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Coping with toxic parents...

  • 14-10-2009 3:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I am looking for some advice about how to cope living in the world with parents you never see.

    I never lived with my dad and i havent seen him in 8 years, he molested my sister and lives on his own with his mother i have no bond with him. Recently he had a cancer scare, i heard from other people that it was just a scare but i was wondering what to do, whether to go and see him or not. My nanny is also 94 and still alive and she was very sweet to me growing up but it is very difficult to go back to being around my dad when he played no part in my upbringing. Has anyone else any experience of this and how do you find the best way to deal with it. Maybe its just a guilt thing, but i dont really have any desire to see him, and i have resolved a lot of my pain in therapy that i have a great new life now.

    With regards to my mother it is a bit more complicated, she raised me till i was 18 and in the space of 6 months she had sold our home and moved away with another man and his family and bought a house with them, she made no effort since then to be in me or my sisters lives. If she is down in dublin she will call or text last minute and say i can fit you in for an hour before i have to meet someone else but you have to come now. She would never come down just to see us -its always to see someone else.

    Im 31 now, and i am trying for a baby, she emails me the odd time and recently asked me what was happening in my life, i told her myself and my BF were trying for a baby. She was very excited and said she couldnt wait to have someone around who believes in santy. I was a bit taken a back because she sounded like she wanted to be part of it. She is not the easiest person to be around she was always very physically and verbally abusive with us and would have fits of rage at home and smash the house up, she has a fierce temper, I love my life and my BF and i dont feel i am defined by my past any longer and i like to surround myself with positive people, so there is no way i want her part of my pregnancy or childrens lives, but where do you find a balance,

    Do any other boardies have a similar experience and how do you handle parents like this.

    Thanks in advance xx


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hi op i know where you are with the parent thing my mother and me have an odd relationship i didnt actually fall out with her but she moved on made a new life without me years ago now i never hear from her only if i call her to say hi but now i have 2 kids of my own and im sad to say she ignores them even more than me, initially she had alot of time for them but as the got out of the baby stage she was gone,
    my dad was always good to me but he lives far away and i dont see him as much as id like to, buts its my mum i miss. she has a new life with her new man and im surplus to requirement and believe me shes made no secret of that to me.


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