Invited to afters of wedding on my own

Emme

Hi all,

I'm not getting married myself but an acquaintance is and she sent me an invite to the afters of her wedding with just my name on it, not my name + friend. It's about 50 miles away from where I live and I don't fancy driving 50 miles on my own to the venue and can't afford a hotel at the moment. Also I haven't seen her for a while and won't know that many people at the wedding or afters. I'll probably send a polite "thanks but no thanks" but would appreciate an answer to the following questions.

Is it normal to invite someone to the afters of a wedding on their own?

If you invite someone to the afters do you automatically expect a gift and if so, how much should I spend?

Thanks.

Eoin

Is it normal to invite someone to the afters of a wedding on their own?

I don't know if it's abnormal, but it sounds a bit mean, considering it will cost them next to nothing for you to bring a friend.

If there were a load of afters invites sent to a bunch of people who all knew each other (e.g. work mates), then I could understand it.

seamus

As eoin says, if you're not being invited as part of a particular group, then it seems odd that you would be invited without a + 1. If you want to go, but don't fancy going on your own, then just ring her and ask her directly. Trust me, she'd rather that you rang for clarification and didn't spend time worrying about what you should do.

Most "afters" have finger food and the like around midnight, but this isn't really a per-head cost, so bringing a mate shouldn't be a problem.

As for a gift, totally up to you. If you're not going, there's no "social obligation" to give a gift of any kind, though a card is appropriate. If you are going, then I would suggest a card and a voucher for a small amount, €20 or so. Big gifts of €50 - €200 are for family and close friends (i.e. people who are invited to the ceremony & meal).

Dee_animallover

Emme wrote: »

Hi all,

I'm not getting married myself but an acquaintance is and she sent me an invite to the afters of her wedding with just my name on it, not my name + friend. It's about 50 miles away from where I live and I don't fancy driving 50 miles on my own to the venue and can't afford a hotel at the moment. Also I haven't seen her for a while and won't know that many people at the wedding or afters. I'll probably send a polite "thanks but no thanks" but would appreciate an answer to the following questions.

Is it normal to invite someone to the afters of a wedding on their own?

If you invite someone to the afters do you automatically expect a gift and if so, how much should I spend?

Thanks.

I wouldnt say it was normal unless she's having a really intimate small wedding? Still I wouldnt expect someone to come on their own let alone drive 50 miles, and esp if they didnt know anyone else!

Personally I wouldnt expect a gift but would like at least a card (for sentimental reasons) but then I wouldnt give an empty card so maybe a very small token gift or one of those all for one vouchers for a small amount? If it were me I would get one for about €50.

Could you ring her up and politely explain the situation? She might have genuinly forgotten to add a friend to the invite!
I have heard of a few instances of where this happened and the bride and groom asked the people "Did you not bring a friend"? Well doh if you put it on the invite I might have known :rolleyes:

How Strange

Dee_animallover wrote: »

Could you ring her up and politely explain the situation? She might have genuinly forgotten to add a friend to the invite!
I have heard of a few instances of where this happened and the bride and groom asked the people "Did you not bring a friend"? Well doh if you put it on the invite I might have known :rolleyes:

Eh, I definitely wouldn't ring her for any sort of clarification. We're working on our guest list at the moment and we know every guest who's being asked. We aren't having an 'afters' but if we're inviting anyone single then we're inviting them +1 because it's polite and they are our friends and it's nice to have the choice of bringing someone along if you want to.

IMO, it wasn't an accident or an oversight that you're asked on your own. She meant to do just that.

Personally, if she isn't a close friend or you won't have lots of friends there I've politely decline (mentally tell her to shove her invite where the stars don't shine) and leave it at that.

It smacks of being just a token invitation for the sake of it.

But then again I don't agree with this 'afters' business.

damo86

I would turn up with a posse of friends like Hugh Heffner.... that'll teach her....

blond45

damo86 wrote: »

I would turn up with a posse of friends like Hugh Heffner.... that'll teach her....

very good idea, i would do that. not good when she,s only asked on her own. phone the bride and ask can you bring some one. i wouldnt go to a wedding on me own evening or not..

carolinespring

I would just write her a nice letter wishing her all the best on the day ans suggest you meet up soon to see the photos (most lightly will never happen) and if it dose you can give her a little gift then. That would be what I would do anyway. Best of luck.

C