Just Can't "make a move"

LegacyUser

hi everyone,

This is a PI but perhaps I am not sure if it could be quite classified as a "relationship issue" but here goes:

I am male, in my mid 20s, single for almost 6 months and looking back I suppose I've never had particularly great difficulties in terms of having girlfriends. I've had 3 relationships, all lasting a couple of years. None of them worked out for different reasons etc... 1 I was broken up with, 1 I broke up with the person and the last was mutual.

All seems quite ok on the surface. But, outside of these 3, I've had very little success with women as such, in that, I've only ever kissed 2 oe 3 other randomers and have had no One night stands or casual relationships (not that I absolutely have to have them or anything, but I woudn't say no either I suppose).

My problem is having the confidence to talk to random people on a night out or "make a move".

The talking thing is definitely getting better (slowely) and a bit of drink usually helps. One night about a month ago I was out and was getting a nitelink home on my own. I wandered into a fast food restaurant and ordered, place was quiet, 3 or 4 others in there. Then a girl walked in on her own to order as well. I said something to her (can't remember what) and we got chatting. Anyway we sat down together and chatting for 4 hours and shared a taxi home (both of us live in the same town and we didn't go back to each other's house or anything).

I asked for her number and she gave it. She's unemployed at moment and doesn't have much money and therefore she can't really text or whatever too often. so we only chat a little every week. But since the first night we've met up for dinner once.

And last nite I was invited up to her house for some drinks. I spend 6 or 7 hrs there and went home. The thing is I didn't kiss her (or try to) again. I am guessing she likes me if she still wants to meet up, but I am afraid I don't have the confidence to "make the move". I really like the girl and it's nothing to do with sex (that's not even in my head at the mo). my ex used to go mad because "she had to make all the moves"

I don;t want that to happen again and I was wondering does anyone have any advice about how to read signals or have the confidence to do something.

I don't want to end up in "friend zone" and I don't want the girl to think I am not interested.

Thanks for reading.

Wibbs

helpie wrote: »

I don't want to end up in "friend zone" and I don't want the girl to think I am not interested.

You asked for her number, she gave it. You've been in regular contact. You've been out for dinner. Unless she's completely without cop on, she knows you're interested. Now she's probably wondering why you haven't made your move. Women have different thresholds but his will put her off the longer it goes on.

So if you don't want to end up in friendzone then you have to man up and make your move. As I say I reckon 99% she's expecting you to. Or wait patiently for a woman who'll make the first move, but as you've found even if you do meet a woman like that they get irritated by it sooner or later. Passivity like that is a turn off for the majority of women. Why? because they're looking for an equal who isn't afraid to express what they feel and want.

ash23

You'll have to make a move soon or you'll totally confuse her and she'll think you're acting an ass.

My usual move is to watch a scary film together. SO clicheéd but damn, it works. It's a brilliant excuse to get cuddled up on the sofa

If she hates horrors (and some people do) then a really good comedy that means you can laugh together and let the barriers down a bit.

Invite her to yours. Get in some dvds and some wine. Turn off the heating and have a duvet handy because it's another great excuse for cuddling. Light the fire, lights off, film on, "sorry it's so cold, the oil went today but I've a duvet here".........(can you tell I've done this before lol ?)


It should work.

Nervous Wreck

^^Or if you're still a little scared for that kinda thing, try the honest approach. "I'd really like to spend more time with you cos I really enjoy hanging out with you. I know I may seem a bit aloof sometimes but I'm just nervous about 'making the first move' cos I like you quite a bit..." Chances are she has already gotten a good sense of you from your general demeanor (which I'm guessing is somewhat closed off, though always pleasant; probably very... accomodating) and knows that you're nervous about this kinda thing. If she has, then she's obviously into you because she's still keeping contact etc. As such, this honest approach is likely to be a good one. The puppy-dog eyes will serve you well.






(Though, if you make your move with a lot of confidence, I guarantee she will not expect it and, as such, will have her socks knocked thoroughly off.)

ash23

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

^^Or if you're still a little scared for that kinda thing, try the honest approach. "I'd really like to spend more time with you cos I really enjoy hanging out with you. I know I may seem a bit aloof sometimes but I'm just nervous about 'making the first move' cos I like you quite a bit..." Chances are she has already gotten a good sense of you from your general demeanor (which I'm guessing is somewhat closed off, though always pleasant; probably very... accomodating) and knows that you're nervous about this kinda thing. If she has, then she's obviously into you because she's still keeping contact etc. As such, this honest approach is likely to be a good one. The puppy-dog eyes will serve you well.






(Though, if you make your move with a lot of confidence, I guarantee she will not expect it and, as such, will have her socks knocked thoroughly off.)

^^ Gotta say, I don't think this is the way to go. From what the OP has said, she seems to be a fairly confident girl. Chatting to him in the chipper, asking him over to hers. I doubt she'd like that conversation (again I'm only going on what I would like so I could be totally off the mark).
But to me that would be just too much for too little.
It's the first kiss. It's supposed to be romantic and lovely and mostly FUN! Having a big serious chat about it takes the fun out of it and makes it a big deal.

OP needs to stop thinking so much and just go for it imo.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thanks for the replies so far.

Ash - yep, she definitely comes across confident indeed, mind you so far, I have had no problem in talking to her at all which is good for me. so maybe I am (in general) getting better.

Unfortunately, I work in another county and MY house is there. I am at home in Dublin every weekend and stay with my folks, so asking her to come over to my place is not an option. She lives with her folks too. I think it would be way to soon to come down to my (Sunday - Thursday house).

As I was leaving the house last night, she said she'd come to a sporting even with me near Christmas time. so I guess, even after failing (again) to make a move last night that she's willing to keep going and try again. I text her awhile ago to see if she wants to do something at the weekend. No response yet, but hopefully she will.

As Wibbs and Ash have pointed out, I definitely need to man up on this one.

I will have to train my mind for the next few days at reading the signals and identifying the correct moment/oppurtunity to make the move. I am usually fine once I get over that first hurdle...

Wibbs

ash23 wrote: »

^^ Gotta say, I don't think this is the way to go. From what the OP has said, she seems to be a fairly confident girl. Chatting to him in the chipper, asking him over to hers. I doubt she'd like that conversation (again I'm only going on what I would like so I could be totally off the mark).
But to me that would be just too much for too little.
It's the first kiss. It's supposed to be romantic and lovely and mostly FUN! Having a big serious chat about it takes the fun out of it and makes it a big deal.

OP needs to stop thinking so much and just go for it imo.

I agree 100%. I would go so far as to never ask as a general rule. Just go for it. The first kiss being spontaneous is preferable for most women(and men). It shws confidence self control and your desire for her. All turn ons. Few women go weak at the knees for a guy that says "I think I like you, would be OK with you if I tried to kiss you?".

ash23

OK, well here's one of my memorable moments that I'll let you steal if you want it!


I was house sharing and myself and one of the lads had been flirting wildly for weeks. I fancied him like mad.
So one night I asked him if he wanted a cup of tea and I went into the kitchen to make it. He came in after me as I was filling the kettle, came right up behind me, just close enough that he wasn't touching, and asked if I needed any help. I turned around (he didn't budge an inch) and we just stared at each other for a few seconds(pretty intense) and then he kissed me.....I don't think I ever did make that tea


Anyway, this is the sort of thing you need to do. Make it obvious you fancy her as she will start to doubt herself and eventually she'll give up.

By the sounds of things she's been trying to get you alone for this very reason so for the love of God, the next time you guys are alone, just kiss her!!!!!!!!!!! :P

LegacyUser

hi guys, again, thanks for the replies.

Well, It looks like I've now got another opportunity to get this right. Plans are all set for Saturday.

Doing a cool non drinky thing first for an hour or so then probably go for a drink or 2 after and see what happens.

Now, time to work on the confidence for this, I don't have a lot of time

BumbleB

The signals are easy to recognise when a girl looks at your face then lips ,she wants to kiss .

It's no big deal, and until this post came up I never really thought of it being difficult.No pressure here ,but you really have to move soon ,because there comes a threshold where the attraction wanes off.

So go for it , good luck !