Parents dislike my boyfriend

LegacyUser

Ive been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 years on and off.
the longest we split was for about 3 months.
we're back together happy again now, but the thing is he make me very upset last time we broke up, and my parents were there to hold me and wipe the tears away so they hate him for making me so upset.

but were back together now, we're both really happy and going to try really hard to make it work. i feel like we belong together and we just met too young and that we need to mature together and grow and love.

But since he upset me so much before (even though he was upset too) my parents dont want him ever in the house.
ever.

which is really hard because events like xmas or my debs or anything like that he wasnt allowed to come over.

and all i want is for everyone to even just be polite to each other they dont even have to like each other, just for my sake, they dont listen to me when i tell them how happy he makes me when we're together.
hes the most amazing guy in the world, hes beautiful, smart, funny, just perfect.

why cant they just let me be happy and let him come over?

blahblah06

Same thing has happened me I'm a male back with the gf again but I don't speak to her parents anymore.
First of I don't believe a woman should go back and look for comfort from there parents. There always going to hate the person who hurt there child by breaking up.

All I can say is they will never like him again although they may pretend to. Really time to make a decision yourself. Can you live with the awkwardness at family gatherings etc or do you move on?

Beruthiel

lisangry wrote: »

why cant they just let me be happy and let him come over?

I'm a parent, so I can easily answer that.
You are their daughter, they love you to bits. They want nothing but happiness for you.
If anyone does anything to harm you in any why, or hurt you, or upset you, then they will pay for it! FOREVER!
They cannot forgive him for what he did to you in the past. They do not understand how you could possibly take someone back who could treat you like that.
I doubt I'd feel any different than your parents.
It's the Mother Hen in us.

lisangry

lisangry wrote: »

we're back together happy again now

When was the last time you broke up? How long are you actually back together?

I agree with Beruthiel, as parents you can't expect them to forgive and forget just because you have ... however hard it was for you to go through that, it was probably harder for them watching you go through it.

It's similar with friends too ... it's not fair to expect to be able to dump all the heartache on them and then expect them to let it all go when you have.

But I think it's worse for parents.

Depending on your answers to my questions, it's possible things will get better over time, but they will never be the same again. This guy hurt their daughter, that's not something you can easily come back from and you'll both have to accept that.

martdalto

+1

Your parents love you, and woe betide anyone who hurts you!

You may be able to forgive and move on and realise things that were wrong in your relationship are now fixed and you both want the same things. They, however, are not privvy to all the private details of your relationship. All they really know is that you went out, you broke up a few times, you kept getting back together, the last time you broke up you were terribly upset (they don't know how he felt, just that he was the one who upset you) and now you're back with him AGAIN.

Friends and family are never as quick to forgive and forget, because for the most part they don't know the whole story. They can't know exactly how you feel, how you are when you are together. All they know is..

He upset you.
They don't like him.

That's it!

There's not alot you can do. You can't force them to accept him. You can plug away and hope they will eventually mellow when they see that you are together for good this time. But it's going to take a lot of "proof" to convince them that you're not being foolish and he's not going to hurt you again.

If you ever become a mother yourself you will understand!


EDIT: Posted at same time as Jackie Brown. So have said almost exactly the same thing!

Wagon

lisangry wrote: »

why cant they just let me be happy and let him come over?

Because they don't want him to. Don't keep bringing it up either.

My girlfriend's mother hates me. thinks im a useless lazy bum who can't treat her daughter right. his is because me and my girlfriend had a fight over something (her fault) and since then i've been the bad guy. I couldn't care anymore, let the aul bitch think what she wants but i did have to make things clear that i wont be going to that gaff again and i dont have any real intension of wasting my time trying to fix it. So dont force your boyfriend to try and make peace either. just go to his gaff when you want to see him and im pretty sure that he'll be happy with that!

thefeatheredcat

lisangry wrote: »

Ive been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 years on and off.

Your parents are trying to protect you especially as you've had an on-off relationship; they probably think that its unlikely that it will last and will have to comfort you once again. Seeing you hurt last time round probably hurt them. Its not just your trust that has been broken but theirs too.

Playing pretend and being all nicey-nicey is not the best idea; its out in the open so what would be the point? It would just be living in denial of the situation.

Your parents will need time to trust him again and will only welcome him back into their house when they see fit. It may be a better option to respect their wishes and accept their feelings/decision.

Maybe focus on building a better relationship between ye all, let your parents get to know your boyfriend and for them to see that things have changed. Show them that you're both mature in sustaining a positive and loving relationship long term.

beertons

I was with a girl too, 3 years on and off. Parents liked me in the first half. Then towards the end, I couldn't do a thing right in their eyes. I called it a day, made everyone including me happy. Found out after that none of my friends liked her, or my family.

CathyMoran

My now husband and I had a really bad falling out and my parents were left picking up the pieces - yet over time they realised that he made a mistake and they totally adore him, he has more than proved his worth and is considered an asset to the family, it will just take time.