Just so weird

LegacyUser

making a long story short, broke up with my OH a month ago after a 3 year relationship. A relationship which was so so strong until the last few months where we didnt get on as well but still loved eachother. He broke up with me. Said he needed to make sure the relationship is really what he wants and i respected that and decided that i wasnt going to let him hold me back! ibasically told him i wasnt waiting around and needed to move on with my life.

Im close to his best mates and theyve told me that hes on an internet dating site chatting to loads of girls, getting their numbers and looking to hook up with them?

Is it just me or is this not really strange?? Why is he doing this? He says he still loves me and can see us getting married some day but if hes up to this kinda thing so soon after were broken up i cant see myself getting back with him?

Advice?

Does this mean hes over me already?? Maybe he hasnt felt anything for me in quite a while.

LegacyUser

if these so called friends were real buddies they would not tell you that their friend your ex was on a dating site. id be very wary of what you believe from these guys. id be more of the thinking that they probably are trying to get into your pants. if u have an issue just bring it up with your ex (if ye still talk).

shellyboo

Nope, it doesn't mean he's over you - it doesn't really mean anything other than he's out having sex. Him hooking up with girls has no bearing on his feelings about you, he's doing what he said he wanted to - making sure a relationship is what he wants by not being in one for a while.

Now, if I were in your situation, I wouldn't have agreed to such a break in the first place... but you did, and so you need to deal with the consquences. If you don't want him back after this, don't take him back.

opinion guy

shellyboo wrote: »

it doesn't really mean anything other than he's out having sex.

Nope it doesn't even mean that. Its possible, but by no means definite.
ALL it means is his mates have "told me that hes on an internet dating site chatting to loads of girls, getting their numbers and looking to hook up with them?"

OP can I ask. Were you guys dating for a long time ? Were you young when ye got together ?


Is it possible your BF has bought into this frame of mind that he should be out sowing his wild oats whilst he can ? some people who've been in serious relationship from a young age tend to buy into this notion. He may feel he's somehow missing out on experiences or whatever

dirtydress

opinion guy wrote: »

Is it possible your BF has bought into this frame of mind that he should be out sowing his wild oats whilst he can ? some people who've been in serious relationship from a young age tend to buy into this notion. He may feel he's somehow missing out on experiences or whatever

Bang on. Id say this is definitely what he's doing - trying the single life for a while and he's decided to meet girls online, nothing wrong with that. If he's doing this then you need to move on too and not hold on to "He says he still loves me and can see us getting married some day", all of that is irrelevant when he isnt willing to commit - he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Move on OP, he clearly has.

Oh The Humanity

unregg wrote: »

m He says he still loves me and can see us getting married some day but if hes up to this kinda thing so soon after were broken up i cant see myself getting back with him?

Advice?

Does this mean hes over me already?? Maybe he hasnt felt anything for me in quite a while.

Maybe, people will say all sorts of stuff in order to 'cushion the blow' -its wrong in my opinion to do that as it actually increases the other persons suffering in the long run.

I remember (when younger and stupider) telling a long termer I broke up with all sorts. I wanted to be with other people but I felt guilty about it as he was my first boyfriend so I could hear myself telling him the exact opposite of what I really meant.

'We just need a break' translated to 'I want to be free to be with other people'
'Myabe down the line it will all work out' translated to 'i want to be free to be with other people now' there was never a down the line.

Stuff like that, I used to be amazed at the stuff coming out of my mouth and I know now I was very wrong for doing that.

The point as it relates to you is: Its not what he says that shows you his intentions and inner feelings, its what he does. His actions NOT his words.

I actually do think him being on the websites has a bearing on his feelings for you. His mates fed that little tasty morsel of information to you for a reason. I don't think he wants to get back with you as much as that might hurt.
I dont think you break up with someone or 'go on a break' with someone if deep down you want to marry them. You might keep your options open on the off chance but it 99% means 'I dont really care'