Boyfriend looking at dirty magazine

LegacyUser

So this weekend when I was staying over at my boyfriend (of two years) I found a dirty magazine, penthouse to be precise. It was quite an old copy, I was disgusted and i felt so insecure about myself, he said it was nothing to do with me and a lot of guys look at magaines like that! He says he lonly flicked through it. I know he would never cheat on me But I was so mad because he's 29 and you would think he would have gone past that stage! we have a fairly active sex life but sometimes he only sees me once a week. Am I over-reacting because I'm feeling so insecure??

LegacyUser

I'm afraid you are overreacting! Him looking at a nudey magazine in the privacy of his own home is really his own business, a lot of guys do it, there's no harm! Would you be disgusted if you caught him masturbating? He's a man, like us women they have urges, what harm if he's having a peek at some boobs in a magazine! It's no reflection on your relationship!

ManOfMystery

Women vs men & their porn ............... nearly as old as the earth itself!

Most men look at porn, it's a simple fact of life. As long as it's normal (i.e. he's not into child porn or the like) and it's only a single magazine (i.e. he's not obsessing over porn 23 hours of every day) then I can't see how it would have any impact on your relationship whatsoever. It doesn't change how he feels about you or alter any other aspects of your relationship.

If you see a near naked guy in a women's magazine, does it change how you feel about your boyfriend? It's no different the other way round.

minidazzler

Yeah, I think you are over reacting. Penthouse isn't even porn by most standards these days. It's very tame and it's more like models posing.

So he likes to look at pictures of naked ladies and read Penthouse letter. It's not nasty stuff, Penthouse is one of the more Mainstream "porn" mags.

Don't be threatened, it's just a magazine.

And remember, your insecurities are unfounded, all those pictures are airbrushed.

LegacyUser

He said to me "Sure I always see you looking at pictures of men topless whats the difference" but there is a big difference... Girls are generally more insecure...

Peggypeg

My boyfriend looks at porn all the time, I'm with him 3 years, I trust him completely. I don't see it as a big deal to be honest.

e04bf099

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Women vs men & their porn ............... nearly as old as the earth itself!

Most men look at porn, it's a simple fact of life. As long as it's normal (i.e. he's not into child porn or the like) and it's only a single magazine (i.e. he's not obsessing over porn 23 hours of every day) then I can't see how it would have any impact on your relationship whatsoever. It doesn't change how he feels about you or alter any other aspects of your relationship.

If you see a near naked guy in a women's magazine, does it change how you feel about your boyfriend? It's no different the other way round.

+1

If you were married with kids and it bothered you I'd say you could tell him it was not appropriate. That would be harsh, imo, but I would accept it, if I were married. But you are his girlfriend and you can't experience male physiology. I would even say it is healthy in moderation. So accept it. It really isn't a big deal. It doesn't change your relationship or how he sees you in he slightest.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

My boyfriend looks at porn all the time, I'm with him 3 years, I trust him completely. I don't see it as a big deal to be honest.

Does it not make you feel insecure? if he looks at these magazines doesit mean he is more likely to cheat on me?? i feel so hurt..

LegacyUser

What is it with Irish women and sexual repression?

Big deal your bf looks at a dirty mag. I can also guarantee he looks at porn on the net. And gets off to it.
Newflash, women do too!

There is nothing wrong with it (as long as it's not about the degradation of those involved) and in fact can be a very healthy part of one's sexual expression.

I'm female and I use porn - my partner and I both do when together as an added bit of kink and when we're apart.

It's perfectly normal. And it has no reflection on what he thinks of you!
Why do women always think it's about them?????
It's not.

minidazzler

sad girl wrote: »

Does it not make you feel insecure? if he looks at these magazines doesit mean he is more likely to cheat on me?? i feel so hurt..

No it doesn't mean he is more likely to cheat on you.

In fact, if he wasn't viewing porn I would be more worried about that.

He is attracted to these women in the magazines on a purely sexual level so he can achieve orgasm. If he is your BF, I would assume you mean that and more to him.

Don't be so worried, it's just porn, and the VAST majority of men watch it.

Besides, it's PENTHOUSE, that is not even porn, it's just pictures.

LegacyUser

He doesn't have a computer plus he is pretty clueless in regards to the internet So I only it's only magazines. I dont know why he has to look at these women in magazines, it's not like im fat ugly beast or anthing like that..

G-Money

I don't why you are feeling insecure and why you are comparing yourself to the women in these magazines. You'd swear this was some girl in his office that was flirting all day long with him.

I hate to break it to you, but 29 means nothing. I'd be fairly sure he'll still be interested in it at 49.

You need to stop comparing yourself to these fantasy women who don't even exist in his "world" so to speak.

I don't understand this need for some women to compare themselves to famous celebrities and models etc then get all hung up and depressed that they don't measure up. Get real. The only one who expects you to look like them is yourself.

It's no big deal if he looked at some porn, and I doubt he will stop either.

I'm not trying to be harsh. But you are interpreting this as some sort of offence against you and to be honest you really have no reason to.

Faith

I really don't understand why women get so upset about porn. I have no issues with it whatsoever. I've been known to watch some myself, and I encourage my OH to tell me about the kind of porn he likes.

To answer your question, you're completely over-reacting. Have you ever watched a film with Johnny Depp/Brad Pitt/whoever and thought about having sex with them? Or talked to your friends about how hot they are? If so, you've probably gone further in your head with these people than your bf has with the women in the magazine. Looking at porn is a turn-on, it helps to get your rocks off, and it's a useful masturbatory aid. Honestly, I'd doubt he could even remember what the models looked like 5 minutes after he was done with it.

Him looking at dirty pictures is completely normal and healthy. You're just being stupid thinking it makes him more likely to cheat on you. If that were the case, 99% of men would be serial cheaters. And do you think he doesn't feel insecure if you comment on how good looking some Hollywood actor is?

Wibbs

Yep it's down to you. If the guy was interfering with himself all day I'd be with you, but one penthouse mag? It's your insecurity about your body/sexuality or just a general insecurity. I mean he's with you so that's where it should begin and end. He made that choice. He finds you sexy. The mag is just a visual aid end of.

LegacyUser

it makes me feel insecure because i dont have 36 dd breasts and i dont weigh six stone!! he always tells me i'm gorgeous, sexy and the rest but why does he feel the need to do that just because sometimes we dont see each other that often??

LegacyUser

sad girl wrote: »

He doesn't have a computer plus he is pretty clueless in regards to the internet So I only it's only magazines. I dont know why he has to look at these women in magazines, it's not like im fat ugly beast or anthing like that..

well maybe he's looking at chubby porn then? lol
(as an aside, fat doesn't mean ugly to all men!)

he is looking at them to get him off.
you are deluded if you think you are the only woman he will ever find good looking.
it doesn't work that way!
porn is just a sexual aid really and as someone else pointed out, this will likely be the case when he's 70 as well!
maybe you should broaden your horizons and figure out which kind of porn you'd like.

e04bf099

I don't think you want to understand. You are angry at the responses here and don't want to fully read the assertions people are making. The reason for that, I think, is that you have your blinkers on. You do not want to understand the reasons he looks at porn or treat him as an autonomous, sensible human being. You want to control him and if you keep on this path you will make him unhappy or he will break up with you. If you love him you will not wish for either of those outcomes. Your guilt-trips about this thing he does insinuating that he doesn't find you attractive are pathetic. Do yourself a favour and come back to reality. He will always ALWAYS look at other women. Sometimes he will need to let out some sexual tension with the aid of a mag or something. You are NOT the only attractive girl in the world and no matter how madly in love with you he is he will NEVER stop noticing other women (unless you want him to cut off his testicles). None of this has ANY effect on your relationship, unless you want him to be a complete door-mat, which would probably make him less sexually attractive to you, tbh.

Lucyx

sad girl wrote: »

... Girls are generally more insecure...

Talk about generalisation....wtf......thats a bit much.

i wouldn't be crazy about this kinda thing but one mag and a tame one at that. get more secure within yourself.

Darthhoob

do you ever use sex toys or think about famous actors etc you like the look of? etc etc.

wel it's the same...sorry but you are overreacting...quite a bit. its a magazine not another woman.

my OH doesn't look at porn (i do though lol) but he's open about when he finds another woman attractive or not (i'm talking mainly if he facies a celeb :P). it's quite childish to expect them to never notice another female form ever again and only like the look of you.

LegacyUser

He says I need to get in the real world and work on my insecurities or it will destroy us.. I'm sorry if I seem angry at the responses, I'm just a very insecure person maybe one day i wil laugh at how pathetic Ive become.

Lucyx

sad girl wrote: »

He says I need to get in the real world and work on my insecurities or it will destroy us.. I'm sorry if I seem angry at the responses, I'm just a very insecure person maybe one day i wil laugh at how pathetic Ive become.

C'mon don't call yourself pathetic. Thats awful.

Pls don't worry so much about this. Its literally a non-issue. He'd look at it and then forget all about it 5 mins later. It means nothing to him.

But this may be a plus if it has raised issues for you cos it has highlighted that you may need to work on yourself or your physical self more to the point. You should start working out more and get toned and then you'l feel better about your appearance. Don't wreck your head over this cap though. Its a waste of your time hun.

liah

While I agree with the rest of the posters, I do understand where you're coming from. I'd wager your thoughts are something along the lines of "why does he need to look at/think about someone else to get off? Why aren't I enough? Why them and not me?"

It can be a horrible feeling, and my brain and my heart don't mix on this subject. I know it's normal, I know it's just a thing people do and I know there's no mental attachment to it, and sometimes they probably are thinking of you while using them, but I will never be able to not feel hurt and inadequate because of it.

But what you can do is maybe give him some material of your own. I'd guarantee that if he had you to look at instead of the mags, he'd not think about the mags ever again. I've done that in the past and they've loved it.

Just a suggestion. I know it's not for everyone, but it is a potential compromise-- you know he's thinking of you and you only and he gets spank material of the girl he loves.

e04bf099

sad girl wrote: »

He says I need to get in the real world and work on my insecurities or it will destroy us.. I'm sorry if I seem angry at the responses, I'm just a very insecure person maybe one day i wil laugh at how pathetic Ive become.

Your bf said this? Good for him, blunt and explicit makes for a healthy relationship. That should make you happy, yeah?

LegacyUser

liah wrote: »

While I agree with the rest of the posters, I do understand where you're coming from. I'd wager your thoughts are something along the lines of "why does he need to look at/think about someone else to get off? Why aren't I enough? Why them and not me?"

It can be a horrible feeling, and my brain and my heart don't mix on this subject. I know it's normal, I know it's just a thing people do and I know there's no mental attachment to it, and sometimes they probably are thinking of you while using them, but I will never be able to not feel hurt and inadequate because of it.

But what you can do is maybe give him some material of your own. I'd guarantee that if he had you to look at instead of the mags, he'd not think about the mags ever again. I've done that in the past and they've loved it.

Just a suggestion. I know it's not for everyone, but it is a potential compromise-- you know he's thinking of you and you only and he gets spank material of the girl he loves.

Thanks for being honest, I know I'm not the only woman in the world to feel insecure about this. Your suggestion is good and I'm sure he would love it but I wouldn't be overly comfortable with that.

e04bf099

@liah
I don't agree with that. Associating yourself with the girls in mags is missing the point of porn. Men don't respect the women in porn. They have no relevant wills, as far as consumers are concerned, but they choose(some people might disagree that it is a choice, because they could be just malleable and nihilistic) to go down that road to make money. Lads are supposed to, and usually do, respect their partners.

The point you two girls are missing is that you are not like those girls in any way. Trying to grab his attention in that way is trying to fill the niche of someone he doesn't respect. Does that sound right or feel comfortable to you?

liah

e04bf099 wrote: »

@liah
I don't agree with that. Associating yourself with the girls in mags is missing the point of porn. Men don't respect the women in porn. They have no relevant wills, as far as consumers are concerned, but they choose(some people might disagree that it is a choice, because they could be just malleable and nihilistic) to go down that road to make money. Lads are supposed to, and usually do, respect their partners.

The point you two girls are missing is that you are not like those girls in any way. Trying to grab his attention in that way is trying to fill the niche of someone he doesn't respect. Does that sound right or feel comfortable to you?

Agree to disagree, I don't think giving sexy pictures to your OH degrades you at all. Sure he sees you naked in real life, has sex with you in real life, why is it so degrading that he has picture mementos of those events to remind him of the last time you two were together and turn him on to thoughts of your experiences?

It's not the same at all, imo. He doesn't know the girls in the mags, has never touched them, never been with them, never spoken to him. There's nothing tied to them. It's not comparing like with like.

krudler

OP heres a fact, almost if not EVERY guy you know looks at porn, do you use a vibrator or masturbate? what if your boyfriend said he was hurt you did that? us men cant just masturbate to memory only (well we can sometimes ) so porn is just the fuel for the journey so to speak, i look at porn,as does any red blooded male, and the majority of women i know too, my missus does and it doesnt bother me in the slightest, it doesnt mean he doesnt fancy you or find you attractive, you said yourself you dont see each other much, most people wouldnt go a few weeks or whatever without masturbating, thats all it is

e04bf099

liah wrote: »

It's not the same at all, imo. He doesn't know the girls in the mags, has never touched them, never been with them, never spoken to him. There's nothing tied to them. It's not comparing like with like.

If it isn't comparing like with like, how can you hope to replace the pictures he looks at in mags? I mean, he gets the real deal, all of the loving affection from you, and probably dreams about you and thinks of you, and the pictures you mention would most likely turn him on, but they can't replace porn because they aren't the same sexual experiences. Some lads would watch lesbian porn, but the idea of their oh doing that might make them cringe because they don't WANT to associate the two experiences.

Here is something all girls need to do. Watch the last couple of scenes in the first series of Spaced, where yer man explains the difference between porn and a relationship. It is really funny, a full intimation and insightful.

The problem is that men are bombarded with images every day of submissive vulnerable wanton women and they have no choice but to accept it because our economy depends on such manipulation of people's urges. Girls respond to different stimulii and forms of advertising just because of their physiology. So what are lads gonna do. A moralist is gonna lose every debate on this issue. Women think that they are the victims of porn, but they are no more victims than men are.

Eve_Dublin

Hey OP....I think you know it boils down to your own insecurities here, so it´s those you have to work on and not the fact that your boyfriend is looking at a very, very tame magazine with half nuddy ladies.

Listen, like another poster said, as women we´d be foolish to compare ourselves to women in these magazines. It makes absolutely no sense. These women have been photoshoped/airbrushed etc. so they look nothing like themselves in reality and where even something so simple like pores are considered a bad thing. This gets into the impressionable minds of women who weren´t particularly happy with themselves in the first place. You can now buy make-up that hides the pores on your face to give you that "airbrushed" look, they´re trying to emmulate women who´ve been given the once, twice, thrice over from photoshop because they believe this is desirable look in the real world. They´re so unsure of their own self-worth that they believe this ...why you´d want to look airbrushed instead of nice and normal and porous (so you can breath!) is beyond me. You´re boyfriend is going out with you because he´s thinks you´re sexy....and you´re the real thing....you haven´t been airbrushed so your boobs are made to look bigger and slightest imperfections are wiped away...and he STILL thinks you´re sexy...which makes you twenty times sexier than those women in those mags...and really, I think all men would agree that there´s nothing sexier than the real thing. You have to take a step back and see all this for what it is....it´s just a fantasy...it´s not real...he´s a grown man of 29 and no doubt he knows this himself.

Oh and by the way, if you read any of those horrible magazines like Glamour or Cosmo...don´t. I think those magazines have a lot to answer for in compounding this problem in some women. Flicked through one today...ugh! Satan´s toilet paper, that´s all they are.

liah

e04bf099 wrote: »

If it isn't comparing like with like, how can you hope to replace the pictures he looks at in mags? I mean, he gets the real deal, all of the loving affection from you, and probably dreams about you and thinks of you, and the pictures you mention would most likely turn him on, but they can't replace porn because they aren't the same sexual experiences. Some lads would watch lesbian porn, but the idea of their oh doing that might make them cringe because they don't WANT to associate the two experiences.

Here is something all girls need to do. Watch the last couple of scenes in the first series of Spaced, where yer man explains the difference between porn and a relationship. It is really funny, a full intimation and insightful.

The problem is that men are bombarded with images every day of submissive vulnerable wanton women and they have no choice but to accept it because our economy depends on such manipulation of people's urges. Girls respond to different stimulii and forms of advertising just because of their physiology. So what are lads gonna do. A moralist is gonna lose every debate on this issue. Women think that they are the victims of porn, but they are no more victims than men are.

I understand where you're coming from. Obviously it's not a perfect solution, but it's a compromise. If a girl feels insecure about him looking at other girls and the man still wants to look at porn, they can both sacrifice a little bit and come to an agreement. It's not fair on the girl for her to have to feel insecure all the time and it's not fair on the man to be barred from viewing that kind of stuff. Why does the girl have to just accept it and feel bad while the guy gets everything he wants..? Least he could do is compromise a little bit if she's that upset about it.

The OP has already stated that it's not a solution she's comfortable with, and that's fine. Everyone's different. It was just an offering of a compromise.

G-Money

When it comes to porn, it's just there to stimulate. I think it's fair to say that men consider the women in porn to be sex objects, and to be honest, they are. It's not it's some documentary about business and we're furiously sitting there wearing our arm's off. It's made to stimulate. The people (actresses) in it know that, as does everyone associated with it.

We don't look at the girls in porn and think "jeez I love her, I want to marry her". Instead we think "God I'd love to ......" and literally a few seconds after maximus orgasmus, we've forgotten all about them. We don't know their names (fake or real), or even what they look like. It's like fast food. You eat it and it's gone straight away.

You really need to stop comparing yourself to these women.

The best way I can put it is like this. There are two types of girls - the one's that you just want to bring home for the night and the one's that you want to bring home for good. The girls in porn are the former, your boyfriend considers you to be the latter. Make sure you keep it that way and don't ruin things over something so trivial.

All the best.

nipps

grandmaster wrote: »

When it comes to porn, it's just there to stimulate. I think it's fair to say that men consider the women in porn to be sex objects, and to be honest, they are. It's not it's some documentary about business and we're furiously sitting there wearing our arm's off. It's made to stimulate. The people (actresses) in it know that, as does everyone associated with it.

We don't look at the girls in porn and think "jeez I love her, I want to marry her". Instead we think "God I'd love to ......" and literally a few seconds after maximus orgasmus, we've forgotten all about them. We don't know their names (fake or real), or even what they look like. It's like fast food. You eat it and it's gone straight away.

You really need to stop comparing yourself to these women.

The best way I can put it is like this. There are two types of girls - the one's that you just want to bring home for the night and the one's that you want to bring home for good. The girls in porn are the former, your boyfriend considers you to be the latter. Make sure you keep it that way and don't ruin things over something so trivial.

All the best.

i agree with this guy

e04bf099

liah wrote: »

The OP has already stated that it's not a solution she's comfortable with, and that's fine. Everyone's different. It was just an offering of a compromise.

I don't want to sound disrespectful. You sound like a genuine person and you don't sound like you are expressing these feelings in a controlling manner. As I said before, if I were married and my wife said it made her uncomfortable, especailly with snoopy kids around, then I would gladly make that comprimise. But, blanking it out as if the sexual intentions he has (even if not acted upon) seems to me a little airy-fairy. He is not getting all he wants if he looks at porn. I'm sure that most lads would switch off their sexual urges a lot of the time, if they could. But good people want to do bad things to other people, it is just a fact of human nature, and it is unhealthy to deny that.

liah

e04bf099 wrote: »

I don't want to sound disrespectful. You sound like a genuine person and you don't sound like you are expressing these feelings in a controlling manner. As I said before, if I were married and my wife said it made her uncomfortable, especailly with snoopy kids around, then I would gladly make that comprimise. But, blanking it out as if the sexual intentions he has (even if not acted upon) seems to me a little airy-fairy. He is not getting all he wants if he looks at porn. I'm sure that most lads would switch off their sexual urges a lot of the time, if they could. But good people want to do bad things to other people, it is just a fact of human nature, and it is unhealthy to deny that.

Maybe I just worded myself incorrectly. She has to mold the way she feels to him, and he does not need to change anything at all. That doesn't seem fair to me, which is why a compromise does. I don't think that's airy-fairy at all; making a compromise is having respect for the way his girlfriend feels about something, particularly if she feels so strongly about it, and he still gets what he wants, just a little bit differently.

e04bf099

@liah
I don't think that it sounds like a compromise unless you are talking about him looking at yerself sometimes and mags other times, not just mags every time he feels the urge. That would be compromise and in fact, I'd say most lads would prefer it, so it would barely be compromising, as much as a favour from yerself.

If you said that a compromise is just looking at yerself instead of porn then, well, your wrong. That isn'r a compromise. They are different sexual experiences and it WOULD change the way he sees you, considering what has got him going (advertising, womens dress-sense these days, whatever) and what he is now using as material. You are directly associating yerself with women that are used sexually. Sorry, but men have bad thoughts (so do women) about other people.

liah

e04bf099 wrote: »

@liah
I don't think that it sounds like a compromise unless you are talking about him looking at yerself sometimes and mags other times, not just mags every time he feels the urge. That would be compromise and in fact, I'd say most lads would prefer it, so it would barely be compromising, as much as a favour from yerself.

If you said that a compromise is just looking at yerself instead of porn then, well, your wrong. That isn'r a compromise. They are different sexual experiences and it WOULD change the way he sees you, considering what has got him going (advertising, womens dress-sense these days, whatever) and what he is now using as material. You are directly associating yerself with women that are used sexually. Sorry, but men have bad thoughts (so do women) about other people.

Like I said, agree to disagree. It's never caused my exes to view me differently, tbh I think that excuse is a load of crock.

Mind, I never demanded they just look at pictures of me and no one else, it just happened that way by their own choice.

Darthhoob

an example of how a 'normal woman can be sexy through the aid of good lighting,makeup artists, hair stylists and photoshop...and this is just for an advert about foundation!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

(it's not porn btw lol)

e04bf099

No worries, good for you. It isn't a load of crock though. Men like different kinds of porn. I have considered this subject for a while because I grew up with a slightly religious sense of guilt (parents not religious, strangely) and yet looked at porn from my early teens. Some lads (like myself and probably your exes) don't get off very much to the more sexually aggressive plastic women, and require a little more realism. That is probably what you provided. But to lump every lad into that category and decide that that is what they want is... well narrow minded. Again, I'm not trying to cause you offense (I'm sick and in bed today so am carrying this debate a little further than it needs to be out of boredom), and I understand that respecting the feelings of a partner without an inquisition as to the rationality involved is obviously a necessary part of a healthy relationship. But if a guy happened to tell you that sometimes your pictures are not what he wants (however callous that sounds) would it offend you, or would you accept that the practice is not intended to be offensive. That is what my mam did. I think my Dad did look at porn for a while. I once (when I was about 15 or somet) heard her tell my Dad, as he snook a slightly overly-conspicuous look at a women in tight jeans crossing the street, say smilingly "I don't mind", which made my Dad laugh a little. I doubt they realised we were aware, but I think I was lookin at the same woman, so I noticed the interaction. I presume it was because they recently had the conversation, which I think my Mam would have had to become a little more mature to have.

Mind, I never demanded they just look at pictures of me and no one else

I didn't assume you did. I merely asked whether that is what you meant by compromise. As I said, that would be a favour, not a compromise.

Eve_Dublin

grandmaster wrote: »

When it comes to porn, it's just there to stimulate. I think it's fair to say that men consider the women in porn to be sex objects, and to be honest, they are. It's not it's some documentary about business and we're furiously sitting there wearing our arm's off. It's made to stimulate. The people (actresses) in it know that, as does everyone associated with it.

We don't look at the girls in porn and think "jeez I love her, I want to marry her". Instead we think "God I'd love to ......" and literally a few seconds after maximus orgasmus, we've forgotten all about them. We don't know their names (fake or real), or even what they look like. It's like fast food. You eat it and it's gone straight away.

You really need to stop comparing yourself to these women.

The best way I can put it is like this. There are two types of girls - the one's that you just want to bring home for the night and the one's that you want to bring home for good. The girls in porn are the former, your boyfriend considers you to be the latter. Make sure you keep it that way and don't ruin things over something so trivial.

All the best.

Hummm. This is a little off topic Grandmaster...I agree with what you say but the last bit of your post didn´t sit well with me. I don´t believe there are two kinds of girls like you said.....I know myself personally that I´ve been both of those types in the past. Okay, I´ve never left my house and gone out looking like a pornstar but I think I´ve gone out looking pretty decent in the past and I´ve been the girl that guys just wanted to bring home for a night and have mad, passionate sex/f*cking and nothing more and have viewed me as nothing more than that....and I´ve also been the kind of girl that guys have brought home to their mammies. I think a lot, if not most women have been both types in the past as well. I don´t really think it´s any kind of consolation to tell a girl that she´s one or the other because that´s probably where her insecurity partly lies. She probably feels insecure partly due to the fact that she wants to be viewed like those women in the magazines and to put her in the OTHER category (the mammy meeting type), you´re discounting the fact that she could ever be viewed as f*ckable as those girls in the magazines. I don´t know any woman who wants to be viewed as the sensible, pretty girlfriend or wife and I know some men view their OHs as just that. That can´t be good for the self esteem to those who are prone to getting their esteem knocked easily.

Everybody wants to be seen as desirable and sexy by their OHs and not just some sensible, pretty girlfriend you have vanilla sex with once or twice a week and can bring home to your mammy. I´d be curious to know how things are going in that department of their relationship.

RossFixxxed

OP: WAAAYYYY over the top. It really is. There's a lot of way over folutent talking here that has gotten far, far too touchy feely. If he stops all porn, then you will compare yourelf to women in movies he likes, bands he listens to, meets in the pub etc. You are gonna drag yourself into a pit of jealousy and insecurity, you already are really.

You have some work to do on yourself, he can help but you need it.

metrovelvet

I think the shock women feel when they see their bfs with porn, is not out of personal insecurity, but out of pure shock of the truth about their bfs sexuality, or male sexuality. Its vulger, its dirty and its aggressive. They dont have an outlet for it in real life, so they need the fantasy.

Sorry, OP but that is just how they tick.

LegacyUser

sad girl wrote: »

He said to me "Sure I always see you looking at pictures of men topless whats the difference" but there is a big difference... Girls are generally more insecure...

You also need to deal with your double standards, that can end relationships in a very subtle and gradual way.

RossFixxxed

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think the shock women feel when they see their bfs with porn, is not out of personal insecurity, but out of pure shock of the truth about their bfs sexuality, or male sexuality. Its vulger, its dirty and its aggressive. They dont have an outlet for it in real life, so they need the fantasy.

Sorry, OP but that is just how they tick.

What? Really? Bit of a man hater are we. Take a hike with the massive over generalisations there thanks.

Eve_Dublin

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think the shock women feel when they see their bfs with porn, is not out of personal insecurity, but out of pure shock of the truth about their bfs sexuality, or male sexuality. Its vulger, its dirty and its aggressive. They dont have an outlet for it in real life, so they need the fantasy.

Sorry, OP but that is just how they tick.

Were talking about Penthouse here metrovelvet...not images or videos of women shagging horses or 20 men at one time. Take each case as it comes. Your opinion is not really applicable in this situation and I think you´re doing the OP no favours by saying what you´ve said above.

ManOfMystery

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Were talking about Penthouse here metrovelvet...not images or videos of women shagging horses or 20 men at one time. Take each case as it comes. Your opinion is not really applicable in this situation and I think you´re doing the OP no favours by saying what you´ve said above.

Agreed. Penthouse is about as soft as porn can get. Personally, I don't see much difference in semi-nude models in Penthouse and the amount of semi-nude men (not to mention sex articles) you see in most women's magazines nowadays. Hardly 'vulgar, dirty & aggressive'.

Oh The Humanity

I think the reason people discovering their boyfriend/girlfriend using p0rn is a shock is because originally that bf/gf has usually worked so hard to insist and imprint upon their partner that he/she is special/different and the most uniquely erotic creature on the planet that specially, imparticularly does it for him/her.

People spend months and months getting the girlfriend/boyfriend to believe them. Gradually the person hears it so much they accept it and then wham! -they discovers its all a line and cold reality can be a shock.

OP It takes time to re-adjust and realise you are not as special and unique to him as he made you believe.

I don't think its any comfort to OP for people to expect her to be consoled with the Booby prize of being 'something he is proud to bring home to Mammy'. Insult to injury if you ask me!
Its a bit of a re-adjustment to go from thinking she is the most exquisitley erotic thing he ever knew to the human equivalent of a comfy pair of slippers!

Just accept it with dignity and say no more. You are lucky really all he has is a well thumbed old copy of Penthouse.

metrovelvet

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Agreed. Penthouse is about as soft as porn can get. Personally, I don't see much difference in semi-nude models in Penthouse and the amount of semi-nude men (not to mention sex articles) you see in most women's magazines nowadays. Hardly 'vulgar, dirty & aggressive'.

I wasnt talking about Penthouse. I wasnt referring to porn. I was referring to male sexuality, or at least how it is perceived when women are confronted with porn.

On your scale of things, Penhouse might not be aggressive, depending on how desensitised you have become.

RossFixxxed

metrovelvet wrote: »

I wasnt talking about Penthouse. I wasnt referring to porn. I was referring to male sexuality, or at least how it is perceived when women are confronted with porn.

On your scale of things, Penhouse might not be aggressive, depending on how desensitised you have become.

LOL ah the old 'you're in the wrong, desensitised argument'. Not listening to that at all, you have an issue with men. FACT. Moving on to what this is ACTUALLY about, as I said OP I'd worry that you'll just fixate on something else.

Straight men do enjoy nakey ladies, and the VAST MAJORITY of them are not dirty, aggressive etc... Thanks for the total sexism though.

Wibbs

Lets all chill and get this back on track. Less of the generalisations of either genders sexuality would be a bonus too. Thanks.

Terodil

metrovelvet wrote: »

[...]male sexuality. Its vulger, its dirty and its aggressive. Sorry, OP but that is just how they tick.

I'm highly offended by this blanket statement that manages to tar 49% of the population with a huge brush AND describe them as vulgar, dirty, and aggressive. Reported.

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I think the reason people discovering their boyfriend/girlfriend using p0rn is a shock is because originally that bf/gf has usually worked so hard to insist and imprint upon their partner that he/she is special/different and the most uniquely erotic creature on the planet that specially, imparticularly does it for him/her. [...] they discovers its all a line and cold reality can be a shock.

Hmm, yes, maybe. Though I think the problem is not that it's a lie, I seriously don't think it is in 99% of the cases. OK maybe I cannot talk for men in general. But my OH is that special, uniquely erotic woman I could die for. To me at least, sex is not the same as making love. When I wake up to see my OH next to me in bed, with frizzled hair and sleep in her eyes, with all she means to me going through my head, I get an instant hard-on and it's not only because she's hot, it's because I have this deep attachment to her that is so much more than just lust.

Yes sure, looking at airbrushed porn can make me horny and also give me a hard-on but it's just not the same. I feel no connection whatsoever and it's also harder for me to achieve.

ManOfMystery

metrovelvet wrote: »

I wasnt talking about Penthouse. I wasnt referring to porn. I was referring to male sexuality, or at least how it is perceived when women are confronted with porn.

On your scale of things, Penhouse might not be aggressive, depending on how desensitised you have become.

Penthouse is not aggressive porn, fact. It's not a matter of opinion. Even the most chaste, shielded and innocent individual on the planet could hardly look at a soft airbrushed photo of a female form in Penthouse and declare it to be aggressive.

In any event, other porn and male sexuality really has little to do with the issue in hand. The OP is referring to her significant other using soft-core pornography and querying whether it has any bearing on fidelity and the like, so I don't see the point in making sweeping (and narrowminded if I may add) generalisations about all male sexuality.