are in laws the new outlaws?

snowy2008

anyone else having problems with the mother in law??

i swear to god, that woman is driving me insane, she always has to have the final say, if she doesnt like what me or her son have decided to do...ie christmas, we were going to go to mauritius and we told her and the sulk got too much so we decided to go next year... if i didnt love her son so much id be outta there, any suggestions on how to have a harmonious relationship with the mil from hell?

NewFrockTuesday

You should pm Biggns He loves his MIL :pac:

Step away from her if shes overstepping the mark. Shes not your mother so you dont have to see her. That would be way too draining for me to cope with. Respect due cos shes his mother, but thats it.

Lollipops23

Er screw her,go to mauritiaus!!!!seriously,what makes you think she won't sulk when you book it next year??!

I'd be having words with himself if she was getting on my nerves!

stovelid

I like my mother-in-law.

Anyway, to badly paraphrase John Updike, they just can't get to you like your own parents..

snowy2008

its like he'll ask my opinion then he'll call her and she'll totally disagree with him and then he'll get annoyed and then it all blow up completly out of proportion and i'll be annoyed coz i wish he'd make a decision and stick with it rather than call her and make him upset, ergh! he wants me to bond with her, im not like that even with my own parents, they are a really close close family mine are not, any ideas how i can get around them??

WindSock

You're not going to the Mauritius for Christmas now because you're MIL got snotty? Man, I can't believe you folded. Tell her you will bring her back a nice bowl for her sour grapes.

Malari

If you are your partner both want to go on holiday I can't even see what it has to do with her?

The only problem I can see is if your partner is siding with her. If not you're only letting yourselves be manipulated by her. if it worked this year it'll work next year, as far as she is concerned!

Das Kitty

Sounds more like a husband problem than a MIL one. Me and my OH have a "me and you versus the world" pact, we'll always side with each other and if we disagree we'll do it in private and come to an agreement. Works great, we both get on really well with the respective in-laws.

A good friend of mine is currently going through a divorce because her husband was forcing her to "make nice" with his family who were very disrespectful to her (namecalling and the works), expected my friend to put up with it. Nip it in the bud OP!

snowy2008

dont get me wrong, they are a very nice and welcoming family but she is incredibly controlling and almost smothering of her son, shes grand with the daughters but she calls her sons at least twice a day and wants to know everything, maybe shes lonely i dunno but im from a family where we might talk once a week and they talk at least twice a day, i just find it too much

stovelid

Needs to be nipped in the bud now.

Dunno if you have kids, or ever will, but this kind of parent-in-law can get far worse if you do.

Clare Bear

Das Kitty wrote: »

Sounds more like a husband problem than a MIL one. Me and my OH have a "me and you versus the world" pact, we'll always side with each other and if we disagree we'll do it in private and come to an agreement. Works great, we both get on really well with the respective in-laws.

That's so nice

stovelid wrote: »

Needs to be nipped in the bud now.

Dunno if you have kids, or ever will, but this kind of parent-in-law can get far worse if you do.

Exactly! Stand your ground now. Time to stand up for yourself. If you let her dictate what you do she'll keep doing it.

Cicero

Someones husband needs help cutting his apron strings I think;)

LadyMayBelle

Go to Mauritius! I'm lucky in that my in-laws are nice:)

Faith

My "in-laws" (what do you call them when you're not married?) are lovely. They're so warm and welcoming. His mum isn't a typically Irish Mammy at all, which is great. They treat us like grown-ups and they tell me how much they like me . I like to think that they were horrible to all his other girlfriends, but of course they weren't.

LadyMayBelle

Faith wrote: »

My "in-laws" (what do you call them when you're not married?) are lovely. They're so warm and welcoming. His mum isn't a typically Irish Mammy at all, which is great. They treat us like grown-ups and they tell me how much they like me . I like to think that they were horrible to all his other girlfriends, but of course they weren't.

I secretly like to think the same:P which sounds so stuck up but I think we are all a bit like that!!!

Ollchailin

OP you need to do what ye want and tell your OH that you understand she'd his Mam and all, but does he want to go out with her or you? She has to realise that he's an adult now and she can't control him like she used to.

I'm nearly the other way round with my OH. I love my boyfriend's mother, she's just brilliant. I often think that if/when me and my OH break up, she'd be one of the more significant things I'd miss. My OH is, how you might say, a bit of a committment-phobe, so even though I'm madly in love with him I'm just not sure how much more shelf life we have..... I might just steal his Mam and tell him she's part of my break-up trauma compo!

Bubblefett

Mother-in-laws are tricky and you need a lot of tact (after all, it is your OH's mother). My sisters one is horrible, there's so many stories- but my favourite is one year she gave my sister a jigsaw for christmas- my sister was convinced it was an old one she'd seen lying around the house, so she opened it up and did it that day in their house- and yeap, it was missing 6 pieces!

I consider myself very lucky with my OH's parents, his mom is like a second mom- we go out for a lot of shopping trips and lunches, just us. But to be fair, right after me and my OH started going out, his dad was diagnoised with cancer and only given a few months. Thankfully miracles do happen and he was given the all clear 6 months later- but that was a huge bonding experience for us, i was over at her house everyday making her dinner and just being a shoulder to cry on while she tried to keep his spirits up. Since those days i've been welcomed with open arms, but just lucky i guess

miss_feminem

I've never really had a problem with the other half's mother. To be honest, he thinks she likes me more than him, lol.

I suppose it depends on the mother. Some women don't like to see their little boy "being taken away from them". I can't understand this mentality myself, but then each to their own.

Ollchailin

miss_feminem wrote: »

I suppose it depends on the mother. Some women don't like to see their little boy "being taken away from them". I can't understand this mentality myself, but then each to their own.

My mother only has one son and she always maintains the following:

"Your daughter is your daughter for all your life, but your son's only your son til he finds a wife".

I think that's just cos daughters in general may be better for remaining close to their mothers after marriage and children and general growing up- taking the mother out for shopping trips, coffee, whatever. Lads often don't do those kinds of things so I suppose a lot of mothers feel they are losing their sons when they are in a serious relationship. Mothers find it hard to see their purpose anymore I suppose.

Likewise fathers often are protective of their daughters in a serious relationship because they feel they are not needed anymore as there is a new man around to take care of his daughter.

I suppose it could be seen as a bit suffocating and controlling alright, but I honestly don't think most of us will understand that sort of feeling until we're faced with seeing our own children move on in their lives.

miss_feminem

Ollchailin wrote: »

My mother only has one son and she always maintains the following:

"Your daughter is your daughter for all your life, but your son's only your son til he finds a wife".

I think that's just cos daughters in general may be better for remaining close to their mothers after marriage and children and general growing up- taking the mother out for shopping trips, coffee, whatever. Lads often don't do those kinds of things so I suppose a lot of mothers feel they are losing their sons when they are in a serious relationship. Mothers find it hard to see their purpose anymore I suppose.

Likewise fathers often are protective of their daughters in a serious relationship because they feel they are not needed anymore as there is a new man around to take care of his daughter.

I suppose it could be seen as a bit suffocating and controlling alright, but I honestly don't think most of us will understand that sort of feeling until we're faced with seeing our own children move on in their lives.

True that actually. I bet I'll be the most obsessive mother ever

I can understand that - feeling like you're not needed any more. My other half is another part of my family, not a replacement for my parents. I do try to visit my parents often and also my boyfriend's parents. So I guess it depends on the child and how little the parents see them once they move out, etc.

ebmma

On the bright side if you don't get along with your MIL, people are quite nice and understanding about it mostly...
My MIL is a lovely woman and we get along great.
My own parents though..Can't stand the sight of them. We do not get along at all! And people don't really get how that's possible, which is weird.

bernyh

If i were you I'd go to Mauritius..... damn her.... cos if you fold now (which I know to my detriment) and end up having kids you will continually be betrothed to her... put her in her place now before it's too late.

My MIL minds my daughter and is a complete pain in the neck, only that we can't really afford the childcare for the days I work or I would have hardly anything to do with her (like my lucky sis in law who has no kids!). She is never encouraging and treats me like I'm my dd's auntie at times.... she drives me mad!!!!

Good luck but be strong!!!

The Big Red Button

Faith wrote: »

My "in-laws" (what do you call them when you're not married?) are lovely. They're so warm and welcoming. His mum isn't a typically Irish Mammy at all, which is great. They treat us like grown-ups and they tell me how much they like me . I like to think that they were horrible to all his other girlfriends, but of course they weren't.

I'm in a similar position - not married yet - and get on soooo well with my future in-laws. I'm begining to wonder, though, from the stories I've heard, if that's something that'll change when we get married and she'll morph into the typical MIL from hell! :eek:

I can't see it happening though. She's a real typical Irish mammy, he's her only son and she and his two sisters spoil him rotten, but they treat me like one of the family too! They're always telling me how I'm so good for him and how they're so happy he found someone that makes him so happy! Also they are incredibly supportive of me; I recently started a job on the other side of the country and I was afraid they might resent me a bit for "leaving" him, but they have just been so lovely and happy for me!

Also his mammy is really cute and bakes lots of brown bread and wears an apron and wellies always.