totally confused

just a man · 20-10-2009 9:50am #1

hi all.
I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. recently I was on her laptop and for some reason checked th history of her web browser. i saw that she had visited a dating website, many many times. i went to the web address and saw that she had a profile. i didn't log in and look at what was there though. i confronted her and she said that she was feeling a bit lonely, and just wanted to chat to people. i was very annoyed, obviously. we almost broke up because i felt she broken my trust. so she deleted the profile. secretly i set up a profile for myself and did some investigating. there was a profile for a girl whose description seemed all too familiar. the times this profile was active coincided with the times when my girlfriend was at home on her own. i simply texted the profile name to my girlfriends phone and she admitted it was her and that this was a new profile. again, she said that she was only lonely and wanted to talk to people. i wasn't very happy and demanded she close it. she did. but there was more. she had added some of these men to her msn and was also chatting there. she admitted this and uninstalled msn. but, she added one of these men on her facebook profile. he lives in another country but it makes me feel really uncomfortable. i told her this but she said i was being unreasonable, and that he's just a friend.
am i being unreasonable???

opinion guy · 20-10-2009 9:54am

a tad.

whilst i don't feel you are in the wrong, i do think you are perhaps ignoring her warning signs. She is telling you she is lonely, to the point where she is going online to chat to people.

Oh The Humanity · 20-10-2009 9:59am

just a man wrote: »

i confronted her and she said that she was feeling a bit lonely, and just wanted to chat to people.

I can't believe she seriously said this and expects you to swallow it. If she feels that lonely set her free and she can msn and chat to as many people as she likes.

She is a cheeky mare. Her behaviour is totally out of order. when you are in a relationship you DONT go on dating sites (for any reason, that includes 'a joke', just to 'chat' or any of the other pi$$ poor excuses people use for these things) You don't make new friends of the opposite sex :rolleyes: You don't spend hours online chatting to strangers for an ego boost, sexual thrills or in an attempt to start up an affair or anything else.

just a man wrote: »

again, she said that she was only lonely and wanted to talk to people. i wasn't very happy and demanded she close it. she did. but there was more. she had added some of these men to her msn and was also chatting there. she admitted this and uninstalled msn. but, she added one of these men on her facebook profile. he lives in another country but it makes me feel really uncomfortable. i told her this but she said i was being unreasonable, and that he's just a friend.
am i being unreasonable???

No you are not being unreasonable SHE IS.
Not only did she do it once and get caught, she is a repeat offender AND she thinks you are some sort of mug.

Just a friend Ha! She must think you fell down in the last shower. I don't think you can trust this one. The minute your back is turned she will be up to no good again. She sees you as a soft touch and has no intentions of curtailing her fun at all. She is not sorry, she is just sorry she got caught.

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:00am

opinion guy wrote: »

a tad.

whilst i don't feel you are in the wrong, i do think you are perhaps ignoring her warning signs. She is telling you she is lonely, to the point where she is going online to chat to people.

i dont think its an issue of me ignoring her. we spend a lot of quality time together and im very committed to her. as much as any couple would. she doesnt have a lot of friends though. but adding a person on facebook? it freaks me out that this person now knows all her details and also has seen photos of me and knows my name.

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:02am

im not really a soft touch as bf though. she knows im a jealous person at times. its really pi**ing me off.

minidazzler · 20-10-2009 10:02am

Yup, you are being very unreasonable and you come across as very controlling and paranoid to me.

She is feeling LONELY, She wants to TALK to people, don't be so god damn threatened by Internet people. She only want's to talk to them not fcuk them. Do you just not trust her? If you can't trust her after 3 years together why not just end it?

There is nothing wrong with the girl talking to men online. Leave her be and stalking about looking for her is just bad.

Who are you to say who she can and cannot talk to?

shellyboo · 20-10-2009 10:03am

just a man wrote: »

i dont think its an issue of me ignoring her. we spend a lot of quality time together and im very committed to her. as much as any couple would. she doesnt have a lot of friends though. but adding a person on facebook? it freaks me out that this person now knows all her details and also has seen photos of me and knows my name.

Ok, yes... what she's doing is wrong. But she's telling you she's lonely. Have you tried to fix that either of the two times she's told you? Or have you gone on as before?

What she's doing is not cool, and it's showing a lack of respect to you in your relationship, especially since she's done it twice. But if you want to stay with her (and I'm not saying you should) you need to address the root of the problem and not the symptom.

So first, you need to decide if you want to stay or go. If you decide to stay, there's work to be done on both sides - not just her.

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:04am

minidazzler wrote: »

Yup, you are being very unreasonable and you come across as very controlling and paranoid to me.

She is feeling LONELY, She wants to TALK to people, don't be so god damn threatened by Internet people. She only want's to talk to them not fcuk them. Do you just not trust her? If you can't trust her after 3 years together why not just end it?

There is nothing wrong with the girl talking to men online. Leave her be and stalking about looking for her is just bad.

Who are you to say who she can and cannot talk to?

im certainly not a paranoid person. thank you.

Oh The Humanity · 20-10-2009 10:13am

'Being lonely' doesn't excuse her behaviour. She sounds like she is playing the martyr there. I dont think OP should allow her to employ double standards here. If a man caught out doing this came out with 'I was lonely' everyone would quite rightly dismiss it.

IF she is lonely it is HER responsibility to do something about it NOT sneakily go onto her computer and start chatting, flirting on dating sites.

Being lonely sounds like an excuse. Its no wonder she has no friends if she spends all her spare time online.

Is she from another country or whats the supposed difficulty she is having meeting people?

LegacyUser · 20-10-2009 10:16am

it's not about being afraid of the internet! it's about WHERE on the internet she choses to find companionship.

there are many social networking sites, web fora etc that are there mainly for friendship and chatter. a dating website is NOT one of them! a dating website is for those seeking romantic connection.

she is feeding you a line! especially given the fact that she went behind your back and set up a new profile! to me that's a dumpable offence.

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:20am

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

'Being lonely' doesn't excuse her behaviour. She sounds like she is playing the martyr there. I dont think OP should allow her to employ double standards here. If a man caught out doing this came out with 'I was lonely' everyone would quite rightly dismiss it.

IF she is lonely it is HER responsibility to do something about it NOT sneakily go onto her computer and start chatting, flirting on dating sites.

Being lonely sounds like an excuse. Its no wonder she has no friends if she spends all her spare time online.

Is she from another country or whats the supposed difficulty she is having meeting people?

not really sure why she doesnt meet new friends. she is quite likeable.

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:21am

should i demand she remove that person from facebook?

opinion guy · 20-10-2009 10:25am

just a man wrote: »

i dont think its an issue of me ignoring her. we spend a lot of quality time together and im very committed to her. as much as any couple would. she doesnt have a lot of friends though. but adding a person on facebook? it freaks me out that this person now knows all her details and also has seen photos of me and knows my name.

Is she shy ?
Its easier to meet people online.

just a man wrote: »

im not really a soft touch as bf though. she knows im a jealous person at times. its really pi**ing me off.

See now - this is a loaded statement to me. 'not really a soft touch as bf' - what does this mean ? sounds kinda controlling. shes knows your a jealous person at times ? Do you let her out ? Do you allow her have friends ? Male friends ? Would that threaten you ? Does she think tht would threaten you ? Could it be that she goes for online friends because real friends threaten you ?

Just asking.

If you want to help her out - why not suggest she takes up a class or something, gets to meet some new people

daisybelle2008 · 20-10-2009 10:25am

Unacceptable for a number of reasons:

Main one is deception. She is obviously pretending to be single and denying your existence.

By all means chat online with people in forums about stuff and hobbys but don't create a profile on a dating site pretending to be single looking for a boyfriend!!. It is inexcusable and not a way to address her boredom.

Its a dating site people!! God your self esteem must be in ****. Really OP think about if this is good for either of you. Her conivving to on the dating sites and you trying to catch her out. Trust is non existent.

shellyboo · 20-10-2009 10:26am

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

'Being lonely' doesn't excuse her behaviour. She sounds like she is playing the martyr there. I dont think OP should allow her to employ double standards here. If a man caught out doing this came out with 'I was lonely' everyone would quite rightly dismiss it.

IF she is lonely it is HER responsibility to do something about it NOT sneakily go onto her computer and start chatting, flirting on dating sites.

Being lonely sounds like an excuse. Its no wonder she has no friends if she spends all her spare time online.

Is she from another country or whats the supposed difficulty she is having meeting people?

I actually agree with you, OTH... she does sound like she's playing the martyr a tad. But what I'm saying is that IF the OP wants to salvage the relationship, he needs to do some work on addressing her problem - even if that means pointing up to HER htat she's not making enough of an effort to ease her loneliness in a way that's not detrimental to their relationship.

I just think that he's ignored two fairly pertinent cries for attention from the gf, it's little wonder she went back to the internet. I don't think it's double standards to say he needs to address this, I said pretty much the same thing to a woman in the same situation in another thread - this behaviour is a cry for attention.

Presuming the people in question are normal and not total egomaniacs, it's a symptom that something is lacking somewhere in the relationship. That root cause needs to be fixed; even if he throws her computer out the window, it will manifest in another way.

daisybelle2008 · 20-10-2009 10:28am

just a man wrote: »

should i demand she remove that person from facebook?

Why bother, if she wants to go behind your back and pretend she is single on dating sites even when you have confronted her and said you don't want her to, why waste your time policing her?
Set her free to pursue her cheating in peace and get yourself a trustworthy girlfriend. Really, the fact you are even asking that shows a huge imbalance and problem in your relationship...

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:29am

opinion guy wrote: »

Is she shy ?
Its easier to meet people online.

See now - this is a loaded statement to me. 'not really a soft touch as bf' - what does this mean ? sounds kinda controlling. shes knows your a jealous person at times ? Do you let her out ? Do you allow her have friends ? Male friends ? Would that threaten you ? Does she think tht would threaten you ? Could it be that she goes for online friends because real friends threaten you ?

Just asking.

If you want to help her out - why not suggest she takes up a class or something, gets to meet some new people

no. Iv'e always been suporting. I've encouraged her to go out on work nights out, or to take night classes for some of her interests or get a social hobby so she could meet new people.

DontYaThink · 20-10-2009 10:31am

Saying he's being unreasonable is ridiculous. He is in no way being unreasonable. If she is lonely, she should talk to him about it. He's not a mind reader.
What she is doing is wrong, no two ways about it.

I'd also like to point out, if it was a girl on here posting this same thing about her BF there'd be war, sayng he was in the wrong, that she should end it with him and so on.

I'm a girl and if I was doing something like this behind my boyfriends back there'd be something seriously wrong with my relationship. Regardless of whether I was "feeling lonely" or not!

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:32am

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Unacceptable for a number of reasons:

God your self esteem must be in ****. .

just a tad.

Oh The Humanity · 20-10-2009 10:43am

shellyboo wrote: »

I actually agree with you, OTH... she does sound like she's playing the martyr a tad. But what I'm saying is that IF the OP wants to salvage the relationship, he needs to do some work on addressing her problem - even if that means pointing up to HER htat she's not making enough of an effort to ease her loneliness in a way that's not detrimental to their relationship.

Well, he could try it. I dunno if I'd trust her though. I don't feel she is genuine.

shellyboo wrote: »

I just think that he's ignored two fairly pertinent cries for attention from the gf, it's little wonder she went back to the internet. I don't think it's double standards to say he needs to address this, I said pretty much the same thing to a woman in the same situation in another thread - this behaviour is a cry for attention.

But I dont feel it is a cry for attention. I feel it was just a sneaky, selfish thing she did and got caught doing twice. She was not hoping to be found out, she got caught. I dont for a minute think she is vulnerable in any way. I think she is ripping OP off and takes him for a mug.

shellyboo wrote: »

Presuming the people in question are normal and not total egomaniacs, it's a symptom that something is lacking somewhere in the relationship. That root cause needs to be fixed; even if he throws her computer out the window, it will manifest in another way.

I agree, no point in policing her/throwing out the computer etc. I think the root cause here though is she is just selfish and deceptive. I dont see how that can be fixed really.....

shellyboo · 20-10-2009 10:48am

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Well, he could try it. I dunno if I'd trust her though. I don't feel she is genuine.

But I dont feel it is a cry for attention. I feel it was just a sneaky, selfish thing she did and got caught doing twice. She was not hoping to be found out, she got caught. I dont for a minute think she is vulnerable in any way. I think she is ripping OP off and takes him for a mug.

I agree, no point in policing her/throwing out the computer etc. I think the root cause here though is she is just selfish and deceptive. I dont see how that can be fixed really.....

Well, we're coming from different places on it then... I'd be more inclined to give someone the benefit of the doubt and try to fix/help their problem as best I can; even if that means they later fcuk me over

At least that way I know I did my best within the relationship and I gave it a fair chance.

It just strikes me that IF the OP's gf is in fact lonely, and is turning to the internet because of that, then that's something that's fixable between them, in a way that will make their relationship better and stronger. Not a reason to throw a good relationship away. But that's really for the OP to decide.

daisybelle2008 · 20-10-2009 10:49am

just a man wrote: »

just a tad.

You poor thing, you obviously love her and want to give her the benefit of the doubt. But really you are going to bring yourself down further and further. You cannot trust her as far as you can throw her, now you can accept that and continue the way you are but the price to pay is huge for you emotionally. Mind yourself whatever you decide.
Although it is hard suggesting time apart might be best. Might pull the rug from under her and make her appreciate what she has got.

Another thing about this bulls*it behaviour that seems rampant at the moment of peoples OH's going on dating sites for nonsense reasons. What about all the poor genuine suckers on the sites thinking they are genuine single people. They are lying to them as well as dicking around with their other halfs trust. Personally i think they have no moral fibre and should be kicked to the kerb. But that is just me.

just a man · 20-10-2009 10:52am

shellyboo wrote: »

Well, we're coming from different places on it then... I'd be more inclined to give someone the benefit of the doubt and try to fix/help their problem as best I can; even if that means they later fcuk me over At least that way I know I did my best within the relationship and I gave it a fair chance.

It just strikes me that IF the OP's gf is in fact lonely, and is turning to the internet because of that, then that's something that's fixable between them, in a way that will make their relationship better and stronger. Not a reason to throw a good relationship away. But that's really for the OP to decide.

thanks. im the same. i usually give people the benefit of the doubt. im not a paranoid or controlling person. i do want to try and make the relationship work. I'm actually confident enough that she isn't chatting on those sites anymore. ive made a huge effort recently to make sure she isnt lonely. but ive told her how uncomfortable i am with one of them on her facebook profile. should she not erase him knowing how uncomfortable it makes her bf.? I would

opinion guy · 20-10-2009 10:54am

Fair enough OP. Sorry for being hard on you. But again - shes knows your a jealous person - what does this mean ?

To be honest what I think is this. I actually disagree with most people in that I don't see these online dating sites as being all that serious. There is a huge difference between a) going on there and trying to arrange to meet people for a bit of sly nookie and b) going on there and just flirting a bit. I certainly do NOT call b) cheating as some have. In fact I can even see that b) might be the stop-gap measure that fills in a gap in some people's lives and stops them going out and flirting with real people/cheating.

I largely agree with shellyboo. Yes how your girl is acting is not the best. But its not the heinous crime that some are making it out to be. I do think you have already let her know you are pissed off about it - no point in laboring that fact. Now as regards this particular guy. Thats a bit sticky allright. Well isn't it possible they have become friends. And didn't you say he was in another country ? Hmmm up to you how stubborn you would be about this. But as someone else said - whats the point in forcing her ? If its innocent you will only drive her away, if its not then she'll just start it up again anyhow.

But as shellyboo said - this behaviour is a symptom of something. And yes she should ahve spoken to you - but she didnt', so here we are. Seems like you guys need to have a talk. You laying down the law and stopping her from internetting is not fixing the problem. Ask her why she does this and is there something you can do to help her feel less lonely.

DontYaThink · 20-10-2009 10:54am

shellyboo wrote: »

At least that way I know I did my best within the relationship and I gave it a fair chance.

Why should he have to "work" oh her problems. They've been going out for 3 years. If she's willing to behave like this after that amount of time then TBO, she's not worth his time or effort.

shellyboo wrote: »

reason to throw a good relationship away. But that's really for the OP to decide.

She did that the minute she signed up to these sites. Not once but twice, even after she was caught!

Sounds to me that's she's an attention seeker and is trying to make you jealous. What type of relationship is that.

OP, you deserve better. Let her off and go find someone who'll appreceiate you and not f**k you about.

minidazzler · 20-10-2009 10:59am

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Well, he could try it. I dunno if I'd trust her though. I don't feel she is genuine.

But I dont feel it is a cry for attention. I feel it was just a sneaky, selfish thing she did and got caught doing twice. She was not hoping to be found out, she got caught. I dont for a minute think she is vulnerable in any way. I think she is ripping OP off and takes him for a mug.

I agree, no point in policing her/throwing out the computer etc. I think the root cause here though is she is just selfish and deceptive. I dont see how that can be fixed really.....

How do you have any feelings whatsoever with regard this? You need to remember you do not have all the facts, so "feeling" she can't be trusted is not exactly something someone should go on. You are making huge assumptions here based on little evidence.

OP, your GF is lonely, she wanted to talk to people online, as she told you, because she is lonely. Maybe you don't give her enough attention, maybe you didn't give her enough attention after the first time she told you, but the fact of the matter is she is lonely. You don't own or control her, she is her own woman and talking to people from other places is OK.

If she hasn't expressed intent to do anything with them then there is nothing at all wrong with it. Maybe they are just chatting? I know I chat online to loads of different people, including married and engaged women. It's all innocent until you can prove otherwise.

squonk · 20-10-2009 10:59am

I agree with most of the posts here. There are plenty of places she can go in the net if she's lonely. Boards itself is a lively enough spot to find things going on. There are plenty of other discussion fora as well.

Sounds a lot to me like she's hedging her bets. You've been going out 3 years, maybe she's realising the relationship isn't entirely suiting her but instead of having a bit of gumption and telling you straight up or even discussing that with you, she's sneaking around on dating sites trying to see what's out there and could she meet someone else... but doesn't want to be single while she's doing that because maybe she'd feel insecure about it and, as you siad, hasn't many friends anyway to take up the slack.

I may have her pegged wrong but I don't like the sound of her and 'loneliness' sounds like a real BS excuse for being caught doing what she's doing. My gut reaction is that if she wants to be on dating websites, good luck to her - she might as well be single while she's on there. She's playing you!

just a man · 20-10-2009 11:00am

minidazzler wrote: »

How do you have any feelings whatsoever with regard this? You need to remember you do not have all the facts, so "feeling" she can't be trusted is not exactly something someone should go on. You are making huge assumptions here based on little evidence.

OP, your GF is lonely, she wanted to talk to people online, as she told you, because she is lonely. Maybe you don't give her enough attention, maybe you didn't give her enough attention after the first time she told you, but the fact of the matter is she is lonely. You don't own or control her, she is her own woman and talking to people from other places is OK.

If she hasn't expressed intent to do anything with them then there is nothing at all wrong with it. Maybe they are just chatting? I know I chat online to loads of different people, including married and engaged women. It's all innocent until you can prove otherwise.

do you go onto dating websites to chat to these people??

shellyboo · 20-10-2009 11:03am

just a man wrote: »

but ive told her how uncomfortable i am with one of them on her facebook profile. should she not erase him knowing how uncomfortable it makes her bf.? I would

She definitely should. If the guy means nothing to her, it should mean nothing to her to delete him.

DontYaThink wrote: »

Why should he have to "work" oh her problems. They've been going out for 3 years. If she's willing to behave like this after that amount of time then TBO, she's not worth his time or effort.

He doesn't HAVE to, I never said he did. I said if he chooses to stay with her, he needs to find out WHY she's doing it. Not just tell her to stop. Otherwise nothing will change.

opinion guy · 20-10-2009 11:04am

just a man wrote: »

no. Iv'e always been suporting. I've encouraged her to go out on work nights out, or to take night classes for some of her interests or get a social hobby so she could meet new people.

Wait no - I do want to know - how do you feel about her having male friends?

LegacyUser · 20-10-2009 11:09am

Hi OP,

I have been in the exact same situation as you, my ex was on dating sites and social networking sites and was chatting to a lot of women on them (about 1000 I estinated). He sounds like you gf in that he had very little friends and was on these sites when he was alone in the house and was simultanously online playing poker.

It is cheating - plain and simple. How would she feel if you were doing the same as her and chatting to loads of girls online as you were bored and lonely? I think it says a lot of how that person views the relationship.

In my case the guy moved on very quickly from me to another girl whom he met online. He has since told me he is very serious about this girl (he had said the same to me) but I know for a fact he has set up new profiles and is still on these social sites. I've come to realise it reflects more on the person doing this than the other person in the relationship. Sounds like this gril wont be happy no matter what she has. She will always need to ego boost from a total stranger for some reason. I would think you are better getting out there and find a person that is no so insecure. I would never cheat on anyone - but that is because I am comfortable in myself to not need constant reassurance. I think you are the same and you sound like a great guy. You deserve a whole lot more than this.

Oh The Humanity · 20-10-2009 11:11am

shellyboo wrote: »

Well, we're coming from different places on it then... I'd be more inclined to give someone the benefit of the doubt and try to fix/help their problem as best I can; even if that means they later fcuk me over At least that way I know I did my best within the relationship and I gave it a fair chance.

Eh, he already gave her a chance which she promptly threw right back in his face. I believe in the old cliche 'trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me'

shellyboo wrote: »

It just strikes me that IF the OP's gf is in fact lonely, and is turning to the internet because of that, then that's something that's fixable between them, in a way that will make their relationship better and stronger. Not a reason to throw a good relationship away. But that's really for the OP to decide.

'IF' being the operative word. I'm calling shennanigans on the lonely excuse. Its a red herring. The first thing people often do when they are caught doing something wrong is blame it on their innocent partner.
Its the oldest trick in the book. It has two convenient effects for the wrongdoer.

1. It gets the attention off the guilty one, its a distraction.

2. The innocent partner if gullible enough to fall for it will be so busy blaming themselves and trying to improve the manufactured 'problem' that the guilty one gets to play victim AND continue their deception.

This one had her chances and she blew it. Time out.

minidazzler · 20-10-2009 11:12am

just a man wrote: »

do you go onto dating websites to chat to these people??

Only once or twice, mostly talk to these people through forums. But if you notice, alot of Dating sites have a Talk/Email category. Is that what she was on?

shellyboo · 20-10-2009 11:14am

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Eh, he already gave her a chance which she promptly threw right back in his face. I believe in the old cliche 'trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me'

'IF' being the operative word. I'm calling shennanigans on the lonely excuse. Its a red herring. The first thing people often do when they are caught doing something wrong is blame it on their innocent partner.
Its the oldest trick in the book. It has two convenient effects for the wrongdoer.

1. It gets the attention off the guilty one, its a distraction.

2. The innocent partner if gullible enough to fall for it will be so busy blaming themselves and trying to improve the manufactured 'problem' that the guilty one gets to play victim AND continue their deception.

This one had her chances and she blew it. Time out.

Well then I'm clearly just a big softy

just a man · 20-10-2009 11:14am

minidazzler wrote: »

Only once or twice, mostly talk to these people through forums. But if you notice, alot of Dating sites have a Talk/Email category. Is that what she was on?

it has a full chat feature.

LegacyUser · 20-10-2009 11:24am

just a man wrote: »

secretly i set up a profile for myself and did some investigating. there was a profile for a girl whose description seemed all too familiar. the times this profile was active coincided with the times when my girlfriend was at home on her own. i simply texted the profile name to my girlfriends phone and she admitted it was her and that this was a new profile. again, she said that she was only lonely and wanted to talk to people. i wasn't very happy and demanded she close it. she did. but there was more. she had added some of these men to her msn and was also chatting there. she admitted this and uninstalled msn. but, she added one of these men on her facebook profile. he lives in another country but it makes me feel really uncomfortable. i told her this but she said i was being unreasonable, and that he's just a friend.
am i being unreasonable???

Hey there justaman
sorry to hear your story. sucks to be sure. How did u find her profile out of all people on the site n how did u figure the same guys was on her msn n facebook too ?

minidazzler · 20-10-2009 12:27pm

just a man wrote: »

it has a full chat feature.

That makes a difference????

just a man · 20-10-2009 12:58pm

just other man wrote: »

Hey there justaman
sorry to hear your story. sucks to be sure. How did u find her profile out of all people on the site n how did u figure the same guys was on her msn n facebook too ?

it was just a guess.

she told me about the facebook person.

Miskatonic · 20-10-2009 2:47pm

If she was in contact with these people out of loneliness then how come it was only men that she wanted to talk to? If it was all so innocent why not mention it to you?

Sorry OP but you imo you don't join a dating site just to meet people for friendly chats. She has definitely stepped over the line and the fact that she lied to you and continued doing this behind your back would ring alarm bells for me. Have there been any other signs lately that she isn't happy in your relationship?

totally confused

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