I feel like I'm changing

LegacyUser

Im 33 and I feel like I'm changing.
Ive had depression for 9 years but always controlled it with small amount of mediation and support from people. I worked and built a steady career. But a few things in my life just werent right like I havent had a steady girl friend since I was 23 and I wasnt a particulary happy fun person for those years. I concentrated a lot on work.
I came off the medication. Didn't work out too well started worrying a lot so now I back on it but also started self help groups, psychotherapy, talking lots, lots of exercise, diet changes cause I also want to deal with any underlying issues.
I feel like I'm changing now. And to be honest it is scarey. Im not looking at things the same way. Like I use to get anxious about work. Now I think about bigger things like who I am, where Im going, how long my parents will be around for. It might be my age, the fact I came off the medication, the psychotherapy (Im really open with him and I talk about absolutely everything), how Ive opened up to friends and family. I feel like I want a new direction in life. I dont think it will involve a change in career, dont really want that. I defintely would love to get involved in charity work particularly on a Saturday. I havent drank alcohol for nearly 3 months except on 2 occasions - dont have a problem with drink just not interested right now which is a big change from the once a week binge habit.
Has anyone else felt this way. Where did it lead you. What could I do to satisfy my desire to change.

Warfi

Unregistered wrote: »

Im 33 and I feel like I'm changing.
Ive had depression for 9 years but always controlled it with small amount of mediation and support from people. I worked and built a steady career. But a few things in my life just werent right like I havent had a steady girl friend since I was 23 and I wasnt a particulary happy fun person for those years. I concentrated a lot on work.
I came off the medication. Didn't work out too well started worrying a lot so now I back on it but also started self help groups, psychotherapy, talking lots, lots of exercise, diet changes cause I also want to deal with any underlying issues.
I feel like I'm changing now. And to be honest it is scarey. Im not looking at things the same way. Like I use to get anxious about work. Now I think about bigger things like who I am, where Im going, how long my parents will be around for. It might be my age, the fact I came off the medication, the psychotherapy (Im really open with him and I talk about absolutely everything), how Ive opened up to friends and family. I feel like I want a new direction in life. I dont think it will involve a change in career, dont really want that. I defintely would love to get involved in charity work particularly on a Saturday. I havent drank alcohol for nearly 3 months except on 2 occasions - dont have a problem with drink just not interested right now which is a big change from the once a week binge habit.
Has anyone else felt this way. Where did it lead you. What could I do to satisfy my desire to change.

It sounds like you've come a long way (and a good way ).

Would I be right in thinking that you feel a whole new world has opened up to you? Would you have privately thought 'Why are those people getting excited about that?!!', and now you're thinking 'Actually that's not a bad idea!' ?

Personally, the above happened to me. It was scary, I was starting all over again, but bit by bit things started falling in to place. I took what I felt were huge steps (took a totally different direction in my career to do something I love). I was afraid that I'd make mistakes (I've made plenty ), but making mistakes doesn't worry me anymore because I know those mistakes are all part of the trip I'm making to get to the place I want.

I hope this is of some help.

LegacyUser

Warfi wrote: »

Would I be right in thinking that you feel a whole new world has opened up to you? Would you have privately thought 'Why are those people getting excited about that?!!', and now you're thinking 'Actually that's not a bad idea!' ?

Personally, the above happened to me. It was scary, I was starting all over again, but bit by bit things started falling in to place.

Yes I can identify with this. It is a bit scarey because I was very narrow minded and 'focussed' for so long but now I'm feeling less uptight, more peaceful inside. Because it feels different it's scarey. Im waiting for things to fall into place now and to find a new direction. It will be interesting to see what happens.

thedeadpoet

Humans are beings of change and change is what life in essence is - a series of changes in your environment that dictate a particular mood. Embrace this shift of state and hail it as the seemingly eye opening yet positive realisation it appears to be.

Warfi

Unregistered wrote: »

Yes I can identify with this. It is a bit scarey because I was very narrow minded and 'focussed' for so long but now I'm feeling less uptight, more peaceful inside. Because it feels different it's scarey. Im waiting for things to fall into place now and to find a new direction. It will be interesting to see what happens.

It definitely sounds like you've finally turned the corner. You've all the tools (hope, determination, anticipation) now to make your life be the way you want it to be, all you have to do now is accept what's rightfully yours

All the best

Edit: I don't know if you feel the same way, but since I turned the corner, I've felt like I've won the lottery (except it's far more valuable than the lottery because it's not at the mercy of the world's markets!!)

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Im 33 and I feel like I'm changing.
Ive had depression for 9 years but always controlled it with small amount of mediation and support from people. I worked and built a steady career. But a few things in my life just werent right like I havent had a steady girl friend since I was 23 and I wasnt a particulary happy fun person for those years. I concentrated a lot on work.
I came off the medication. Didn't work out too well started worrying a lot so now I back on it but also started self help groups, psychotherapy, talking lots, lots of exercise, diet changes cause I also want to deal with any underlying issues.
I feel like I'm changing now. And to be honest it is scarey. Im not looking at things the same way. Like I use to get anxious about work. Now I think about bigger things like who I am, where Im going, how long my parents will be around for. It might be my age, the fact I came off the medication, the psychotherapy (Im really open with him and I talk about absolutely everything), how Ive opened up to friends and family. I feel like I want a new direction in life. I dont think it will involve a change in career, dont really want that. I defintely would love to get involved in charity work particularly on a Saturday. I havent drank alcohol for nearly 3 months except on 2 occasions - dont have a problem with drink just not interested right now which is a big change from the once a week binge habit.
Has anyone else felt this way. Where did it lead you. What could I do to satisfy my desire to change.

Yeah! I totally know what you mean, oh the next place you go after this is contentment, its such a place of relief because the depression has lifted, every day i feel blessed because i can express myself like you have mentioned with your therapist, all along this was the problem because depression is just repressed feelings and emotions i also found psychotherapy very beneficial. Well done OP for committing to yourself its like you have invested in yourself for a much better future and you will start to see the benefits as you get older because of all the new emotional skills you have to cope now.


I remember i got to a point which was hard in that i was so used to my life being crap and chaotic that being happy on a continuous basis was not familiar to me, so you have to be aware of this and let the happiness in, there is an old saying that we are afraid of failure but we are terrified of success it is a bit like this!!

I found this process of healing my inner pain quite a spiritual experience, because the struggle ended and i was taking from others to get myself better wheres no i am in a position to give and help others because i have the compassion after learning to give it to myself, it is the best feeling in the world to give! ask god, how can i serve- how can i serve and listen for the answers, I am not a mad religious head but i do like to put good vibe out there!

Have you hear of the book A NEW EARTH, BY ECKHART TOLLE, it all about living in the present and accepting the moments now, it is very good if you are looking for some guidance about this next step in your life, but i would also suggest taking your time, it is not about doing doing doing anymore its about being being being, doing is all in the head and can lead you astray but learning to live in the being will guide you always to the right place,

After all this hard work you have done you will really reap the benifits, best of luck OP xx