Ex girlfriends

Peared

To those who know me, yello, I'm back! Had a life changing few months since last visited :eek:

Anyhoo, I was just chatting with a friend of mine about her boyfriends ex. She (the ex) is playing her role with gusto.. has lost weight, got the hair do, barely dressing and turning up everywhere her ex happens to be.

It got me thinking - ex girlfriends - we are them and they are us. Why is it such a big deal for women when men barely bat an eyelid at the fella who has gone before them?

I have heard some crazy ex stories over the years and I think almost everyone has a mad ex story. So what do yis think, are they only a problem if you feel your fella hasnt quite let go and is there any such thing as 'just being friends' after a relationship ends once a new partner is on the scene?

Weidii

I'm good friends with an ex and have a new partner on the scene. It did take about four months of absolutely no contact to get to this stage, but it works really well now. I know if I split up with my now-fella it would be harder for me to stay friends with him though as I just wouldn't be able to take seeing him with other women!

The long and short of it; don't try to be friends with an ex 'til you're both one hundred percent over it.

Peared

See, that's it Weidii, I think problems occur if things are not 100% over for both. And lets face it, the dumpee is going to be lagging behind in the over it stakes.

Jood

I found it really hard to be in the company of my ex after we finished I just wasn't comfortable I felt everyone was looking at me for a reaction when he would come around, now I know they probably weren't it was just me being paranoid. I was almost relieved when he started seeing someone else, it hurt like hell for a while but it made me move on!!

I'm still not friends with him probably because he reminds me of how bitter and resentful I became after the split (my problem not his) but I don't mind being in his company these days or passing the time of day with him.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Peared wrote: »

It got me thinking - ex girlfriends - we are them and they are us. Why is it such a big deal for women when men barely bat an eyelid at the fella who has gone before them?

I think it's because girls often talk about their exes to their boyfriend, so the boyfriend can gauge how much of a threat the ex is to the relationship.

Guy on the other hand tend to be secretive about exes

Wibbs

With short term relationships I figure a bit of breaking contact and see how it goes from there. You may end up mates. I have in the past. I think you need the distance for a time though even if it's only a short time. Ditto with flings actually.

With big loves no. Not for me anyway. If I fall in love I don't really fall out of it. There's always a little part of me that finds it hard to compute the "why are we not going home together now". Actually thats not quite it. I'm not in love with them anymore, though the place they had in my heart will always be there. The woman I loved not the woman I lost for whatever reason.

As for girlfriends exes, I don't give much thought to it. If I do it's to see how she regards them, what type of man they were and is there a pattern to that and how they split up. That one has always turned out informative. I would wonder if they were still in their lives, though again it really depends on the circumstances. If its a recent breakup of a big deal major relationship and there's little or no time spent on her own, I would be concerned. If she's still in contact with an ex like that I would not put much store in a future with her TBH.

metrovelvet

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I think it's because girls often talk about their exes to their boyfriend, so the boyfriend can gauge how much of a threat the ex is to the relationship.

Guy on the other hand tend to be secretive about exes

Some guys talk about their ex's just to keep their current girlfriends insecure.

Seonad

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I think it's because girls often talk about their exes to their boyfriend

I never have

Nice to see you didn't fall off the face of the earth :P
Were these changing days for the better?

I've never had to deal with a crazy ex thank god. Crazy mothers, sisters and friends are more my bag.

xcarriex

It took me a good 2 yrs to face my first boyfriend, i broke up with him went crazy wild nights etc and then met his 6ft tall beautiful girl, and to top it off she was the nicest person, and for some reason them two been together brought it all to the surface of how i needed space and should of sat and spoke with him, But sure i was niave young wan then, We still travel in the same circles, but he is the one person i have a special place for, i am friendly with some exs but it has taken almost a year to be fully comfortable and be safe in the knowledge there is no hard feelings!

I have recently had a psycho ex situation where said ex arrived out one night, i was as cool as a cucumber, i didnt want to make a fuss about it as i heard she was bad news, she came over and insisted on hugging and telling my OH how much she missed him, and then so patrionisingly turns and goes so were is this new girl, i just was like hi thats me, and she was like yeah i used to date him, now i shouldnt have, but i couldnt resist, i was like yeah i heard, didnt really work out for ya did it?? She was p*ssed off and has been trying to get in touch with him and all sorts, but he has told her once that he isnt interested and hasnt been in touch again!

Dragan

metrovelvet wrote: »

Some guys talk about their ex's just to keep their current girlfriends insecure.

Some guys talk about their ex's just because they are insecure.

I like this game.

Raze_them_all

Peared wrote: »

To those who know me, yello, I'm back! Had a life changing few months since last visited :eek:

Anyhoo, I was just chatting with a friend of mine about her boyfriends ex. She (the ex) is playing her role with gusto.. has lost weight, got the hair do, barely dressing and turning up everywhere her ex happens to be.

It got me thinking - ex girlfriends - we are them and they are us. Why is it such a big deal for women when men barely bat an eyelid at the fella who has gone before them?

I have heard some crazy ex stories over the years and I think almost everyone has a mad ex story. So what do yis think, are they only a problem if you feel your fella hasnt quite let go and is there any such thing as 'just being friends' after a relationship ends once a new partner is on the scene?

Not true my ex's fella and his best friend constantly size me up when they see me, which is rediculous as he's been with her well over a year at this stage

jellie

I could tell you some crazy ex stories, i could tell you some crazy stories of current gfs of ex's sending me abuse for me replying to a text from him.

my thinking on it is that your instincts are usually right. if an ex is still in the picture, talked about loads etc then you generally have a reason to worry. in my experience instincts are usually right about these things. usually right about most things in fact..

Wibbs

sar84 wrote: »

my thinking on it is that your instincts are usually right. if an ex is still in the picture, talked about loads etc then you generally have a reason to worry. in my experience instincts are usually right about these things. usually right about most things in fact..

I would agree. Even if they finally get shot of the ex or the ex gets shot of them the main relationship rarely lasts beyond a year in my experience(or lasts well). Basically there's some reason why they needed the ex in their lives for whatever reason and with him or her gone then they face the bit they feel they miss. If it's an ex from a very longtermer, like 6 9 10 years then that's different though.

Earthhorse

Dragan wrote: »

Some guys talk about their ex's just because they are insecure.

How does that work?

Genuine question.

Novella

I wouldn't be bothered about a guys ex girlfriend really or him hanging out with her 'cause I mean, if he's with me, he's with me for a reason and there is a reason he isn't with her anymore!

I am good friends with an ex of mine, always have been and I had a boyfriend once who really hated that fact. He constantly pestered me about it, saying I was always texting the guy (he lives some distance away and at the time, I couldn't drive so the majority of our contact was over the phone) and demanding to know what we were talking about.

I remember one night, myself and the boyfriend were hanging out when my phone beeped. He rolled his eyes and I asked him why. He said, "Oh, texting him again.". The text message wasn't even from my ex and when I told him that, he made me show my phone to him!!! :rolleyes:

It drove me mad because I was being made feel really guilty for no reason at all. I was so crazy about my boyfriend though, that when he insisted I cut all contact with my ex, I did. It was a really big mistake and I regretted it so much but thankfully, myself and Mr Ex are friends again now and paranoid boyfriend is no more!

Wibbs

Earthhorse wrote: »

How does that work?

Genuine question.

Maybe to show how over it they are, how many exes they've had and how sexy they were, you're in a long line of women that luurve me.. that kinda thing and yes there are saddos like that out there. You're not one so it comes as a bit of a huh? moment for you.

Wibbs

Novella wrote: »

It drove me mad because I was being made feel really guilty for no reason at all. I was so crazy about my boyfriend though, that when he insisted I cut all contact with my ex, I did. It was a really big mistake and I regretted it so much but thankfully, myself and Mr Ex are friends again now and paranoid boyfriend is no more!

So in a roundabout way paranoid boyfriend was right and Mr Ex is more important to you as a person long term? Proof of the pudding and all that. OK I'm being cheeky here but well......:D

Novella

Wibbs wrote: »

So in a roundabout way paranoid boyfriend was right and Mr Ex is more important to you as a person long term? Proof of the pudding and all that. OK I'm being cheeky here but well......:D

I was gonna try and explain myself but basically.... yeah, you're right! Mr Ex was always more important to me 'cause even when he was my boyfriend, I thought of him first and foremost as a friend and never thought he might just be a temporary addition to my life, as sometimes boyfriends are!

Dammit, Wibbs! The moral of this story is, never trust your OH's ex!!!!! :rolleyes::p

xdirtydiscox

metrovelvet wrote: »

Some guys talk about their ex's just to keep their current girlfriends insecure.

Mine did that. Said she used to be a model, very smart and all that.
Was VERY suprised when she turned out to be a 6 stone, 4 foot nothing, mousy girl.

Not so insecure now