Flatmate and people in college wrecking my head!

LegacyUser

Well I'm a 21 year old male, just started college this year. I had to move away from home and I'm sharing a flat with another guy.
Hes wreking my head completely, hes a nice guy really I just cant stand living with him.
When we moved in like a fool I suggested that as we are studying the same course and have the same timetable etc that we may aswell share food and buy it and cook it together etc to save time.
The result of this is I am living in the guys pocket, and I ****ing hate it. I see him all day in lectures etc and every evening when I come home and the journey home as well.
He's a nice guy its just that we are so different too. Hes a stereotypical middle class english boy and Im the complete opposite of that. Hes so prim and proper. He does sillly things like if hes eating an orange he will go and get a plate to eat it WTF?? Its an orange! Hes complaining about a smell in the kitchen right now and wants to take money out of the food budget to buy stuff to clean it. I dont smell anything and the kitchen is clean if he wants to spend money cleaning it he can pay for it himself.
Hes always trying to tell me what to do. If I am organising something hes right there tryng to tell me how to do it, I've told him before I dont like being told what to do and that I really would prefer if he kept those suggestions to himself, I said I know you want to be helpful but it really irritates me.
The **** is still at it.
The people in college irritate me too, same thing all prim and proper, I cant even communicate to the mature students.
God I'd love a nice long chat about nothing with a person I barely know!
I'm a loner by nature, its the way I am. I never had big groups of friends or anything. When I was small I used to go off on my own all day aswell and I was happy about. On the rare occassion I go to the pub I'd be on my own and happy to talk to random strangers. If I do that here I get the enevitable " can I come?" and I end up sat there looking at this guy all night again. I only had two friends back home and even then I liked my space.
If I go to the pub or join a club on my own here in an effort to meet people as soon as my flat mate finds out he wants to come as well. I'm cracking up here!
I just dont think I can handle having this many people around me all at once, and its worse with this prick trying to dictate everything that goes on in my life simply because I am damn near glued to him.
Surely there is some kind of coping strategy i can adopt?

Fiend-Foe

lenten wrote: »

and its worse with this prick trying to dictate everything that goes on in my life simply because I am damn near glued to him.
Surely there is some kind of coping strategy i can adopt?

Yeah, just ditch him.

If he follows you or anything say in no uncertain terms "I want to be alone for a while right now".

And if that doesn't work "Would you ever fcuk off for a bit, I have some things to take care of".

Just assert yourself.

Well, it seems like you're bringing a lot of it on yourself to be fair. You suggested cooking together - of course you're going to see the guy all the time. What did you expect? As for moaning about him using a plate for an orange, that's just petty. So what if he's a middle class English guy? You meet a lot of people who are different in life, to me going to college was about learning to be tolerant and get along with different types of people. I lived with some South East Asians who had the strangest (to me) eating habits and would leave a saucepan with food still in it in the press with the pots. We all asked them to stop doing that for hygiene reasons but everything else was their business. I'd hate to live with someone who was looking down their nose at me for my eating habits.

Still, if you prefer to be alone, that's your choice, but your flatmate probably wants to meet people too, and he probably doesn't see why you can't go to the pub together. If you don't want to see him, just don't mention it to him. Start staying a bit later in college (to 'study') so you don't have to travel home together, perhaps go to a pub on the way home. Get a part time job so your hours aren't the same, and therefore you won't be able to cook together anymore. I would hate to have a shared food budget and cook with anyone other than my boyfriend or closest friends so it's not surprising that you feel trapped by it. Just start cooking what you want when you want. He'll get the message and probably understand, as long as you're civil and friendly when you do see him.

shellyboo

lenten wrote: »

I'm a loner by nature, its the way I am. I never had big groups of friends or anything. When I was small I used to go off on my own all day aswell and I was happy about. On the rare occassion I go to the pub I'd be on my own and happy to talk to random strangers.

Then why oh why oh why, in the name of all that is sane and logical, did you say this:

lenten wrote: »

I suggested that as we are studying the same course and have the same timetable etc that we may aswell share food and buy it and cook it together etc to save time.

That was really stupid. However, you've made your bed, so you have to deal with it. The dude's not being unreasonable, he's being friendly. You should both be paying for cleaning equipment - in fact, it's kind of gross that you don't already have some. Who cleans? What do they clean with?

And by inviting himself along, he's just trying to be your mate. If you don't want that, say no.

You really sound like you'd be better suited to living alone, or failing that, in a house share and keeping to yourself. I don't see any other way out of this situation that you've created for yourself other than to move out.

dirtydress

If you're naturally someone who likes to be alone then you really shouldnt have moved in with just one person. In actuality the best situation for someone like you is to have a room in a larger house with more people so you can come and go as you please without having to live in each others pockets. Could you move out?

Right now you are annoyed by everything, its not this guys fault that how he naturally is, is annoying you so please try to keep this in perspective. The fact that he gets a plate to eat an orange is nothing to do with you so watch the personal digs. It sounds to me like he's done nothing wrong here and only tried to be your friend.
If you dont want to eat together...then dont! You're not a baby, tell him you'd rather get your own food. Make some other friends and spend the day with them instead of going to and coming back from college with this guy. Its not up to him to change because you're not happy.

Finally, to be blunt, if everyone in college and elsewhere are annoying you then did you ever think that the problem is you?

Moomoo1

ahem... why wouldn't you get a plate to eat an orange? Oranges are one of the messiest fruit to eat, so much so that when I am on a crowded coach and don't want anyone to sit next to me I take out a juicy orange and start eating it. Works every time ;-).

LegacyUser

OP here.
Like I said hes a lovely guy, but when I have to see him everyday silly things like the plate thing get on my nerves.
Well of course the problem is me!! I thought that was what I was getting at in the first post but maybe I didnt portray that right.
I just want to know how I can get along better with people, they are all lovely really, I like to think I can see the good in anyone.
Its just I am so different from the rest of them and yet we are all trapped together in a small little town, in a tiny university.
What annoys me too is I am older than most of them and yet to young to get along with the mature students. I am not significantly older, I am 21 most of them are 17 or 18 and I try not to act older but I can see how much of difference a mere 3-4 years makes.
I don't know what I want from ye tbh. But I know I am the problem, I'm just not used to having so many friends and now its getting to me. They are all lovely people and believe it or not even my flat mate is a great guy, which is why I am worried about moving out in case it damages a good friendship.(Yeah I know I called him a prick in the last post but I dont really mean that, just having a rant)

sunnyside

Help him find a girlfriend. Then he'll want to spend all his time with her instead of you.

d'Oracle

lenten wrote: »

What annoys me too is I am older than most of them and yet to young to get along with the mature students. I am not significantly older, I am 21 most of them are 17 or 18 and I try not to act older but I can see how much of difference a mere 3-4 years makes.
I don't know what I want from ye tbh. But I know I am the problem, I'm just not used to having so many friends and now its getting to me. They are all lovely people and believe it or not even my flat mate is a great guy, which is why I am worried about moving out in case it damages a good friendship.

I am close to posting something "unhelpful".

I was in the same boat re ages. I never noticed a problem.
In hindsight I was as much an idiot at 21 as I was at 18.

Your college might have free access to a councillor.
I suggest you try that. You seem to be looking from problems to get pissed off at ,to me. Which might just be caused by something else.

I mean, you have a problem with someone using a plate for an orange, that reflects pretty badly on you.

thefeatheredcat

OP,

It's a claustrophobic situation especially if you're a very independent person. Either make the best of it, or make the worst. If you continue being annoyed like this much longer, I doubt you'll have to make a decision as I would figure your flatmate won't be around much longer.

lenten wrote: »

I just want to know how I can get along better with people,

Tolerance, maturity, energy, acceptance, effort and willingness, positive attitude as well as courage are amongst some of the things that come to mind.

Stu77

I think you need to take a step back and listen to what you are saying. The guy is not on the same wavelength as you but at least hes friendly. OK, hes all prim and proper, big deal. We are all different.

Just tell him that you like your space and sometimes prefer to cook on your own or do you own thing after college etc. He won't keel over and die if you say it too him in a nice way. Make your own way home sometimes. Take a different route. Its just a matter of talking things out and being honest and upfront but you can do this without hurting his feelings.

I had a similiar problem with a guy in college. He kept ringing after college, sometimes 3 and 4 times to talk about sh ite. I just told him not to ring me after college as i was too busy to stay on the phone chatting all evening. He got the message but we still hung out in college from time to time.

Your really only wrecking your own head by getting wound up. Be firm but diplomatic and you'll both know where u stand with each other and it will most probably ease the tension you are feeling.