Heartbroken

LegacyUser

Im posting here because I dont have anyone to talk to and i need to let something out..Im stuck here in a house on my own staring at the walls absolultly heartbtoken inside.

My girlfriend and i are after breaking up less than a week before our third anniversary and i just cant get my head around it.. she says shes still in love with me but she dosent know if she wants to be with me anymore, I thought she loved me so much that something like this could never happen, this has just come out of the blue and i dont know what to do

Iv got my thesis due on friday week and i dont know if il be able to hold it together and get it done. I dont feel like i can do anything now shes gone, she was everything to me.. i think musnt of shown her how much she meant now shes gone

im sorry for posting as it prob makes no sense and theres not much anyone can do to help me, i just needed to tell someone thanks for reading

barr toco

come on man,
i understand your heartbroken but its not the end of the world,
people break up evey day and you just gotta move on,
if you go out at the weekend and try and get talking to a girl youll feel way better

invincibleirish

Bad luck mate, you are going to feel like crap for the next while but you must complete and hand in your thesis!. You'll feel even worse in a few weeks if you fail to hand in your work, contact your supervisor, explain your situation and they might give you some leeway with your thesis submission.

Moomoo1

what sort of thesis is this? If it's a PhD, you should be able to negotiate an extension. If it's a Masters, you probably can't.

it's really shocking that someone would do something like this knowing you have a deadline coming up...

Stu77

barr toco wrote: »

come on man,
i understand your heartbroken but its not the end of the world,
people break up evey day and you just gotta move on,
if you go out at the weekend and try and get talking to a girl youll feel way better

Jesus man, have you ever been in love before, doesn't sound like it.

To the OP, its gut wrenching and soul destroying how you will be feeling for the next few weeks or months but you must get your thesis done. Just throw yourself into it, it will help take your mind off your girlfriend. Once your have your thesis out of the way, give her a call and try and work things out.

Don't contact her between now and handing your thesis in. She appears to need some time to get her head together and ringing/texting her constantly will probably only wreck her head at the moment.

But The fact that she finished a 3 year relationship 2 weeks before you hand in your thesis is worrying OP. Maybe she thinks you were taking her for granted or something along those lines. Who knows, but try to keep it together for the next two weeks. You'll feel better about dealing with your relationship if you have your Thesis done and dusted.

I hope your relationship can be salvaged. Good luck with everything.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replys lads i spose its easiest alrigh when i dont think about it so im jus gonna immerse myself in my work cheers

Wibbs

alone123 wrote: »

Im posting here because I dont have anyone to talk to and i need to let something out..Im stuck here in a house on my own staring at the walls absolultly heartbtoken inside.

Feel for you man. Most of us have been where you are now.

My girlfriend and i are after breaking up less than a week before our third anniversary and i just cant get my head around it.. she says shes still in love with me but she dosent know if she wants to be with me anymore, I thought she loved me so much that something like this could never happen, this has just come out of the blue and i dont know what to do

I'd be very surprised if you hadn't gotten any warnings before this. It's just that you missed them at the time. Think back say in the last 4/5 months. Chances are the warning was there. Subtle sometimes but there. A fair few of us have been there too. Don't beat yourself up over that one either BTW.

As for her being in love with you still, it's possible but I don't buy it. It doesn't square with her actions. She may love you still but at the moment she's not in love with you. Hence the bit about not being sure of a future with you. Standard operational 3 year itch IMHO. In any case you don't leave someone you're in love with just like that, in the middle of important life stuff such as your thesis. You don't do it to someone you "just" love either. Not unless you're incredibly self centred or a mentalist. Hell I've waited until stuff like that was over before I left women I just cared about never mind loved. It's called insight, good manners and thinking of someone else other than oneself.

Iv got my thesis due on friday week and i dont know if il be able to hold it together and get it done.

You will mate. You have to, for you. If it helps you at the moment then do it for her too. Do it for the woman she used to be for you. Put it this way, if she does decide to come back, which would be a better man to come back to? A broken man or a man who has soldiered on? Or put it another way, there are 3 billion women out there, there's only one of you and there's this thesis and all the work you put in. IMHO the balance of importance is on your side.

I dont feel like i can do anything now shes gone, she was everything to me.. i think musnt of shown her how much she meant now shes gone

Maybe. There's always two in a relationship. You may have not shown her how much you cared, you might have been a thundering eejit, but it still doesn't square it IMHO. If she had ever loved you she should have told you this clearly, she should have not waited until you were up to your eyes in an important life event, to decide to drop the bomb. Sounds to me as I say like she's thinking of herself more than you. Doesn't sound like love to me.

im sorry for posting as it prob makes no sense and theres not much anyone can do to help me, i just needed to tell someone thanks for reading

Makes perfect sense mate. As I said you'll have enough reading who've been where you're at now, so if you need to vent, that's why this place is here.

Don't contact her. Let her leave. Vent with your mates, vent here and vent your sadness, anger and frustration on working on your thesis. One step at a time. That and you is what really matters now. She'll still be there or not there after that and there'll be a whole world of women, better women there too.

Wibbs

sunflower27 wrote: »

Agree that there are always warning signs. She didnt just wake up one day and decide to leave.

Agreed, though looking back the warning signs can be subtle enough. I had one ex way back that in the morning after "making luurve" apparently very happy with us, rings me 8 hours later that she's met someone else and it's over. She had literally met him that afternoon. I gathered she did the same to him a year later. Clearly a mentalist.

I had another ex, a real love, moon in june long termer, that while we had some issues, they were being overcome(I thought, though I had defo dropped the ball on it looking back, so mostly my fault and she was right to leave on that score). She was telling me she loved me umpteen times a day. One night I was to meet her in town with mates, hear nothing until the next morning when she's snogged some bloke among those mates. She had planned it too. I had met her before she went out and she was very evasive and shifty looking back. Not her usual affectionate self at all. All this happened about 6 hours or so after she txted me she loved me as per usual(which she conveniently forgot she said after the fact). Selfishness, pure and simple. She was hedging her bets. Not consciously either, she wasnt a bad person, but that's how I reckon it went.

In both those cases it was again the 3 year itch. They simply stopped fancying me. The latter one did love me a lot. I know that, but I didn't see the signs of her losing her attraction for me. My fault entirely I have to say. Both for letting that happen through my own inaction and my fault I didn't see the signs and did the usual passive bloke thing mostly of "ah she loves me, sure why would she leave? I'd never leave her" Biiig mistake.

What I learned from those situations and others OP, is regardless of the why, when they express that they dont know what they want/I'm not sure I love you/I'm confused, walk away. The very second they say that, walk away. Be nice about it, but never settle for second best. You wouldn't or at least shouldn't in the rest of your life, in love you should never do so. They have come to a decision no matter how and it is "I don't want you as my BF/GF anymore". That's what it boils down to. So leave. Let them get on with their life. You should no longer be a part of it. That's the consequence of their actions and it's your decision to make.

The reason I repeatedly say this to people in your situation here is that while I have dropped exes like a hot snot, I have made the big mistake of staying around hoping for reconcilliation on two occasions. Really stupidly on one occasion. Like you I completely loved and adored her, she was my life, an extension of me etc all that guff. More than she'd ever know. I even hung around to support her as a "mate" while she went off with another bloke. He got it bad too. Her head and heart were not focused on him like she should have been. The poor dope hopefully never found out that for what should have been the lovely early "honeymoon" period of his relationship the woman he loved was also thinking of, talking with and meeting another.

Basically I cared much more about her happiness than my own. That was my mistake and that's the mistake I hope to help others not make. Yes you should love someone with all your heart and head, but never above yourself. If you love someone above yourself you need to look inside and ask why. It's not their fault you do. Youre in the shock and grief stage at the moment. So these feelings will be very strong and natural. Don't let them cloud your judegment. Look at the facts, look at her actions and take it from there.

Glad to hear you're gonna plough into the work too. You'll ace the thesis with that amount of focus. good luck with it.

I suppose it doesnt really matter what the warning signs are now though. She has made up her mind.

More like she is confused. She loves him but doesn't feel that extra bit, hence her confusion. That extra bit is attraction IMH. We've all known women to stay with utterly unsuitable, even dangerous men, yet may have left much better men. They simply fancied the former types more. It's usually that simple except for very unhealthy control issue relationships.