Unsure As To How to Cope with Changes In Life

Motley Crue

Ok, so this is a relatively new one for me, because until now I have been fortunate enough that my life has panned out in a relatively linear matter and although I was never very "comformist" it didn't really bother me....in hindsight

A few weeks ago my girlfriend was offered her dream job. In a recession. Two months after graduation. I had moved from Ireland to live with her during her final year at college (we have also been in a long distance relationship for about 3 of the 5 years we have been together so I spent my college education in Ireland and she spent hers in Scotland)

It wasn't like the Flight of the Earls when I left or anything, but I just figured it was a change (having lived at home during college and just been basically sick of my parents, the city I had grown up in etc etc you get the idea) and I have enjoyed working and living in Scotland - it hasn't been all "college related work" but it has been good

So anyway, she gets this job...and as I have said its the ultimate "dream job" scenario...but the thing is, it's outside Scotland...its in England...and its in an area I don't want to go.

It also means I have to give up some pretty good work, and give up the cat (thats not slang btw, I would actually have to give my cat to a shelter because we'd be moving to a place that bans pets), when we move. So I feel a little upset because, naturally, I have to leave the friends I have made here, my job, my cat, my house and this city and travel again...I wouldn't mind so much if it was an exciting area like London or whatever but it's in the middle of nowhere...and the chances of me getting any decent work in my field are quite rare tbh

Obviously I can't just, after 5 years, say "goodbye and good luck then" (well, I could, but it wouldn't be so simple to come to that choice) and that's why I'm racked with guilt. I mean, she is so excitied about this, but it's obvious I have major issues and it doesn't look as if remaining here alone is an option in the long term....while I have faith and belief in her ability, while I do love her and care about her, while I want US to survive....I keep thinking that I should also think about myself and if I ask myself the question "do I want to move right now and go to this area" the answer is no, I honestly do not.

But then if I don't go I'll loose her. Thoughts?

kjl

I think you need her opinion not ours, talk to her about your concerns

Quazzie

No matter what you decide to do you'll probably end up regretting it, but thats just human nature. My opinion would be to go. Give it a try, if it doesn't work then chalk it down to experience and move back, or move on.

If you decide to go its vital that you haven't your mind made up before you travel there. If you do then it will never work and all that will happen is you will start to resent your girlfriend and what she "forced" you to do.

Are you linked to a contract in work? Could you leave work and come back to the same/similar job? All these are factors about whether you can afford as person to take the chance. Walking away from a great job and great friends might not be worth the experience but are you sure you can walk away from your girlfriend either?

Peggypeg

Wow, that's a tough one alright. Have you spelled all this out to your girlfriend? It seems you would be giving up everything to be with her and that's just not good. I would think deeply about this.

The deal breaker for me would be the cat (I have 4), what kinda place bans cats? If you do move please don't put it into a shelter, they're over crowded at the best of times. It would be much much more responsible to re-home the cat yourself.