Surely 18 shouldn't be this hard.

LegacyUser

I'm currently in college in first year doing a course which im not sure i want to do.
I had very bad self esteem and self confidence issues prior to college and tbh was very nervous about starting. I just couldnt seem to talk to people anymore. I used to be very chatty but i just felt like i had become a bore, a nothing.

A week before i was due to start college my dad died unexpectedly. It didnt make sense then and sure as hell ain't getting easier, it's just not fair, he was far too good and young!

Now i just feel soo incredibly lonely. All the issues i had are now seem ten times greater than before. I'm in no way suicidal, nor am i seeking sympathy from you guys, i just feel lost. I'm genuinely trying to get myself on track - exercising, trying to eat better, trying to drink less (i am a fresher in college remember) - but nothing seems to be working. I try to talk to new people but feel like im socially retarded now. I cant seem to think of things to say to new people without making an idiot out of myself. I would like to maybe join a team sport or something where im forcing myself to interact with people, but i just dont have enough confidence to go do new things on my own. I look around at all the people i do know, having the times of their lives and i just wonder why the fúck can't i be happy, why the hell do i have to work so god damn hard at it.

Please, don't just say "be yourself".

Lollipops23

unregistered wrote: »

Now i just feel soo incredibly lonely. All the issues i had are now seem ten times greater than before. I'm in no way suicidal, nor am i seeking sympathy from you guys, i just feel lost. I'm genuinely trying to get myself on track - exercising, trying to eat better, trying to drink less (i am a fresher in college remember) - but nothing seems to be working. I try to talk to new people but feel like im socially retarded now. I cant seem to think of things to say to new people without making an idiot out of myself. I would like to maybe join a team sport or something where im forcing myself to interact with people, but i just dont have enough confidence to go do new things on my own. I look around at all the people i do know, having the times of their lives and i just wonder why the fúck can't i be happy, why the hell do i have to work so god damn hard at it.

Please, don't just say "be yourself".

OP I'm so sorry for your loss.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself; you've suffered a huge loss, you're not going to feel "normal" for a good long while. Of course you're not as chatty and outgoing as you once were, grief can show itself in many ways.
Have you considered grief counselling?It may help you deal with your grief and to understand the way you're feeling.
Please don't force yourself to do things you don't want to do. It's perfectly understandable that you feel down and less confident, terrible shocks can knock even the most confident people for six.
Take care of yourself.

JuliusCaesar

Lollipops23 wrote: »

You need to stop being so hard on yourself; you've suffered a huge loss, you're not going to feel "normal" for a good long while. Of course you're not as chatty and outgoing as you once were, grief can show itself in many ways.
Have you considered grief counselling?

++ Have you been to your student counselling service? You are not alone in this. Your fellow students may not understand as they may never have experienced a loss like this.

dudara

A friend of mine was in a similar position to you. His dad died just as he was sitting his Leaving. Plus he was the only man in the house with his mother and two sisters (a real rural Irish household).

My friend has always had a fantastic circle of friends - it's one of his amazing characteristics - he's a real friend always willing to help anyone with anything. Build a house, fix a car, play pool, you can count on him.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that he drew on his friends during that tough period in his life. Being isolated is not going to help you now. You need to support your family (I presume your mom is still alive), and in return don't be afraid to draw from the strength of others.

Starting college is a tough enough thing at the best of times. A lot of people post here following the start of university wondering if they've made the right choice. Having to make new friends etc isn't easy. Unfortunately you've been hit with a double whammy.

Stick with it - get out there and join a society - one with a social aspect where you can still be alone (something like a martial art). Don't let your inertia and loneliness beat you.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
My sister and father were diagnosed with cancer and like you, everything else seemed so much more difficult to deal with. I'm not good at opening up to people, but for the first time in my life I told my friends I needed their help and I couldn't beleive how supportive they were. I know friends should be ther for eachother but I think I felt like I shouldn't burden people as it might drive them away (Im a people pleaser!). However, opening up to others and admitting how I could not cope and needed to talk about things made such a difference. Im thinking of going to counselling. I needed to open up a bit first and Im hoping counselling will help even more. Do you have one or two good friends you can talk to? I also remember breaking down in my tutor's office in college when I went in to discuss an essay-I guess you just cant keep everything inside all the time and sometimes it needs to come out. So my advice is talk about how you're feeling, I bet your college has some kind of counselling service. Best of luck.