trapped

LegacyUser

I have been with my opposite sex OH for about 2 years but to not dance around the subject: I'm gay but not open about it. I feel trapped in this relationship and i know it can't go on like this, how do I end it without hurting my OH or has that ship sailed?

extrinzic

Tell your OH, or don't. Either way, your OH deserves to be with someone who will love them for the long haul, and not somebody who ignores how they feel for years, only to have a sexual midlife crisis.

bp

eh you are gay so you are in the wrong relationship....you need to end the hetrosexual relationship that you are in are start to focus on what you are actually interested in.

Break up with the o/h because it isn't fair on them at all, especially before before kids become involved!

Good luck

MissFlitworth

There's no way to avoid hurting your other half, finding out your partner is gay is going to hurt like hell. The longer you leave it though the worse it's going to hurt her or him when they do find out, the kindest thing to do is to end it asap

SarahSassy

OP, if you are not ready to 'come out' then you dont need to explain to your oh why you want to break up. In fairness, you know you need to do it so the sooner the better so you can both move on to meet more suitable partners. Do expect annoyance and anger and the best thing you can do for your oh is listen to them no matter how annoyed or upset they are and take it on the chin...

Good luck.

SS

PS for some reason I think I would understand the break up more and get over it quicker if I was told my oh was gay...

Niamho!

SarahSassy wrote: »

OP, if you are not ready to 'come out' then you dont need to explain to your oh why you want to break up. In fairness, you know you need to do it so the sooner the better so you can both move on to meet more suitable partners. Do expect annoyance and anger and the best thing you can do for your oh is listen to them no matter how annoyed or upset they are and take it on the chin...

Good luck.

SS

PS for some reason I think I would understand the break up more and get over it quicker if I was told my oh was gay...

Me too. definitely. Your choice though OP.

I agree with the other posters too. Better to do it sooner rather than later.....

LegacyUser

i know what i have to do, but what do i say? how can i make it easier? i don't mind taking the anger and blame because i deserve it, for once i want to make it easier for my OH

SarahSassy

I dont think anyone can give you the words.. Be straight and just say that the relationship isnt working for you and you dont think you have a future. Say you still care for him / her but only as a friend. Apologise for hurting them and then wait and see what happens... A soft bluntness is best here with no ambiguity and no room for misunderstanding but with a lot of kindness.

Just do it.....

Good luck.

extrinzic

Have you been with someone else?

Edit: If so, do you plan to go out with this person?

cafecolour

Breaking up is never easy, irregardless of the reason. But better now then later.

It might be most straightforward if you start with outing yourself to her. Tell her you need to talk to her about something serious. Tell her you've struggled with this for ages, and you care for her a great deal, but the fact is, you know in your heart you're gay.

She'll do the math from there.

And yes, I'd say in some ways in might actually easier that that's the reason you're breaking up. Though it will likely make her over-analyze any future boyfriends for telltale signs.

LegacyUser

No i haven't cheated and there is no one on the scene or anything. I would probably stay single for a while if i ended this, give myself time to get used to things. Might even come out you just never know! Its just gotten to the point of I know it wont work and im just trailing my OH along, its not right and unfair and they don't deserve it.

Taltos

You just hit the nail on the head there.

You are right - it is not fair on them or on you. For both your sakes you need to end this now. It might not be nice but better that than living a lie. The longer you leave it the harder it will be and the more convinced you will become that it is their fault you are trapped.

The traps here are all in your mind. Let them get on with their life - and take the time you need to figure out yourself what you want.

Best of luck - hope it works out for you.

SarahSassy

1234qwerty wrote: »

its not right and unfair and they don't deserve it.

Ending it is being right and fair but staying with him or her is not....

mood

SarahSassy wrote: »

Ending it is being right and fair but staying with him or her is not....

Agree. It will hurt her but it would her more the longer it goes on. Surely she deserves the chance to meet a guy who loves and fancies her and who she can have a future with. The same goes for you.