I am sick of my life

LegacyUser

Don't worry I am not contemplating suicide or anything its just I am just sick and tired of my current situation in life basically I am 32 years old and have little to show and achieved nothing in life yet.

Basically I am what most would consider a loser, because there are list of things I haven't done that is not normal at my age

1.I have never been in a relationship
2.I have never kissed a girl
3.I have never owned a car
4.I cant drive
5.Never travelled

I went to college alright, I was unsure what I wanted to do so I just picked a course for the sake of it, I reached diploma level in that I only scraped my way though it with a pass. I am now in a job I do not like or care for, so much so I dont perfom well in it.

I don't want to blame my parents for anything because they have provided for me and loved me but I don't think they had the forsight or the education to prepare a child for life outside the home, I feel really bad for that last statement but when I see most 18-20 year olds today, they are so confident so switched on and mature,it really depresses me because I was very child like at that age.

Other issues with my life that im not happy with, is my self image. I am about 5 stone overweight and have tried so many times to stick to a diet and exercise but I keep sabotaging myself because I am addicted to food and alcohol. I actually think I am an alcoholic. I think my issues regarding to sticking to a healthy routine of exercise and eating right are bourne more from psychological isses as oposed to being addicted to alcohol and junk, I think the repeated failure is affecting my confidence.

I know most advice is just quit doing the bad things and start doing the good things but I am in such a self imposed rut I am feeling it hard to get out of it.

There are certain things I want to do like go traveling, go back to college and study a different career and buy a car but these things cost money and I am already paying off a big loan thats costing 350 a month for the next 5 years.

I feel deeply depressed and need help

dearg lady

hey, I'm really sorry to hear you're feelin so down, seems to me like you've got yourself into a rut, and I know it's not easy to get out of, but once you do you'll wonder what took you so long!

The weight is obviously bothering you a lot, so I'd suggest starting there, is there any sports you're into, or activity you could take up? For me it's cycling, love it, and also a great way for those of us who can't drive to get around! You don't even have to go all out on a diet, just improve one thing each week, and along with some exercise you'll start to see a difference very soon.

I think as you start to build up some confidence you'll find other things start to fall into place. Could you do an evening course in something you're interested in work wise? It may cost but could do wonders for your work prospects and overall confidence.

take each day as it comes and set little goals for yourself, and try not to lose faith when you hit a stumbling block. Best of luck!

markus schulz

What do you think of the people you hang around with? Would you class them the same as yourself?

dory

You need a plan. My brother is great with them, has plans for everything.
Is there any way you could slow down that loan for a while? Maybe keep the extra money to save for what you want.

With regards the retraining, you should be able to do that while still working in your job and not paying a load. There are many part time/distance courses that are very affordable - you just have to Google! University of London will be taking people on there again in January. An entire degree costs 3,000 euro. Now, maybe you will not want to go that route but it's start.

Would you ever think of going to talk to someone? A therapist, career guidance person. I had a gym instructor turn my life around when I was overweight. Most people think Life Coaches are baloney but at least it's another person giving you an objective view of things and will help you make a plan. Also, I feel stupid taking up my friends' time - I would prefer talking to a professional about things - maybe it'll work for you.

Like another said - start on the weight. Write down your weight, keep track. Write down everything you eat. Remember that whatever you do every day, what goes in must be a smaller amount of energy that what you use. It's simple maths.

Good luck!

moviesrme

Change one thing I say. As soon as it holds or when you think you can change another.
Any task can be broken into small steps and beaten that way.

You might want to see a psychotherapist to get some of those feelings out there. I really beleive in that. Your logical mind will cope easier then. But it may take some time to work. Best of luck.

One thing else. You have a job. Many today haven't. As poorly off as you think you are that's something to feel good about.

Oh The Humanity

sh1t. I think you are depressed. Definitely. I can identify with you when you describe how your parents didn't equip you for real life. I had the same and it can make you bitter at times when you look at people who have had everything handed to them. I don't mean material things there. I mean support, compliments, encouragement and encouragement to have dreams and expectations instead of just a negative rain pounding down on you as you grew up.

I would normally be in like Flynn telling you to lose the weight first etc etc but right now I think you could use just one victory instead of fighting an old battle with weight. Put it to one side for the time being.

I think you should get driving. You dont have to own the biggest best car on the road. Just get yourself a cheap old car. Make sure its reliable. Driving is easy. You will be able to do it no problem. You could get a fairly respectable bucket for 800.

That will broaden your horizons so much you wont believe it. It made a huge difference to my life and is something I still treasure and never take for granted.

Keep fighting. It can't all go down always all the time. Really it cant.

Warfi

tiredofmylife wrote: »

Don't worry I am not contemplating suicide or anything its just I am just sick and tired of my current situation in life basically I am 32 years old and have little to show and achieved nothing in life yet.


There are certain things I want to do like go traveling, go back to college and study a different career and buy a car but these things cost money and I am already paying off a big loan thats costing 350 a month for the next 5 years.

I feel deeply depressed and need help

You're only 32, you're not dead! Don't look at your life and think 'I haven't done anything' because that thought right there is what's holding you back. You think you have a mountain to overcome with regard to getting your life on track, and if you think like that you'll find it ever so difficult to take the first step.

I think it's great advice from Oh The Humanity to get yourself a car and learn to drive. It's a step in the right direction (it's one of your goals), and it'll be a victory for you. It'll give you a much needed boost, which will help you start taking the other steps.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Aww i am really sorry you are feeling so low and i know what it feels like too. The list you gave are things that you may liked to have done but it is also a stereotypical way of looking at life in that everyone is different. Its defo a self esteem issue you have and if you could learn to accept yourself then you could start to feel better about yourself, this is really important because it is the root of your pain that needs to be addressed for your life to be better, this can easily be achieved, i did it i am so different now, before i was depressed and had a breakdown, i am now full of life and very happy, I did a stint of psychotherapy- the support and guidance was invaluable, you expressed you felt you were an alcoholic -you already have a good sense of self awareness in how you express yourself this is a very positive trait to have because you cant change what you dont acknowledge, and by going to a therapist you get to acknowledge all of your issues even more and then you overcome them. You just need to see the positive things about yourself and speak to yourself internally in a nicer way, this has to become a new way of being,

best of luck xx

shoppergal

I think you need to break things down into smaller manageable things. You've listed everything that you consider to be wrong with you/your life. I know it's not the same thing but if I'm at work and think of everything I need to do I get totally stressed and can't for the life of me see how i'm going to do everything.
But if I break down exactly what I need to do and tackle things one by one it's easier. You don't have to do it all together.
So don't link the weight and not driving together. You don't have to be ready to tackle the two things before you tackle one. Start with one thing, that'll boost your confidence and make you more inclined to do the next, and so on.

Seriously though, start tackling things. Don't be here in 10 years in the same situtation.

Hmm_Messiah

I am not much into revelating my life but I will risk it to say I identify with much of what you wrote

except

I now do the travelling - its bloody awesome!
I now have a car
I can drive - erm kinda

and I am much oldere than you, so don't think its too late ever. Other things I also relate to but you could PM me on those

re relationships and kisses and intimacy, there is a curious reality as I see it this all works out best when 1. you don't obsess on it, even times when I gave up on it happening and 2. when you are willing to risk a little pain and embarrassment

The weight thing possibly affects more than you are consciously aware, and the other things then emphasis the weight thing

I would not though obsess on losing the weight, try instead be a little healthier, set small, tiny goals, then bigger, and be happier in yourself

I thought I was a god awful person, looks wise, success wise, achievement wise, social skills etc, and I've recently found other people see me differently, fun, good company, and attractive - you can never under estimate other peoples tastes.

And take it easy on yourself - like I said PM if I can help. I've not won the weight thing, but others you list are off my TO DO list

beks101

I have one word of advice for you: become a list man.

Start making daily lists of mundane, small, daily chores that you want to get done.

- Hoover house
- Prepare lunch for work tomorrow
- Reach (specific daily target at work)
- Go for a half hour walk in the evening.

Cross them off your list or put a tick beside them when you have each one completed. Do this every day.

Gradually the 'tasks' can become bigger and more meaningful, and you will have trained yourself, and believe it or not, started to enjoy the satisfaction of getting each of them done.

Your lists might now consist of things like...

- Lose two pounds this week
- Apply for driving test
- Hit the gym four times this week
- Book weekend to London
- Talk to (attractive female at work/bank/grocery store)

Who knows, in a year's time it might be...

- Run Marathon
- Upgrade car
- Book South America tour
- Ask (attractive girl) out


I know this all sounds very Oprah, but believe me, I know what it's like to feel sh1t about yourself and becoming a bit of a list-maker
gave me an oost out of a similar rut and helped me straighten a few things out this year. I sorted out my weight issues for one, and the hard work and discipline that I had to summon to achieve that one has made a lot of other goals appear far more achieveable. 'Getting things done' can be an extraordinary confidence booster. Psychoanalysing to death can do more harm than good in my experience, and just being proactive and taking small steps has worked a hell of a lot more. I just theorise that I'll always have issues, all of us will, but I'll be damned if my issues get in the way of the kind of life I want to create for myself.

Best of luck OP, you can turns things around for yourself x