Funerals

Hank_Jones

I was at a funeral recently and all I could think was how unusual the whole event felt to me,
people speaking, chanting in unison, it just felt cult like to me.
There was a moment where the rosary was said as the coffin was surrounded by people and to me that was just wow,
all these people just repeating these words over and over, like in some sort of cultish loop.
The experience was very surreal for me, I just can't fathom this whole process even slightly anymore,
anything religious just seems wrong, or extremely creepy and weird to me at this stage.

Has anyone else had any experiences like this?

I really dislike funerals now, not that they aren't going to be sad events, it's just the thoughts that now come with them.

Rob Mc

yup, I hate funerals so much, and try my best not to go to them, Ill meet with the family and give my condolences and all that, I just hate funerals.

Dave!

Yeah I get what you mean.

I kinda thought the same thing today. I was at an anniversary mass today with my family, and I found it a bit bizarre the way everyone in the church was just chanting these things in unison. Things like the Nicene Creed, where they just explicitly state the things that they believe in (I know there's historical reasons for this) :

We believe in one God,

the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,

the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one Being with the Father;
through him all things were made.
For us and for our salvation

he came down from heaven,
was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary
and became truly human.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,

who proceeds from the Father and the Son,
who with the Father and the Son is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,

and the life of the world to come. Amen



In particular after the bread and wine were offered (I think), I was taken aback by the chant, "Lord I am not worthy to recieve you but only say the word and I shall be healed."

It's just a strange experience when you're an observer and you're immersed in these events.

Another example would be when I was at a concert by the Dublin Gospel Choir, and everybody (including me ) was dancing around and singing along ! It's great music and a great show, but there came a point that I felt a bit dirty when I started to think about the words I was singing There's a deadly song with powerful harmonies in it, but the lyrics are like "For the battle... is not yours... it's the Lord's... IT'S THE LOOORRRDDD'S!!!"

Even Christmas songs like the beautiful "Oh Holy Night" start to make you cringe when you actually look at the lyrics.

Another example -- I don't know if it's distasteful to bring this up -- is with the recent death of Gearóid Walsh, and the outpouring from people on boards. There was alot of comments along the line of "Gearóid will be at Parkhead watching Celtic today", and stuff like that. They're all well-intentioned of course, but when you don't believe in that kind of thing it's a bit hard to read without an impulsive shudder.

Anyways.... Yeah I know what you mean. When you stop and examine religious rituals, rather than just gloss over them because you're so used to them, they're really weird.

Oh, this is kinda topical: there's a character in the show Deadwood that prays by holding a pair of antlers in the air and points them at another pair that are hanging on the wall Anyone watch Deadwood? Richardson

bangersandmash

Rob Mc wrote: »

yup, I hate funerals so much, and try my best not to go to them, Ill meet with the family and give my condolences and all that, I just hate funerals.

Seriously? Do you expect that a funeral should be fun day out for you? I'd imagine the family aren't having much fun either and would rather it wasn't taking place.

Regardless of your beliefs or those of the family, I would have thought that it's more important to show some solidarity with the bereaved at a difficult time. Is it that much of an effort for one day?

Plowman

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Turtwig

I dislike some funerals too, not because I don't have respect for the dead or the bereaved but because in Ireland some go on for far too long and I actually think that does more harm than good.
We have some stupid ridiculous traditions that I don't think help anyone cope in anyway. For instance, the rosary each night at twelve, someone staying overnight with the dead body, rosarys after rosary, a full day of shaking hands to people, ridiculously long mass (prayer fest) and removal...somethings need to change. The funeral should be about coping and helping those alive to recover and move. Instead they usually curtail praying until your eyes bleed for the dead chap and putting off recovery for the family left behind till later and everyone has gone home.

I was at a couple of memorials services some religious some not, that were done brilliantly the family was able to say their farewells and recall the memory of the deceased in a way. In my view, these kind help the people recover alot faster than a 1 hour + prayathon. Funny thing is one of these that I was at was longer than the longest funeral I was ever at yet I thought it was fitting and more peaceful than a funeral could ever be.


Ok I've sorta muddled this post, head feeling funny at the mo,:(
Apologies if it doesn't make sense

liamw

OP, I feel the same way. I was at my grandmother's funeral a few months back and I honestly felt like I was in a cult. What's really bizarre is that I didn't really 'see' it before I thought about it and stepped away from religion.

The chanting, the kneeling.. it just a cult to me now. What really frustrates me is how much better a secular funeral would be. A real celebration of the person's life, nice anecdotes instead of the meaningless drivel of the 'prayer of the faithful'.

I got thinking about it a lot. Next time I'm asked to say a prayer of the faithful I'm going to talk about a nice memory I have of the person and how I'll miss them.

Rob Mc

bangersandmash wrote: »

Seriously? Do you expect that a funeral should be fun day out for you? I'd imagine the family aren't having much fun either and would rather it wasn't taking place.

Regardless of your beliefs or those of the family, I would have thought that it's more important to show some solidarity with the bereaved at a difficult time. Is it that much of an effort for one day?

Where in that sentence did I say it should be a fun day out??

I think funerals are stupid and do little good, I prefer something like a wake, where you sit around and talk about all the good times you had with this person. Instead of sitting there chanting and fooling yourself that this person has gone to a "better place". Funerals are ****ing soul destroying, they should be a celebration of a persons life not a place to sit a dispair.

Daftendirekt

Hank_Jones wrote: »

I was at a funeral recently and all I could think was how unusual the whole event felt to me,
people speaking, chanting in unison, it just felt cult like to me.
There was a moment where the rosary was said as the coffin was surrounded by people and to me that was just wow,
all these people just repeating these words over and over, like in some sort of cultish loop.
The experience was very surreal for me, I just can't fathom this whole process even slightly anymore,
anything religious just seems wrong, or extremely creepy and weird to me at this stage.

Has anyone else had any experiences like this?

I really dislike funerals now, not that they aren't going to be sad events, it's just the thoughts that now come with them.

Have to agree OP, particularly with the part in bold.

The rosary is something I find incredibly strange, whether in the context of a funeral or not. I think always found it weird, even when I was a kid in one of our State funded Catholic indoctrination centres. I could understand
praying, but just repeating the same few phrases over and over and over again? What's the point?

Zillah

I couldn't help but giggle at the funeral of a very dear friend once. I just found the whole situation that ludicrous. The friend was an atheist which made it all the worse.

Of course I was subtle about it and no one noticed.

I can think of few things more disappointing than if my corpse were to be paraded through a Catholic sham of a funeral, having a priest talk about my deep commitment to God and my love for Jesus. My...? Ahahahaha, good one father.

Coriolanus

Zillah wrote: »

I can think of few things more disappointing than if my corpse were to be paraded through a Catholic sham of a funeral, having a priest talk about my deep commitment to God and my love for Jesus. My...? Ahahahaha, good one father.

Me and my brother have a pact that, whichever of us goes first, the other will use their "And now a bit of the gospel" section or whatever, to eh... correct any misapprehensions.

Dades

Rob Mc wrote: »

I think funerals are stupid and do little good, I prefer something like a wake, where you sit around and talk about all the good times you had with this person. Instead of sitting there chanting and fooling yourself that this person has gone to a "better place". Funerals are ****ing soul destroying, they should be a celebration of a persons life not a place to sit a dispair.

While I agree with the idea of a "celebration" being more fitting, the religious aspect is a comfort to many people. They like to be told their loved ones are in heaven waiting for them. There's a generational thing going on too.

TwoShedsJackson

I feel similar to the OP, was at a funeral last week and the repetition of the rosary etc. was creeping me out somewhat.

However something to remember is that funerals are not really for the dead person, they're to help the bereaved to say goodbye and to comfort them. As a result, it's best to just concentrate on helping people cope with a very tough time in their lives and not worrying too much about the actual ins and outs of the religious rituals (which I personally have no time for whatsoever).

Plowman

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uncleoswald

Have been at a few wakes recently and I have to say I find the chanting of the rosary (so fast it sounds like they are speaking in tongues) to be very creepy. I remember when my mum started doing it at my uncle's funeral recently and it was shocking and I it really hit home how different our generations are. It was a ritual side that I hadn't noticed in the very watered down version of Catholicism I was used to.

I also hate the way some churches seem to fight any efforts to personalise the funeral service, so it becomes more about God then the person who has died.

Genghiz Cohen

A Viking Funeral Pyre, thats the funeral for me, save up a load of cash and order the family to spend it all on drink & food for the funeral. And I further decree that there shall be a bouncy castle!

Best
Funeral
Ever

robindch

Bouncy castle at a funeral? I like that

Turtwig

Plowman wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Yep that's precisely it, they're for the dead person.
Formal and impersonal, nothing to do with helping the living cope or anything.

browncow

As much as it kills me to go into a church for any ceremony. I thought a funeral was a celebration of a person's life, and surely if you are mourning the loss you are gonna respect the wishes of the dead person no matter what their religion.
I am an atheist myself and I have told my family that if they attempt to bring me near a church, or put a cross on my coffin I will come back and haunt them. I just don't see the sense in rosary chanting, and what is that whole shaking hands thing or saying what a nice person he/she was. I want a summary of my life told warts and all...no I was not always a nice person and yes I did stupid things but in my mind that what a funeral should be, a mix of emotions. Oh yeah and good aul party at the end. I will only be sorry I won't be there to see it. And a bouncy castle is a great idea.

Wheety

I just posted something similar to the OP in another thread. I don't like funerals either but only go out of respect for the dead person. Otherwise i'd never be in a church (apart from weddings).

It really is like a cult when you don't believe in the crap they're saying. I usually just stand down the back and I'm the first to leave after it too.

Wheety

browncow wrote: »

As much as it kills me to go into a church for any ceremony. I thought a funeral was a celebration of a person's life, and surely if you are mourning the loss you are gonna respect the wishes of the dead person no matter what their religion.
I am an atheist myself and I have told my family that if they attempt to bring me near a church, or put a cross on my coffin I will come back and haunt them. I just don't see the sense in rosary chanting, and what is that whole shaking hands thing or saying what a nice person he/she was. I want a summary of my life told warts and all...no I was not always a nice person and yes I did stupid things but in my mind that what a funeral should be, a mix of emotions. Oh yeah and good aul party at the end. I will only be sorry I won't be there to see it. And a bouncy castle is a great idea.

So do you believe in an afterlife?

drkpower

browncow wrote: »

I am an atheist myself and I have told my family that if they attempt to bring me near a church, or put a cross on my coffin I will come back and haunt them.

If your parents/family believe in God, wont it bring them some comfort to bury you will all the trappings of that belief?
And as you dont believe in God, and as you are now dead, surely it makes absolutely no difference to you if you are in a coffin and have a few prayers said?

apoch632

Wheety wrote: »

So do you believe in an afterlife?

I think he may have meant that in a humorous way. I've threatened the same thing in a joking manner

browncow

Wheety wrote: »

So do you believe in an afterlife?

In answer to ur question Wheety No I don't it was meant in a humorous way.

browncow

drkpower wrote: »

If your parents/family believe in God, wont it bring them some comfort to bury you will all the trappings of that belief?
And as you dont believe in God, and as you are now dead, surely it makes absolutely no difference to you if you are in a coffin and have a few prayers said?

It doesn't matter what my family believe in. Will it not bring them more comfort knowing that they will have given me the send off I have specifically requested. And yes it would make a huge difference to me if a religious emblem was placed on my coffin and it would be totally disrespectful to my memory if prayers were said because it totally goes against everything I believe. In my eyes it would be the same as holding a muslim funeral for a catholic, or a catholic funeral for a protestant.

seamus

drkpower wrote: »

If your parents/family believe in God, wont it bring them some comfort to bury you will all the trappings of that belief?
And as you dont believe in God, and as you are now dead, surely it makes absolutely no difference to you if you are in a coffin and have a few prayers said?

It probably doesn't, but assuming you've given instructions, does it not show a complete disregard for someone's right as an adult to make their own decisions if their family ignore this and do what *they* think is the right thing?

Funerals should be a warts an' all affair. Talking about how the deceased loved children and was always a good person are completely false because nobody is perfect and everyone had their flaws. To celebrate the existence of someone who was here with us, we need to laugh about the good and acknowledge the bad. Otherwise we do that person a disservice - the flaws in our characters are an essential part of what makes us the people that we are. So to pretend they didn't exist is to misrepresent the person you're mourning.

I was at a funeral recently enough after suicide. It was Catholic to be fair. The family made no bones about his illness at the eulogy and talked about him in a very honest and upfront way. And that made it "nice" because you know you were being "let in", being shown the truth about that person and rather than souring the eulogy, it made it a whole lot more poignant and beautiful.

Funglegunk

seamus wrote: »

Funerals should be a warts an' all affair. Talking about how the deceased loved children and was always a good person are completely false because nobody is perfect and everyone had their flaws. To celebrate the existence of someone who was here with us, we need to laugh about the good and acknowledge the bad. Otherwise we do that person a disservice - the flaws in our characters are an essential part of what makes us the people that we are. So to pretend they didn't exist is to misrepresent the person you're mourning.

I suspect you may have read this already, but you might find this book interesting:

http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/book/9781857238570/Speaker-for-the-Dead

komodosp

I was only at my first ever funeral (well the mass/burial part of it) several years ago when my granddad died.

I'm an atheist, but what I found was that it gave a great sense of conclusion... the procession out the door with the coffin and the prayer (the last rites?) while burying him. The whole sense of officialdom I thought kind of brought home the fact he was indeed dead, and helped to damp the shock of the death, and push people towards acceptance.

Having said that, I wasn't that close to the granddad in question, so I can't speak for the people who were, this is just the impression I got.

a full day of shaking hands to people

This, however, is utterly pointless. I think (I might be wrong) it's supposed to be for the benefit of the close relations. But they are the ones who take the worst out of it. Bad enough their father or wife or whatever died, but now they're expected to stand there for hours and hours repeating "Thanks" over and over, shaking hands with people just wishing the whole thing was over. They don't want to be there, the visitors don't particularly want to be there either.

drkpower

browncow wrote: »

In my eyes it would be the same as holding a muslim funeral for a catholic, or a catholic funeral for a protestant.

Doesn't that bring you dangerously close to "atheism is a faith", something which most of us would reject?

drkpower

seamus wrote: »

It probably doesn't, but assuming you've given instructions, does it not show a complete disregard for someone's right as an adult to make their own decisions if their family ignore this and do what *they* think is the right thing?.

Very true; but if my Catholic mother genuinely thinks that my eternal soul will burn forever in the flames of Hell if I dont get a proper funeral, I'd be only too happy to be popped in a coffin with a massive cross on it. Because, the disregarding of my wishes is nowhere on that level. It would be entirley selfish of me to insist on a non-demoninational funeral if same was to cause such heartache to my parents. For what, so my non-belief in something that doesnt exist is noted and respected...? Of course if my pareents are a la carte catholics who dont give a damn, well thats a different story.

seamus wrote: »

Funerals should be a warts an' all affair. Talking about how the deceased loved children and was always a good person are completely false because nobody is perfect and everyone had their flaws.

Well, its all relative. If you cheated on your wife 20 years ago, do you think that should be brought up at the funeral to ensure a warts and all funeral? Of course not. It shouldnt be a whitewash, but to say it is a warts and all affair, well, thats a little bit silly.

seamus

drkpower wrote: »

Very true; but if my Catholic mother genuinely thinks that my eternal soul will burn forever in the flames of Hell if I dont get a proper funeral, I'd be only too happy to be popped in a coffin with a massive cross on it.

But that's OK, because her Catholic belief tells her that her suffering on earth will be short-lived and when she gets to heaven, she will fully accept that your suffering is just and right and she will not mourn.
I'm not being facetious or dismissive here. I'm in the same boat; I'm dead, what do I care? But if someone has left specific instructions, they should be followed. If I had converted to Islam and insisted on an Islamic burial, what's the appropriate thing to do?
If my mother is Catholic, should I just have her cremated when she dies instead of going through the Catholic ceremony because it would be hassle and strife for me, where a simple cremation would be a whole lot less stressful and emotionally harmful.

Well, its all relative. If you cheated on your wife 20 years ago, do you think that should be brought up at the funeral to ensure a warts and all funeral? Of course not. It shouldnt be a whitewash, but to say it is a warts and all affair, well, thats a little bit silly.

Obviously, I'm not talking about a book of charges being read out, but nobody should feel that it's wrong to speak ill of the dead or talk about their faults.

drkpower

seamus wrote: »

If I had converted to Islam and insisted on an Islamic burial, what's the appropriate thing to do?
If my mother is Catholic, should I just have her cremated when she dies instead of going through the Catholic ceremony because it would be hassle and strife for me, where a simple cremation would be a whole lot less stressful and emotionally harmful.
.

But arent we getting into the realms of "atheism is a faith" here?

Regardless of the rights and wrong of such a belief, the Catholic or Muslim actually believes that not having a proper funertal/the right funeral has genuine practical (and possibly never ending) consequences.
As an atheist, you would just "like" something to occur; while you might be pissed off if it doesnt, it isnt of any practical significance.

So comparing the two is pointless.

browncow

drkpower wrote: »

Doesn't that bring you dangerously close to "atheism is a faith", something which most of us would reject?

I didn't mean it that way I was simply trying to prove the point that by saying prayers at my funeral would totally go aginst my wishes.... as would conducting a funeral of a different faith for someone who expressed the wish to be buried in their own faith.

20goto10

Dades wrote: »

While I agree with the idea of a "celebration" being more fitting, the religious aspect is a comfort to many people. They like to be told their loved ones are in heaven waiting for them. There's a generational thing going on too.

It's lazy and prolongs the grieving. There is no comfort in believing someone who is dead is actually still alive but are invisible and watching your every move. That's just creepy and in no way helps with the grieving process. You need to come to terms with the fact that the person is dead and the same is going to happen to every living thing on the planet.

I think funerals are important. There's a sense of finality to them. A real wow he's actually dead moment. But everything else just adds to the pain. It makes me sick to my stomach sitting there listening to all the hocus pocus sh!t being spouted.

talkingdog

I have been to 2 RC funerals and a wedding this year. None of the participants were religious in any way, yet family still insisted.

I stayed outside the church for the 2 funerals, and went in to the wedding for the vows only. I watched grown adults bowing, kneeling, and chanting in unison, and some priest spouting total rubbish about nothing.

It is shocking in this day and age to see alleged responsible grown adults reduced to drones. What does this portray to children.

I find the priests are a complete waste of time, more often than not they have no idea about the person involved.

How can a person who joins a cult because GOD called them, be believed or trusted in any way.

Dades

20goto10 wrote: »

It's lazy and prolongs the grieving. There is no comfort in believing someone who is dead is actually still alive but are invisible and watching your every move. That's just creepy and in no way helps with the grieving process. You need to come to terms with the fact that the person is dead and the same is going to happen to every living thing on the planet.

I was at a country funeral on Friday and I have to disagree. It was quite upbeat and much was made of the faith of the deceased and his family. It was clear that it was a positive thing. That's the reason belief in an afterlife is so entwined in religion and a huge reason for it's prevalence.

drkpower

talkingdog wrote: »

I stayed outside the church for the 2 funerals, and went in to the wedding for the vows only.

Well that achieved a lot, didnt it?!
Fair enough, you dont believe in any of it, good for you, but can you not just participate in the cermony that the deceased or bride/groom chose. It is their day, not yours. You dont have to believe in God to be present on these occasions.

If your jewish friend got married and asked you to attend, would you not.
If you got married and wanted a non-denominational service, would you like your Catholic friend/parents to come?

Dont be so threatened by the ceremony; its only words. Surely they wont be able to convert you..:D And if you really are that abhorred by the whole thing, just dont go rather than making some point by standing outside. That is hardly respectful to the person who died or who is getting married.

Calibos

My mother who is pretty much atheist in terms of human religions is somewhat of a deist due to the 'Miracle of childbirth' :rolleyes: She hates to hear myself and brothers debating religion and has it in her head that we are fundamentalist slagging off every religious person we meet.

In fact it is always her that says inappropriate things to religious people, "Ya believe in ghosts angels and spirits sis? Jaysus!!"

Point being, I am so non fundamentalist and prepared to compromise and put on a show for the b'lievers that at the grandparents funerals, I had no problem kneeling and standing and taking communion. Means nothing. I don't feel I am compromising my principles. If it means grand aunt X,Y and Z think their deceased siblings raised good catholics who are saved from the fires of hell, ie. don't think their siblings were failures and don't live the rest of there days worrying about our souls, well it is a small price to pay to listen to a boring old virgin, stand, sit and kneel a few times, and swallow a bit of wafer.

Antbert

Well my family are atheists anyway, so if I kick the bucket first it's unlikely to be a religious funeral. That said, if it was, what would I care? I'll be dead. Do whatever you want. Just donate my organs first if they're useful.

Regarding actual religious funerals, I got positively enraged at one I went to recently. Someone I knew shot himself. He was 24. The mass said almost nothing about him (temporarily disregarding the fact of course that suicide is a sin) but when they did stop the horrible low chanting to briefly throw his name in they said 'And ***** is in heaven now, thankful you're all here. He is at peace.' How the hell do you know that? Thankful we're HERE? At his FUNERAL? After he SHOT HIMSELF?

I got so pissed off that the only time they thought to mention his name was in that absolutely ridiculous nonsensical sentence.

talkingdog

drkpower wrote: »

Fair enough, you dont believe in any of it, good for you, but can you not just participate in the cermony that the deceased or bride/groom chose.

Read the post
None of the participants were religious in any way.

drkpower wrote: »

If your jewish friend got married and asked you to attend, would you not.

drkpower wrote: »

No, I would not attend.

drkpower wrote: »

If you got married and wanted a non-denominational service, would you like your Catholic friend/parents to come?

I am, I did, and they came.

drkpower wrote: »

Dont be so threatened by the ceremony; its only words. Surely they wont be able to convert you..:D And if you really are that abhorred by the whole thing, just dont go

I didn't go, I was outside, and I do abhorr religion.

Calibos wrote: »

I had no problem kneeling and standing and taking communion. Means nothing. I don't feel I am compromising my principles.

Of course you are.

Dades

talkingdog wrote: »

Of course you are.

Calibos is only compromising your principles. Not everybody abhors religion.

Calibos

Don't get me wrong, at other peoples funerals or weddings I won't take communion and unless I am close enough to be right up front, I won't stand or kneel either. But when the focus was on us as family members with elderly religious relatives close by, I have no problem doing it to keep them happy.

Religion frustrates me as much as you. I think its all nonsense. I think it has a net negative impact in the world but I am not going to needlessly worry old relatives at a funeral.

Compromising my principles would be attending church every week just to keep up appearances and thus letting myself be counted by the church. It would be letting my mother put down Catholic on the census for appearances or laziniess. (another strange quirk of hers despite being pretty much atheist. Nothing I could say could convince her that the census wanted to count current believers)

Standing, kneeling and taking communion 3 times in my adult life is not compromising. My parents generation of their families are probably 50% atheist and 50% a la carte believers (the split is almost along gender lines interestingly) My generation of siblings and cousins are about 75% non believers and 25% ala carte catholics, the difference being much more males in my generation of the family with most of the female cousins being ala carte like their mothers. The grandparents generation with the serious catholics are almost all gone, so I don't anticipate even having to put on that show again.

CerebralCortex

I agree with Dades. However I was in a church for my cousins wedding and I flat out refused to take part in any of the mechanisms of the celebration, I did get a reaction out of one person but all I was doing was sitting there quietly. It would go against my principles personally to do any more than that.

Rev. Kitchen

People need rituals its not a big deal this drives me mad about the new breed of atheist that are too cool to kneel at someone’s funeral. Not everything is about you. If you really think kneeling down for a few minutes is compromising your principles then you're taking yourself far too seriously. Its not about religion its about having a small bit of respect for other people and their families.


I went to an event to other day they switched of all the lights and as I sat their in the dark they lit some candles and all started chanting in unison it was really strange but apparently this guy has a birthday party every year.

Galvasean

I read a reading from the prophet Isaiah for my gran's funeral today. Even though I'm a bonna-fide atheist and everyone knows that. It just so happens that I'm one of very few people in my family with a decent speaking voice/ability not to become a blubbering mess when faced with hardship/responsibility.
I see it as basically doing a favour for the family. My gran was religious so out of respect for her I took part in the ceremony.
I don't see it as hypocritical or diminishing my atheism in any way shape or form. When I die I'm going to have a non-religious funeral and would expect my loved ones to attend regardless of faith. For the very same reason I attend and participate at religious funerals of loved ones.

liamw

Rev. Kitchen wrote: »

People need rituals its not a big deal this drives me mad about the new breed of atheist that are too cool to kneel at someone’s funeral. Not everything is about you. If you really think kneeling down for a few minutes is compromising your principles then you're taking yourself far too seriously. Its not about religion its about having a small bit of respect for other people and their families.

I'm not playing along with this cult thing anymore. It's just ridiculous and to me and it's disrespectful to the person who passed away to chant nonsensical bullsh*t at their funeral. Funerals should be about remembering the person who passed away and celebrating their life.

I will not go up and read a passage from some bronze age mythology. Instead, I will say some nice anecdote about the persons life, tell them I miss them, and that will have a million times more meaning than an inpersonal prayer.

drkpower

talkingdog wrote: »

Read the post
None of the participants were religious in any way.
.

I didnt say they were. I said it was the ceremony they chose. They, not you.

Turning up merely to stand outside the Church (rather than, for instance, just going straight to the reception) seems more like a display of teenage angst and rebellion rather than a grown-up way of dealing with the situation.

But, hey, everyone knows you are a hard-core atheist now, so job done from your perspective, eh...? Nice one.:D

Antbert

Rev. Kitchen wrote: »

People need rituals its not a big deal this drives me mad about the new breed of atheist that are too cool to kneel at someone’s funeral. Not everything is about you. If you really think kneeling down for a few minutes is compromising your principles then you're taking yourself far too seriously. Its not about religion its about having a small bit of respect for other people and their families.

I wouldn't kneel at someone's funeral or wedding. I don't think that's a self centred act at all. I wouldn't kneel because I don't believe in any of it. If people choose to take offence at it, it's them who's taking things too seriously.

You're implying that I'm disrepecting the family. I'm at the funeral aren't I? I'm acknowledging that it's sad that someone died. Why do I need to partake in something I think completely nonsensical and irrelevant? My participation isn't going to actually help the family in any way.

I have my doubts that anyone would really take that much notice anyway.

ShooterSF

I will attend weddings/funerals and such of course. I tend to sit at the back of the church to lessen the chance of someone getting "offended" at my participation. Funerals especially I tend to just sit and think over memories I had of the person. I don't kneel/stand/take communion because it has nothing to do with why I'm there.

Antbert

ShooterSF wrote: »

I don't kneel/stand/take communion because it has nothing to do with why I'm there.

This exactly. A funeral shouldn't predominantly be about humouring someone's religious belief system.

talkingdog

drkpower wrote: »

I didnt say they were. I said it was the ceremony they chose. They, not you.

Turning up merely to stand outside the Church (rather than, for instance, just going straight to the reception) seems more like a display of teenage angst and rebellion rather than a grown-up way of dealing with the situation.

But, hey, everyone knows you are a hard-core atheist now, so job done from your perspective, eh...? Nice one.:D

There is no such thing as a hard core atheist.

I do not care what others think. Religion is complete nonsense. I will have no part of it and I will vocalise that to all the deluded brainwashed people I encounter.

I want religion removed from existence because it is a cancer.

I cannot believe that you or other so called atheists on this forum can tolerate any other outcome.