So confused!!

LegacyUser

Hi all...Basically I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now but she was one of my best friends for years before that and I wanted to be with her from day 1 so this has all been 1 huge road and up untill last week I was in love with her and was so happy we overcame the whole friendship first thing to get to where we are today.Since we officially got with each other 6 months ago we would tell each other we loved each other on special occasions...but when it came to reverting back to our normal day routine I was indecisive about wether or not it was love for me,but finally 10 days ago I knew for sure it was and so I told her and it was the best feeling in the world...but here's where the trouble starts...

When we agreed to get together,she reminded me about a grads she agreed to go to in september with a friend of ours and asked would I be ok with it or would I prefer if she told him she would have to bail now over being in a relationship etc etc...but I sed no because I know the guy,he's really shy and knows my girlfriend very well so it would have been really hard for him to ask someone else to go,so I sed work away,it's just 1 night and i'll see you again the next day etc...So finally that grads came and went and that was grand

That was untill the day after I told her I loved her 100% I got a text from an old friend who just so happened to be at that same grads and ended up mentioning our "shy" friend,and how he made a move on my girlfriend and she kissed him back.....I was devastated,I didnt know what to text him back and had no idea how to bring it up with my gf...It took me 2 days but I finally said it to her and she swore to me she didnt kiss him but that he did make a move and I had other people back her story up,she said she didnt tell me in case I'd take it the wrong way and it would ruin everything

So here's my dillemma,the news hit me so hard at the start that it totally messed with my feelings for her and although now I know nothing happened and we carried on as normal,somethings missing!..The fact that I told her I loved her for sure 1 day and was told she kissed a guy the next day was really hard to take and the 2 days I spent thinking about it really depressed me,now I dont know how I feel for her and it's really getting me down because we came through so much to get to where we are,she had been in a horrible relationship before she was with me where the guy told her he would commit suicide if she broke up wit him,she endured that relationship in total fear for 2 years untill finally ending it for me and that meant so much to me!..I feel empty now and want nothing more than to feel how I did 10 days ago,my friend reckons I'll get over it and realise I love her again soon because it would be impossible to fall out of love so fast...and thats what im clinging to at the moment,but at the same time I dont know how long I should leave things pan out before I finally have to put up the white flag,oppinions?...(really sorry about the length!)

Wagon

You don't trust her anymore, that's the problem.

I can't really blame you. You know your mate longer than her and you are taking his word that she kissed this bloke back.

The only advice i can give is to think mad hard about it and if you can't trust her then break up.

Astrogeek

I think you need to think about weither or not you trust your girlfriend. Did your friend actually see her kiss him back? Rumours start so quickly it would be a shame to let one ruin your relationship.

Black Swan

confused-guy wrote: »

...she had been in a horrible relationship before she was with me where the guy told her he would commit suicide if she broke up wit him,she endured that relationship in total fear for 2 years untill finally ending it for me

If she left him for you, and there was not too much time between leaving him for you, she could have been on the rebound? There's typically a lot of ambivalence and confusion associated with rebounders, which they have to work through before they are ready to commit fully to a new relationship?

confused-guy wrote: »

So here's my dillemma,the news hit me so hard at the start that it totally messed with my feelings for her and although now I know nothing happened and we carried on as normal,somethings missing!..

Missing? If it only took one kiss to destroy your feelings for her, I would suspect that your love for her lacked depth, mutual understanding and commitment? Although you may have known each other as friends for awhile, your romantic relationship was relatively short being only 6 months? It takes years to grow a loving relationship with depth between two people, and there are a lot of bumps in the road along the way, typically much larger than a kiss.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys guys

Astrogeek wrote: »

I think you need to think about weither or not you trust your girlfriend. Did your friend actually see her kiss him back? Rumours start so quickly it would be a shame to let one ruin your relationship.

This is what bothers me most,it would be such a shame if it ended over nothing,my friend seen it from a distance but didnt look into it too much because he presumed me and my gf had broken up due to her being at a grads and all that....Maybe it is a trust thing but I dont think it is,I think it was the initial shock of it that caused this knock on effect,there was nothing to suggest it would happen and the timing was fairly devastating

I also accept your comments Blue_Lagoon that maybe it was early days and all that to be saying its "love" but right up untill I found out,she was the only girl I cared about and I think I still do but it's kind of locked away somewhere and I need to realise it again,well at least thats what Im clinging on to...I just don't know how long I should leave things play out before it starts becoming unfair on both of us:(

Chinafoot

confused-guy wrote: »

This is what bothers me most,it would be such a shame if it ended over nothing,my friend seen it from a distance but didnt look into it too much because he presumed me and my gf had broken up due to her being at a grads and all that....

Ok, you're obviously quite young. The assumption that you would have split up over her going to a debs with a platonic friend shows immaturity.

confused-guy wrote: »

Maybe it is a trust thing but I dont think it is,I think it was the initial shock of it that caused this knock on effect,there was nothing to suggest it would happen and the timing was fairly devastating

I don't understand how the shock of a rumour which was then explained to you by other people who witnessed it (your mate seeing it from a distance really isn't definitive proof here) can suddenly make you stop being in love with her. I agree with Blue_Lagoon in that if you did genuinely "love" her you would not be quite so devastated by this. She didn't do anything.

confused-guy wrote: »

I also accept your comments Blue_Lagoon that maybe it was early days and all that to be saying its "love" but right up untill I found out,she was the only girl I cared about and I think I still do but it's kind of locked away somewhere and I need to realise it again,well at least thats what Im clinging on to...I just don't know how long I should leave things play out before it starts becoming unfair on both of us:(

I really don't mean to be offensive but you sound very immature and overly-sensitive. The above paragraph is very dramatic and I really think that if you continue over-thinking everything your girlfriend is going to end things. You need to relax and enjoy your relationship with this girl.

Perhaps consider that the years of friendship where you wanted more aren't living up to the reality of the situation now.

LegacyUser

Your right Chinafoot and I take no offense...I am immature when it comes to this sort of thing and I think what you said about over thinking about everything may be a serious factor here and if I can just shake it off it might be ok...Im going to try and clear my head of it and see where that leaves me and if in a few days I dont see improvement I'll have to accept the situation and pull the plug for her sake more than mine,thanks again!