Read my boyfriends emails - Shocked

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I know I'm going to get slated fro this but as the title says I read my boyfriends email last night and was hoffied to find emails to a girl he works with. One said

'I keep leaving my nerve and b*lls at home but finally thought I'd chance my arm and ask you out for a drink'.

Another one says
'Now that I'm applying for new jobs and won't be working here anymore, any chance we go for another drink. It will be less awkward this time seeing as I won't work here'

That last one indicates that they already went out.

Please don't give out to me for reading the mails. I know I shouldn't have but he has cheated on me in the past and I forgave him after he promised to never out me through that pain again. I noticed some signs in him latley that were similar to how he acted the last time he was cheating. I knew his gmail password cause I was helping him job hunt and one day he needed me to check a confirmation fo rhim. That was months ago and he obviosuly forgot he gave it to me.

Who cheats through email anyway?

I didn't think I'd find anything cause most people would cheat through phone/text.

What can I do now???

I angrily sent him a message this morning saying

'Were over, have fun with XXXX'

He hasn't replied yet but it was only 10 minutes ago

Wibbs

Well given his past exploits you clearly had reason for suspicion this time around. Anyway regardless of how you found out, you found out.

Scrape him off and don't look back. Don't take any excuses this time. Once is just about forgivable, twice no way. If you still fancy him, you need to break all contact as you may slip and believe his excuses. Don't for your sake.

Colonel_McCoy

You shouldn't have checked his email which shows a lack of trust although you have reason since he cheated before!

If its true he cheated again WALK AWAY you are better of in the long run.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Well given his past exploits you clearly had reason for suspicion this time around. Anyway regardless of how you found out, you found out.

Scrape him off and don't look back. Don't take any excuses this time. Once is just about forgivable, twice no way. If you still fancy him, you need to break all contact as you may slip and believe his excuses. Don't for your sake.

I just re-read my original post and noticed all the spelling mistakes, sorry I worte it in tears.

What I don't understand is why someone would lie bare face to you and seem so genuine but really want to be with other people.

We are not kids either. He is 33 and I am 31, together for 4 years. We don't live together but were planning too. One day he tells me he loves me so much but then I discover he's actually cheating?? Why do people do this, why not just break up and be single???

snowy2008

your dead right, seriously, thats really pathetic of him, put it down to experience, better knowing now than a few years down the line, kick him to the curb!

LegacyUser

Sorry to be nosey but has he replied to your text yet??

I think you shoud just cut your losses and be done with him, if you dont, your never going to be able to trust him and it will only make you miserable in the long run.

I know it hurts really bad ( ive been thru it myself ) and I dont blame you one bit for checking his emails especially as he has been upto this kind of stuff before.so dont let him make you feel bad for it. Just think to yourself that your much better off without him in your life and your doing yourself a favour by ending it now rather than wasting your time with a loser.

Hope your ok hun x

ash23

I found out about my exs cheating by checking his phone. Had my suspicions and like sunflower, I make no apologies for snooping.
Sadly, I let him presuade me nothing had happened and stuck with him for another year while he continued cheating on me. Duh me.

Eventually he made up his mind about what he wanted and left me for her.
People who have affairs are selfish. They don't know what they want, except that they don't want to be alone, so they string someone along until they make their decision.

Don't allow yourself to be strung along or talked around again because he will try. You deserve better.

Xterminator

sunflower27 wrote: »

What do you do now?

You leave him.

Well, if it were me, i'd want to be sure he cheated BEFORE i discarded a relationship that you have spend some time in?

From the emails above, its clear this girl has a crush on your partner. its clear they have gone for drinks. He was probably flattered to get the attention, and may have (unwittingly or not) allowed and even encouraged this by flirting with her.

and yes he has cheated in the past.

But it is a big jump from drinks with a friend to cheating, and it is possible he has changed, and has not gotton intimate with this girl. It is also possible he has cheated, and as i (and the other posters) dont know him personally, i cannot make a reliable judgement on which is more likely,

so confront him, read his texts, even ring the girl and ask her, but a least you owe him a chance to repsond to your suspicions, which are only suspicions at the moment.

But those poster who are saying dump him without even checking what happened, well sometimes its better to think with a clear head, and not make life changing decisions while your blood is boiling.

shellyboo

Xterminator wrote: »

Well, if it were me, i'd want to be sure he cheated BEFORE i discarded a relationship that you have spend some time in?

From the emails above, its clear this girl has a crush on your partner. its clear they have gone for drinks. He was probably flattered to get the attention, and may have (unwittingly or not) allowed and even encouraged this by flirting with her.

and yes he has cheated in the past.

But it is a big jump from drinks with a friend to cheating, and it is possible he has changed, and has not gotton intimate with this girl. It is also possible he has cheated, and as i (and the other posters) dont know him personally, i cannot make a reliable judgement on which is more likely,

so confront him, read his texts, even ring the girl and ask her, but a least you owe him a chance to repsond to your suspicions, which are only suspicions at the moment.

But those poster who are saying dump him without even checking what happened, well sometimes its better to think with a clear head, and not make life changing decisions while your blood is boiling.

I disagree. If this was a first offence, I'd definitely say check it out and be sure before making any rash decisions.

But if I'd forgiven a guy once for cheating on me, going for secret drinks with a workmate would be crossing the line, whether they kissed or not. He obviously has no respect for her, or the fact that she gave him another chance.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

I disagree. If this was a first offence, I'd definitely say check it out and be sure before making any rash decisions.

But if I'd forgiven a guy once for cheating on me, going for secret drinks with a workmate would be crossing the line, whether they kissed or not. He obviously has no respect for her, or the fact that she gave him another chance.

Thank you Shelly, that's exactly how I feel.

He hasn't replied to my text yet but I know what he's like. If he has done something wrong, he avoids me. If I ring him on a Saturday afternoon and don't hear back from him until late evening or the next day, I always know something is up. It may not be cheating but he has always done something (out doing drugs teh night before, blowing money he was supposed to save etc).

I am glad I know now but I feel like killing this girl. I searched for her name on facebook just to see how old she is, what she looks like etc but can't find her.
I knwo her email address (obvioulsy), her name and where she works but I can't track her down.
I wouldn't say anything to her, just want to know who she is.

I am so shocked right now that I actually feel ok but I now darkness is in the post.
I feel NO guilt for looking. I was right about him.

snowy2008

Did he reply to your text, i actaully thought he was alot younger when i read your message, you need a man not a boy, lucky you for finding out what hes really like

e04bf099

Were those e-mails sent to him or by him?

He sounds like a loser btw, even if he didn't cheat you should tell him to f-off and grow up.

e04bf099

I think everybody here, including myself, assumed he sent them. But if he recieved them then all you know for sure is that he has rejected her once and may have gone for an awkward drink after work or something. He may not have seen it as a date at all and had no intentions.

If he sent them it is much more clear-cut.

opinion guy

shakengirl wrote: »

I just re-read my original post and noticed all the spelling mistakes, sorry I worte it in tears.

What I don't understand is why someone would lie bare face to you and seem so genuine but really want to be with other people.

We are not kids either. He is 33 and I am 31, together for 4 years. We don't live together but were planning too. One day he tells me he loves me so much but then I discover he's actually cheating?? Why do people do this, why not just break up and be single???

You poor thing.
People lie because they are weak and can't deal in truth. simple as. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't appreciate you and you deserve someone who appreciates you.

Xterminator wrote: »

From the emails above, its clear this girl has a crush on your partner. its clear they have gone for drinks. He was probably flattered to get the attention, and may have (unwittingly or not) allowed and even encouraged this by flirting with her.

HELL NO!! I think it very much sounds like he is pursuing the girl and not the other way around. In fact it sounds like she wasn't comfortable since they worked together (or at least she said that) and he is trying to talk her around it.

Thank you Shelly, that's exactly how I feel.

He hasn't replied to my text yet but I know what he's like. If he has done something wrong, he avoids me. If I ring him on a Saturday afternoon and don't hear back from him until late evening or the next day, I always know something is up. It may not be cheating but he has always done something (out doing drugs teh night before, blowing money he was supposed to save etc).

Yup spineless jerk who needs to grow up. He avoids you cause he cant' face up to the truth. Your will be happier without him.

I am glad I know now but I feel like killing this girl. I searched for her name on facebook just to see how old she is, what she looks like etc but can't find her.
I knwo her email address (obvioulsy), her name and where she works but I can't track her down.
I wouldn't say anything to her, just want to know who she is.

WOAH there. Less of the urge to kill there. There is no point in being mad with this girl. She may not even know you exist. Its not her fault in any way, its your BF's

I am so shocked right now that I actually feel ok but I now darkness is in the post.
I feel NO guilt for looking. I was right about him.

The darkness won't serve you. I'm not going to lecture you about looking, but at the same time - don't do it again since then he will have corrupted you into doing something you woulnd't have done before

minidazzler

shakengirl wrote: »

Thank you Shelly, that's exactly how I feel.

He hasn't replied to my text yet but I know what he's like. If he has done something wrong, he avoids me. If I ring him on a Saturday afternoon and don't hear back from him until late evening or the next day, I always know something is up. It may not be cheating but he has always done something (out doing drugs teh night before, blowing money he was supposed to save etc).

I am glad I know now but I feel like killing this girl. I searched for her name on facebook just to see how old she is, what she looks like etc but can't find her.
I knwo her email address (obvioulsy), her name and where she works but I can't track her down.
I wouldn't say anything to her, just want to know who she is.

I am so shocked right now that I actually feel ok but I now darkness is in the post.
I feel NO guilt for looking. I was right about him.

Don't shift blame. This is ALL on him, the girl probably doesn't even know he has a GF.

Drop him, and drop it all. It's not worth it.

shellyboo

minidazzler wrote: »

Don't shift blame. This is ALL on him, the girl probably doesn't even know he has a GF.

Drop him, and drop it all. It's not worth it.

+1 million. This is not her fault, it's his. Don't be that girl who hates the other woman instead of her man - it's really nasty.

Don't look her up, don't find out who she is... just forget him and her and move on with your head held high. Be the bigger person.

seahorse

Shakengirl, your first post seems to me to say that he sent the e-mails to her but there's a bit of confusion about it on the thread so would you mind clearing that up for us? For me, who the sender was would make a big difference in how I'd advise you to respond.

seahorse

shellyboo wrote: »

+1 million. This is not her fault, it's his. Don't be that girl who hates the other woman instead of her man - it's really nasty.

If the 'other woman' is knowingly riding someone elses bloke there's a pair of them in it and it wouldn't be one bit unreasonable for the OP to hate her guts; it's the natural human response actually.

No offence Shellyboo, but I think the OP is going through enough without being expected to be calm and gracious about someone possibly shagging her partner of four years!

shellyboo

seahorse wrote: »

Shakengirl, your first post seems to me to say that he sent the e-mails to her but there's a bit of confusion about it on the thread so would you mind clearing that up for us? For me, who the sender was would make a big difference in how I'd advise you to respond.

I think it's clear from the OP that he sent the mails...

shakengirl wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I know I'm going to get slated fro this but as the title says I read my boyfriends email last night and was hoffied to find emails to a girl he works with. One said

'I keep leaving my nerve and b*lls at home but finally thought I'd chance my arm and ask you out for a drink'.

Another one says
'Now that I'm applying for new jobs and won't be working here anymore, any chance we go for another drink. It will be less awkward this time seeing as I won't work here'

That last one indicates that they already went out.

Please don't give out to me for reading the mails. I know I shouldn't have but he has cheated on me in the past and I forgave him after he promised to never out me through that pain again. I noticed some signs in him latley that were similar to how he acted the last time he was cheating. I knew his gmail password cause I was helping him job hunt and one day he needed me to check a confirmation fo rhim. That was months ago and he obviosuly forgot he gave it to me.

ash23

As the others said, if it was a first offense then get all the details before making a decision.
But he has cheated before. Therefore, imo, he has had his chance and blown it. Even if nothing happened physically (and assuming the messages in the OP were sent by OPs boyfriend) then he is actively pursuing this girl he works with and lying to his girlfriend or at the very least, omitting to tell her which imo is just as bad.

shellyboo

seahorse wrote: »

No offence Shellyboo, but I think the OP is going through enough without being expected to be calm and gracious about someone possibly shagging her partner of four years!

She will feel a hundred times better about herself afterwards if she's calm and gracious. Believe me, the satisfaction of being the bigger person, being classy, and being strong will help her get over the idiot faster, and feel better about herself in long run.

We don't know the girl is knowingly shagging her bf - we don't even know that she's shagging him at all. The issue is that her boyfriend broke her trust - it has zero to do with this other girl. Perhaps she said no, I don't want to go for a drink. Perhaps she's not interested. We don't know the facts, all we know is that the boyfriend did something wrong. Not the other girl.

seahorse

Well Shellyboo I'm not interested in getting into a debate about it; haven't got the time, but it is obvious that Shakengirls partner has been out with this other person since he mailed her looking to go for another drink.

Regardless whether they were intimate or not OP, the sneaking around would be more than enough for me. I think you know what you have to do here and I hope you find the courage to see it through.

ash23

I think if it turns out that this other girl is cheating with OPs Oh and knew about the OP then the OP would be only human to detest this girl.
So long as she doesn't focus all her anger on the "other woman" and doesn't actually do anything to the other woman, then I would say vent away. I know I did! (stupid slut )

I wouldn't think that having a good b*tching session about a woman who knowingly screwed an attached man is a bad thing. The OP shouldn't feel bad for what is, imo, a very normal reaction.

Again, if the girl knew nothing about the OP, then her anger towards her would be misdirected and better aimed at her cheating boyfriend.

LegacyUser

Op here,

Thank you all for responding and for the advice.

To clarify, HE sent the emails to her and although I searched his inbox for her reply, I couldn't find one.

They 100% went out for a drink as he said 'it would be less awakward this time' so they have met up before. I don't know if it was just a drink or if they had sex but that doesn't matter to me.

I did receive a reply from him and I swear it has made me so f*cking angry.

All it said was

'Who's Aoife?'

Aoife is a fake name by the way that I thought I'd use.

Who's Aoife??? Please, how dare he insult me even further.
What the hell is this about baout 4 years??

He tells me all the time he finds me so sexy, funny, passionate (about music) and he loves me. That cannot possible be true. He is disrespecting me and I actually hate him right now.

I don't hate her, he is to blame here. She doesn't know me and may not know I exist. She is just a girl who met an assh*le and had a drink (or sex) with him.
Oh my god.

ellie1

DO NOT REPLY TO HIS TEXT.

He is obviously trying to pull you into a game and trying to figure out how much you know. You sent your bf a text telling him its over and all he could reply is whos aoife?

Right now , your angry and rightly so however I would recommend holding on to your dignity because you will feel much better in the long run.

Dont play into his games and dont give him your power.

ash23

Ah, denial. Inevitable.


I got that too. " I don't know who she is. She's a friend of Johns. he must have texted her from my phone". Lies and more lies.

Panic when they are put on the spot. Give him a few hours without replying and he'll remember who Aoife is and he'll have a great story about how she is a friend yadda yadda.


Do NOT tell him about the emails. It only gives him a chance to make excuses.

Using my own experience I asked "john" and he told me that my ex and text girl had been getting v close at a party. I then checked exs phone bill and found hundreds of texts and calls. I rang him and told him all this. He had a nice elaborate story by the time he got home from work.
I should have said nothing and let him try and dig himself out of it. It would have shown him up as the liar he was.
Don't show your hand too early, because then he knows what info you have. Much better that he doesn't know.

opinion guy

shellyboo wrote: »

Perhaps she said no, I don't want to go for a drink. Perhaps she's not interested. We don't know the facts, all we know is that the boyfriend did something wrong. Not the other girl.

Very much sounds like that to me. It seems apparent she had some problem going for a drink with him on account of them working together. Seems like he is chasing someone who is not that pushed in return.

ellie1 wrote: »

DO NOT REPLY TO HIS TEXT.

He is obviously trying to pull you into a game and trying to figure out how much you know. You sent your bf a text telling him its over and all he could reply is whos aoife?

Right now , your angry and rightly so however I would recommend holding on to your dignity because you will feel much better in the long run.

Dont play into his games and dont give him your power.

Inclined to agree with this. If I had gotten your text and the emails/drink were in any way innocent, I'd be phoning you up and trying to get to the bottom of things. I wouldn't be texting minimalist statements of denial. Its an attempt to engage you in conversation without confirming/denying/giving any info away. He probably doesn't know how you found out and is right now wondering about that.

Peggypeg

hey OP, that is so pants. I think you pretty much know what you have to do. There is very little point in being with someone you don't trust and he has p*ssed all over any trust you had built up after the last time he cheated. Please don't let him talk you round. He is very obviously a devious and selfish person, do you want to be with someone like that? You get out of that relationship asap. I wouldn't bother meeting up again with him, he'll probably just tell you lies anyway. If I were you I would just walk away, I know it's sad but wouldn't it be sadder if you were living together or married, at least you're not trapped with this loser. I'm not sure who said it but they were right, try to keep you dignity and get out of this clean. I recently had a big fight with someone and I had awful trouble keeping my head and not acting like a fishwife but I'm really glad I did now, self respect is important.

Big Big Hugs to you.

kenbrady

I'd say he has checked his emails and now knows, what exactly you know and has worked out a story. Don't fall for it.

shakengirl wrote: »

'I keep leaving my nerve and b*lls at home but finally thought I'd chance my arm and ask you out for a drink'.

So how long has he been interested in this girl before he finally gets the nerve to ask her out

shakengirl wrote: »

'Now that I'm applying for new jobs and won't be working here anymore, any chance we go for another drink. It will be less awkward this time seeing as I won't work here'

She probably told him it was a bad idea to meet up as they worked together, that's not what he wanted so now he is trying to negate her agruement so she will go out with him again.

This is not innocent or spur of the moment, he's put some thought and effort into chasing this girl.

LegacyUser

kenbrady wrote: »

I'd say he has checked his emails and now knows, what exactly you know and has worked out a story. Don't fall for it.


So how long has he been interested in this girl before he finally gets the nerve to ask her out

She probably told him it was a bad idea to meet up as they worked together, that's not what he wanted so now he is trying to negate her agruement so she will go out with him again.

This is not innocent or spur of the moment, he's put some thought and effort into chasing this girl.

Oh my god...thank you for pointing this out. I hadn't even thought of it that way. If it took nerves and b*lls to ask her out he must really fancy her and have wanted too for ages.

I am sick to my stomach. I think I need to go home from work early cause I am about to fall
apart. I am shocked and disgusted by the man I thought I knew.

I feel like CRAP now.

What a low life:(

CathyMoran

shakengirl wrote: »

Thank you Shelly, that's exactly how I feel.

He hasn't replied to my text yet but I know what he's like. If he has done something wrong, he avoids me. If I ring him on a Saturday afternoon and don't hear back from him until late evening or the next day, I always know something is up. It may not be cheating but he has always done something (out doing drugs teh night before, blowing money he was supposed to save etc).

I am glad I know now but I feel like killing this girl. I searched for her name on facebook just to see how old she is, what she looks like etc but can't find her.
I knwo her email address (obvioulsy), her name and where she works but I can't track her down.
I wouldn't say anything to her, just want to know who she is.

I am so shocked right now that I actually feel ok but I now darkness is in the post.
I feel NO guilt for looking. I was right about him.

I stupidly sent a mail to the other woman - it was not a good idea - she said that she knew about me all along, it made me feel really small. Do not look her up, it will only hurt. If he had been faithful in the past then he deserves to have his voice heard but this is not the case. Hugs.

dublingal80

i agree with everyone that posted on here. you have to get away from him and move on.

1- he has cheated on you before. you forgave him and tried to make the relationship work
2- he is having drinks with a girl from work and has actually used the words " keep leaving my nerve and b*lls at home " which shows he has wanted to ask her out before and "It will be less awkward this time seeing as I won't work here" shows he went out with her for drinks, she thought it was weird cos they were working together and he tried to change her mind

the fact he wasnt honest and open that he was going for drinks with a girl, even if it was 100% innocent and just friendly drinks shows that he had something to hide from you, and the fact that he has the cheek to ask who "aoife" is, thinkin you havent read his emails.... oh that makes me soooooooooooooo angry!!

dont waste any more time or any more of your tears on this guy. Let him do whatever he wants and just know from getting rid of him, its gonna do you the world of good.

there is no way you could trust him again after doing this

dublingal80

oh god, dont contact the other woman!!!

she definiately knew about you. if she has worked with him any more than a couple of months, he is bound to have talked about you having been with him for 4 years.

but this is definitely his fault more so than hers. id say its like 80:20.Yeah she shouldnt have gone there but this is his relaitonship he is messing with, its your heart that he is breaking and its him that is telling you he loves you

you going after her will only make you more upset... but i know you want to

my friend has been with numerous men who have girlfriends and flirted heavily with a married man, im so against it and i have told her time and time again not to do it, but some people just dont care i guess..

opinion guy

OP. So this charming fellow cheats, takes drugs and blows all his savings.

Get him out of your life. Now.

I know its not that simple and you're in lots of pain, but honestly I think thats the way you to look at it.

Wibbs

shakengirl wrote: »

Oh my god...thank you for pointing this out. I hadn't even thought of it that way. If it took nerves and b*lls to ask her out he must really fancy her and have wanted too for ages.

Not always. For you to do this it may mean that(and it would be the same for me TBH), but maybe not the case for him. I've made that mistake in the past. Could be simply a spur of the moment thing. People cheat for many reasons; boredom, horniness, lining up a replacement partner, stupidity. The list is long. IMHO it all boils down to selfishness and emotional cowardice though. Plus they simply don't love or respect the person they are cheating on. Nor funny enough the person they're cheating with.

I am sick to my stomach. I think I need to go home from work early cause I am about to fall
apart. I am shocked and disgusted by the man I thought I knew.

I get that and have been there, but be careful not to start blaming yourself. Bad road to go down. Lets say worse case scenario that you were a complete pain in the bum and he wanted out and figured Aoife was it? He would still be a spineless little moron for going about it that way.

You're well rid and chances are he'll do similar to her or whomever he ends up with.

martdalto

dublingal80 wrote: »

oh god, dont contact the other woman!!!

she definiately knew about you. if she has worked with him any more than a couple of months, he is bound to have talked about you having been with him for 4 years.

Not necessarily. I have known a few people who never spoke of partners, because they were always keeping their options open. 2 that I can think of in my current place of work!

lucky-colm

kick him out

CDfm

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

You shouldn't have checked his email which shows a lack of trust although you have reason since he cheated before!

cheating vs snooping. The cheating is worse on the scale of things.

nesbitt

Op don't get side tracked if he has a big issue with you checking his emails. Big wow it happened. Sometimes people do this to make you feel wrong and diffuse their own wrong doing. As others have stated cheating v checking/snooping well you were totally the lesser of two evils! Move on.

DigiGal

sunflower27 wrote: »

What do you do now?

You leave him.

and throw in a good swift kick in the balls while your at it!

Sorry....I hate men who cheat!

Zaph

DigiGal wrote: »

and throw in a good swift kick in the balls while your at it!

Sorry....I hate men who cheat!

Infracted. Regardless of how you feel about men who cheat, advocating violence on this forum is not permitted.

CDfm

I agree - a friend of mine in college had a girl friend who used to kick guys after a few pints. Not funny.

MizzLolly

shakengirl wrote: »

Op here,

Thank you all for responding and for the advice.

To clarify, HE sent the emails to her and although I searched his inbox for her reply, I couldn't find one.

They 100% went out for a drink as he said 'it would be less awakward this time' so they have met up before. I don't know if it was just a drink or if they had sex but that doesn't matter to me.

I did receive a reply from him and I swear it has made me so f*cking angry.

All it said was

'Who's Aoife?'

Aoife is a fake name by the way that I thought I'd use.

Who's Aoife??? Please, how dare he insult me even further.
What the hell is this about baout 4 years??

He tells me all the time he finds me so sexy, funny, passionate (about music) and he loves me. That cannot possible be true. He is disrespecting me and I actually hate him right now.

I don't hate her, he is to blame here. She doesn't know me and may not know I exist. She is just a girl who met an assh*le and had a drink (or sex) with him.
Oh my god.

Grr this thread has made me angry. The same thing happened to me a few years back and like Ash 23, he finally made up his mind in the end to be with her. Very hard lesson learned there in the sense that I should have had the cop on to end it when he was disrespecting me and lying to me, rather than being strung along and cheated on to his heart's content. Men (and I use the term loosely) who do that are pathetic, they're terrified of being alone and constantly need to have potential admirers around them for some kind of validation. It's pathetic. Granted, my guy was 20 when he did it to me and I still think he should have known better. Your guy is in his thirties and this game playing should be well out of his system after four years in a relationship with you.

I actually feel so bad for you, you don't deserve that treatment at all. Even his response to your text is pathetic and so cowardly. He's been caught and can't even admit it. Absolute loser. Don't reply to his text message, let him do some sweating over this. And no matter what he says, do yourself a favour and move on. Please don't get back with this man. He doesn't have your best interests at heart.

Ironically, the girl I was cheated on with was called Aoife too and like you, I suspected for months that something was going on. I never read his texts or emails (because I was a bit harmless and far too trusting back then) but I had heard stuff from practically everyone. Do yourself and me and every other person out there who's been hurt by someone like this a favour, ditch him and find someone who deserves you.

CDfm

I have heard it called "monkey bars" because a monkey wont let go of one bar without grabbing another.

Regardless of what Mizz Lolly says its not exclusive to guys -women do it too. That he says he wants to change job indicates she said she doesnt date colleagues as jobs are hard to come by these days!

He must have been confident of not getting caught and confident of being in a relationship.

Its up to you what you decide but you should sit him down without any drama. If you decide to give it another shot do as you invested emotional energy here and get him to send an email of to her just saying he has a girlfriend and is not free for a relationship.

Its up to you but if he stays no monkey business.

MizzLolly

CDfm wrote: »

Regardless of what Mizz Lolly says its not exclusive to guys -women do it too.

What? I didn't say cheating was exclusive to men! In fact, I purposely said this;

MizzLolly wrote: »

Do yourself and me and every other person out there who's been hurt by someone like this a favour, ditch him and find someone who deserves you.

.. to include both men and women who've been hurt by a cheater.

I don't really see the need for me to be mentioned in your post at all actually.

CDfm

Sorry MizzLolly - I loved your post as you said it like it is. I didnt mean it gender wise I meant age wise and your guy was 20. The feelings dont change though no matter what you age is. I read your post again and it captures everything.

MizzLolly

CDfm wrote: »

Sorry MizzLolly - I loved your post as you said it like it is. I didnt mean it gender wise I meant age wise and your guy was 20. The feelings dont change though no matter what you age is.

Yeah you're right, nobody should cheat, regardless of gender, age etc. It's cowardly and the OP deserves better. What an absolute pig!! :mad:

Bottle_of_Smoke

Just read the first post. That was enough to realise your relationship is over. Start moving on

kenbrady

CDfm wrote: »

get him to send an email of to her just saying he has a girlfriend and is not free for a relationship.

Good idea, the OP should make sure, her boyfriend treats his secret lover with respect and honesty.
She should encourage him to contact her, and tell her he's sorry, but can't continue seeing her as his girlfriends told him not too.

ash23

Sorry but whats the point in her making him send an email? He has cheated before, he is in the middle of cheating again if he hasn't already.
I made my ex do all those things. E mail her, tell her not to contact him, delete her off social networking sites, delete her number. He did. All in front of me.
And then went out and bought a new phone which he kept in work for contacting her :rolleyes:
More fool me.

He is a liar and a cheat and he's had his chance and blown it. Big time!
OP will, imo, never be able to trust this guy again. She will spend the next few years constantly checking his phone and email, all the while wondering if he has another email account or phone that she knows nothing about. Every time he is late home or goes for a drink with friends she will feel on edge.

It's a horrible existance, a half relationship which just breeds misery. So not worth it imo.
I was terrified of being single. I really was. Thoughts of being a single parent, losing the home we bought, being broke etc, it all scared the beejaysus out of me which is probably why I put up with the crap and bought the excuses. I'm an intelligent woman but denial is a great thing and if you want to believe something bad enough, you will, no matter how it goes against common sense (santa clause anyone?).

Anyway, OP, being single is fine. Hurts at first, takes some getting used to. But I've been where you are and put up with it for a year and I never felt misery like that year. If the trust is gone then there's no point.

opinion guy

How are you doing OP ?