true colours

LegacyUser

long story but heres the short version , met a guy , got on great , very compatible , been seeing him for 6 ish months now , am beginning to realise he is a complete slob , and doesnt work , more i learn , more his behaviour conflicts with my own ideals, he has a child who he rarely sees cos he hasnt the cop on to demand access , i just dont know if i can put up with his lacksa daisy attitude to everything , its beginning to get on my nerves , if i say anything , he accuses me of being critical ...any advice folks ? thank you .

Zombienosh

advise me wrote: »

am beginning to realise he is a complete slob , and doesnt work , more i learn , more his behaviour conflicts with my own ideals, .

The honeymoon period is over then? I think its time to move on.

lazygal

I don't think this will last and you may be wasting your time. What jumps out at me is that he has a child he doesn't seem to be bothered about. WTF?! A child he created and he can't be arsed being in his or her life? That lack of human caring would be a deal breaker for me.
Also, if you have questions at this point about where you stand on certain core values (work ethic, lifestyle choices etc.) it's not a good sign, IMO. Of course it's your decision but what exactly are you getting out of this relationship? If he's not working I presume you're footing the bill for dates etc or the social life isn't great? I can assure you this man is not the only one you'll ever meet, someone much better is out there but you won't meet him if you're shackled to this guy. Suppose you fell pregant and he didn't care? Thats what I would be afraid of, and past behaviour is the best way to determine how someone would behave in the future. Cut your losses would be my two cents.

LegacyUser

the thing is , im no young one with no life experience , im in my late 30s , with a marriage already behind me , i just dont think i can take the pressure of having a grown child as well as the children i already have , its not that he doesnt want to see his child , he does , but lets his x walk all over him and call the shots with regards this .

ladymarmalade

OP you haven't actually said how you feel for this guy. Do you love him?
You have past experience and children from your marriage which i know must be your top priority.
Been in a similar situation recently but my ex was involved with his child hands on , but the child's mother called all the shots and dates had to be cancelled/cut short frequently.
He was afraid to stand up to her because of how it would affect their child and how she may limit his access if he didn't tow the line. While i applauded his fathering tendecies i knew this was not the life i wanted. I have children too and they came first. So it ended , had to. Second time round you don't have to just settle for what comes around, although in our darest moments we think we should.

Think about it OP, there are worse things than being single again. I wish you well with it xxxx