I really need some advice.

LegacyUser

OK, so where to start... I'm a long time poster on Boards, but I'll go unregistered for this.

My girlfriend--well, ex-girlfriend--and I broke up over a week ago. Our break up was pretty much mutual: we both agreed that it was the best thing to do, and we broke up with each other, one of us didn't break up with the other.

We were going out for almost three years, and for the majority of that time our relationship was amazing; but, things were pretty crap for about two months before our break up: we both felt like we didn't care at all anymore, neither of us made any effort to see each other or do stuff together etc.; this spurred us to end it.

We're both pretty young (20/21 year olds), and because of this, part of me thought that breaking up now would be the best thing to do, as part of me didn't want to get into a long term relationship in my twenties.

OK, so, now... My dilemma. I've had that horrible, sick and saddening feeling in the pit of my stomach constantly since we ended it; you know that feeling you get when you feel you've made a huge mistake, a feeling of disappointment? Not only that, any time I see something that we used to do together, like a certain tv program that we watched, or heard a certain song that brought back memories, I've been breaking into tears. This is happening quite a lot. I know that she's feeling this way too, her friends have told me. But, the reason I'm feeling this way is because I miss the old us, the us from before two months ago, the us that was us for most of our relationship. I feel that, because I have these feelings, feelings of having made a huge, huge mistake, I should get back together with her, and I know she feels the same; but, my brain is telling me that if we do get back together, we'll never be as good as we used to be, and that the time of before two months ago is unattainable. Also, what's horrible is that the break up was mutual, yet the two of us would get back together, so it feels like I'm consciously making this mistake. If she had just broke up with me, I wouldn't feel like this, because that would have some finality.

So, basically, I miss the old us, I miss it so so much, so much it's sickening; but I feel that we can never get back to that again. My heart is telling me to get back with her right now, but my brain is telling me that if I do I'll only be fooling myself, and possibly hurting myself more. What should I do? Listen to my heart or listen to my brain? I'm completely lost as to what to do.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

Hi op

Same situation here but I was not with my gf for anywhere near as long,just 1 year year for us but I feel your pain!Things were looking bad for the last 2 months for us too,i kept hanging on and hanging on hoping for that moment that would make me realise how happy I was but it never came:(

It took me a long time to face up to the facts that something had to be said and it took every ounce of strength I had and I told her that the doubts were there and we ended it,i woke up the next day with a bit of a clear head and she seemed ok with everything so all round I felt good

However since then things are starting to take a slide,i feel lonely and I miss the 9 incredible months we had,but never our last 2 months together!...Its confusing to the point where its depressing,i feel like texting her some nights and telling her I love her and calling over to her,but when I set down and think straight I accept that it probably wont be the same as it used and I'll be looking to get out of it again a week later

If I ever felt 100% sure I was ready to try and rebuild with her I would call her in an instant but at this moment in time,it would be too risky and the damage could be irreversible:(...All we can do is try and ride out the storm I suppose and hope we either realise how much we love them or realise it simply isnt meant to be:(

Moomoo1

OP: supposing she didn't want to break up at all and said she loved you etc etc: would you have still broken up with her?

Liam Byrne

ohwhattodo wrote: »

My girlfriend--well, ex-girlfriend--and I broke up over a week ago. Our break up was pretty much mutual: we both agreed that it was the best thing to do, and we broke up with each other, one of us didn't break up with the other.

Sorry for pointing this out, but I think you're fooling yourself here ?

The fact that you started the post "my girlfriend", and then "changed" it but left the original phrase in, signifies to me that the break-up was not mutual.

thefeatheredcat

Well, it's been a week, so it's normal that after spending the last few years of your life with someone who was a large chunk of it, you'd miss them, especially if for the majority of it was good and you care about them. Of course you'll feel that way when you see things that remind you of the two of you together.

Give yourself the time and adjust to your new stage of life and see how things go over time.

Don't hold on hope that she may feel the same about this. If in time you've mutual feelings about getting back together, deal with it then.

In the meantime, focus on moving on with your life and stay motivated.