Is this cheating?? Feel so betrayed..

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I am with my bf for 5 years and during that time we've had our fair share of ups and downs.
We have broken up a few times but have always gotten back together. Even during our break ups we'd be in touch every few weeks. the longest we were apart was 8 months, that was 2 years ago. We are both 28.

We haven't been getting on well lately and he ended things last week. I was very upset by this. He told me that he loves me but he knows we won't last so there's no point wasting each others time. He said he doesn't want to be in contact at all and I told him I'll respect that.

Long story short, the night he broke up with me he left his phone behind in my house. I couldn't help but wonder if he had met somebody else so I looked through his phone. Bad move I know but I was in shock and upset and I needed to know.

I found messages from his ex girlfriend. They went out for 3 years before we got together but he always told me that since they split, they hadn't stayed in touch. He said anytime he met her out it was awkward and he didn't particularly like her as person. I believed him fully (I had no reason not to) and so she was never a threat to me.

We hang around in a big gang and there are often weddings, birthdays etc that she'd be at but I never worried once. Countless times he'd go to sessions or nights out when she'd be there but I wouldn't and I never cared.

I found a message from basically saying that it was great fun hooking up and he's still a great lover. He replied saying so are you, you have the best t*ts!!

Now, there were a few more flirty sexy messages BUT when I checked the dates, we were broken up at the time.

I still feel absolutely sick and like a fool for never knowing this. I know he was single then and could what he wanted (he slept with lots of girls and I did guys) but this really really hurts. There are also messages recently just catching up with each other and they are friends on facebook.

He came back for his phone and I kept my act together and said nothing. He doesn't know that I know and I can't tell him I know but I feel so awful.

We are over now and I knwo that makes this all irrelevant but I am consumed by it.

I still love him loads and we have been through so much together. I just thought he loved me more and wouldn't disrespect me like this.

can anyone offer some words of comfort or advice? Maybe you all think it's nothing though, just whatever you think please be straight with me.

This is making me unwell.

Thanks.

Kimia

Hi OP, I'm really sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. It's awful to be on the receiving end of a break up, especially when you are still in love with the other person, but that was salt in the wounds.

Were these texts from the time you were broken up 2 years ago? Weird that he would have held onto them for that long..

Either way, you're right, it's irrelevant. Why don't you look at it from the perspective of - he's not the right one for you. If he was you would be still with him. Regardless of whether he cheated or not, it's over.

I realise how difficult that will be. I don't really know what to say other than it will get better in time. Don't get bitter or resentful towards other men either, they're not all the same and you will find someone who believes that you are right for them.

I know the pain of wondering whether he cheated on you when you were together will be a killer, and just the fact that you blindly didn't know, will sting a lot. Try to put it behind you, and take the higher road instead of questioning him. Let it go now, and move on with your head held high. Best of luck x

LegacyUser

Kimia wrote: »

Hi OP, I'm really sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. It's awful to be on the receiving end of a break up, especially when you are still in love with the other person, but that was salt in the wounds.

Were these texts from the time you were broken up 2 years ago? Weird that he would have held onto them for that long..

Either way, you're right, it's irrelevant. Why don't you look at it from the perspective of - he's not the right one for you. If he was you would be still with him. Regardless of whether he cheated or not, it's over.

I realise how difficult that will be. I don't really know what to say other than it will get better in time. Don't get bitter or resentful towards other men either, they're not all the same and you will find someone who believes that you are right for them.

I know the pain of wondering whether he cheated on you when you were together will be a killer, and just the fact that you blindly didn't know, will sting a lot. Try to put it behind you, and take the higher road instead of questioning him. Let it go now, and move on with your head held high. Best of luck x

Thank you for your reply.

The texts were from 2 years ago and we definitley not going out at the time.
So it's not that I think he cheated really, just that he always told me that they didn't even speak. He told me it was always awkward anytime he met her and that he no longer liked her as a person even.

The texts are so sexy and they were texting as recently as a few months ago. the more recent texts are just frinedly ones like - how are you, how's the job going, kinda thing but still.

He has been to so many events where she has been - weddings, sessions, even a halloween party thats coming up they'll both be at.

I have these images now that they were hooking up the whole time. The texts were so familiar and flirty they fancy the ass off each other and he had led me to believe they hadn't spoken in a long time.

I just feel betrayed by this. I know 2 years ago is a long time but I don't know what happened since then. the texts were so exy that I know they would have met up a few times.

He lied to me and I feel sick by it.

I am friends with 2 of my exes but he gets on great with them too. I have nothing to hide, we are exes for a reason and now are just frineds.

I feel like an idiot and I hate her now too. She probably has been laughing at me all along.

I keep picturing them together. They broke up like 6 years ago but are still all flirty???



I just wanna get drunk

Katgurl

Oh you poor thing OP, that's horrible and rubbing salt in the wound.

It sounded a difficult relationship with all the breaks / hook-ups thrown in.

I understand you must be devastated reading the text her sent her about her t*ts but seriously don't bother, if anything she must be jealous of you - he slept with her and she could well have wanted to start things up again and then he went back to you. He probably felt guilty abotu it and that may have added to why he didn't like chatting to her then he almost forgot he was ever with her, just put it out of his head. If they really fancied the asses off each other, they would be together, end of. maybe she did behave horribly to him after she felt used and discarded. the old wounds may have healed now which is why they are sorta friendly again.

That's **** though, he sounds horrible to be honest, i think when the initial pain wears off you are going to be glad to be rid of him.

I really feel bad for you, because breakups are so awful and painful without added complications.

jellyboy

The pain of the break up is making the txts and the ex seem a hundred times worse...
go get drunk,take a spa break,do whatever it takes...

but allso hounor the realship...he didnt cheat(im guessing) and he was with u for all that time...he was /is in love with you...not her

and who knows what the future holds? love is whatever it is....;)