What's best help for children whose parents separate?

LegacyUser

hi, my ex and i separated 1 yr ago, we have 3 young kids, the eldest (8 years) is finding it really hard, and is starting to act up a bit and feel we could do with some guidance as to how to handle it and/or get help for him if this what is needed. Just wondering what is the best service/therapy/support out there for families in our situation, if anyone could recommend something i would appreciate it. I'm in Dublin.

Nevyn

http://www.rainbowsireland.com/

What is Rainbows

RAINBOWS IRELAND, a registered charity, is a peer-support programme to assist children, youth and adults who are grieving a death, separation or other painful transition in their family. Founded in Chicago, USA in 1983 by Suzy Yehl Marta, RAINBOWS was established in Ireland in 1988. Today RAINBOWS operates in all thirty two counties of Ireland.

RAINBOWS helps by providing a safe setting in which children, youth and adults can share their feelings, emotions and struggles with others who have similar experiences. They are supported in this process by a trained facilitator.

RAINBOWS helps by providing materials: journals, story books, games and activities – which form a structured programme leading the participants gently through the grieving process.

RAINBOWS helps by:



* Supporting children youth and adults to re-build their self esteem.
* Enabling participants to name, understand and come to terms with the emotions they feel.
* Reassuring participants who have anxieties or feelings of guilt.
* Encouraging participants to move towards forgiving those people whom they feel have caused their pain.



RAINBOWS operates in a site, that is a location that is registered to run the programmes. A site could be a school, parish, community centre, pastoral centre or other social agency. After deciding to become a site, facilitators are recruited and attend a training programme. On completion of the training programme, information and invitations are sent to anyone wishing to take part in the twelve week programme. When there are sufficient participants interested the programme is run.

Running RAINBOWS

The programme is divided into two blocks of six weeks, each of which is concluded with a “Celebrate Me Day”. There are weekly meetings of the participants with their facilitator. The facilitator needs to allow about an hour for each meeting, but very young children (5 – 7 years) spend about half an hour working in the group, while older children ( 8 – 11 years) spend about three quarters of an hour.

The facilitators also hold weekly meetings at which they reflect in a personal way on the theme of the next RAINBOWS session.

Facilitators are adults who care about the grief of participants, who are able to listen to what they say and who are supportive of them as they move through the grieving process.

Facilitators are trained to:



* Listen to what the participants have to say without judgment or criticism.
* Accept that they cannot solve the participants’ problems, put things right for them or take the pain away.
* Listen to the participants’ pain, which can be expressed in many different ways such as anger, tears, or attention seeking.



It is important to note that RAINBOWS is NOT a counselling or therapy programme – this requires professional skills. If a child is showing symptoms of severe grieving it is important that he/she is referred for professional help.

RAINBOWS maintains confidentiality within the group setting except when a child is deemed to be in danger.

http://familysupportagency-dev.test.roomthree.com/services/family-resource-centres/

I would suggest that you look at getting a parenting plan in place and doing a parenting course so that both of you as parents are singing of the same hymn sheet when dealing with all the kids. Consistency is important in a child's life and even more so when parents are separated.

Moonbeam

Make sure he gets to spend loads of time with you both ,if possible and do not speak negatively about the other in front of the kids no matter what.
Also be open and honest with him and let him know that you are both there for him and love him very much and if he is with you he can ring his dad anytime and vice versa.

hijk

Hi, i was researching this today for someone and also came across rainbows, There is also a talk next Tuesday about helping your children after you separate, presented by John Sharry who wrote a book ‘When Parents Separate Helping Your Children Cope’, details from www.solutiontalk.ie . Also www.teenbetween.ie might be useful, though i see your kids are younger, might be worth contacting them though? Also, www.barnardos.ie have a database of Parenting classes. I will be interested to see other suggestions. Best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi, other poster mentioned this, but i have been attending the parenting course of talks in Donnycarney (suggested by someone on boards a few months back, thanks!) and the last one in the series,tomorrow, is for separated parents. Not in that situation myself, but judging by the quality of the other talks would highly recommend it.The ideas are sound and practical, more information is on www.solutiontalk.ie/events. Another resource out there is www.onefamily.ie who work with those parenting alone. I hope things improve!