work stress, apathetic, boss is awful

LegacyUser

Hi,
I'll try to be short. Basically, I'm a year and a half into a job, (my first proper one). I was depressed for about 2/3 years, and this included the first full year of my job. I came into work (sometimes a few minutes late), sat there in body only, did very little, no enthusiasm.

I very soon realised that it's not the job for me. However, being a bit sad etc just made it worse. I've had 2 bosses in the 1.5 years. The second one was over me for about a year. That person has since left and now we're dealing directly with the manager until the team leader position is filled. We have always had to deal with the manager, but less so when there's a team leader around. The manager is absolutely awful, he is a complete bully. He has made one team leader cry on a few occasions. He consistently tries to catch people out. It's only to his subordinates he behaves like this. He behaves impecably to his equals/superior. He never raises his voice, he speaks softly, but it's questioning and attitude, and tone of voice that's the problem. I believe he thinks I'm a useless yoke, and he has questioned me once or twice on things, and his tone is not very nice. Eg, "why did you do X", "What is the reason for that?", "Was there a particular reason for you omitting X?". Now, these kinda questions probably don't seem all that bad, but like I said, it's his manner; he asks things in a way that makes you feel very small.

Recently, I am a bit more happy, and I'm doing more at work (still don't like the work, want to go travelling next sept, so can't really leave). So, I'm doing a project right now. We are team leader-less so some of the work is challenging cos I haven't had the experience of this particular project before. One other team member is working on same project, although this guy is a bit more experienced that me. So I've been putting some stuff together, then realised that something else needs to go into it which will delay the work by a week. We are on a dealine of end of Jan, with several thing needing doing. Anyway my team buddy mentions this set-back to manager as we're unsure how to proceed. To cut a long story short it's sorted now, but it will delay this aspect of project by about a week. A day or so later, I get a really snotty email from manager regarding this blip. The language in the email was a bit formal in my opinion, and it was bascially a big dig at how/why I didn't foresee this issue arise. About 8 weeks ago, this same manager had a go at me for not doing something properly. Actually I had scheduled a cross functional team meeting to sort something out. Some staff members couldn't make the meeting, and besides the issue got more or less resolved at the last minute, so I cancelled the meeting. He marched over to me, questioned me with why I cancelled such a critical meeting, asked me several more (unnecessary) Why questions, then said I shouldn't need "to involve people in the work when we can do it ourselves". He said all of this in front of someone else!! It's his belittling attitude more than anything that is the problem. As I said he's not the sort to raise his voice, he just speaks to you quietly in a condescending way. He does similar things to others, but I sometimes feel like he's WAY worse with me...

The man really really is a pig. I'm sitting here, it's a Saturday and I really shouldn't give a crap, but I'm actually a bit stressed. I'm very unassertive, I'm not good with dealing with these kind of people. I'm a bit too sincere for my own good, and I take things to heart. I have no intention of staying with this company, I just wish I could fast forward to next summer and head on my RTW trip. All in all I couldn't give a crap about work, but I'm trying to do more ( I know I might have come across bad in myy early days). More ofthen that not however, I'm apathetic to the lot of them to be honest. Despite that, I don't like being made to feel so small by this despicable man!! Do you have any advice on how to deal with this asshole? Like, I see no point in standing up to him, he's a bully, and from my experience in the working world, when you get to magagerial level you're untouchable. But I don't want to be a door mat either, and I don't want his horrible digs to sink in....
Any advice?
and sorry for this post being so long!
thanks

the_syco

Apart from keeping a diary of all the times the manager has bullied you, and going with it to his boss, the only thing I can think of is to join a martial arts class. It'll help gain confidence, and from that assertiveness.

Unfortunately, you'll get **** like that who prey on those who they see as unasserive in all walks of life, so sorting it out now, will ensure that you won't put up with the crap later in life as easliy. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

workstress wrote: »

Hi,
I came into work (sometimes a few minutes late), sat there in body only, did very little, no enthusiasm.

Look - you admit yourself that you sit there not working. What do you expect from that? A cup of tea and sympathy? It's not bullying to ask somebody to do their job which is what your manager is doing. He has identified that you are not pulling your wait and are in fact incompetent (the technical term not the insult). What he is attempting to do (like all other responsible managers) is to manage you out of the workplace by getting you to self select out of the organisation i.e. get you to resign, so that he can hire an effective and productive team member. The reason you find it stressful (as you should) is that you are not meant to be there because you are not competent to do the job at hand. The reason for all the questioning is to determine if it is a won’t do /can’t do problem with you. Obviously managers are human too so exasperation is normal on his part and I am sure you are picking up on that. That cross functional meeting sounds like an unnecessary waste of time by you to avoid work, hence the criticism (borne out by the fact the problem resolved itself).
So the solution is simple. Resign. Company gets to hire someone who can do the job and wants the job. You get no stress. Instead I suspect you want to live on easy street until your trip abroad and are upset at the audacity of your manager wanted to deal with the situation. Worse than that you slander your manager by calling him a bully, and call into disrepute those who genuinely are being bullied (and I have met some of those people in my life...). Do the honourable thing and resign (or obviously do your job right if you can)

LegacyUser

Hey, OP here.

selfselection: I think you missed the point. I'll give you 2 more examples.
Last Tuesday, I was giving a presentation, when this same manager turned to colleague, said something then sniggered at me.
I wasn't the only person who noticed this.

Another team member had been bad mouthed (by our team leader at the time), on a regular basis. He was a new guy, very shy, and team leader took automatic disliking to him. gave him nothing to do, he sat for months not really doing anything, not his own fault. Then at the same time, TL dismisses his capabilities publicly.

Same TL made a snigger or two at my expense during my early days.


Point finished.