what the hell!

LegacyUser

Ok so first hello to all,

ok, well ex and I broke up over 7 months ago, hes choice, we weremadly in love but the pressure and slagging of people around him about our age difference got the best of him.
(im 10 years older, hes 25)

Anyhow, i accepted it, I have to be fair and like they say, if you love them you have to let them go...so i did as much as it was hard.

for the first few days and weeks he contacted me, often, wanted to chat, wanted ot hear from me etc..at first i didnt reply, then i did in a friendly way.
I know him, I know hes mine was one day..i miss her so bad i want her back...and the next no, i cant it wont work, bad timing in life..etc...

SO forward many months ago, he started to call me and text me, we were in touch every so often but everytime initiated by him, it was hard cos of course i still had feelings for him but i always played it cool, stayed friend and never asked for anything...he mentioned so many times how he woudl talk to anyone about me, anyone who would listen, i am pretty sure everyone got tired of him talking bout him to the point one day he said one of his mate told me.."what the heck are you doing"....anyway, it came to the point where then he started tocall drunk or almost drunk, fro mwhat i read on Boards, typical ex who wants reassurance etc...i believe yes, but another part of me thinks that he was always confused and knowing him, he will always be like that in life, an overthinker ...he has family issues that made him that way and deeply affected him and i had to finaly told him i could be there for him that by breaking up he had lost the privilege of my friendship by going on about all, us , family..missing me and still being mad about me, no one could or will compare to me...etc..
that was this summer and I felt terrible havent say that, its not like me, i am a great friends to peopel around me and even tho i did accepted our break up and let him go i am still concern for him and down the line i would of seen me be friends...

SO, after that last called this summer, i did not invited him to a festival i was going and he was supposed ot come with me (i had tickets) didnt think i should ask him anymore as it was clear we were finaly cutting contact....pretty harsh my stupid self called while at thefestival when his fav. band was playing....sooo stupid, and hurtfu lthing to do i know please dont push me down on it I know...ANYWAY...

heres what happened, 2 weeks ago i decided to send him an email, short, and just to say that i was thankful he started the no contact that it had been ahrd but that it had helped a lot and importantly that i was sorry not to have been a friend when he needed me to, that i have felt bad bout it and that i knew i probably wouldnt hear from him back but just wanted to let him know that i would be hear to listen if one day he wanted to cos i cared for him and always will...
thats all i say, i honestly did it in a selfish way, i just needed to get it out of my system as i always had that on my shoulder as guilt. I felt so good afterwards, really did, and i was not expecting any reply, i know he wouldnt, he ahs cut complete contact fro mme since that festival weekend...i even saw him once i nthe street and said hello and he blanked me pretty much.

SOOO no response back and i was fine with it, im being honest here, it was not my goal when i sent the email, jsut wanted him to know it thats all....
but then 3 days later, saturday night at 2 am he called...he sounded very sober, if he wqs drunk really it was well acted.
and thats where i need your opinion, his call was disrupting to say the least to me...
he asked why i emailed him, that my email didnt make any sense at all, so i politely said that i will never act like i dont know him , i cant, i do know him!!! ok, i might not seat down and have a 3 hrs chat if we meet but i wont like hes a stranger....hes reply was
"please dont, dont email, dont text, dont call please please do nothing, nothing, will come out of this, nothing, so please dont theres no need" i was speechless of course, was taken aback, he then said that he was feeling like he has been used by "this whole thing" im guessing our relationship...well, hes clearly at the stage of anger here and wants to feel like a victim, but HE IS the one one broke up for god sake!! i should be the one who doesnt wanna be friend or to care...im even surprised he needed ot call to say all this, a clear no reply and play dead or even an email back saying please dont ever contact me again would of work, i never chased him, i didnt text or call, ok, i did reply when he did but i never did asked ot get back, he did (for 48hrs before panicking again month ago)

SO my question is this, what in hell could of gone through his head??? why bother with the call so angry or if anything so mad...i still dont see him as a bad person to be honest, i moved on i will always have feelings for him, he was THE love of my life, i can admit this, but sometimes its just not enough and people break up, at least i have some maturity in me to have accepted it. Why the need to call and try to rubb it in my face that he pretty much want me to not exist really!!!! its like ...please be dead....never wanna know you here type of thing....its so harsh for me to know that someone with who theres was so much love would want me errased from his life.

SOOO please any opition or what could of trigger such a act cos im speechless, althoufh as you can see i can still write!!!!!
sorry for the long post, i really meant to make it short !

thank you for reading...

kenbrady

no-idea-why wrote: »

SO my question is this, what in hell could of gone through his head??? why bother with the call so angry or if anything so mad

SOOO please any opition or what could of trigger such a act cos im speechless,

1) Concert Phone call
2) Email

He wanted no contact and you contiuned to contact him, he had to contact you to make sure you got the message and stopped contacting him

no-idea-why wrote: »

"please dont, dont email, dont text, dont call please please do nothing, nothing, will come out of this, nothing, so please dont theres no need"

How can this not be clear to you, leave him alone, he's only 25 you should be a mature 35. The relationship is finished, respect what he wants and never contact him again.

Moomoo1

kenbrady wrote: »

1) Concert Phone call
2) Email

He wanted no contact and you contiuned to contact him, he had to contact you to make sure you got the message and stopped contacting him

it was the OP who wanted no contact

kenbrady wrote: »

How can this not be clear to you, leave him alone, he's only 25 you should be a mature 35. The relationship is finished, respect what he wants and never contact him again.

it's him that wouldn't leave her alone if you read carefully...

Abi

Moomoo1 wrote: »

it was the OP who wanted no contact

Originally, yes.

it's him that wouldn't leave her alone if you read carefully...

But before his 2am call, she had emailed him




OP, walk away from this whole thing. If you want to know what triggered the odd call, it was the last email you sent. Regardless of what you say about being fine about the relationship having ended, I don't think you are. In the beginning he was ringing you because he found it hard by the sounds of things, and I think that you liked the fact that he still needed you. But you shouldn't have allowed those calls to go on for so long. So now, the calls have stopped, and your email was to change that, not to end things for good. Its time to start being honest, really honest with yourself here. You need to sever contact with this guy, its run its course.

LegacyUser

ok well some a bit harsh but thanks for opinion regardless...

maybe i didnt made myself clear, obviously in my email to him, or to in my post...
im sorry but its not because you break up that you have to stop caring, i did and somewhere always care for him, that has nothing to do with accepting the break up, i have from the min we did break up.
me caring is the reason that YES i did aloud all the calls in the past, i have ignored them at times but would get weak even though i knew i shouldnt.
the emailed i sent him wasnt to trigger anything back, and i am beign honest here, i was perfectly fine by not hearing anything back ever, all i wanted is to say what i had on my couscience, it was for me! selfish way maybe but i had to unload the guilt of not being a friend then...
anyway, yes it obviously trigger the call, i knew that too, its just the being mad or brutal way that blew me off, i didnt chase him like kenbrady mentioned, never did, but maybe for some guys its either you're in or you're out, not greys....you're either together and friends or not friends at all and pretend you dont know each oher, well it might work for you but im sorry i cant do that!!! if i see an ex or even someone i went on a date with in the street i would say Hi or whatever thats all.


and for the record, before the "concert call" he texted me, ense why i had his number in phone again, and we never agree before that to never contact each other, it was more like...maybe we shouldnt contact each other type of thing, we were in good terms...til the concert call which i take full responsability for it. but what was i supposed to do!!?? call him and ask him to come with me when we had just decided not to contact each other!!

Anyway, of course you are all right at the end of the day, im not denying it, im moved on a while back but obviously being polite and friendly if we run into each other is never gonna happen clearly and that is what makes me sad thats all cos we went though some strong thing he and i.

thanks for repliying..

Moomoo1

he was wrecking her head for months and months, she calls once and emails once and he doesn't like it. Hypocritical.

LegacyUser

thank you moohoo1!!

and i only emailed not asking for anything! i didnt even call !!!!

it is a bit hypocritical yes but maybe as much as he was mature on a lot of things he is just no mature in communicating with people clearly, im not blaming him, hes 25 after all its my responsability but again, my bad, i did thought he was more mature than that...love is blind, right!!;)

Oh well, at least i put it out there i will be around if he ever need talk, if not its fine too....i did my mea coulpa and wished him the best!!

G-Money

I'm not sure I fully understand who's right and who's wrong here, but OP you are right in that some guys are very black and white when it comes to break ups.

I am one of these guys.

I feel no need or obligation to be friends with an ex. I really don't. That doesn't mean I won't be civil, but I could easily and preferably move on without ever seeing them again. If I bumped into them in public it would be forced politeness but the reality is that I just wouldn't want to talk to them.

Regardless of whether you or him did stuff wrong, the fact is that the relationship is over. And while unfortunately you might still want to be friends, you have to accept the possibility that he doesn't. And you have to respect that. I'm not saying you don't or won't. But in society there seems to be a thought that "just being friends" veto's whatever the other person wants.

I think it's like they blindy assume that "just being friends" is harmless. Its like "whats the problem? We're just friends, nothing can happen, they can't get hurt". The reality is that it's not true.

But anyway, he obviously doesn't want to get in touch so just leave him alone and move on with your life.

Good luck.

Moomoo1

clearly the OP wasn't 'one of those guys' though, because for months he wouldn't leave the OP alone?

kenbrady

no-idea-why wrote: »

it is a bit hypocritical yes

he is just no mature in communicating with people clearly,

no-idea-why wrote: »

heres what happened, 2 weeks ago i decided to send him an email, short, and just to say that i was thankful he started the no contact

Hypocritical, I'll contact him to say thanks for having no contact
He doesn't want to contact you, that is his right, it has nothing to do with maturity, it's just how he does thinks when he finishes with someone.

no-idea-why wrote: »

Oh well, at least i put it out there i will be around if he ever need talk, if not its fine too....i did my mea coulpa and wished him the best!!

Yes you did what you wanted and didn't respect what he asked to do the no contact, this was selfish and immiture. He doesn't want anything to do with you, stop wasting your time and leave him alone.

I understand at 35 you feel you invested a lot in this relationship and are having difficulty letting go, but it's over I don't think you have accepted that, the sooner you do the better for you.

Moomoo1

the OP has shown incredible maturity in all this, and tried to be as gentle as she could have possibly been (most people in her boat would have told the guy to go screw himself in the first few weeks, and would have been totally right to do so). It's the ex who wanted to talk and to keep in touch, and then suddenly got cranky over what he himself was asking for!

daisybelle2008

I found your post difficult to follow but the summary seems to be a short relationship ended over 7 months ago and the latest is the person has earnestly asked you to stop contacting them.
You really need to take that latest bit of communication seriously and stop obsessing over what is in the past.

The point at which he broke up with you (over something so immature as 'his mates slagging') is the point at which I would have realised the age diff was a problem in this case.

It is unhealthy to be obsessing all these what if's.

Hopefully you can let go and put this behind you before it gets out of hand.

He broke it off with you and now wants no contact, who cares why, you should move on with some self respect and focus on something else.

Be careful of drinking too much and acting irrationally as that will acerbate the situation.

Moomoo1

a better summary is: 'a short relationship ended 7 months ago, the other person begged to stay in contact, the OP still cut contact, and then when she felt sorry for him and decided to contact still the other person had a go at her.'

GigaByte

You sent him an email saying that you were thankful that he didn't keep in contact, now that just boggles the mind?!?!

The only thing I can read from that is you wanted him to reply, well he did and now you know where you stand...

Time to move on and let him go.

kjl

No offence OP, but you sound like the young one in this relationship. Let it go. Its over now

LegacyUser

woo you guys are on fire tonight on little me...

ok, first of all i wanna thanks Moomoo1, if it wasnt for you i would think i was actually going crazt trying to explain what it wanted to say...you actually got it and thank you.

now anyone else, well as much as i do appreciate your opinions, sure i asked for it so i cant complain but some of the things you guys said i plan out of line and no need to be so harsh...

1/ i never ever did i mentioned alcohol in my situation so thanks Daisybelle but it was not the case
2/ i have MOVED on a long time ago regardign the relationship, we stop the finale no contact only 3 months ago and on my request as i said it was no possible for me to be a friend THEN ! we were in good terms when that happens ENSE why i was speechless/chocked by his call
3/ yes my email was selfish but again after 3 months i was now ready and feeling great about being a friend and as he was the one who insigniated to break up i thought that he was well over it too so that is why i emailed.
4/ if i thought for a min. that this would have been his reaction i would of not emailed at all, AGAIN, the no contact started in good terms, as we would get in touch when we are over each other type of thing, i said that earlier so the accusations of me not being over him or time to move on or chasing him or stop contacting him is ridiculous and out of caracter.
5/ this was all bout me not understanding why suddenly he had got mad and told me he felt used by the whole thing...thats all i was posting bout so stop sending off comments unrelated.
and 6/ the break up is not even part of the equasion or discussion, i only mentioned it to explain the situation at the time of break up to give you a run down, looking back i dont know why i bother cos now for some reason its part of the whole thing.
break up was an acumulation and WE knew that as much as we did love each other we met at the wrong time in our life, that is all for the record.

yes i did say thx for no contact but again, i thought he was most likely me of not ahead in the moved on and sayign what was on my mind was my whole point for god sake, maybe this part was not necessary but its done, i did not expect nor want him to reply, all i wanted is to say i was ok if he needed me to be a friend and talk ....one day!!!! its not like i asked ot go have coffee or whatever jesus chirst you guys ehere did i ever say i was chasing him or wasnt letting go!!!!? if it was the case i would be more happy to say it, trust me, if anything im too honest and maybe you guys are not like that but i do care, im in friendly terms with my other ex and even tho its not like we woudl go hangout etc we are civil....now i know, previous post mentioned that yes some people its either back or whaite and cant be friends and OK I GOT IT my ex doesnt!! i have no intention to contact him again or call or whatever you guys are insinuating, i said my peace and thats all that i wanted to do.

I have lost very dear people in my life (death) and never got a chance to say what i would of want to say, life is short and now i have a view on things different, i wanna say things that i think or feel bout someone, whether its my ex, my parents my best friends..whatever.. so i did with him, he doesnt wanna hear ever again from me its fine, i wont and its ok, but at least i said what i had to say.
you guys miss my point except for Moomoo1 that seems to really have read the posts instead of reading between the lines...

and Kenbrady, no offense but you seem to have come down on me pretty arsh so i can only think this is more like you are unloading your personal issues on me to be honest!

anyway, thanks for the replies regardless

LegacyUser

im sorry i thought this was a boards for discussion not goign on bout the same thing!!

I have moved on and i have let go!! gee are you guys so harsh when you break up with someone here, my goodness, no wonder so many people are so god damn messed up after it.

GigaByte

no-idea-why wrote: »

gee are you guys so harsh when you break up with someone here

You broke up with him over 7 months ago I don't think anyone is being harsh with you. If you wanted to make contact again to be "friends", the email you sent is certainly not the right way to go about it. A simple "hello, how are you" would have been a hell of a lot better.

kenbrady

no-idea-why wrote: »

and Kenbrady, no offense but you seem to have come down on me pretty arsh so i can only think this is more like you are unloading your personal issues on me to be honest!

Of course that's what it is, you are so innocent, or it could be maybe

"pretty harsh my stupid self called while at thefestival when his fav. band was playing"
(this is called manipulation)

When this failed to get a reaction out of him you decided to further provoke him
"i decided to send him an email, short, and just to say that i was thankful he started the no contact"

This was all done with you knowing
"part of me thinks that he was always confused and knowing him, he will always be like that in life, an overthinker ...he has family issues that made him that way and deeply affected him"

Then you have the cheek to call him immature because he doesn't talk to you like you want
"he is just no mature in communicating with people clearly, im not blaming him, hes 25 after all its my responsability but again, my bad, i did thought he was more mature than that...love is blind, right!!"

You are a grown woman of 35 he is only 25 you should be more mature and know better.

Did you meet this guy on a night out, think I'll have a bit of fun for a single night and then he kept calling you and a relationship developed, were you going out for 2 years ?

e04bf099

My post was too blunt to be appropriate, so I deleted it. I don't think you are telling the truth and I hope nobody reinforces your delusional perspective on this. It would be bad for you personally.

LegacyUser

this is the most worked up thread I have seen..

OP I think simply you moved on ok and assumed that he did and possibly his angry reaction of your email was that he is not at that stage yet and don't want you to rubb it in his face that you're over him.

Regardless who broke up, us men can carry a good amount of proud on our shoulders and having an ex showing off she's over us doesnt make us happy no matter what your intentions were in that email you sent.

I had a similar situation so my 2 cents on it anyway.

Moomoo1

GigaByte wrote: »

You broke up with him over 7 months ago I don't think anyone is being harsh with you. If you wanted to make contact again to be "friends", the email you sent is certainly not the right way to go about it. A simple "hello, how are you" would have been a hell of a lot better.

but if he hadn't begged her for months to be friends she wouldn't have sent it! That's the point.

Moomoo1

e04bf099 wrote: »

My post was too blunt to be appropriate, so I deleted it. I don't think you are telling the truth and I hope nobody reinforces your delusional perspective on this. It would be bad for you personally.

are you actually allowed to accuse people of lying?

GigaByte

Moomoo1 wrote: »

but if he hadn't begged her for months to be friends she wouldn't have sent it! That's the point.

There's no problem with sending him an email, its the contents of the email thats the problem.

Moomoo1

GigaByte wrote: »

There's no problem with sending him an email, its the contents of the email thats the problem.

well, as I've said, he screwed with her head for months, so she screwed with his for one email :-). Just deserts imho as far as he is concerned.

LegacyUser

moomoo1 my point exactly!

Again, thank god i saw your posts cos its like absolutely mad how you guys go on me and you dont even know me!

I have not lied, why should i, and accusing me of it without even know me at all or him really shows how judgemental to say the very least you guys are.

I admited my fault, no one is perfect, never intended to follow up with the email afterward or else, again, was just to say i would be an ear to listen, so its not the case and he has no desire to then fine but at least i said what i wanted to say even though i didnt formulated and put it down the way i should had.

I wanted to wait the right time to be able to be his friend, thought it was a goal we both wanted, i did it and offer to be one, he declined thats it. end of the story so stop manipulating all my every words.

kenbrady, no offense again but you are a lost cause at this point, all i can see is that you have some serious baggage on you own its clear, probably should start your own thread!

anyway, this is not important matter enough to go on further Im not feeling the need to explain all this again, i wanted opinions or point of view, i got it so thanks all for that.

Moomoo1, many more thanks for understanding my point, much appreciated.

LegacyUser

ok, correction i jsut saw your last post moomoo1

i didnt send the email to screw with him, really didnt. and sure im going to think differently bout him just because of that, he doesnt want to be friends or contact then its fine. no need to contact him after we all said what we were thinking, i said my peace and clearly so did he.

oh well, more issues on those boards than mine..

kenbrady

no-idea-why wrote: »

moomoo1 my point exactly!

Moomoo1, many more thanks for understanding my point, much appreciated.

ok, correction i jsut saw your last post moomoo1

no-idea-why wrote: »

woo you guys are on fire tonight on little me...

no-idea-why wrote: »

kenbrady, no offense again but you are a lost cause at this point, all i can see is that you have some serious baggage on you own its clear, probably should start your own thread!

no-idea-why wrote: »

oh well, more issues on those boards than mine..

Cop on and take some responsibility for your behavior, if other people don't side with you it's because they have issues. Seriously get over it and him.

The only person who seems to think you are over him is you. Keep posting that you are over this if it makes you feel better, but ask yourself why you started this thread, if you were over him you wouldn't care.

kenbrady wrote:

Did you meet this guy on a night out, think I'll have a bit of fun for a single night and then he kept calling you and a relationship developed, were you going out for 2 years ??????

e04bf099

The discrepency here is the difference between how you describe him (and your relationship with him) and his actions as described by you.

He blanked you.

One of the last times you called him he was pissed off, and you say it was because he was at his favourite band, which is ludicrous. There is no way he would be pissed off (and it sounds like he was really pissed off, by the way you defend yourself about it) at such an action. I conclude, maybe rashly, that you calling during the gig and his anger were merely coinciding and not connected, or else it was an excuse of his not to talk to you.

Finally,

he asked why i emailed him, that my email didnt make any sense at all, so i politely said that i will never act like i dont know him , i cant, i do know him!!!
...
"please dont, dont email, dont text, dont call please please do nothing, nothing, will come out of this, nothing, so please dont theres no need".
...
he then said that he was feeling like he has been used by "this whole thing" im guessing our relationship

SO, either you were with a very lonely, immature person who was 10 years your junior, which does not add up, imo, or you have misrepresented "this whole thing" because you are angry at the fact that you couldn't control him. You "know him!!"? That is a crazy thing to say. What you had was not a partnership, you wanted to be his mother. How long did your relationship last, btw? I bet that piece of info would shed a new light on this picture you have painted.

Chinafoot

e04bf099 wrote: »

One of the last times you called him he was pissed off, and you say it was because he was at his favourite band, which is ludicrous. There is no way he would be pissed off (and it sounds like he was really pissed off, by the way you defend yourself about it) at such an action. I conclude, maybe rashly, that you calling during the gig and his anger were merely coinciding and not connected, or else it was an excuse of his not to talk to you.

My reading of the OP was that she was at the festival and he wasn't and she called him while his favourite band were playing at said festival. I agree with a previous poster that this is manipulation.

The email was completely unnecessary and if I was in your ex's position I'd be pretty pissed off too. You wanted no contact and he got to the place where he felt he could give it to you. You got what you wanted. Why on earth would you contradict yourself and send him an email like that?? From the sounds of things he was ready to move on and you threw yourself back in there. Even your one defender in this thread (lol btw) thinks you did it to fúck with his head.

It really really sounds like you haven't let go of this. Perhaps you enjoy the drama? You need ot leave him alone. Your relationship is over. You claim you've moved on so let him do the same.

I'm sure you'll tell me now that I'm projecting my own issues here since I'm not telling you what you want to hear.

daisybelle2008

I mentioned alcohol because I imagine there is some involved (i.e during the festival call etc.) but in any case from your posts I can only see a very deluded and obsessed women.
The 'relationship' ended 7 months ago, he does not want contact from you. You can't seem to accept this and instead obsess in a fairly incoherent way about your love for him and the past.
The way you cannot accept the advise on this thread makes me think that you are just as stubborn about clinging on to this guy. I think you are deluding yourself about him being madly in love with you (if he was he would not have broken in off over mates slagging and he would not have told you to leave him alone and stop contacting him). None of the other nonsense is important (festivals, emails, what ifs), he does not want to be with you, just accept it and move on. Really this advice is harsh but it is for your own mental well being. Although you like moomoo1 entertaining your frivilous nonsense, it is not doing you any favours to keep discussing the past or this guy.

LegacyUser

China foot you are wrong, im not saying anything, im actually surprised that it still as go as as long as this, i only wanted a couple opinions an an angry call and boy did i got responses.
im over it , this whole thing and you are right actually, you seem like moohoo1 to have understand what i was saying in a way, i never said i was innocent and admit my faults, no one is perfect, good for you if you never been in this situation. Although yes i see you point in thinking it was manipulative at times it was never my intentions, consciently anyway.
but then again if i dont close this thread it will go on even further and i really dont see the point, more post in this forum to talk about and help.
i just feel that even when you want to point out things to someone, good or bad, it doesnt have to be so harsh and mean, we 're all human for god sake and you have been to quick to judge without knowing me.

thanks for all comments.

please close the thread.