Boyfriend problem

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
i've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now, he's a sweet guy whom I love with all my heart, we see each other very often. He's always cuddly and nice to me, and we miss each other when we're not around. The only problem we have is when it comes to sex. We never had any sex problems at the beginning at the relationship and we were quite creative. But it got sour about a year ago, and now he basically never wants to. Every time I try he comes up with an excuse, or says he might want to later, which never happens. I tried to seduce him by words and kinky dress ups but it does absolutely nothing. Everytime i try tell him i want to have sex in advance he seems to wait till the last minute and then goes to bed really tired.
At first i thought he might be cheating on me but he works his hours and goes straight to his house (he always rings me)
Apart from it he treats me great. He's kind, listening and attractive. Basically a great guy. Does anyone have any idea what may be wrong?

shellyboo

Without sounding facetious, your boyfriend probably has an idea of what's wrong. Talk to him.

Terodil

On the one hand, it's a common misconception that men 'want it' all the time. It's simply not true, there's a natural sex drive level which may be higher or lower, and additionally it ebbs and flows, both naturally and influenced by outer factors. On the other hand, you are saying that this has been going on for a year. If it was a couple of months I'd ask 'so what?', but a year... now that's a bit much.

I'm wondering, has he ever brought it up?

In any case, OP, Shelly has hit the nail on the head: We can speculate all we want (from a generally low sex drive masked in the honeymoon period to hormonal unbalance to lack of physical exercise or confidence to cheating), ultimately you have to sit down and discuss it.

My bit of advice here: Do it when you're not in bed. Do it some time in the early evening and discuss it like the serious issue it is. Make sure you show him it's not just you wanting sex, but it's about you two being close to each other in that way too. There are evil monsters at all sides of this discussion, tread carefully.

eviltwin

All you can do is ask and hope he'll talk about it. I had a similar problem with a relationship and I ended up thinking it was me, that somehow I was at fault.

Everytime I brought it up he would shrug his shoulders and say "nothing" is wrong. I tried to be nice, I tried to be angry - I got nowhere and eventually ended up meeting someone else. Sex isnt the be all and end all but its important and I wanted to be in a proper relationship rather than a glorified friendship

If everything else seems to be going okay I imagine its a problem he has that maybe he's too worried to talk to you about...I dont think its you personally but you deserve to know one way or the other. It could be something really silly that he was too afraid to bring up.

If he is going to tell you great...hopefully you can work on it but if he's going to keep it bottled up and basically refuse to sleep with you, you have to ask yourself is he really the one for you?

shellyboo

Terodil wrote: »

My bit of advice here: Do it when you're not in bed. Do it some time in the early evening and discuss it like the serious issue it is. Make sure you show him it's not just you wanting sex, but it's about you two being close to each other in that way too. There are evil monsters at all sides of this discussion, tread carefully.

Seconded. Don't do it in a sexual situation, do it in a neutral situation. It could be any one of a million things - from stress to insecurity - but ultimately, nobody but your boyfriend knows what's wrong. Tell him how much it's affecting your relationship and ask him what he thinks you can both do to fix it.

LegacyUser

I had the same problem with my boyfriend, It was always me that initiated sex, trying to come up with more ideas of how we could spice things up a bit, basically me making all the effort and then he'd always say he was really tired and go to bed before so we'd pretty much go weeks without having slept together.

We eventually broke up and although that wasnt the reason behind our split, it was a big part of it, I started to feel not good enough for him and i lost my confidence.

Since we've been apart, he has been hounding me non stop begging me to get back with him, how he's made such a big mistake and is seriously gagging for it and its not because he's not getting it elsehwere cos he is, he's drop dead gorgeous and has girls falling at his feet. I asked him why he wasnt into me as much as he is now when we were 2getr and he said it was cos i was too available all the time, said he never had to chase me, i was always there wanting sex which he now realises was a good thing and how he was such an idiot to have thought any different before!

So basically if you've already tried talking to him and getting nowhere then what I think you should do is not chase him, dont ask him or suggest doing anything dirty, leave it up to him to come to you, make him want you, lads love to chase, basically be sexy but dont be all about him and see what happens, try be sexy by accident if you know what i mean ( im rubbish at putting things in writing) get him to notice you perhaps in a different way...

Good luck!