Is it worth having childish arguments with an only child?

komodosp

There is a bit of a stereotype that "Only" children tend to be more spoiled than children with siblings... The thought (from what I hear) is that parents will dote on an only child rather than have to divide their time and presents etc. amongst a few children.

But I was thinking of a new angle to this. And that is that children tend to have petty arguments with each other about pointless things. But adults don't. So when a kid starts crying that he wants the special chair, or the Mickey Mouse spoon or whatever, he gets his way because... well everyone else there is an adult and is above fighting over that kind of silly stuff. The child gets their way, not because the parent is overly doting on them, but because no one else there cares. Whereas if he had a sister he'd have to contend for the silly things.

So my question is, in order to prepare him/her for the world where you can't always get what you want, is it worth allowing yourself to get in arguments over stupid things?

Wantobe

Is this a hypothetical question?

Because I have an angle on those- why, when there are so many people with real questions requiring real answers, would we think it is worthwhile having silly debates on hypothetical questions?:rolleyes:

komodosp

I have an angle on those- why, when there are so many people with real questions requiring real answers, would we think it is worthwhile having silly debates on hypothetical questions?

Indeed, feel free to prioritise which questions you consider worthwhile to spend time on responding to...
But I am quite close to an only child, so I am interested in peoples' opinions.

Nevyn

I think teaching children to constructively argue is a good thing, but that there is no point in getting into a I want it no it want it no I want it more merry go round with a child.

There is no harm as I see it in getting them to give reasons, to aruge why they want it.

ash23

maybe initially. But once they go to creche/school then they have to learn these skills anyway.

I have one child. And I don't know about other parents, but if I handed her a spoon and she insisted on a mickey mouse spoon I'd tell her to shut up and eat her dinner (or get it herself!)

I don't think she's spoiled but I probably do give her a greater input into things than if I had 3/4 ankle biters.

Like I'll ask her if she's cold before I put in the heating. I'll ask her what she fancies for dinner and we'll decide together what we're having. I'll ask her which cereal she wants etc etc. I wouldn't dare ask 3 of them as they'd never agree.

however, I have seen some very spoiled children who were only children and some very spoiled children with siblings.

ebmma

I wouldn't say only children are necessarily spoiled, but probably a lot more self-centred (which is very hard to avoid given that you are the only family member at your level, if you know what I mean).

I'm an only child myself and I never had 'latest and greatest', so probably not that spoiled.

ebmma

komodosp wrote: »

children tend to have petty arguments with each other about pointless things. But adults don't.

Really?? I think that depends on the type of adult..

Acoshla

Hi,

I'm an only child of a single mother and was the only grandchild for 9 years, always surrounded by adults, so I thought I might throw in my 2 cents.

My mom rarely gave in to me, if I was nice I was treated nicely and yes, I was sometimes spoiled, but with regard to getting my own way...it never happened! She was always quick to let me know that just because I wanted something was no guarantee I would get it, and in some ways I think it helped me in adult life because I learned from a very early age how to deal with adults when you want things and how to realise when there's no hope of you getting the outcome you want. I never get petty in arguments or anything because I never learned how to argue that way, it was always discuss it, plead your case in a nice mature way and you might get lucky

The two main examples I always remember are one evening when I asked what was for dinner, she told me, I didn't like or want it and was very vocal about my dislike of the menu :rolleyes: She said fine, make your own dinner. So I sat staring longingly at her lovely dinner while I had beans on toast, the only "dinner" I could cook at the time.

The other one is that every week without fail I would ask for Frosties when we were doing the weekly shop, I never ever got them no matter how many times I asked, I'm 25 and she has never let me eat them! My mom is so strong willed and wouldn't take any crap from me, it was her attitude when I was attempting to be a spoiled brat that stopped me growing into one, I soon realised it got me nowhere

I think if you're firm with them whenever opportunities arise where you know they can learn from it, they can do just fine understanding how to mature socially without the petty fights with other children.

ebmma

Spadina wrote: »

Hi,
I think if you're firm with them whenever opportunities arise where you know they can learn from it, they can do just fine understanding how to mature socially without the petty fights with other children.

I think the main disadvantage of being an only child is that you only get one perspective.
You are either a spoiled brat (i.e. everything revolves around you, so you are the boss), or the parent(s) is the boss. There's never any possibility for equality.

Acoshla

Yeah I see your point, I guess for me it was just an ok balance because it was just me and my mom, two girls, who are also very similar to each other so a lot of it was very easy, I always thought it must be very difficult to be an only child with two parents, or a single parent to a child of the opposite sex.

Nightbird

I have an only child, and yeah I do give in to her sometimes because I feel that soon enough when she is in playschool or school or even in situations where there are other kids she'll be fighting her battles on her own without a brother or sister to rely on for back up.

ebmma

Spadina wrote: »

Yeah I see your point, I guess for me it was just an ok balance because it was just me and my mom, two girls, who are also very similar to each other so a lot of it was very easy, I always thought it must be very difficult to be an only child with two parents, or a single parent to a child of the opposite sex.

I think lots depends on the child's temperament.
For example, it was very very hard for me to stand up to my parents (in my 20s an just learning to stand my ground now)., because I just depended on them way too much.
Even if I was sure something is unfair, or I had a different opinion I'll mostly keep quiet and go along with what my parents want because otherwise I would be completely on my own. Well, there was no one else in the house to play with/talk with.
But if I had a different personality the whole thing could probably have been different