Girlfriend always 'sick' when I want Sex

LegacyUser

I really don't know what to think. At the start me and my girlfriend were always having sex. She says she loves having sex with me but lately theres always an excuse. She said she couldn't for awhile because she had a vagina infection, fair enough I said then it was a sore stomach which lasted for 2 days (it was swollen but it gets swollen a lot and she doesnt complain) so then she was ok then on tuesday she claimed to have cystitis, fair enough but it lasts less than 2 days and she says she doesnt think she can have sex for a week. This is jsut a recent example but there always an excuse. Is she simply playing me along? Should I break it off? I find it hard to believe in a 3 week period a women can get a vagina infection, have a sore stomach for days, then have cystis. Oh yeah and during this period she can't give me a blowjob because of an ongoing sore stomach ffs

LegacyUser

How long have you two been going out?
Now I know sex is important in a relationship but it seriously sounds like you care way more about the sex than you do about the girl. When someone isnt feeling well then chances are they're going to feel far FAR from amorous ffs!!
Is she genuinely sick or just giving you the sexual cold shoulder... none of us here can answer that but I can guarantee if you're on at her about having sex when she's TOLD you she's not feeling well then she's probably going to be annoyed, hurt and possibly pissed off that you seem to care more about getting your leg over than her well being.

And another thing.. guess what .. going on at her about sex is going to have the complete opposite effect to what you want, shes going to pull further and further away from you.

And by the way, if i have a sick stomach the last thing that is on my mind is giving someone a feckin blowjob!!

You sound seriously selfish and immature.

jellyboy

Hi op....

Open your mind,heart to the word empathy, im hoping that you have enough skill to not be stomping around with the ego spilling out of your mouth...

A wise man once told me that it takes 24 hours to get a woman in the mood for lovemaking ... and it takes huge effort on behalf of the male....

your post reads selfish and me me me...just because her stomach is ill doesnt mean her mouth isnt(that read childish to me)


and to be fair ,if ur that horny Use your hands...treasure her ....

Terodil

I don't think three weeks is a terribly long period to feel off. Sex drive ebbs and flows and maybe at the moment she's just at a low, which is entirely possible considering that she is sick. TBH to me it sounds as if it might be somewhat psychosomatic, is she under a lot of stress? is she unhappy with something?

Yes ultimately it can also be that she doesn't fancy you any more (and invents those illnesses), but I don't think you have reason to suspect that yet, quite the contrary since you are observing the symptoms.

Does she love you?
Do you love her?

If the answer to either is no (and I think it may be, judging by your OP), then yes, it's time to break up, but not because she doesn't want sex, but because the love isn't there -- and that's the most fundamental aspect of any meaningful relationship.

If the answer is yes to both, then you need to think what consequences your options will have. If you pressure her *any* more, she's going to lock up, and with good reason I think. Show her some understanding, care for her, look after her (she's sick ffs, and quite possibly under stress/depression, have you discussed this with her? there may be something fundamentally wrong in her life atm!) and things will normalise again in time. Don't put your needs over hers so much.

stackerman

seriouslynow! wrote: »

How long have you two been going out?
Now I know sex is important in a relationship but it seriously sounds like you care way more about the sex than you do about the girl. When someone isnt feeling well then chances are they're going to feel far FAR from amorous ffs!!
Is she genuinely sick or just giving you the sexual cold shoulder... none of us here can answer that but I can guarantee if you're on at her about having sex when she's TOLD you she's not feeling well then she's probably going to be annoyed, hurt and possibly pissed off that you seem to care more about getting your leg over than her well being.

And another thing.. guess what .. going on at her about sex is going to have the complete opposite effect to what you want, shes going to pull further and further away from you.

And by the way, if i have a sick stomach the last thing that is on my mind is giving someone a feckin blowjob!!

You sound seriously selfish and immature.

Well put !

dnt3 you sound like your 12 , to be honest she would be better off without you.

Oryx

She could be genuinely sick. Yes it does happen. Having sex when you have cystitis or thrush can be like doing it with razor blades. And it can put you off even when you get over the infection.

But lets assume for the sake of argument, she is using fake illness to avoid sex. In which case, something about sex with you is not working for her. Maybe she is bored with same ol same ol.. Maybe she doesnt get aroused properly. Maybe you have sex, come, and she doesnt. Maybe she thinks thats all you want her for. Maybe she has body issues from something someone said. Maybe shes got a lot on her mind.

I dont know which it is. But whatever the cause, something is not right. And youve got to talk to her to find out what that is. Dont pressure her for sex, thats the most counter productive thing you could do. Just consider her in all of this, care about why she feels like this, instead of fretting over how deprived you are.

Calibos

Reading the thread title I thought this was one of those threads where the loving partner is desparate for some physical intimacy which his partner has been witholding for months and months.

Instead I find a thread from a selfish fecker who thinks his partner must be faking illness because its lasted 2 weeks and she won't even give him a BJ!!

You are a legend Sir!!

Do you know what. I often read threads where the "Leave her, she's better off without you" is trotted out way too soon by some manhaters where there is obviously not enough info to go on to be giving that advice.

In this case however....

"Leave Her, She's better off without you"

Eve_Dublin

Calibos wrote: »

Reading the thread title I thought this was one of those threads where the loving partner is desparate for some physical intimacy which his partner has been witholding for months and months.

Instead I find a thread from a selfish fecker who thinks his partner must be faking illness because its lasted 2 weeks and she won't even give him a BJ!!

You are a legend Sir!!

Do you know what. I often read threads where the "Leave her, she's better off without you" is trotted out way too soon by some manhaters where there is obviously not enough info to go on to be giving that advice.

In this case however....

"Leave Her, She's better off without you"

Yep, it´s usually the standard advice on Boards for any sign of trouble...but I would be inclined to agree this time. I remember when I had the PROPER flu for one month and while I had it I got cystitis and of course, the inevitable pms, pains and period...AND I was doing my thesis for my BA. My ex showed his true colours during this time (a gentleman) and I loved him more than ever when he looked after me for everyday for the full month. He got rewarded BIG time once I got better. I hope your girlfriend has the sense and self-respect to see she might not have a man who´ll stand beside through the tough times.

Ann22

I was reading your post op thinking the way it was going was that you were feeling insecure about her feelings for you..then I came to the last line..it should a very uncaring attitude on your side.
If she is having health problems I'd understand her unwillingness for physical intimacy..and If she's making it up there must be a reason. Does she show love in other ways? If it does seem like she loves you there might be something on her mind. Worry is a big dampner on the libido. Also make sure your personal hygiene is ok...that your breath is fresh etc and show some compassion, consideration and patience. If I thought my oh was speaking about me like that (''she won't even give me a bj ffs'') I'd be away like a shot.

Faith

dnt3 wrote: »

I really don't know what to think. At the start me and my girlfriend were always having sex. She says she loves having sex with me but lately theres always an excuse. She said she couldn't for awhile because she had a vagina infection, fair enough I said then it was a sore stomach which lasted for 2 days (it was swollen but it gets swollen a lot and she doesnt complain) so then she was ok then on tuesday she claimed to have cystitis, fair enough but it lasts less than 2 days and she says she doesnt think she can have sex for a week. This is jsut a recent example but there always an excuse. Is she simply playing me along? Should I break it off? I find it hard to believe in a 3 week period a women can get a vagina infection, have a sore stomach for days, then have cystis. Oh yeah and during this period she can't give me a blowjob because of an ongoing sore stomach ffs

1. Thrush is extremely uncomfortable. Sex can be quite painful with thrush. Symptoms can last for up to a week even with treatment, and you can pass it on to your partner.

2. A pain in your stomach is unpleasant, and not at all conducive to feeling sexy.

3. Cystitis is appalling. I suffer chronically from it and I can empathise with your girlfriend. It's generally caused by sex too, so if she gets it badly, I can understand it putting her off sex. Also, if she's on the pill and taking antibiotics for the cystitis, it can make the pill ineffective. That might be why she said you can't have sex for a week.

4. If you expect her to swallow after a blow job, she might be simply unable to face the idea of it. If she's feeling unwell, a load of semen dribbling down her throat is not going to make her feel any better.

You should really try to be more understanding and less selfish.

LegacyUser

You really dont have it that bad, my missus will never get better and although I love her and want to take care of her I am secretly suffering in this department. I would feel heartless if I told her my problem but it is killing me. She says she feels bad that she never does anything for me, but she wont do anything about it because I am to nice to her I guess I tell her its ok and that I lover her and will get over it but I cant. Also sex every day? I would be so lucky to get it once a week.

Wagon

Give it more time. for the next few weeks don't bring up sex at all and hard as it might be, don't make any moves towards it. If she's feeling unwell still, then maybe visit a doctor about it. Or else have a close look at her life and see how she is, she could be under stress or something. Help her out of that's the case and things should pick up again in their own time.

However, if she makes no effort with you at all over the coming weeks (as in doesn't tell you whats wrong and just expects you to put up with it) then consider walking.