An old flame I like again, I need advice! Thanks!

LegacyUser

I went out on a date a good few months ago, and at the time I was going through a really hard time in my life, and when I went out on a date with this lad, I was A) Really nervous because I liked him so much, and I wasnt myself because I was in a really bad place in my life at the time.

He has come back into my mind again recently, and I like him again, and I wish I could geta second chance with him, because I am in a better place now, and am in a better place in my life now, and would love to see him. I haven't been in contact with him since then, and I have no idea how to go about doing this, without seeming or sounding like a desperate idiot.

Would anyone have any advice for me?
Thanks!

Hallo World

any mutual friends? facebook him? how'd ye meet in the first place, any way to redo it that way?

I think majority of people in this type of situation would not be adverse to hearing a friendly 'hello' and 'hows things?'.. unless he is settled and all that, but sure to find out for sure, theres no harm in ringing him, if ya still have his number, and askin for a coffee?? keep it casual like...

LegacyUser

well, this is the situation from a few months ago when i went out with him. I went out with him that night and was completely not myself for the two reasons above, and he never got to see the real me at all, and ill be honest i am a really nice girl and he never got to see that at all, cos of how I was and what i was going through at the time.
I contacted him a week later casually and asked him how he was, and he said he didnt think anything was going to come out of me and him and im not surprised he said that cos of the way i was at the time. I said it was ok, and it was lovely to meet him and that was it, and he said the same.
That was months ago, I still have his number, I dont know if he still has my number, but the past few days, I cant get him out of my head and would like to see him again, cos I am back to myself. I appreciate the advice above, but any more thoughts on this now, with the information I have just given on how I could salvage this situation, or should I just forget it?
Thanks!

Hallo World

well the unfortunate thing about dating, is that ya have one chance to make your first impression, ok so it didn't go well the first time, don't worry about that.. how do we get you two back together...

be upfront and forward, ring him, plain and simple, you have nothing to lose by doing so, do you? I know if he says no, its a rejection nobody needs, but at least ya know?!

the other is to accept that he made his decision based on the info he had at the time, i.e. you admit you weren't yourself and so he prob took that to be just you.

so, if I was in your situation, I'd ring, ask him how he is and ask if he'd like to get that drink again. don't explain yourself as to what happened last time, it'll come off sounding weird.. and being the nice girl you are, he'll see that side of you if he accepts the offer.

don't beat yourself any more over it, just do it.. the weekend is approaching so get in there early before he has any concrete plans made..

LegacyUser

Oh sweet mother of Jesus! I have never had to do this before! That advice sounds good alright. Im busy this weekend, but there is the following weekend, i could pounce on him in advance!
What would any lads say about this plan? Any insights lads would be appreciated! Cheers!

Hallo World

ha ha.. em, I'm worryin for me now.. cos eh, I AM a lad!!!..

not been in that situation though where a date rings a months later.. be interesting to hear how it goes!!! so ya'd best let us know!..

LegacyUser

Oh God! Sorry about that Hallo World, I had no idea, so sorry about that! Well, I have over a week to plot my plan! Thank you for your advice. Has a girl, ever come back to you after a few months and asked you out, or what would you think about it? WOuld you think she was a bit desperate? Honestly?? Any other lads opinions on this are also appreciated, thanks

Hallo World

Unregistered wrote: »

Oh God! Sorry about that Hallo World, I had no idea, so sorry about that! Well, I have over a week to plot my plan! Thank you for your advice. Has a girl, ever come back to you after a few months and asked you out, or what would you think about it? WOuld you think she was a bit desperate? Honestly?? Any other lads opinions on this are also appreciated, thanks

thats ok, its not like we advertise who or what we are!

When I used to date, nope, though I used to wish some of em would and I never had the courage to ring them!.. am currently waiting on my ex to magically ring me up though... ha ha.,. some hope, I fear not!

I don't think its desperate, a guy should be flattered, i'd say wait til 2nd date before ya start explaining ya weren't yourself though.. !!!:):)

kenbrady

Unregistered wrote: »

I went out on a date a good few months ago,

He has come back into my mind again recently, and I like him again,

You had one date with this guy that didn't go well and he didn't want to meet up again. Why are you still interested in him after a few months. It does sound a little bit desperate.

daisybelle2008

kenbrady wrote: »

You had one date with this guy that didn't go well and he didn't want to meet up again. Why are you still interested in him after a few months. It does sound a little bit desperate.

I agree. It sounds a bit unhealthy. Like you want some validation from him that you are worthwhile. You might be still going through that bad time and need reassurance but you are barking up the wrong tree. You will only feel worse when he knocks you back again and you don't seem ready for that and might still be more vulnerable than you think. Why do I think that, well you seem to want reassurance that he will respond well. Nobody can give you that.

You have nothing to prove to him, you seem to want to prove to yourself that you are worthy of love.

I definitely would not want to go on another date with someone months after I had decided that it was not for me. And if they pushed it a couple of times I would be even more turned off by their desperation.

Start from a clean slate with someone new, don't go flogging this dead horse.

Miss Fluff

OP if memory serves me correctly you posted a long post about this a few months ago and you were completely hung up on him not wanting to see you again and people advised you to forget about it.

Tbh, not being harsh, he is hardly an "old flame" as the title would suggest if you had ONE date with him and he has decided he didn't want it going any further.

As per all the advice in the last thread, forget about him and move on. It is pretty worrying that you still so het up one date months later OP.