X- boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hi, I broke up with my x boyfriend about 9 months ago. We dated for 6 years. I thought I wanted different things out of life and I decided to break up with him. After the first few weeks I was fine and enjoyed been out with the girls been single. Then after about 2 months I started thinking about him everyday still. I rrecently rang him and meet up with him and he told me he was seeing another girl. He told me that he loved me and that iI was the only person for him , and he hoped someday he hoped we would get back together. He told me the time wasnt right for him. I understand that hes with someone else now but i just cant stop thinking about him. Every guy i meet i compare him to my x, I do go out with the girls and have fun but cant get him out of my head this is 9 months later? what do I do?
thanks

BraziliaNZ

it's a case of not being able to have your cake and eat it I'm afraid. Just forget about him and leave him alone.

Peggypeg

Ok you broke up with him, he met someone else and now he says he loves you but the time isn't right? Sounds to me like you should be cutting ALL contact. Is there a chance me may take out his anger (at being dumped) on you? Coz that would be an excellent way to get back at you and hurt you "oh I love you and hope we'll get back together, but not now, now just stand over there and watch me with my new girlfriend". Doesn't sound very healthy to me. Also not very nice to his new girlfriend. Maybe you're just lonely? When I broke up with my ex of 5 years the only time I missed him was in bed at night, single bed felt very lonely at times but I didn't want to get back with him, I was just lonely. I'd say cut all contact and move on.

extra-ordinary_

advice12234 wrote: »

He told me that he loved me and that iI was the only person for him , and he hoped someday he hoped we would get back together.

This is all PAST tense. He has moved on and seems to want to string you along for some odd reason - maybe he's trying to process the situation - it might be a bit of a major development for him. Did you meet him just the once? I think he's moved on but doesn't have the courage to tell you - maybe he's hedging his bets in the new relationship. It's possible he resents you for hurting him.

Moomoo1

a few questions:

1) you say you wanted different things in life? By this, did you mean 'I wanted to be single and go off with other men'?

2) if you missed him after 2 months, why did you wait 7 months before making contact?

seriously, you made your bed, and now have to lie in it. I quite believe that he still has strong feelings for you, even thinks you are 'the one', but I can understand why he isn't willing to act on those feelings.

CDfm

6 years is a long time but the idea that you can go out with other people and be intimate is far fetched.

Some people see this like cheating and while he may have feelings for you would feel like he was second best and when could she head off again.

It could be he has feelings for you but doesnt want to be inj the frame to get hurt again and saying there is someone else builds protection.

Wagon

Moomoo1 wrote: »

1) you say you wanted different things in life? By this, did you mean 'I wanted to be single and go off with other men'?

That's fine, but you need to cut all contact.

CDfm wrote: »

6 years is a long time but the idea that you can go out with other people and be intimate is far fetched.

If you wanted to sleep with other men rather than your boyfriend, it does show that he really isn't that important to you, at least not in any useful relationship sense. And that's completly fine but staying in touch isn't doing anyone any favours.

You were fine after a few weeks and then after 2 months you missed him and made contact again...eventually. I really don't think it's love that's doing this, it's loneliness. If you only rang him recently you can't have missed him that much. From what he told you though he certainly isn't fully past this whole thing yet.

So my advice is to accept that consequences of your actions and for both your sakes, cut ALL contact. You can't have him for the company and others for the sex.

extra-ordinary_

^^^^^^^^^^^

Am I missing something? Where does she mention wanting to sleep with other men?

Wibbs

Moomoo1 wrote: »

a few questions:

1) you say you wanted different things in life? By this, did you mean 'I wanted to be single and go off with other men'?

2) if you missed him after 2 months, why did you wait 7 months before making contact?

seriously, you made your bed, and now have to lie in it. I quite believe that he still has strong feelings for you, even thinks you are 'the one', but I can understand why he isn't willing to act on those feelings.

Ditto. It may sound to him like you dropped him because you wanted to be single after 6 years together. Probably came as a hellva shock to him too. Maybe he feels that it's because you didn't find better than him, times marching on and you are on your own and want back. You want a Boyfriend tm and he's the best option. How could he trust you not to do the same thing again? That's exactly how I would be thinking.

Wagon

extra-ordinary_ wrote: »

^^^^^^^^^^^

Am I missing something? Where does she mention wanting to sleep with other men?

Oh, im just assuming. i could be wrong Im just used to reading these threads and more often than not when someone says they're out enjoying the single life, it's pretty much implied.

CDfm

Wagon wrote: »

Oh, im just assuming. i could be wrong Im just used to reading these threads and more often than not when someone says they're out enjoying the single life, it's pretty much implied.

And that will be the Xboyfriends key objection to getting back together. Some people cant overcome that while others can.

Its pretty much down to well you couldn't find anyone better and why should I take you back as you are now "used goods". Thats a big leap to overcome in the same way as is cheating when you are in a relationship.The magic bit you had is just gone.

Ending a 6 year relationship is almost like ending a marriage emotionally and 9 months have gone.

You can try -but don't be surprised if its a no.

Moomoo1

exactly. Especially when there is a 3rd person in the frame with whom his relationship is still in the early stages...

helimachoptor

I'd agree with Wibbs, from being in a similar enough position, he's going to think you went out and whored around and dumped him cos you wanted to be single. You realised the grass isn't always greener and now want him back. and tbh he probably had his heart broken and now he's having fun. Just leave him be he's better off without you.