote: »

Can these activities not be suspended for one night to allow you meet him.



Likewise, people can meet after 9 pm?????

Sounds like you are making excuses and I dont understand why.

Sarah you do realise Chuileog is not the OP?

SarahSassy

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Sarah you do realise Chuileog is not the OP?

Just now. Post deleted

Alessandra

Toobusyforlurve wrote: »

Thank you Chuileog. Therodil, thanks for your comment but I honestly don´t have 14 hours at my disposal a day...if I did, I wouldn´t be writing here. My spare time during the week is spent sleeping. I get up at 6am, start work at 8am, one hour lunch, and finish work at 8pm and get home at 9pm....and then I´ve a few hours to plan classes (I´m a teacher) for the following day and them I´m too knackered to do anything else. To presume that everyone has this type of time free is completely unrealistic....this is not the case for a lot of people....maybe it is among your peers, but not mine. I don´t live in Ireland by the way. I have no other choice but to work in this area, at least for the time being...I know it´s completely **** but I love it here and just need to get myself sorted. The pay is crap so I barely manage to pay bills. This is how it´s going to be ´till I save up some money and pay off a few debts.

To be honest, I would´ve given the same advice you guys have given if I read this post 6 months ago. Career before love? No way! I´m not at all career driven but sometimes you have to do what you don´t want to do.

This guy on the other hand is the screenwriter of a film that been released in the last few months worldwide (not joking..madness!). I didn´t realise this until I googled his name after he told me he was a screenwriter (I presumed he was small-time...he´s not). By the way, I liked this guy BEFORE I googled his name and the fact that he´s well known over here kind of puts me off seeing him, to be honest. He seemed so normal and humble (I´m sure he´s both but the whole fame thing is intimidating). He´s obviously busy doing what screenwriters of big Hollywood blockbusters do....but we really got along when we met. We were both sober but just hit it off and talked for hours....and in fairness to him, he´s more accomodating than I am. Turns out I´m busier than a famous screenwriter!

Anyway, I guess it´s a lost caused. I shouldn´t get involved or I´ll only have my head-wreaked, I suppose. It´s a pity...I rarely feel this way about anyone I meet, at least not for a very long time. You know how it is, I´m sure. Thanks for the comments everyone.

As a teacher you don't work 7 days of the week I am sure?
Surely you could both arrange to meet for even 1 hour over the weekend?
If you really wanted you could make it work.,,
I have friends with very busy careers who are in transatlantic relationships and they make it work..
If it's meant to be it's meant to be. Stop over complicating it. You won't know until you meet him again

Terodil

Chuileog wrote: »

No "we" don't. I for one get up at 5.45 start work at 6.30, get home at 7. Then gym, cook, clean etc maybe get to sit down about 9 and I don't have kids or other responsibilities.
My partner is just as busy.

Excuses, excuses. Sorry. But don't fool yourself: It is YOU who chooses what you spend your time on, absolutely nobody else. I'm not going to engage in a 'whose is longer' contest here, suffice it to say that I have often worked 80+ working hour weeks. I realised that that is not what I understand by happiness. And tbh if you choose to go to the gym and cook extensively every day instead of meeting your OH then that IS your decision, and don't blame anybody else for it. You are responsible for yourself. (Unless you have kids etc. but that is not the case with either you or the OP.)

Toobusyforlurve wrote: »

Thank you Chuileog. Therodil, thanks for your comment but I honestly don´t have 14 hours at my disposal a day...if I did, I wouldn´t be writing here.

You do. You're still fooling yourself.

Are you really working non-stop from 8:00 till 20:00? What kind of institute is that? Don't you have any breaks? Can you not do your preparation during your working time? I'm not certain what the law is like in the country you are living in, but in a lot of countries (France, Germany, ...) there are laws that limit the long-term worktime/day (10h usually).

Toobusyforlurve wrote: »

I´m not at all career driven but sometimes you have to do what you don´t want to do.

Fair enough, but I get the feeling that you are very short-term oriented. You are currently not living on interests alone, you are burning up the capital you have, which is your health and professional qualifications, as well as your private life.

Let me summarise as I read it:

• You have a 14-16h/day job.
• The job has **** pay.
• You have no time to develop yourself further professionally.
• You have no time for your private life.

Wake up. You are headed for burn-out and/or heart attack in 5 years max, and what are you getting out of it? Is ANYBODY going to thank you down the line for risking your physical and mental health?

Part of the key to happiness is the ability to stand up for yourself. Now I know that sometimes you just have to take what life throws you, so 14h days are ok for a week or two, maybe a month, but if it lasts longer than that you NEED to talk with your boss. Just fyi, it is not in his/her interest either to have you burn yourself to the point of self-destruction (because that's usually what's happening, it's not the managers burning their employees, it's usually the employees burning themselves hoping that they'll get rewarded some time down the line... reality check: they won't be, at least not as much as they should be).

Toobusyforlurve wrote: »

Anyway, I guess it´s a lost caused. I shouldn´t get involved or I´ll only have my head-wreaked, I suppose. It´s a pity...I rarely feel this way about anyone I meet, at least not for a very long time. You know how it is, I´m sure. Thanks for the comments everyone.

Don't give up, please.

Maybe you should take a day off, better a week if possible, and really think about the direction you want your life to take.

Kimia

Totally agree with the above.

Why are you posting here moaning about having no time, and when people suggest things to you, you still say you have no time and that it's a lost cause. What was the point in your post?

If it was to see if other people also have no time, then as you can see that's not true. It is an excuse imo. You have time, of course you do. It's up to you how you choose to spend it, and you're choosing not to spend it with him, it's not because you're too busy.

And again as above, what in the name of god are you doing getting up at 6am, work at 8am (long commute!), and then a 12 hour day teaching and then another long commute home. Why in the world are you doing that to yourself for ****e pay?

You only have one life OP and you are choosing to live this way, and as such you have the choice to change it, if you want.

LegacyUser

Terodil wrote: »

Excuses, excuses. Sorry. But don't fool yourself: It is YOU who chooses what you spend your time on, absolutely nobody else. I'm not going to engage in a 'whose is longer' contest here, suffice it to say that I have often worked 80+ working hour weeks. I realised that that is not what I understand by happiness. And tbh if you choose to go to the gym and cook extensively every day instead of meeting your OH then that IS your decision, and don't blame anybody else for it. You are responsible for yourself. (Unless you have kids etc. but that is not the case with either you or the OP.)


You do. You're still fooling yourself.

Are you really working non-stop from 8:00 till 20:00? What kind of institute is that? Don't you have any breaks? Can you not do your preparation during your working time? I'm not certain what the law is like in the country you are living in, but in a lot of countries (France, Germany, ...) there are laws that limit the long-term worktime/day (10h usually).


Fair enough, but I get the feeling that you are very short-term oriented. You are currently not living on interests alone, you are burning up the capital you have, which is your health and professional qualifications, as well as your private life.

Let me summarise as I read it:

• You have a 14-16h/day job.
• The job has **** pay.
• You have no time to develop yourself further professionally.
• You have no time for your private life.

Wake up. You are headed for burn-out and/or heart attack in 5 years max, and what are you getting out of it? Is ANYBODY going to thank you down the line for risking your physical and mental health?

Part of the key to happiness is the ability to stand up for yourself. Now I know that sometimes you just have to take what life throws you, so 14h days are ok for a week or two, maybe a month, but if it lasts longer than that you NEED to talk with your boss. Just fyi, it is not in his/her interest either to have you burn yourself to the point of self-destruction (because that's usually what's happening, it's not the managers burning their employees, it's usually the employees burning themselves hoping that they'll get rewarded some time down the line... reality check: they won't be, at least not as much as they should be).


Don't give up, please.

Maybe you should take a day off, better a week if possible, and really think about the direction you want your life to take.

Okay, I get what you´re saying. Thanks again Terodil. I know EXACTLY what you´re saying and as I already said, I would´ve given the same advice to myself 6 months ago. The kind of crazy hours I´m working at the moment is only temporary, just ´till Christmas hopefully. I´ve got some outstanding debts that need to be paid off immediately (father´s medical bills). I´m not working 14 hours straight but I´ve an hour to get from one company to the next (to teach) and I live in a large city. The money is the average....certainly less than what I´d be earning in Ireland (although I was unemployed in Ireland and that´s ONE of the reasons why I left!). I really want to stay here, I love it here (weekends are great) but until I become fluent in the langauge, I´m stuck teaching.

Kimia, I´m perfectly entitled to post up here about something that´s getting to me. If there´s no solution, then there´s no solution. I´m allowed vent am I not? Don´t just discount it as moaning and not taking advice on board when you don´t know the full story. I most definitely am and I´m sitting here racking my brains for ways I can get round this but telling me I´ve all this free time and how easy it is to make free time when the fact of the matter is I don´t and it isn´t at this moment in time, is not very helpful. I´ve only just started the job. If it was, I would do it, believe me. I´m not the moaning type, I usually get on with things with very little complaint. I´m over paying for my own life plus my father´s medical bills which he can´t afford to pay, so I was willing to put my personal life on the back-burner for a while and didn´t expect to meet someone I like so much.

Frankly I hate work and would normally be disgusted by someone like me...I´m not working so I can buy some new shoes or go on a holiday so I have to do this.

I also have to take HIS scehdule into account...and that´s my point. Trying to find an hour spare here and there (he´s not free at weekends at the moment) is ruining the romance.

OKay, I´ve thought about this and maybe I should rephrase the question....do you think it would be reasonable to tell him that I´m too busy at the moment getting things sorted and could we try this out after Christmas? Would you be peed off hearing that? Take into account we haven´t actually gone on an official date yet or even kissed. I just don´t want to have to squeeze someone in to my life, particularly at the early stages. Not fair on him.

What do you think?

Boskowski

Toobusyforlurve wrote: »

I get up at 6am, start work at 8am, one hour lunch, and finish work at 8pm and get home at 9pm....and then I´ve a few hours to plan classes (I´m a teacher) for the following day and them I´m too knackered to do anything else.

Sorry, but that sounds mad. Where the hell are you teaching? I know a few teachers and none of them is remotely near that. I assume you're working for a private institute. You'd want to make an awful lot of money for that kind of schedule.

If this is what you do then you need to review your personal situation from scratch because it's going to drive you into the ground. I have few guys at work who commute a long way and then they work very hard because the feel they have to get the most out of the day what with the long commute and such. But they're not happy people.

mood

Why not met him after work for something to eat. That way you don't have to spend time cooking. I sure you could skip cleaning on the day as well.

You work hours sound a little crazy as well. Could you not live nearer work if you have to travel far?

You and he will find time if you really want to.

Gyalist

Seems to me that you are intimidated by this man's relatively high social value (now that you know that he is a successful screenwriter) and using the fact that you are busy as a cop-out.

dellas1979

Yeah, sorry I find your post a little weak.
We make time for the things we want to do. If you really wanted to meet him or him vice versa as you say, you would both make the time.

1 hour in a week of 168 hours is doable (except in the case where he lives 3 hours away or something).

Organising time can be hard, especially if HE is not accessible during the weekend (why not by the way?), but as I said above, 1 hour in a whole weekend is so doable or 1 hour during the week. Kids play if ye both really wanted to meet ye'd make it happen.

mags16

Why don't you work extra hard one evening and prepare 2 day's classes and then take one evening off and meet the man after work? You'll still have your classes prepared and who knows, you might have an extra spring in your step the day after the date:p!

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote: »

Seems to me that you are intimidated by this man's relatively high social value (now that you know that he is a successful screenwriter) and using the fact that you are busy as a cop-out.

This definitely has some truth to it alright, if I´m honest.

This is not part of his appeal at all, by the way and I know some might see it that way. I liked the idea of seeing him again more before I found this out and I would have probably been more inclined to have tried to have made time. Stupid I know but I´m not used to all that. He´s obviously wealthy (and I´m guessing very ) because of this film and stuff he´s released before...and I´m not used to that. Most of my exes have been skint as have I. I´ve always gone 50/50 with guys on dates and on everything after because I believe that´s fair, particularly if we´re both equal financially (I would´ve paid for stuff if they were strapped for cash and visa versa). The idea that he´s famous and wealthy is really, really intimidating...but when I met him we were in a normal bar, he was dressed normally and we talked about normal, down-to-earth stuff....

Okay, being honest, I could of course squeeze in a hour here and there during my week if I planned my week better....but the whole fame thing terrifies the life out of me. I guess I´ll have to suck it up if I like him that much. I´ve just given him a call and we´re meeting on Thursday evening. Thanks for the kick up the backside guys.

mood

It's not like people will know who he is just like he didn't.

dellas1979

Good on ya!