Circumstance with an Ex-Friend NEED HELP.

Goat Mouth

Not bothering with going Unreg for this.

Ok, ill be quick and blunt. There's an old friend (girl) who i'd quite abruptly stopped being friends with just over 2 years ago. (Details of the friendship breaking i think dont matter but i can clarify if needs be).
Because we lived in the same town i'd seen her about 3 - 4 times each year in passing. She would always try to engage in a conversation but i either blanked her or unsympathetically declined and walked away.

I'd recently found out from another friend who also broke contact with her that she want's to be friends with us again.

The other night she approached me (more so cornered me) at the train station so rather than being "rude" i honestly didnt have the energy too ignore her to we started talking on the train... not about anything in particular just about how we've been recently. I had been texting other friends to break a tension that I at least was feeling.
Now even has friends i could always read her like a book, so i could tell where the conversation was going but alas i still let myself fall into a trap.

She told me that she'd still like to hang out with me and that she'd like to call me every now and then. Technically I never said yes nor did i imply a yes. I kept poorly defering the situation by saying i'm busy most nights of the week. Which is fairly true I am busy, but not every night.

My problem is I didnt say No when i should have.

What i obviosuly did was give her false hope that we could hang out.
I really dont want to be around this girl. There's nothing bad about her per say it's just i genuinely feel both of us have nothing to gain from being accquaintences with each other.

I also think she's under the impression that i'm the same person I was 2 years ago. Which makes me think she's possibly not the same person i happily broke off a friendship with but i genuinely dont care any more.
She keeps overtly implying that she's had a crappy two years (by the sound of things its all self inflicted) but again i dont have any care or sympathy for whatever the hell she went through.

So my real predicament is Do i text her and tell her "Look the other night was nice but i dont want to be your friend..." or do I just say no for when a text to hang out comes from her?

kjl

let me guess, you had feeling for her, she didnt

opinion guy

What did this girl do to you in the first place ?
What did she do to your other friend that he also broke off contact ?

I have a feeling like there's more to this than you are telling us. Why do you feel you have to say no to her ? you could just say whatever and then make no effort. I half get the impression you are trying to punish her for something. If you really don't care at all then why is this causing you stress ?

Goat Mouth

let me guess, you had feeling for her, she didnt

No, not at all.

I half get the impression you are trying to punish her for something. If you really don't care at all then why is this causing you stress

hmm you could be onto something there. i guess the only reason is causing me some stress (not a lot, getting opinions just helps me think) is because
i dont like being harsh to people even if i dislike them.... sounds fairly pathetic i know.
alas, your idea about "punishing" may be right

putting it politely it was a case of in the last days of our friendship she claimed that she had gotten bored of us as friends and that we were irritating to be around.
There's more stuff about between her and another friend which is their business, but only affected me by proxy so i wont mention because it barely bothers me.

Overheal

So she said you were annoying and had something out with your friend that affected you by proxy...

Soooo.....what. False rape accusations? Aborted fetus? Killed their dog? Dont answer that.

Whatever she did, you feel it merited your behavior for as long as it has. I think all you have to ask yourself here is whether you can keep this up. Think about whether you can forgive her for not for whatever it is she did, and if you cant (not that theres anything wrong with that, tbh) figure out how then to proceed.

She is clearly seeking forgiveness for whatever it is she did. You can forgive her and forget her. "Look i forgive you but im done with that part of my life etc etc etc" and then hope that she has her peace of mind, so she can leave you alone and you can have yours.

Goat Mouth

that's actually solid advise, i'll do just that.

cheers Overheal!

kjl

kjl wrote: »

let me guess, you had feeling for her, she didnt

Even if this was the case, what's it to do with anything and why is it all you've posted? OP didn't start a thread asking "Guess why we stopped being friends?". Fairly needless attempt at a burn..

opinion guy

yes i tend to agree. anger only last so long. at some point the effort it take s to blank someone out simply becomes too much hassle.

there's a couple of people i would feel i could well do without in my life. but circumstances dictate i have to come across them on occasion. frankly its just easy to be civil with them than not. i have one exfriend who really f**ked me over and made my last few years incredibly hard whom i don't think i will ever forgive. but again i'm superficially friendly with this person because a) its easier and b) the person actually scares me with what they are capable of having displayed some genuinely sociopathic tendencies and i don't want to provoke them.


but with this situation of yours, i think maybe forgive her and just don't make much effort unless she earns your friendship back. to be fair now she may have grown up alot in 2 years. holding a grudge is way too much effort IMHO.

Moomoo1

is there something you are not telling us still? I mean, ignoring someone for so long just because she said you were irritating/annoying is a bit much isn't it?

Overheal

Moomoo1 wrote: »

is there something you are not telling us still? I mean, ignoring someone for so long just because she said you were irritating/annoying is a bit much isn't it?

Oh I can think of a few plausible reasons.

I doubt they're relevant, to us.

Moomoo1

Overheal wrote: »

Oh I can think of a few plausible reasons.

so can I. But it could be anything whatsoever...

dearg lady

I think the reason some posters were looking for more info is cos from what you've posted it sounds like you're being unneccessarily harsh on this girl, but it's very difficult to tell.