Terrible social skills

LegacyUser

I am a 23 year old guy and I have always had difficulty talking and relating to people. I never seem to be able to get on with people and they always end up thinking I am "weird". This as happened so many times. I think this is because I lack basic social skills. I am unable to just have normal conversations with people. I find it hard to make friends, almost impossible. At times I can do it, but most often i say something "weird". It's so hard to explain. For example, I am in college at the moment and i find it so hard to relate to people. I think they are on the verge of thinking I am a weirdo.

I don't know if I am explaining this properly. It's difficult. But im sure you must know someone who is just socially awkward to be around. I'm not totally awful, I have some kind of basic social skills but mostly I am socially awkward to be around. I just don't know what to say to people and it either gets awkward due to a silence or due to me trying to start a conversation and saying something weird.

I know I lack social skills. I have no social circle to speak of. I have no girlfriend, although I am not worried about that because I have several girls interested in me. These are girls i met when I was working as a barman a while back but they are all interested and ive been with one of them. I've had girlfriends in the past. My problem lies with meeting new people and not coming across "weird".

I'd like to know how to actually appear normal and cool to people in general.

I'm thinking that I should talk very very seldomly, because i have less chance of making a mistake or saying something dumb. In situations where i am talking to someone one on one i should ask them open ended questions and really listen i think, but its so hard for me to do because my body language and facial expressions are "weird" i think.

I really wish i could get some kind of advice for this but it seems like a strange problem. Again, I am not sure i am explaining it well. in the hopes that i am, can someone recommend anything, even a good book on social skills? i need to change because il never be able to get on with people when i start working in the real world proper.

thanks

gypsygirl

My nephew has the same problem, he's a fantastic guy but hates social occassions where he's meeting new people and feels he's expected to make conversation, (I do too) Most people feel awkward in these situations but learn to adapt, Alan (my nephew) just asks questions of the new people he meets rather than talking. Its as simple as that!!! Don't feel like you have to do the talking, ask questions instead. If you're a listner, Listen. . You'll soon have quite a lot to say.

DigiGal

sociallybad wrote: »

I am a 23 year old guy and I have always had difficulty talking and relating to people. I never seem to be able to get on with people and they always end up thinking I am "weird". This as happened so many times. I think this is because I lack basic social skills. I am unable to just have normal conversations with people. I find it hard to make friends, almost impossible. At times I can do it, but most often i say something "weird". It's so hard to explain. For example, I am in college at the moment and i find it so hard to relate to people. I think they are on the verge of thinking I am a weirdo.

I don't know if I am explaining this properly. It's difficult. But im sure you must know someone who is just socially awkward to be around. I'm not totally awful, I have some kind of basic social skills but mostly I am socially awkward to be around. I just don't know what to say to people and it either gets awkward due to a silence or due to me trying to start a conversation and saying something weird.

I know I lack social skills. I have no social circle to speak of. I have no girlfriend, although I am not worried about that because I have several girls interested in me. These are girls i met when I was working as a barman a while back but they are all interested and ive been with one of them. I've had girlfriends in the past. My problem lies with meeting new people and not coming across "weird".

I'd like to know how to actually appear normal and cool to people in general.

I'm thinking that I should talk very very seldomly, because i have less chance of making a mistake or saying something dumb. In situations where i am talking to someone one on one i should ask them open ended questions and really listen i think, but its so hard for me to do because my body language and facial expressions are "weird" i think.

I really wish i could get some kind of advice for this but it seems like a strange problem. Again, I am not sure i am explaining it well. in the hopes that i am, can someone recommend anything, even a good book on social skills? i need to change because il never be able to get on with people when i start working in the real world proper.

thanks

Me too

Overheal

OP I notice in your writing you repeat what you are saying a considerable amount - its waffle. Do you notice that, and/or do you feel thats one way to describe your perceived social weirdness?

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

OP I notice in your writing you repeat what you are saying a considerable amount - its waffle. Do you notice that, and/or do you feel thats one way to describe your perceived social weirdness?

I'd say the op would/will agree. If I was writing that post, I'd have swapped 23 for 25
and the rest would have been the same. I'm ok chatting in 1-on-1 situations but i can
feel very awkward in groups, esp. if it's with 2 people who know each other better than me.

Darthhoob

ohhhh i am exactly the same...and i have suspected Asperger's Syndrome. my son was diagnosed a couple of years ago with AS and since his professionals noticed it in me

now i'm not saying you have this...as social awkwardness is just ONE trait of many... (but one of the 3 main ones) for AS. i'm guessing that you are not shy though...just 'clumsy'? you also mentioned weird facial expressions and body language...which rang that bell for me. the waffling too

i'm just throwing up a possibility

LegacyUser

Overheal, I didn't realise that I was doing that, I don't see much waffle there in the post but maybe thats the problem. I suppose I do waffle a bit too much. I certainly have trouble keeping my mouth shut about certain things that I shouldn't say and they make me seem "weird". clearly I am continually doing something wrong. i've read about aspergers syndrome and it seems errily to represent me in many ways. I am just going to try to be more relaxed and cooler and THINK before I talk from now on and be careful about my non verbal expressions. If in doubt, I will simply say nothing. I was recommended a book called "how to win friends and influence people" and I am going to buy that today. I think I just need to be a bit more relaxed and focus on being cooler in social situations. Smile a lot and don't waffle on too much.

I'll see how it goes. It's been a lifelong problem for me though. Seems like a common thing though.