Impartial Advice Needed!

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
Just looking for a bit of impartial advice really!
Last year I studied abroad and had a near-rape experience. At the time, the university pretty much told me it was my own fault and to forget it. Now they have a video up on line of me earlier in the year, pre- this incident, to advertise the school.
I'm pretty furious. I have a lot of rage toward the school about this, moreso than towards the guy (another student), I think because I feel they had power which they used against me, not for me.
Which leads me to my questions: is it worth dragging all this up again for counselling or whatever? I wasn't actually raped, but the memories of the incident make me shake and cry, which is obviously not a fun way to pass an afternoon. I'd also be worried if I drag up all these bad feelings I could get in a bit of a funk, which could wreck my final year, and affect my results. Also, the year away supervisor is a teacher of mine this year, so I don't want to talk to him about it, potentially get really personal and upset, and then have to see him in the classroom.
My second question is easier: how do I go about getting this video taken down? Ideally I'd like to not spend a fortune engaging a solicitor! (student! student!)
Thanks a mill for any advice!

herya

two questions wrote: »

Which leads me to my questions: is it worth dragging all this up again for counselling or whatever? I wasn't actually raped, but the memories of the incident make me shake and cry, which is obviously not a fun way to pass an afternoon. I'd also be worried if I drag up all these bad feelings I could get in a bit of a funk, which could wreck my final year, and affect my results.

I think yes you should seek counselling, it is extremely helpful and it should make you feel better about the incident if done well. Please don't let it fester if you leave it like this.

two questions wrote: »

My second question is easier: how do I go about getting this video taken down? Ideally I'd like to not spend a fortune engaging a solicitor! (student! student!)

Check any documents/applications you signed - there might be a clause about using your details for promotion, statistics etc. In this case you probably wouldn't be able to dispute it. If there's no such clause, do you have any free legal help available for students? Sometimes such services are provided by law students who need practice.

If I were you I would look into the legal matter of this near rape again though if you have such an option. I don't see how you can be held responsible for it.

Emme

two questions wrote: »

I wasn't actually raped, but the memories of the incident make me shake and cry, which is obviously not a fun way to pass an afternoon.

It doesn't matter whether you were actually raped or not. You were traumatised by a sexual assault. I had a similar experience myself early in 2007 and I have been through hell because of it. I knew the guy and thought I could trust him - how wrong I was!!! At first I was in denial but a few months later it hit me hard and I had nightmares and flashbacks until recently. It took counselling for me to realise it wasn't my fault. You need counselling ASAP to help you deal with the experience.

As regards the picture see what the legal situation is. Even if you signed a waiver to your copyrights I would get legal advice and see if, considering the situation, the video could be taken down. If you are getting counselling for the attack this might strengthen your case.

Good luck.

dublingal80

I agree with both posters

Counselling wont make it more difficult to deal with. It will definitely help you. Yes it will be difficult having to go back through it and talk about it all again and remember it, but it definitely will help you so go for it!!!

and as the posters did say, check the fine print of anything u signed college wise. if there is nothing mentioned about being used for publicity or advertising, ask them to take it down. If they wont, definitely go legal about it

Oh The Humanity

two questions wrote: »

Hi everyone,
Now they have a video up on line of me earlier in the year, pre- this incident, to advertise the school.

Did you sign a release form allowing them to use your image?

If not nail them to the wall legally. I too would be furious in your shoes.

Demand to see the principal and read them the riot act.
Telling a victim of a near assault it was their own fault is totally unprofesssional and outrageous.

I would be getting a solicitor if I was in your shoes.

LegacyUser

Oi oi oi. Thanks for the replies guys. I didn't even think of a law student, that's a great idea. It all becomes a bit more complicated because it's in another language, and another country's laws, but I'll give it a shot. The schools principle can rot in hell frankly, according to her (yes, her) not only was I responsible for not fending him off better, but I was also slandering his reputation. Don't even get me started, I get so distressed thinking about it. Suffice it to say, she's not primed to be the most sympathetic listener.
As far as counselling, it's probably not a bad idea ever, but the timing of it slightly worries me, being final year and all. What do you think, better to wait till it can't affect my grades or get it out of the way now? I'm only having the very occasional bad experience or flashback or whatever- apart from not being able to watch SVU! (Loved that show!)
Also, none of my family or friends know. At the time, I thought they couldn't do anything and they'd only worry, and now I don't want them to feel guilty or anything. In the same situation, would you pipe up? It's gonna cause them pain, and why would I do that? But then what's the point of talking to a stranger if I can't talk to the people I love? Or is that the point?
I don't know, words of wisdom?

herya

I would still recommend counseling. It's not traumatic, it's just spilling it out in front of an understanding listener who will help you see it in such a way as to help you purge any trauma or shame residue you may have left and lurking. It happened not so long ago (compared to a let's say early childhood sexual trauma) so it's not likely to turn you inside out, you can work on rational adult level.

One word of advice, attend a trial session first and change your counselor if you don't connect to them. You have a right to find the person who suits you and makes you comfortable enough to be so open with them. Done well, it's a very detoxifying experience, like fog lifting - honestly.

I would recommend telling your family once you've had counseling and dealt with the memory + told it in front of somebody. Otherwise you may relive it while telling them and seriously scare them.

And shame on the school principal. What a cow.