I have no idea how to approach this guy

LegacyUser

I can't believe I'm actually posting this, I feel like I'm acting like a 15 year old.

Basically I'm late 20's, single, female and I really fancy my friend's brother but the thoughts of actually putting my neck on the line and trying to do something about it is paralyzing me with fear. The friend in question isn't a very close friend, in that we tend not to talk about relationships etc (she's already married and has a family) and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her to suss the situation out.

I see her brother out and about fairly often but it's usually passing eachother on the road in the cars so we'd just nod and wave, or else it's while I'm out running and then it's a case of saying hi and keeping going while I curse the fact that I'm all sweaty and red faced without a stitch of make up on my face!! The only time we ever have anything resembling conversations is when my friend is around and even still that has only happened a handful of times.

Basically at the moment I have no idea whether or not he would be interested in me, and if he wasn't my friend's brother I'd probably just pluck up the courage and suggest meeting up sometime, but because he's her brother I would be so embarrassed if I plucked up the courage to ask him out only for him to say no.

I don't even really know what I'm trying to ask. I suppose I'm looking for ideas on how to actually get into a situation where I can have a conversation with him for starters, without my friend around. At least then I'd have a better read on whether he was interested or not. He doesn't drink so it's not like I have an opportunity to "bump into him" down the local unfortunately.

e04bf099

Is there a chance that you are making excuses. I do it all the time. I procrastinate over stupid meaningless "reasons" why I'd be embarrassed or it would be inappropriate and let the opertunity slip by. Why does it make you uncomfortable that you know his sister? She wouldn't think anything of it I reckon. I bet this is just a way of avoiding something that is inherently difficult. It is hard to put oursleves out on a limb and we tend to make up reasons to avoid it often. Just do whatever you would do if he were related to nobody you know.

LegacyUser

You're right, I am making excuses. I suppose it's fear of rejection and of looking stupid really. If he was a stranger I think it would make it easier, if he said no then I could just walk away, take it on the chin and forget about him (or at least run in the other direction if I saw him coming!). But because he's my friend's brother I suppose it's my pride on the line. If I get her to suss out the situation and he's not interested then it becomes really awkward and embarrassing.

I suppose I need to just decide whether the possibility of him being interested outweighs the risk of a severe dent to my pride.

CDfm

If you were a guy I would say right dude man up.

Am I right in saying you live in the country and while the sister is not a close friend she is someone you would meet in your group.Personnally I think you are right not saying anything to her.

Now - you need to pluck up the courage to ask him out and not feel like an eejit.

When you bump into him you need a plan - now you are hardly going to say will you come over to my place and test the bed -you need to be more subtle than that.

What you do is prepare an event - any one you like - the pictures or a concert or a play.

So you have to be prepared to make some sort of an eejit.

Imagine - you bump in to him " hi timmy -do you like the pictures/play/concert" . (the trick is asking him something he may like)

Then if he says yes -ask him would he like to go there -no 2 yes- say you will get tickets and ask him for his mobile number. (the idea being getting him to agree and saying the word yes twice makes it easier)

The idea being that you are prepared -if its the movies you propose find out whats on. But certainly have something to ask him so that its quick and you dont get tongue tied.

This you can do even if you are rushed

what to do

what to do wrote: »

I suppose I need to just decide whether the possibility of him being interested outweighs the risk of a severe dent to my pride.

Now, I know EXACTLY what you mean here BUT ... wouldn't you be proud of yourself for having the guts to do this?

Whether he says yes or no, whatever the reaction of others may be ... if you look at this the right way it could be a huge boost to your self-confidence and self-esteem and THAT will go a long way to alleviating that possible dent in your pride.

Blackpitts

what's the issue in him being your friend's bro? i really don't see anything wrong with it.
in fact if i was you i would take advantage of the situation because for sure you have something to talk about!
when you meet him just ask how his sister is doing etc... once you break the ice it would be easier to chat when you meet him again and (if he is into you) he will make sure you get it ;-)
are u afraid of a rejection? don't be, everyone was rejected at least once in his/her life, it's not the end of the world and I prefer to know where I stand rather than torture myself with stupid doubts...

MAKE THE FIRST MOVE NOW!!!

ash23

Go for it! Does he run too? If he does you could ask him to train with you what with those dark winter nights approaching.....it's not safe to be out running alone

If he's not into running, do you know where he goes out? What pub he drinks in? If so, arrange a night out there and get talking to him.


Or just plain old, walk up to him and ask if he'd like to go for a drink sometime.

If he says no he probably won't even mention it to his sister. And if he does, whats she going to do? Probably sing your praises and encourage him to ask you out.


Just take a chance and go for it.

e04bf099

If he says no he probably won't even mention it to his sister. And if he does, whats she going to do? Probably sing your praises and encourage him to ask you out.

That was my first thought also.

finbarrk

Buy two tickets for a concert or a show or something. Tell him that you won them and ask him to accompany you. Take it from there.

LegacyUser

Don't ask him. If he likes you he'll ask you out. Why do girls chase guys? It never works and you'll never know where you stand. Get busy with your life and let a guy chase you. Every time I see a thread like this I wonder if these girls mothers never told them men like the chase and trying to chase them never works out and leads to heartache in the end.

Kipperhell

Seriously act like an adult! Everybody gets nervous if you can't get over this for a possible good thing how are you going to manage when you have to do something you don't like.

The whole rom-com notion of tricks and set-ups to get somebody appears very creepy in real life.

The best approach is checking with your friend who can subtly ask if he would be interested. If yes then ask him out or let him ask you out. It is the easiest approach most likely to shield pride and work. It is still a bit childish but some people are funny about being asked out by woman.

Joycey

let him do it wrote: »

Don't ask him. If he likes you he'll ask you out. Why do girls chase guys? It never works and you'll never know where you stand. Get busy with your life and let a guy chase you. Every time I see a thread like this I wonder if these girls mothers never told them men like the chase and trying to chase them never works out and leads to heartache in the end.

Damn right. And what does the OP think shes doing out running when she should be back in the kitchen fixing the males in her household something to eat? :rolleyes:

e04bf099

Joycey wrote: »

Damn right. And what does the OP think shes doing out running when she should be back in the kitchen fixing the males in her household something to eat? :rolleyes:

Depends on the guy. I don't mind. My last gf chased me and I was happy about how easy she made it. Things were straight forward and explicit and there was no game-playing procrastinating, toeing and frowing BS about who should ask who out.

Generalisations about men and women are just stupid and senseless.

Joycey

e04bf099 wrote: »

Depends on the guy. I don't mind. My last gf chased me and I was happy about how easy she made it. Things were straight forward and explicit and there was no game-playing procrastinating, toeing and frowing BS about who should ask who out.

Generalisations about men and women are just stupid and senseless.

Yeah i was trying to be sarcastic, maybe it didnt come out right. Completely agree, who gives a shiit who asks who out?

Boskowski

what to do wrote: »

...while I curse the fact that I'm all sweaty and red faced without a stitch of make up on my face!!

Don't do that. I mean "cursing the fact".
Me personally I find sporty girls very cool and all sweaty and no make-up would probably make you more attractive to me.

Blackpitts

let him do it wrote: »

Every time I see a thread like this I wonder if these girls mothers never told them men like the chase and trying to chase them never works out and leads to heartache in the end.

maybe because a girl making the first move = prostitute?

we are in 2009 and still playing this game...it's time to stop it and chase the people we like without wrecking our heads waiting for something to happen...

e04bf099

Joycey wrote: »

Yeah i was trying to be sarcastic, maybe it didnt come out right. Completely agree, who gives a shiit who asks who out?

Sorry, I actually didn't read the second half of your post and meant to respond to d'other guy. Stupid me:o

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. They certainly gave me food for thought.

@cdfm - When you bump into him you need a plan - now you are hardly going to say will you come over to my place and test the bed -you need to be more subtle than that.
Thanks - that one made me laugh!

@ash23 - he doesn't run and he doesn't drink so it's unlikely that I could "bump into him" down the local.

@realcam - thanks, your post gave me a little boost when I read it.

I'm going to mull over these posts and come up with a plan of action from there. I'll keep you posted if there's any progress

LegacyUser

Just a little update for anyone who was following this.

Plucked up the courage and said it to my friend who then set us up. Went out on a date last night and it went well so we'll see what happens

Thanks for all the advise.

thee glitz

what to do wrote: »

Plucked up the courage and said it to my friend who then set us up. Went out on a date last night and it went well so we'll see what happens

Nice

dsmythy

Fair play. This just shows the lesson again. Just bite the bullet and go for it. Even if you get knocked back at least it's something off your mind and you can move on to the next interest.

SarahSassy

Well done to you!! he obviously had the same idea as you or he would not have gone out.... Best of luck.