Awkward Situation

MPB

My work colleague's daughter is extremely hot but because I work with her dad I'm pretty reluctant to do anything about it. lets clarify a few things. I'm in my mid 20's shes early 20's. Theres a 3 year age gap. her dad and i are not only work colleagues but also great pals too. He's in his 50's. I've stayed over at theirs a few times when he and I have gone for pints and have always had a good laugh with the daughter. Theres a spark there. But what to do? I want to do something about it but it could screw everything up for me at work if it all went sour. Any suggestions?

Mackleton

Hey OP, I reckon that if her Dad knows and likes you as a person already then he knows what you're like and would probably be fine with you and her becoming an item. Where it moves into risky territory is if it doesn't work out with this girl then not only do you lose her but you run the risk of losing him as a friend as well. It all depends on how strong the friendship with her Dad is, would you consider voicing your reservations to him? Are you close enough to discuss girls and so on?

MPB

Yeah the man knows me well at this stage and he knows I'm not a bad dude. If it was any other girl I'd voice my reservations with him but being that its is his daughter makes it awkward. I just dont feel comfortable talking to him about her being that shes his daughter. he might not like the idea of me getting it together with her. Saw her the other day and had a good chat with her. I do know shes been asking questions about me. Her mother told me that. One of my mates told me to stay clear that theres potential to screw up everything and 3 girls have told me to go for it. Its funny to hear the different perspectives

MPB

Just wondering what the general thoughts on the matter are?

minidazzler

IF you decide to go for this, you ASK PERMISSION!

This isn't the same as a fumble with a buddies sister. It's his daughter. While she is her own woman and whatnot. He is your friend, so if you do go for it. Make sure it's with his explicit blessing.

Just casually bring it up in conversation some night. Talk to him away and just steer the conversation towards girls. When he asks something along the lines of "do you have your eye on anyone?" Say, "Yeah but I can't tell ya who, sorry mate" He will press you, make him promise not to throw a sh1t attack. Then mention it's his daughter.

He might kick your ass, but that's the risk involved!!!


Just make sure you don't screw her over!!!

MPB

Cheers m8. I have no intention of screwing her over. I am genuinely mad about her. Shes a great girl and has everything I look for in a girl. Did say to him once that she was a fantastic girl. He was talking about her and had some worries about her but I just reassured him she had the head well screwed on and she'd be fine. It wasn't the time then to say anymore so I just left it at that.

ash23

Would you not just say to him
"i really like your daughter. Would you mind if I asked her out on a date".

It really is that simple.
If he says "yes I would mind" then you do nothing more about it. If he's sound about it then ask her out.

MPB

He comes from a millitary back ground. Its kinda hard to explain when you don't know the chap. I know its that simple but he's not the easiest to say that to. If you get what I mean.

minidazzler

MPB wrote: »

He comes from a millitary back ground. Its kinda hard to explain when you don't know the chap. I know its that simple but he's not the easiest to say that to. If you get what I mean.

Oh, see that could become problematic for you! lol.

Does he still see her as "his little girl". If he does then basically as much as he likes you, you might never really be "good enough" for his daughter.

But he might let you, if he trusts you.

Ask him, but broach the subject CAREFULLY.

MPB

Yes it could. He may still have his rifle. lol Wouldn't say he see's her as his little girl. But he does worry about her. She had issues in the past which he told me about. She's fine now but they had a hard time with her growing up. She's actually turned out to be a lovely girl. As you said the subject needs to be approached carefully. I laughed one day when his wife said "your not like the rest of them". Wasn't quite sure how to take that but basically they had heard about the last girl I was seeing and she was referring to me not being the kiss and tell type. Seem to be winning a few points there. lol

minidazzler

MPB wrote: »

Yes it could. He may still have his rifle. lol Wouldn't say he see's her as his little girl. But he does worry about her. She had issues in the past which he told me about. She's fine now but they had a hard time with her growing up. She's actually turned out to be a lovely girl. As you said the subject needs to be approached carefully. I laughed one day when his wife said "your not like the rest of them". Wasn't quite sure how to take that but basically they had heard about the last girl I was seeing and she was referring to me not being the kiss and tell type. Seem to be winning a few points there. lol

Sounds like you could go for it with no trouble from him then.

It's just her now really.

He's told you about her past, he trusts you a fair bit it seems, so does his wife.

I would think that if his daughter liked you he wouldn't mind you going for it.

MPB

Ah yeah he trusts me alright and likewise. We've both confided in each other as mates do.

As for going for it, well each time I go over shes usually there and we usually are chatting away. Last couple of times he nor the wife hardly got a word in edge ways. The wife did tell me I was a big hit the first time I called over and she was there. I gave her a lift to work when I was leaving and we got on like a house on fire. Apparently afterwards she was asking if I was married, if I was seeing anyone and all the rest. If I wasn't mates with him I'd have gone for it in a shot but I'm trying to do the right thing here. Respect him and respect her.

minidazzler

MPB wrote: »

Ah yeah he trusts me alright and likewise. We've both confided in each other as mates do.

As for going for it, well each time I go over shes usually there and we usually are chatting away. Last couple of times he nor the wife hardly got a word in edge ways. The wife did tell me I was a big hit the first time I called over and she was there. I gave her a lift to work when I was leaving and we got on like a house on fire. Apparently afterwards she was asking if I was married, if I was seeing anyone and all the rest. If I wasn't mates with him I'd have gone for it in a shot but I'm trying to do the right thing here. Respect him and respect her.

Dude, go for it! Do it for me, your old pal Mini!!!

They have been dropping hints at your feet it seems you have a bad back because you aren't picking them up!!!

Snowie

You drink with him.
You've stayed over in his house.
he knows you.

The situation is only as complacated as you make it, for instance...

You could try minipulating the conversation towards girls and then after words he'l think about it and say well hmm that conversation had direction and was steered towards you saying i like your daughter...makes you look sneaky...

Or you could just say it to him.... he'l respect the fact you had the balls as well as the courage to be straight up. To be honest it says lots more about your carrictor...

opinion guy

Right I'd have to say I'd be AMAZED if he doesn't already know you like her. It sounds like the wife is actively trying to set you both up.

Buddy I think you know what to do. Tell him you like her and ask him if he would be ok with you asking her out. He's military - those guys like respect for seniors etc. Even if he says no - he will respect the fact that you've asked him rather than gone behind his back - both as your mate, and as her father.

I think its all good so long as you keep things upfront. if u go behind his back - eeeekekkeke world of trouble

Do let us know how it works out !!

TheCardHolder

I would suggest bringing it up with the wife maybe as it sounds like she might be trying to set you up or if you decide to bring it up with your buddy say something like:
''Would you mind if I take *her name* out for dinner?''.

magneticimpulse

he might be military but he's still human. ive seen a fair few military guys crying. so i know for sure they still have a sensitive human side. how does the girl feel about you? i mean asking her parents for permission first to date her, is a huge leap if you dont know if she likes you back?

jordata

You could try a more indirect approach which might reduce the akwardness of asking the Da and he saying no. Get a couple of tickets to a concert / charity do or some occasion. Then bring it up with the Da that you need a date for function and would he think she'd like to go. That way you'd take it one step at a time. It's just one date to start - after that you're on your own

mikemac

Just come out and ask.
Since he a military background he may appreciate the respect you have shown.
It's pretty certain he knows already

He may have a rifle and is trained to kill so don't mess it up

Fajitas!

That 'respect' might not apply to his daughter. He's a dad first and foremost.

It's complicated from the beginning, chances are it's only going to get more complicated. I'd rather keep a good mate and work colleague.

Just casually bring it up in conversation some night. Talk to him away and just steer the conversation towards girls. When he asks something along the lines of "do you have your eye on anyone?" Say, "Yeah but I can't tell ya who, sorry mate" He will press you, make him promise not to throw a sh1t attack. Then mention it's his daughter.

That's incredibly childish. OP is in his mid 20's and talking to a grown man about his daughter.

If you are intent on going for it, you're probably best finding out if she actually is interested first. Otherwise it could be a whole heap of trouble over nothing.

Ickle Magoo

Are there not enough people in the world that dilemmas about relationships with friends daughters are not an issue? Seriously.

He's your pal and you're work colleagues & you risk damaging both those relationships for the sake of pursuing a girl you find hot but ultimately may have no significant relationship with. It wouldn't be worth it for me, if you think it is then just ask her out, forget about asking permissions though - I don't think you only asking her out because her old man gave the thumbs up will curry any favour with the daughter & the minute you tell your pal you fancy his daughter you've changed the dynamics of the relationship between you, you may as well try to get a date out of it.

deisemum

I reckon he already knows especially as his wife seems to be actively trying to set ye up. She's about as subtle as a sledgehammer

As the daughter has been asking questions about you and the mother knows then I reckon the mum has discussed it with the dad.

I suggest you sound out the mother and see how the land lies, she'd certainly know if your friend, the girl's dad would be happy or not if you went out with his daughter. If the mother tells you that he would not be happy then it would eliminate any direct conversation with the dad and minimise any awkwardness. If the mother reckons the dad will be ok with it then you know you've been given the green light to chat with the dad about it. Believe me it's normally mothers that act as go betweens when it comes to dads and daughters.

Maybe the dad hasn't said anything because he's aware that his daughter fancies you but as you've said nothing to him about fancing her he may be afraid to say something in case you don't actually fancy her and then that's more embarrassing all round.

opinion guy

right.

i don't think talking with the mother is a good idea. apart from the fact her opinion seems obvious, the dad is your friend first and foremost. he is the one whose feeligns shoudl be considered.

also i'd like to say - contrary to popular belief I don't believe most dads want their daughters to remain life long virginal spinsters. I think your average dad would like their daughter to have a fullfilling relationship with a decent man who treats her lovingly and respectfully. if you fit that bill then i see no reason not to go for it. but as i said earlier tell the dad you'd like to first since he is your friend.

yes it might not work out. but again contrary to popular belief i don't believe that has to be a big mellowdramatic disaster either. sometimes ppl date and it doens't work and they both realise it and everyone remains friends thereafter. besides, you might get hit by a bus too. doens't stop u going out of your house does it ?

daisybelle2008

She is a grown woman and not her fathers property. I find it a little bit creepy asking her fathers permission.

As someone else said find out if she is interested from her first. You are adults, if she is interested you can both broach it with the parents if things work out. No point having them involved too soon in something that may or may not be anything, it will add unnecessary pressure.

opinion guy

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

She is a grown woman and not her fathers property. I find it a little bit creepy asking her fathers permission.

You know in other circumstances i absolutely agree with you. i'd normally be very against asking a fathers permission. but in this case - he is asking him as his friend and not as her father. its a curtesy to show him that he is respectful of his friendship

shellyboo

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

She is a grown woman and not her fathers property. I find it a little bit creepy asking her fathers permission.

Not the same thing at all. If you fancied a mate's brother, you'd clear it with them before doing anything in case they found it weird, a friend's ex, same thing. That's the principle we're operating on here, the fact that these guys are friends first and foremost.

MPB

So just reading through the comments and I have to say that pretty much everything that was said is what is going through my head which has left in the dilemma in the first place. Is she interested? Well I'm pretty sure she is. The real dilemma is what to do regards asking him if he would mind if I asked her out or not asking him. I don't want her to appear like a piece of meat. I wouldn't let something like this ruin a friendship. Been in a slightly similar situation before where I was seeing a girl and became very good friends with her brother. But I hadn't known him before I met her. We split up and I've remained good friends with both her and her brother. The concert idea did enter my head and I knew there was a concert she wanted to go to and I was keen on going to it myself but at €135 per ticket it may have seemed a bit OTT and for that reason I didn't pursue that. Anyway something came up that prevented me from going anyway. So at the start of this thread I used the word "hot" to describe her. Just in case that was taken any other way I want to emphasise that I simply meant she is very good looking and has the personality to match and while looks are a bonus personality is more important to me.

opinion guy

135 for a concert ? it would really want to be Jesus or michael jackson resurrected for that money :eek::D

Yes I was tihnking about this on the back of daisy's point. I actually typed in an answer and then changed my mind.

I think what you could do is talk to the girl. Tell her you'd love to take her out if she was interested, but that you are worried what her dad might think cause you are mates. With a bit of luck she'll say "of course my parents already know i like you and they'd be cool with it". then you could just tell him "look i really like your daughter and she likes me too and she thought you would be ok with me taking her out. but i just wanted to let you know also since you are my friend and i woulnd't want to damage our friendship"

MPB

Yeah I think if she knew I was after spending 135 yo yo's on a concert ticket she might freak out. Its nothing to do with the money more the perception of how it might have been received had I done it.

magneticimpulse

yeah ask the girl 1st. i mean you only said "im pretty sure she fancies me". thats a bit cocky. you cannot say for sure until you actually ask her and she is an adult. i wouldnt bring her father into it at all. i mean if you get more serious maybe, but your both adults. i would freak if any guy asked my parents over me. yes i dated a military guy and yes he felt the urge to discuss private matters with my parents and friends before consulting me. very immature. be a man, ask her out for a drink. if you take it on from there, ask her what she thinks of the situation with her dad. she knows him just as well. its early days to bring the parents into it even if he is your friend.

MPB

magneticimpulse wrote: »

y "im pretty sure she fancies me". thats a bit cocky.

No no I'm not being cocky and didn't mean to sound cocky. Just from chatting to the girl it seems as if she does. Thats what I meant. I seem to have had quite a lot of lads responses not that many womens points of view. I'm curious as to what both sides think not that I aint grateful for the lads point of view either. All feedback greatly appreciated.

seachto7

dude! go for it! Think of 10 years time, and you look back on the things you DIDN'T do. This could be THE ONE for you, who knows? Don't let it slip, just go about it the right way, clear it with daddy first....

MPB

Its the regrets thing that has me thinking the way I am. The, as you put it, "what if I had gone for it" in 10 years time. The general consensus from all the replies is go for it. Just the way of going for it differs. So yeah me thinks I'll be going for it as it might just be too good to let pass.

Overheal

Whatever dude: Im already waiting to read about how you went out with this girl already.

Its pretty simple as far as I see.

MPB

Ha Ha. Will keep u posted