Breaking the ice

Robby91

I'm in a little predicament right now...

There's this girl I'm interested in but, being the shy guy that I am (who hasn't been in a relationship before), I just don't know how to open the conversation and expressing my interest in her.
As far as opening the conversation, a friend of mine suggested "How much does a polar bear weight? Just enough to break the ice ; )" (or something to that effect) but, to me, it sounds like a really creepy way to open a conversation (well, prior to the break the ice bit, at least but I fear things would go downhill before I even get that far) and I don't really know if I can bring myself to say that

I've spoken to her a little bit (I don't get many oppurtunities due to conflicting lecture/lab times), so I don't really know if polar bears would go down too well :P

So... any thoughts on how I could go about opening a conversation with her? I'm going mad trying to think of something and have got nothing, and it's nerve-wracking...

G-Money

Ok, first of all, you are thinking about this far far too much. And that is only going to make you more nervous. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel.

Number two, don't put this girl on a pedestal. I know it's easy to think that she is this amazing, perfect, sweet smelling goddess but the reality of the situation is that she's just a person. She's no different or better than anyone else who comes along.

Number three, don't try and act like her friend when you know you want to be more than that. If you act that way, she'll throw you into the friends jail and that I'm afraid is a life sentence.

I can see where your mate is coming from and it's a unique way to break the ice. In some ways it doesn't really matter what you say, just how you say it. Obviously normal conversation rules apply, especially when it's someone you don't know that well.

My advice? If you feel like using that question your mate has said, fair enough. But it's best to just be natural. For example. Let's say you bump into your female friends, how would you talk to them? I bet you're not all nervous and conversation flows. I guess what I'm saying is just try to be yourself. If your normal way of greeting someone is by saying hello or something, just stand up straight, say hello in a confident but not shouting voice. And SMILE!!!! Put on a genuine warm smile. Not only will it make you feel better, it's hard for someone to be unpleasant when someone is being warm, friendly and has a big smile.

You already know a tiny wee bit about her from whatever you work on together so use that if you get stuck for conversation. For me I find my mind tends to ramble about the place and I use that in conversations. I'll be talking about something or will hear something and it will remind me of a story or something I did or whatever.

Just be warm, friendly and smile. Soon after you start chatting to her (within 30-60 seconds) make sure you briefly touch her arm, but only for a few seconds. Like 1 or 2 seconds that's it, and then take your hand away. Don't be pawing all over her. Keep chatting and maybe do it another time and if she's not reciprocating after a while, stop.

If you feel the conversation is going nowhere, eject before she does. If it's going well and you's are both enjoying it, go for her number/ask her out. I wouldn't necessarily say "Would you like to go out with me?" But maybe say something like "Ok, so why don't we go get a drink some time. Saturday night at 8pm, how does that sound?"

Just keep it light, playful. Remember, she's not some amazing goddess with magical powers. She's just a normal person. Don't build her up to be something amazing and you hopefully won't be as nervous.

Also, don't be afraid to walk away if it's not going well. She might be attractive but she isn't the only girl out there.

Good luck and I hope she says yes

Robby91

First and foremost, thanks for such a thorough response

Ok, first of all, you are thinking about this far far too much. And that is only going to make you more nervous.

You hit the nail on the head right there, and in thinking so much into this, I eventually come to a worse-case scenario which starts to get me a bit bogged down about it all - while you are perfectly correct, it is much easier said than done

Just be warm, friendly and smile. Soon after you start chatting to her (within 30-60 seconds) make sure you briefly touch her arm, but only for a few seconds. Like 1 or 2 seconds that's it, and then take your hand away. Don't be pawing all over her. Keep chatting and maybe do it another time and if she's not reciprocating after a while, stop.

Ah, the fun bit >.> I guess I'll just have to wait and see, and go with what I feel most comfortable with on this point :P

Once again, thanks for all the advice - I hope I can take all of this onboard and hopefully things will go well

G-Money

That's true, it is easier said than done but I never said it would be easy

I know exactly how you feel regarding the worse case scenario. I'm stupid like that. I will start imagining and picturing the worse case scenario over and over. Obviously that's a bad idea but it's very easy to fall into that trap.

I know what you are thinking though... "That's great and all, but tell me how to counter-act it". Well I'm going to do that now too.

I'm not going to promise that this definitely works, but at the very least what it will do is stop you thinking about the ultimate worse case scenario.

Ok, instead of thinking about what you DON'T want to happen. Focus on what you DO want to happen. For example. Don't be sitting there thinking "God, I hope I don't stutter, I hope she doesn't look at me in a bad way" and so on and so forth.

Instead, think about what you want to happen. Focus on that. Focus on going up to her, having a great interaction and conversation with her and rounding it off by getting her number and a date with her. Focus on that.

Here's a little tip I developed over the years that I use the odd time. When I feel a negative thought starting to form my head. I immediately stop and focus on and think of it's positive equivalent. For example I used to think I was hideous and completely unattractive to the opposite sex. To be honest I still do from time to time. But what I do is when I feel those thoughts coming into my head. I stop. I then think about a time when I met some girl who did like me and was into me. It doesn't matter what the outcome of that situation was. But it proves that I'm not as unappealing as I thought.

So if you feel a negative thought coming into your head, just stop. And change your thoughts to the positive opposite of that thought. Instead of thinking "Oh jeez she's going to shoot me down.." Think "We could go out and have a fantastic time".

I know this isn't easy, but at least try. As soon as you feel the negative thought starting to appear, think about something else. Don't let it grow in your mind.

Also, isn't it better that you try rather than sit around and wonder what might have happened? Think of all the guys who see girls they like and they don't have the guts to make a move. I'm including myself in that group.

You are going out and taking charge of the situation. And you know what, even if she says no, so what? Are you the first person to be rejected? No. Will you be the last? No. So don't worry about it.

Good luck and let us know how your date with her goes!

I do have one favour. If you do hit it off with her and go out with her, I want you to set me up with one of her hot friends!

Robby91

I know what you are thinking though... "That's great and all, but tell me how to counter-act it". Well I'm going to do that now too.

I wasn't thinking that (at least, I don't think I was), but not a bad idea at all. Well, at this point, I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things go on Monday (if she's around) and if I don't decide to chicken out :P Yet again, thanks

Any additional advice (from you, grandmaster, or anyone else for that matter) would still be greatly appreciated, might help to calm my nerves a bit

I do have one favour. If you do hit it off with her and go out with her, I want you to set me up with one of her hot friends!

Haha Assuming everything goes to plan, I can't see why that can't be arranged