Why do I feel bad after sex?

LegacyUser

Why do I feel bad after having sex with my girlfriend? She really turns me on and likes to be treated rough and to be demeaned. This really brings out the animal in me. At the time I really love this, but afterwards I feel terrible about myself. I'm confused - on the one hand I love sex like this but I still feel **** afterwards. Sometimes I think that I want her to be more loving but she seems incapable of this. Her idea of being loving is giving me a bl0wjob. I've started to think that maybe there's something wrong with me.

extrinzic

2unreg wrote: »

Sometimes I think that I want her to be more loving but she seems incapable of this. Her idea of being loving is giving me a bl0wjob.

That ur problem right there. Dump her and move on. She will never give you what you want. Do tell her why though, she deserves that.

LegacyUser

Yes this is YOUR problem OP ...many guys would kill for a lady like this ...appreciate her or leave her to some of us who will appreciate her ...sure sex is a way of showing love but its also a fun game for grown ups/release etc

LegacyUser

You should be loving this and having a great time with your gf and I do think it is loving for her to give you a BJ. Why wouldn't it be? I could never give just any guy a BJ. I have to be seriously mad about him before I'd put my mouth near his penis.

I love all that rough stuff too and even got my bf to call me his whore and talked filthy to each other when we made love cos thats what it was....love. I couldn't have done all that stuff with him if I wasn't head over in heels in love with him. Maybe the other poster is right and you shouldn't be with her. you should feel amazing after sex with her.

LegacyUser

whats.up? wrote: »

You should be loving this and having a great time .. you should feel amazing after sex with her.

I find this really offensive.. I should?

Do you mean there must be something wrong with me?

Excuse me, but I'd prefer a little tenderness every now and then.

Don't tell me how I should be - as if you're some authority on the subject.

txt_mess

i think this one is simple your not matched you have different ideas on love and itimacy then your girlfriend if you think things won't change with either yourself or her then you may want to look at a break up.

BTW there is nothing wrong with your view on a relationship or hers from what I'm reading just you guys aren't meeting in the middle thats the problem.

shellyboo

2unreg wrote: »

Why do I feel bad after having sex with my girlfriend? She really turns me on and likes to be treated rough and to be demeaned. This really brings out the animal in me. At the time I really love this, but afterwards I feel terrible about myself. I'm confused - on the one hand I love sex like this but I still feel **** afterwards. Sometimes I think that I want her to be more loving but she seems incapable of this. Her idea of being loving is giving me a bl0wjob. I've started to think that maybe there's something wrong with me.

Have you asked her? Hot and nasty sex is awesomely awesome, but man cannot live by bdsm alone, yaknow? Sometimes you need the snuggly sex. Tell her that while you love how she is in bed, sometimes you just want to 'make love'. Agree on a timescale too, one that meets both your needs - say, once every five times you have sex, you do it "lovingly".

I do agree with the other posters though - bjs are a pretty loving act, no matter how they're done. Seems you're having difficulty reconciling the fact that you love you gf to how she likes to be treated in bed. Maybe do a bit more research into the bdsm lifestyle, the psychology behind it and try to get into the mindset a bit more... it comes from a loving place, a place of absolute trust as well.

Think about that - how much does your gf love and trust you to allow you to treat her so roughly? A massive amount. So it's coming from a place of love.

metrovelvet

shellyboo wrote: »

I do agree with the other posters though - bjs are a pretty loving act, no matter how they're done. Seems you're having difficulty reconciling the fact that you love you gf to how she likes to be treated in bed. Maybe do a bit more research into the bdsm lifestyle, the psychology behind it and try to get into the mindset a bit more... it comes from a loving place, a place of absolute trust as well.

Not always, they can be about control.

Terodil

Well OP there's nothing wrong with you at all, first of all. Not everybody likes BDSM (which has a wide range) and that does not make you an undeserving lover. Also, not everybody likes giving and/or receiving oral, and if you don't (and told her so... she's not a mindreader), then she should also want to (!) try to please you in other ways, just like you want to accommodate her wishes.

The thing is, you are trying to live the compromise but you're not happy with it. There are two and a half ways you can solve this: You either try to reduce the unhappiness you feel with it by getting more into this BDSM/roleplaying thing (there are a number of books or webpages about, but more importantly, discuss this whole thing with her when you're not in bed), or you quit it. The half way is meeting her in the middle. Insist also on what you want, i.e. cuddly love.

BTW I don't think 1/5 is in any way fair if he does not like playing rough.

rustynutz

2unreg wrote: »

Why do I feel bad after having sex with my girlfriend? She really turns me on and likes to be treated rough and to be demeaned. This really brings out the animal in me. At the time I really love this, but afterwards I feel terrible about myself. I'm confused - on the one hand I love sex like this but I still feel **** afterwards. Sometimes I think that I want her to be more loving but she seems incapable of this. Her idea of being loving is giving me a bl0wjob. I've started to think that maybe there's something wrong with me.

Dump her straight away.....can you pm me her number when you do:D

Wibbs

rustynutz. Thats not approaching helpful advice. It's not even close and it's against the charter of this forum, which you should read. Any more of that and an enforced break from the forum will be in order. Thanks