Does love change people?

Novella

I was listening to a song just there, the lyrics being, "Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all".

It got me thinking. I was with a guy for over two years when I was younger and I changed so much. I'm not sure if it was just because I was getting older and growing up or if it was due to some things I experienced or if it was directly related to him.

I mean, my life did sort of revolve around him for a while. I ended up spending all of my spare time with him and tbh, neglecting my friends etc, which I now feel terrible about. I pretty much did whatever he told me to and by the time I broke up with him, I had realised I didn't even recognise myself anymore sometimes.

So, do you think being in love, or even just being in a relationship changes people? Is it necessarily a bad thing?

Creamy Goodness

not sure about the love part, but definitely being in a relationship changes people.

the amount of people i've known - noticed i used the word known - that got girlfriends/boyfriends that basically don't want to know you or spend time with you is staggering tbh.

The_Minister

Yes.

I've never understood where the whole "you can't change a man" saying comes from.

I had a close male relative who was very intelligent, but not very sociable, would be downright rude and cold to people he wasn't interested in, and was generally a nerd.

Got a girlfriend who was a demanding, strident girl.
He is now very sociable and successful, and very personable.

She whipped him into shape.

minidazzler

Yes Love changes people like crazy!!! But the people in love never realise until after they are out of Love.

Professey Chin

I was only in love once and I know it definitely changed me. The only problem is I've no idea what it actually changed.Everyone just said there was something different about me but nobody could tell me what.

steve3

The main thing that love changes is how a person feels about themselves and ultimately that will change that person whether its in a good or bad way. Its amazing the changes that can occur when someone mentions 3 words to ya

LaMortis

Oh i agree about the relationship part completely. I went out with a guy for 8 months, who was very angry at everyone and always bitched about my mother (me and her had problems) and after a couple of months me and her could barely talk to each other. I'm now with a new bf for 3 years and he is one of those people who loves and cares for everyone. My relationship with my mother therefore got a lot better, and not just with her: i noticed myself being a lot nicer to people and gained quite a lot of friends.

Novella

It's pretty weird how wrapped up in a person you can become without even realising it. Sometimes I didn't know if the things I was saying were actually my own opinion or if they were things I thought he'd like me to think and say. Does that even make sense?!

Where's Wibbs? I need a super post Wibbs style to make everything clear!

Nervous Wreck

Love changes a person, but only to the same extent as does hate or relocation, or time, or bereavement or any list of things. Experience does the changing. Love and all these other factors merely facilitate it. As far as spending all of one's time with one person and neglecting your friends goes; well that's a choice, not an involuntary change.

LaMortis

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

As far as spending all of one's time with one person and neglecting your friends goes; well that's a choice, not an involuntary change.

I've noticed with myself and all my friends that it happens at first. After a couple of relationships we all learned that it's stupid and unacceptable.

Novella

LaMortis wrote: »

I've noticed with myself and all my friends that it happens at first. After a couple of relationships we all learned that it's stupid and unacceptable.

Yeah, for definite! You kinda just get so caught in in your first serious relationship or whatever, you don't even notice that you're doing it!

steve3

maybe you shouldnt try to analyse love to much,im not even sure its meant to make sence,i read that somewhere once:)

Sephiroth_dude

Ya it changed me and I neglected my friends,I will try not to do that in futhure.

pikachucheeks

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Love changes a person, but only to the same extent as does hate or relocation, or time, or bereavement or any list of things. Experience does the changing. Love and all these other factors merely facilitate it. As far as spending all of one's time with one person and neglecting your friends goes; well that's a choice, not an involuntary change.

Hit the nail on the head. ^^ This is also my opinion!

anonymous_joe

Course it changes you. Changes your behaviour massively.

Novella

steve3 wrote: »

maybe you shouldnt try to analyse love to much,im not even sure its meant to make sence,i read that somewhere once:)

Don't worry, I'm not trying to analyse anything. I just find it interesting.

Teferi

I think your first love changes you, after that you are unlikely to make the same mistakes - spending all your time with him/her, neglecting friends etc

If I could go back to give myself advice I would slap myself silly :rolleyes:

Raze_them_all

For most people yeah I think love changes them, me personally I don't think I change, maybe thats why relationships and me don't work out.

I figure if a girl wants me for who I am then why the fup would I change.

steve3

ah its definititly time for bed when its mostly men who are talking about how love changes a person

minidazzler

Raze_them_all wrote: »

For most people yeah I think love changes them, me personally I don't think I change, maybe thats why relationships and me don't work out.

I figure if a girl wants me for who I am then why the fup would I change.

Have you ever been in love? I haven't but I have seen it enough to realise that it's a TOTALLY unconscious change. It's so subtle and slow when it's done that the person who is changing doesn't notice. Their Friends notice but say "leave him be it's early days he'll grow out of it." But the fact is he won't grow out of it or realise it unless they break up.

Raze_them_all

minidazzler wrote: »

Have you ever been in love? I haven't but I have seen it enough to realise that it's a TOTALLY unconscious change. It's so subtle and slow when it's done that the person who is changing doesn't notice. Their Friends notice but say "leave him be it's early days he'll grow out of it." But the fact is he won't grow out of it or realise it unless they break up.

I say no but all my friends say I was with one girl. I didn't change though, If anything she did, she went from a veggie smoker to a non smoking fry loving person

minidazzler

Raze_them_all wrote: »

I say no but all my friends say I was with one girl. I didn't change though, If anything she did, she went from a veggie smoker to a non smoking fry loving person

You really changed her for the Better, kudos my good man!!!

I wouldn't trust my friends opinion of it really. Trust them with my life, but I won't have anyone else tell me I am in Love.

Crumble Froo

i don't know. i think whoever it was said that it's the confidence thing that chances you more than the love itself, i think was right.

it's so hard for me to say, because i fell in love with my current fella when i was still 17. im 21 now, and that timeframe alone, well, huge change is inevitable, as well as my whole social/lifestyle thing, ive experienced so much and learnt and adapted through all of it, but i dont think it's the 'love' side of things that has changed it, i think it's more maturity and confidence that have changed me.

though i did do the one thing i never ever expected to do, and emigrate because of love.

Madame Razz

I don't think that it necessarily changes a person, but real all consuming love can certainly enhance them. I think it can bring out the good in them and help with the bad, sometimes even healing the bad, as the bad can be borne of issues that love can address, like low self esteem etc. I think in the main love can make a person stronger and helps them to see whats important in life, and what isn't.

g'em

Love can have a little or a profound effect on someone, depending on who they are and their personal well-being when they enter a relationship.

There are some lucky folks who can stand alone as securely as they stand beside someone. For them their wholeness comes from within, and a relationship simply enhances the good bits and quells the less desirable facets of their personality.

And for the the rest of us, for the ones who have something missing (big or little depending on your own personal situation) love can change us in massive ways - it can fill a void or you may try to fill someone else's, you may mould and bend and shape yourself to try and fit into someone else's ideals, and all in the name of amore. That doesn't make it right or wrong, it just makes it what it is. There are givers and takers, fixers and breakers in the world, all of whom will change (or want to change someone else) in different ways when confronted with love.

We all change when we're in love, it wouldn't be love otherwise, but the extent of those changes really depends on how whole you were to begin with. imho anyway

Nevyn

The_Minister wrote: »

Yes.

I've never understood where the whole "you can't change a man" saying comes from.

I had a close male relative who was very intelligent, but not very sociable, would be downright rude and cold to people he wasn't interested in, and was generally a nerd.

Got a girlfriend who was a demanding, strident girl.
He is now very sociable and successful, and very personable.

She whipped him into shape.

He had to want to change and to make it happen.
She may have provided support and encouragement but he had to sieze the opportunity himself.

Any key?

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

well that's a choice, not an involuntary change.

Bingo!
besides its all part of that honeymoon phase.
It doesn't last for the entire relationship.

Wibbs

It changed me I'd have to say. For good and bad. Losing it changed me more though. I changed hugely after it. A little(a lot at first) more cynical as a bad side effect, but in the rest of my life it made very good changes.

metrovelvet

It can, but its loss changes you more.

stovelid

I would categorize my position on this as being in broad congruence with Climie Fisher.

ash23

It definitely does.
I was with someone from the ages of 19 to 26. Huge changes. Changed jobs, moved away form family and friends. He was my only friend and my family.

When we split, I endured the usual misery for a while, then gave myself a kick up the arse and got happy again.

People still say to me that they can't believe how much I've changed (for the better). I'm now outgoing, bubbly and sociable.
But I know the truth. This is me, the real me. This is who i was before I met him.
Like Wibbs, slightly more cynical and with a bit more baggage and a bit less tolerant of lame excuses lol, but this is who I was. Can't believe I'd let myself become a shell of who I was but baby, I'm back!!!!

Dudess

stovelid wrote: »

I would categorize my position on this as being in broad congruence with Climie Fisher.

:D:D

Michael Ball for me... :pac:

OP, it's a difficult one to answer I think. It does of course change you, but sometimes only on the inside, not in a way that's apparent to those on the outside. Does it change you temporarily or permanently? Depends. Are we talking about the good side of it or the bad side of it? The bad side of it (heartbreak) can not just change people, but literally **** them up.

Jood

To be honest being in love didn't change me very much it just made me a happier version of myself. Now the heartbreak changed me, at first it made me needy, bitter and self loathing untill I came through the haze and now I'm a much stronger resilliant person because of it, so I guess my answer would be yes, it does change you!!

Nervous Wreck

Jood wrote: »

To be honest being in love didn't change me very much it just made me a happier version of myself. Now the heartbreak changed me, at first it made me needy, bitter and self loathing untill I came through the haze and now I'm a much stronger resilliant person because of it, so I guess my answer would be yes, it does change you!!

You're talking about overcoming adversity, not being changed by love.

Dudess

But it's still being changed by love - as I said, a difficult one to answer. There are so many dimensions and variants to consider.

Jood

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

You're talking about overcoming adversity, not being changed by love.

True, but the heartbreak was a direct result of being in love. To be honest as I'm getting older I realise how much I'm changing as person and I put this down to all the different things I'm experiencing, love being one of those things.

SeekUp

Wait, wait . . . there's a difference between changes in your actions/behavior and changes in who you are as a person. Just because I start spending my time differently doesn't change who I am.

I think love can bring out the best in people, and allow them to relax into themselves a bit, if that makes sense . . . to let their guard down and be more open to others around them.

g'em wrote: »

We all change when we're in love, it wouldn't be love otherwise, but the extent of those changes really depends on how whole you were to begin with. imho anyway

I agree 100% . . . and as someone else mentioned, the changes have as much to do with pure experience as anything else. Has love itself changed the core of who I am? I don't think so. But if you're in/experiencing love, that's just one of the many experiences that shapes you as a person and contributes to how you change.

Acacia

Can relate so much to the OP. Just recently came out of a long-term relationship (my first, I'm a break-up newbie ). I do feel I've changed a lot, I actually feel like a completely different person to the way I used to be. I feel a lot stronger (well, after the initial crappiness of the break up wore off.:()

So yeah, in my experience it defintely changed me, not always for the best (I feel , like the OP, that I sort of lost a bit of my identity in the relationship), but not always for the worst either.

MizzLolly

It definitely changes you, from my experience. It's kind of scary really! I know I was set back a long way by one guy in particular, probably because he was quite nasty at times but it definitely made an impact on me.

Abi

I don't think a person / their love can make someone change. I think there are aspects of each of the couples personalities that sort of evolves certain traits in each person. I don't know how much sense that makes!

But when you think about it, even as a single person you would change. Both through age and experiences. Single or taken you're going to change.

Iron Hide

I hate the argument that people have about relationships can ruin friendships, when your in a relationship with someone it is quite natural that you want to spend more time with them. While i don't agree with ditching your friends for that one special someone, your real mates would understand and realise how you feel about your boy/girlfriend and that you want to spend time with them....

In some respects then, a relationship can help you figure out who your real friends are..

Novella

Raze_them_all wrote: »

I say no but all my friends say I was with one girl. I didn't change though, If anything she did, she went from a veggie smoker to a non smoking fry loving person

I agree, you didn't change at all. You're always the same, no matter what! I don't know if that's because you didn't love her or whatever, but you were still the same person, just.... kinda.... committed to someone for a while anyway!! :P

Mr Yellow

In some respects then, a relationship can help you figure out who your real friends are..[/quote]

Ive had 1 'friend' n particular who totally forgets his friends when he has a girlfriend, surprise surprise he comes running when hes single again.... & he useda have the cheek (when he was single) to say we'll go on the beer & imply i tell me mrs to p*ss off, im out with the lads! (what a nob)
There is a fine balance tho.....somehow - with the right friends!

Joey the lips

Love does not change you it brings you out. You cannot change what is not good in a person and to love is one of the most amazing gifts in life.

Be it
a husband loveing a wife
a father loving a child

It only happens because it was there all along.

Eviledna

A Misinterpretation of "love" absolutely ruined me at a young age. It made me submissive, I lost myself in the struggle to maintain it. I was so sure it was love without any evidence, and at too young an age I bought into the notion that you have to sacrifice to make a relationship work. I was doing all the sacrificing and being made a fool of all along.

True love set me free. Seriously. I can say that without a hint of sarcasm, knowing how trite it sounds, yet I am utterly sincere. True love came along and smacked me across the face, showed me everything I was missing, taught me to respect myself, to aim high, not to settle.
Without it I could have been blind, stupid and mute forever.

I paid attention. It took a while, unlearning bad habits I had learned too young. My love was not perfect. We both had baggage, so we faced baggage claim together. We grew together, faced trials, overcame obstacles. The true and pure love behind it meant we could face these things without faltering, despite how hard life can be. Love makes us ourselves completely when we are together. He is the first person I call when I'm in need, he's the first person I want to tell good news to. He makes me feel on the outside like I feel within.

Now that I can recognise the real thing, love has definitely changed me, for the better.

Raze_them_all

Novella wrote: »

I agree, you didn't change at all. You're always the same, no matter what! I don't know if that's because you didn't love her or whatever, but you were still the same person, just.... kinda.... committed to someone for a while anyway!! :P

It's like having adhd with relationionships!!

Crumble Froo

ok. if i have to hear this song in my head every single time i see the thread title... i'd like to inflict a bit of this pain on you lot, cos im in a cranky feckin mood :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hErkQ6278c

jellie

Crumble Froo wrote: »

ok. if i have to hear this song in my head every single time i see the thread title... i'd like to inflict a bit of this pain on you lot, cos im in a cranky feckin mood :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hErkQ6278c

oh God, now its in my head. that should be a bannable offence..

I think g'em put it best. Of course it changes you but how much and in what way depends on who you are in the first place. But you cant go through life without changing, my relationships with my friends have probably changed me too. Different people will have different effects on you.

God that STUPID song.. *officially hates Crumble Foo*

Dudess

Red Storm wrote: »

I hate the argument that people have about relationships can ruin friendships, when your in a relationship with someone it is quite natural that you want to spend more time with them. While i don't agree with ditching your friends for that one special someone, your real mates would understand and realise how you feel about your boy/girlfriend and that you want to spend time with them....

In some respects then, a relationship can help you figure out who your real friends are..

There's a difference between spending a lot of time with your boyfriend/girlfriend (which of course is reasonable) versus not seeing your friends at all. And then rushing to meet friends when himself/herself isn't around, but spending the night texting/on the phone to him/her.

Orla K

I haven't read any of the posts but I saw the title earlier and thought about it for ages. I would have to say life changes people, hate could change people but there's much more love than anything else in life. You love your friends (hopefully anyway) and they change you as you do them, your family more so moulds you when your growning up and when your a parent your children change you and as for the romantic love, well yeah both of the people change but I think if it's too much or not at all the relationship won't work.

It's not just people that change you it's events, sights, sounds(Akio Suzuki) and everything else ie life.

anonymous_joe

Dudess wrote: »

There's a difference between spending a lot of time with your boyfriend/girlfriend (which of course is reasonable) versus not seeing your friends at all. And then rushing to meet friends when himself/herself isn't around, but spending the night texting/on the phone to him/her.

Done that before. Never too a massive degree but I've seen someone do that to such an extent that no-one bothers with them anymore. Bit of a waste of a friend.