Should I invite her?

LegacyUser

Basically, I was going out with this girl for about a month, nothing serious at all. We hang out in the same social circle and have loads of the same friends so I didn't make a big deal about it when she ended it. Wasn't too bet up about it. But basically, I found out about a month later that she was telling people that I called her a bitch, shouted at her and a bunch of other stuff I just didnt do. I havent talked to her since, i've seen her at parties and stuff but just avoided her. She knows that I know she spread rumours about me aswell.

The thing is, its my birthday coming up and was planning on going into town, inviting all my friends and stuff, but the thing is should I not invite her and invite all her/my friends? I reckon I'd feel pretty bad if I did, but I'm still extremely pissed off that she'd spread rumours about me when she was the one that ended it, on good terms at that.

Thanks

neuro-praxis

Should you invite her?

Absolutely, categorically, no. And no guilt. And no explaining yourself to anyone either!

Sephiroth_dude

No,she spread rumours about you,why would you?

LegacyUser

No, she spread rumours about you,why would you?

Because we have the same circle of friends and I'd be inviting literally every one of her friends bar her

Chinafoot

birthday... wrote: »

Because we have the same circle of friends and I'd be inviting literally every one of her friends bar her

Whats your point?

It's your birthday. If it was a generic night out with the group of friends then fair enough, you'd have to put up with her presence. However, its not just another night, it's your night.

And besides, if she's told people a load of lies about you why do you think she would accept the invitation?

Liam Byrne

birthday... wrote: »

Because we have the same circle of friends and I'd be inviting literally every one of her friends bar her

So what ? If she lied about like she did, then she made her bed.

She can lie in it that night - on her own!!!

thefeatheredcat

What will having her there actually achieve? It's your birthday, not hers. tbh if it's commonly known within your circle of friends on a wide or small scale that she lied, your friends (if they truly are) should be understanding.

Even if its not common knowledge it's nobody's business but yours whether you invite her or not. People may question it and wonder what gives, but don't feel that you have to justify and explain it all.

Don't play up to keeping up appearances, if you're not usually a fake person, don't fall into being one.

barr toco

definately NO

kjl

I know its weird, but I'm still friends with a lot of my ex's. So what if she was spreading rumors, Do you really care? Did anyone believe them?

You can be the bigger man, or else she might try to push you out of a few bigger nights out.

This doesn't make you fake, this makes you the kind of person who doesn't give a crap about nonsense.

BTW, the fact that your so cool about the break up, but still so considered to her feeling tells me you still have feeling for her. If this is the case, why not use the fact that you're being the bigger person to naill her, its a big power play and you come accross as a massive alpha.

IF Im way off ignore

jellyboy

if its what you want do it.....

kittenkiller

You should only invite the people you want to be there OP.
There's no need to even mention her to them.
Telling everyone that she's banned from the night will only cause waves, so don't mention her at all.

I'm sure she won't have the balls to confront you about it and if she does, just be honest.
If anyone else mentions it, tell them the truth.

She sounds very dangerous to me.
You're better off without.

martdalto

birthday... wrote: »

I havent talked to her since, i've seen her at parties and stuff but just avoided her.

........I'm still extremely pissed off.....

So you're now going to ruin YOUR birthday, by inviting her, and trying to avoid her for the night, just so SHE doesn't feel bad 'cos all her friends are going and she's not???

I agree with Liam Byrne, she's made her bed...

Of course, if you want to use this as a chance to clear the air with her, and all of you get back to being friends, then by all means do.. but TALK to her about the rumours she spread, before you invite her.

Don't just invite her and not have it out with her...that's just making you look like a doormat. Sorry.


EDIT:

kjl wrote: »

I know its weird, but I'm still friends with a lot of my ex's.



why not use the fact that you're being the bigger person to naill her, its a big power play and you come accross as a massive alpha

There's nothing weird about being friends with exes. It's not really THAT unusual! But it is a bit unusual to be friends with someone (ex or not!) who spread rumours and lies about you. Especially if you haven't challenged them on it, and sorted it out.

It doesn't make you come across as a "massive alpha".. it makes you look like a bit of a wimp actually!

cafecolour

Well, in theory inviting her can make you look like the 'bigger man' and help mend fences.

In practice, she sounds like a drama queen who is going to bitch either way ("why is he inviting me to his birthday? he's still hung up on me, how annoying." "I'm not invited? Petty ****, he's afraid of me."), and going to cause trouble when she's there. It would also help validate the rumours in people's eyes - rumours she probably felt she had to spread so she wouldn't look 'bad' for breaking up with you.

So don't invite here. Having said that, if you don't invite her, I would be inviting friends of hers if they are only friends of yours through her.

AnonoBoy

Don't bother. And if anyone asks you why she's not there just casually say, "Why would I invite someone who spread pathetic rumours about me."

eviltwin

Nope dont invite her. She sounds like a bunny boiler and god knows what impression asking her along will give her. Its your birthday, you want to have a good time so don't be a numpty and leave her out of it.

G-Money

This one is easy. Don't invite her under any circumstances. Even if by some stroke of poor fortune your options were to go out and celebrate only with her, or to stay at home on your own, you'd be better off staying at home.

Putting aside the fact that she's being a bit of a b**** by spreading false rumours, you only went out with her for a month. It's not like you's had a big serious long term relationship. And even if you had, I don't believe in staying in contact anyway.

Act like you never met her and don't invite her.