Did I read the "signals" wrong?

LegacyUser

Hello

Need some objective opinions on this issue (from people who dont know/love me!!)

I'm attracted to this guy I know for about a year, we're in a wee bit of a tricky situation (wont go into it as it may distract from my actual issue).. so its a little bit more difficult to ask him out / tell if he's interested (he's not married or anything like that)... Anyway here's my issue...

The other day he did me a favour, he didnt have to do it, but he did, actually volunteered to help me out, and spent a good bit of his free time doing it for me... now I was present while he was doing it and we were chatting, getting on well, slight flirting (as my brain perceived anyway) whenever we talk to each other there is always "banter" messing and some gentle slagging (school yard behaviour when you like someone as I would describe it).. anyway I thought to myself "now's the time to ask him out" but low and behold some other people came in and hung around for a bit, he was finished helping me so I had no other choice but to go back about my business...
I couldnt help but feel I lost an opportunity to ask him out, so I decided to do it, protected by...an EMAIL!! lol...

So I said " just wanted to say thanks again for helping me out earlier, you must let me buy you a coffee/drink sometime to say thanks?..."
To which he replied "I'll hold you to that so!"
To which I replied "I hope you will!"

then NOTHING... I've seen him a couple of times since.. NOTHING..

I know its not the BIGGEST issue in the world and it only happened the other day, but I'm in danger of overanalysing this over the weekend and leaving myself in a state by monday morning!!

Bit long winded, but my questions are;
(a) Is it clear from what I said on my first email that I was asking him out? that I just didnt want to buy him a bloody coffee/drink and thats it?
(b) If he DID get that I was asking him out from my email, is his reply positive?reciprocating interest?
(c) was my "I hope you will!" too forward or??
(d) what do I do now?where to go from here??

All opinions/input greatly appreciated!!

Thanks for reading!

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

(d) what do I do now?where to go from here??

All opinions/input greatly appreciated!!

Thanks for reading!

You've told him that you'll ask him out for coffee, so doing just that would be a good start!

minidazzler

Liam is right.

It's still your move.

Ask him outright does he want to go for one.

Have a date in mind aswell.

There is no point in saying "sometime" because you will be back exactly where you are.

So e-mail/call/text him saying, "Wanna go for that coffee/Drink I promised you, on the 14th?"

Then the ball is firmly in his court and he has to know the score!!

opinion guy

yeah it may well have gone way over his head.

I would say go with what minidazzler says - time and place.
hey meet u for coffee at X on day Y ?

and when you meet him, you'll want to give him some clue that you like him/ want to meet him again

LegacyUser

OP here..

thanks for your input guys...

I thought the ball was in his court since I asked him, I had left it up to him to say when he was free etc?? God this "courting" lark is so hard!!!lol

So do you think from his "I'll hold you to that" response that he actually didnt know I was asking him out in a "date"...or that he kinda sorta did?

This happened on Weds so how long should I leave it before saying "how about that coffee I promised ya?"

Thanks for the posts you've been really helpful

opinion guy

unregistered wrote: »

OP here..

thanks for your input guys...

I thought the ball was in his court since I asked him, I had left it up to him to say when he was free etc?? God this "courting" lark is so hard!!!lol

So do you think from his "I'll hold you to that" response that he actually didnt know I was asking him out in a "date"...or that he kinda sorta did?

This happened on Weds so how long should I leave it before saying "how about that coffee I promised ya?"

Thanks for the posts you've been really helpful

Well its impossible for any of us to know, but I would think in the scenario, he did you a favour, you offered him coffee in return in gratitude. I woulnd't really think he'd see that as a date. "I'll hold you to that" kinda doesn't mean anything. its one of those generic banter responses people sometimes use.

This was on wednesday? Hmmm text him today/tomorrow if you think he's not doing anything.

CDfm

Jeez - what is it with people.

OP - get on the phone and call him. He has done you a favour and you have mentioned going out. He has expressed an interest in meeting up.

A phone call is personal and you know him well enough to ask him a favour so you know him well enough to talk to him and gauge his reaction from his tone of voice.

A bit of 2 way conversation and you will have a time and place.

Sorry for whinning but it sounds a bit like Darcy on TV - your expectation being he drops around ,leves his card with the butler and says to your Pa - Mr Smythe-Jones . Is Hermione available. I have come to call. TSk Tsk

daisybelle2008

Unregistered wrote: »

Hello

Need some objective opinions on this issue (from people who dont know/love me!!)

I'm attracted to this guy I know for about a year, we're in a wee bit of a tricky situation (wont go into it as it may distract from my actual issue).. so its a little bit more difficult to ask him out / tell if he's interested (he's not married or anything like that)...

This concerns me. It is usually very relevant information. I would not give you any advice as I think you know peoples advice would be different (i.e not what you want to hear) if they know that omitted detail.

I also don't know why you would not get objective opionion from people you know and love if there was not something significant about the 'tricky situation'

People on here are generally objective and fair so I wonder why you feel the missing info may destract from your question. I think the info you are omitting is important and may change what people are advising you. Take that into consideration and thread carefully.

opinion guy

good point daisybelle - i must admit i missed that

can you clarify OP ?

Nervous Wreck

As an aside, I just wanted to mention something. Believe me, this is the tiniest point you're gonna read on this issue but....

unregistered wrote: »

This happened on Weds so how long should I leave it before saying "how about that coffee I promised ya?"

I'd never say anything like this to a girl and would hope it's never said to me. The only reason being the possible awkward conversation that could unfold if the other person has forgotten that (let's face it, fairly unimportant) bit of banter....

"how about that coffee I promised ya?"

"Huh?"


"Y'know, when I said I owed you a coffee?"

"You did? Why?"

"Cos when last wednesday, you fixed my computer and I said I'd owe you a coffee, and you said 'I'll hold you to that'? Remember?"

"Oh... Oh yeah, I kinda remember now....."



I may be just a dope or something but I hate awkward conversations like that. I'd much prefer someone just said to me "Hey are you around on Tuesday evening for a coffee or drink or somethin?" Nice and casual and even if I'm busy but interested, I can respond with "Nah I'm busy but how about Wednesday?" or something.


As I said, tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny point.

CDfm

opinion guy wrote: »

good point daisybelle - i must admit i missed that

can you clarify OP ?

Unless you are a nun and he a priest I wouldnt get too hung up on excuses for not calling. Its only a cup of coffee.

Coffee first excuses later;)

And a call would go - Hey are you around this weekend ?? LIke to meet up in X for a nosebag ?

G-Money

It's hard to know. Speaking from my own experience there's been so many times I thought a girl was interested and it turned out it was all in my head and she was just being friendly, nothing more. And it then gets to the point where you sort of just assume that's the way it is and it's very easy to keep your expectations low.

I know recently enough I was sharing an apartment with two people, one male and one female. I was sort of interested in the girl and there were times I thought she was interested in me. But I could never figure out if it was just a cultural thing (she was from Canada) and/or she was just being friendly. She had mentioned going to the cinema with me to see a film. It was the type of film she knew I wanted to see and she normally wouldn't watch, but had heard good things about it from others. So I sort of just assumed she wanted to go along with me for some company. She also had mentioned that her company had work drinks quite often in this bar I liked in town. She said "you should come along some night". Again this was her bringing up the subject. I was just minding my own business and hadn't brought it up thinking she might invite me along or something.

What I'm getting at here is that it can be so hard to know a woman's intentions. I can't speak for every guy, but there's been so many times I've thought a girl was interested and it turned out she wasn't. It can get to the point where you get incredibly frustrated as you keep seeing signs that aren't really there.

He could very well be the same.

If you like, if the subject comes up about you two going out for that drink or whatever, I think you could be flirty via text and say something like "dress well mister, this is a date you know " Don't put in some "lol" or something as that will just give the impression you are joking.

That way you are sort of being firm and letting him know, but not all serious and freaking him out.

I think you need to be specific in the wording that you are using, so that it's obvious it's a date and not just two friends meeting up. Also that will let you know if he's interested or not. The last thing you want is for you to consider it to be a date and he just wants to be friends.

CDfm

stop trying to get to know peoples thoughts and intentions -you are not a mindreader -you are someone looking for a date or a relationship.

G-Money

Just go for it OP, if it blows up in your face, so what. You'll look back and laugh. Or you can sit around and pine over him, and wait and wonder, and see him waltz off into the sunset with some other girl who did make a move on him. He might even ask you to drive him to his date with her.

Is my motivation working??