Confused with myself

daithid2000

Hi, I'm in my early 30s and reckon I have a problem with drink. I am just confused at the moment and p!ssed off with myself. Not sure what I am looking for on here but wanted to write something. When I think about it I used to drink quite a bit in college, not everyday, but once or twice a week, and used to get hammered when I did. I could go a few weeks without drink and then go on another bender. My mates used to all do it aswell and we used to get on grand in college despite of it. This probably continued for a few years after college but in the meantime I met my now wife, so big nites out became more infrequent. I used to get drunk less and less when she was out with me, but if I was out without her I would invariably get hammered and not remember stuff. Started to realise this was a bad story last year and started drinking shandies when out with the lads and this was great. Ended up remembering whole nites and not stumbling around the place etc. (I want to say here that the major sessions would probably be only about twice a year or so at this stage). I thought I had it sussed and that this was the answer but have a couple of times since forgotten to stay on shandies and started drinking pints and getting hammered. What has really frightened me was that before the game on Saturday I went for a few pints with the lads, arrived to the pub about 15 mins after everyone else to in order to catch up had a sneaky pint on my own at the bar before going back to the lads. I had never done this before. Did it again later in the night also. Ended up very very drunk again and it has nearly cost me my marriage now. I just don't know what to do. I don't go out that much, can have one or two beers at home and be fine but its just these few blow outs every year that are causing the problems. Think I might just have to knock the drinking on the head but that kind of scares the sh1t out of me. Thanks for reading

mickman

how has a few nights a year nearly cost you your marriage?

20goto10

Have you told your mates? If so i'd be questioning whether they really are your mates or just drinking buddies. My experience is very similar. I wasn't sneaking pints in but a night out meant getting absolutely twisted and there'd usually be a story or two about my antics that go down in the lads night out history book.

What got me is I starting playing football with a few of the lads and it really was the only sober encounter I've ever had with my "mates". I soon realized their only perception of me was all the drunken stories about me and they actually had no idea what I was really like as a person. As a sober person I should say. To cut a long story short I realized they weren't really friends.

I've also been out with family members and their friends and I was amazed how they all took care of each other on a night out. As far as telling people to slow down on their drinking, going hone with them when they've had too much and even knocking the night on the head when one of them gets too blotty. I mention this because you say your marriage is in trouble over your nights out, ask yourself what kind of mates you're hanging around with who let things get that bad. I know you are ultimately responsible, but we all know what happens when you have too much. You're not fully in control of your actions and that's when you need your mates to step in and help you out.

Btw, once I stopped drinking I never heard from my "mates" again. Nice friends, eh?

Nulty

I'm truely sorry for saying this here but, I cant read that. God gave us paragraphs. Use them.

donieD

Nulty wrote: »

I'm truely sorry for saying this here but, I cant read that. God gave us paragraphs. Use them.

Very constructive.Well done.Wish my spelling and syntax was as good.

Karen_*

Congrats on your new job moderating the forum Nulty! Your punctuation is all over the place by the way so I don't really understand your post. Can you please punctuate as God intended?

mickman

nulty

spell truly right please

and cop on

the OP was in a bad state when typing the post, he just wanted to rant

VinnyTGM

Nulty wrote: »

I'm truely sorry for saying this here but, I cant read that. God gave us paragraphs. Use them.

I insist that you take up this offer.

Vasco

Nulty wrote: »

I'm truely sorry for saying this here but, I cant read that. God gave us paragraphs. Use them.

your an asxhole. a complete fcuking axshole.

Dave!

Lads take it easy.

Drop it and stick to the topic please.

Nulty

I apologize profusely to the OP but resolutely stand by my comments.

Having Copy & Pasted the text into a word.doc and used the return key....I read the post and sincerely sympathize with your sentiment.

My mother became an alcoholic 4 years ago....by that I mean she communicated the fact to her two sons directly in an attempt to rid herself of the burden she carried and seek professional help. The three of us shared our last drink together that afternoon.

She's been clean since going to a rehab retreat. Thank god.

I know addiction and have experienced it my self in various forms. From what I can glean from your story, I think you need to knock it on the head altogether. It seems like a big step but in the end, you know its small in relation to what you could lose if you dont.

Don't risk losing the important things in your life.

Hope I haven't put you off posting again, I'd like to see you back.

Nulty.

donieD

Hi,
Getting back to the original post, I would say that if your drinking is having a negative effect on your life (home,family etc) then you do need to knock it on the head.
The low frequency of the blow outs isn't that important, I would be more concerned about the catching up with sneaky pints as you put it.Alcohol dependancy is something that sneaks up on people and progresses over time.
Its good that you seem aware of the warning signs now and want to do something about it.
I've been where you are now and life without alcohol seemed pretty scary but I can honestly say that for me life is much better without it.
I found that I couldn't do it on my own and needed outside support and there is plenty help and support out there if you need it.
Whatever you decide I wish you the very best.

bman

Edit: Rant about Nulty.

daithid2000

Hi guys,

THanks for the replies.

(Btw Nulty I wrote my first post from my mobile and wasn't sure how to do paragraphs, plus as a previous poster said I was in a bad place at the time so didn't really give a sh1t what it looked like!!)

Anyway since then I have decided to see a counsellor. I was a bit terrified at this thought but it is actually going well. Having good chats with her and have decided to do controlled drinking for a while and see how that works out. If it doesn't work I am going to have to knock it on the head and I am happy with this decision.

She recommended the control drinking as it doesn't seem like I have a dependency on alcohol but am very prone to the odd binge every so often which was affecting people other than me.

Some of the tips she gave me was to set a target of how many drinks I am allowed in one nite and stick to that. She said to be realistic and I could space them out over the whole evening. One technique she said was to count how many sips I took when having a pint ( I have never done this so am actually looking forward to seeing how many it takes me!) and then to try and take more sips the next pint etc. Even by counting it will slow me down apparently.

One of the main things I think is to stay out of a round system and to go at my own pace.

I am not sure whether all this will work but I am definitely in a better place now and want to make it work which will probably help. I am very hopeful it could sort me out as I'd say I was in denial for a good while, but now I have actually realised I have a bit of a problem that will be some of the battle.

Dunno if anyone else tried this before but if they did I would like to hear from you and to get any advice etc.

Thanks for listening guys

mickman

im pretty much the same as yourself. my and my g/friend have the "rules" i.e. so many drinks in a night etc but if your out with your friends it probably wont work. you will say you want to drink by yourself and next thing you know there will be a pint in front of you. i love my friends and i have grown up with them but they dont understand the concept of not being involved in rounds, huge rounds. so i only go out once a month and drink with my girlfriend if she is out