Day 1 of No Contact tomorrow.... I'm scared...advice pls?

Hallo World

First time poster, but having read a lot of the threads here there seems to be a multitude of people who have sound and sane advice to give..

G/f and I were going out 3 years, at end of year 2 there was a breach of trust (which I won't go into) and we then started a year of getting together and then breaking up. Main problem this year was me wanting to commit to settling down and then backing out of that..

Last march we split, for commitment reason, lasted a month with no contact and then we facebooked and started talking, then hanging out, I realised the more I saw her, that I deffo wanted to commit, but respected her space and her want for a friendship, I incld her in my family gatherings, suggested places to go together etc, basically, i put her first in all that I did for 5 months. Then the 'talk'.. told her how I felt, had written out everything I wanted (not to read as notes, but to show I was genuine), she thought about it for another month and told me her 'gut' told her it wasn't time to try again. She loved and cared about me, but couldn't re enter the relationship.

heartbreak...

We then continued as friends.. in a manner, was less forthcoming with her on things after that, then 3 weeks ago she had been away for a week, txt me first thing she landed to say she home.. then on sunday, she mails to say she got me a small gift and was it ok to come down the following week to give it to me. I thought maybe, just maybe, this was it..
Txt conversation started (I know, its not the way to do things) and over the course of the monday I knew I had to tell her, so 'here goes I thought', I went to her house, she kindly let me in and I poured my heart out to her, what had I to lose? I told her everything I wanted, all my wishes, desires, deepest fears and I wanted her in on it. I have never been so open and honest with anyone in my life..

She was stunned, she was confused, her 'gut' said no.. so I left and by wed she txt to see how I was,we met the following sunday and she said she wanted all the exact same things, and whilst she loved and cared for me, she didn't have enough of 'that feeling'.. (i think attraction) to try again.

Heartbreak all week..

tonight after some random txt conversations in last 2 days I have txt her to tell her I won't be in contact for a while, until I can sort my head out. This is the worst breakup, which isn't a breakup (cos we not been together in 7 months) that I ever experienced, i know now that I love(d) her more than I thought and want(ed) to spend my life with her..

and now I am scared for the future, i have sworn I will not contact her first now.. she has been removed from my electronic life (f/book, email, ph no's, I cleared out the house of her stuff and reminders of her a few weeks ago, finally!) she did reply tonight and say she didn't meant to hurt me, that no contact is understandable and her fault, that she appreciated the last few weeks, and she hopes I ok..

we both 'dated' in the last few months, I went on 3 'coffee dates' which weren't for me and she is 'very very casually' seeing someone, though she admits she feels little for him compared to when we started..

has anyone ever been thru anythin similar and if so any support/advice would be welcome..

thanks

kjl

Nah Dude, She is messing you around. This is going to be murder on you unless you cut all contact now. AND I MEAN IT, no facebook, no txt, no IM's no skype, no coffee dates, not talking on the phone.

NOTHING!!!!!!!

Figure out if she is worth it, but let me warn you, anyone who messes around with your feelings like this, doesn't deserve your love.

I know its hard now, but it will get better. I swear

Hallo World

thanks Kjl... I have had some mini epiphanies this last week, that she was using me and stringing me along all this year after the break up.. i feel like i was the crutch she was usin to help herself get over us..

oh look, i was probably right.. though she claims it wasn't like that, that the 'attraction love' just seems to have gone and she can't find it again..

gonna be strong alright, have to be for my sanity.. bend - driven - round..

sad is somethin I don't like... :mad:

dudara

I feel really sorry for the place that you're in right now, but you do really need to cut contact. Right now, you're pulling off a band-aid, one painful millimeter at a time. You need to rip it right off and suffer the short-term pain.

Space will help you sort your feelings and head out. Best of luck.

Hallo World

thanks dudara.. it feels like the band aid has been stuck on with super extra strong adhesive and is wrapped round my heart twice....

and Space seems the most appealing place right now!

cheers!