The Ladies Lounge Infraction.

Boston

Infracted post:
Infracting moderator: Silverfish.

Reason: Breach of Forum Charter

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If you wish to argue a moderator warning, please use the helpdesk.


You were asked not to drag threads off topic, yet continued to do so.

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Original Post:
[post]62468960[/post]

Silverfish wrote: »

Boston, please do not drag this thread off-topic.

If the OP wanted advice or feedback, she would have posted in another thread. The title of this thread is very clear.

Thaedydal wrote: »

I completely and utterly disagree.

There are two types of discussion there is debate and there is sharing.
This thread is about sharing experience not debating them.
Posters are posting to share their experiences not for advice or for them to be picked apart and debated.

Apologises, but I see several others making comments and giving feedback on the stories shared throughout the thread. Comments like this;

hollyday wrote: »

Nasty woman! Honestly the gaw of some people!

Are feedback. I think it was particularly harsh comment to make. If you're going to allow "Christ what a Geebag" or "She deserves a broken nose", then surely "She seems just a bit socially inept" or "Maybe you shouldn't be talking to her in the first place" are fair comment. Either way, I've been warned off. Back to business.

Defense A).

Unfair warning.

Silverfish wrote: »

Boston, please do not drag this thread off-topic.

If the OP wanted advice or feedback, she would have posted in another thread. The title of this thread is very clear.

Referring to;

Boston wrote: »

Warfi wrote: »

Same happened to me! Although it came from my sister in law. I was telling my brother and his wife that I'd just broken up with the man I was seeing yada yada. She cut across me while I was explaining the ins and the outs of the situation and said 'So he mustn't have been in to you so', totally dismissing the relationship I'd had with him in one fell swoop.
She had never even met the man (lovely guy by the way, the last person you'd expect to treat a girl badly, in my opinion). I told her it was a crappy thing to say. She jumped on the 'But I'm only being honest' bandwagon. I told her a bit of compassion wouldn't go astray.
Later having dinner with herself, my brother and my niece (16yo), my sister in law came out with the wisdom that '**** (my niece) would never get a man....nobody would be interested in her'. I was gobsmacked. The poor girl. However my niece hardly batted an eyelid....she's obviously used to these comments! :eek:

hollyday wrote: »

Nasty woman! Honestly the gaw of some people!

Don't ask for other peoples opinions unless you expect an honest answer.

The assertion is that people should be allowed to rant without comment or feedback from other users. Thus by making my comments and giving my feedback I was derailing said thread. However almost from the start users have been replying to the shared experience, and giving their own feedback.

Tupins wrote: »

Wow - he sounds like a great person

People are so insulting sometimes. You know logically that you shouldn't dwell on what ignorant people say but sometimes you can't help it.

UpCork wrote: »

Good God, what a horrible thing to say to anyone at anytime, but at a funeral. Some people are too cruel.

brendansmith wrote: »

Ah well, to hell with her! Just be glad to be rid of that filthbag yeah?

minidazzler wrote: »

Maybe it's because you can't see the kid???? I'm not sure dude sounds like a douche to say that!!

Oryx wrote: »

That remark says far more about the lack of style in the style soc, and the misnomer of that person being called a 'welfare' officer, than anything else. Truly offensive, that.

Khannie wrote: »

As I read it, she didn't ask for an opinion. Also seems like the "honest opinion" wasn't based on much. To be fair, the woman in question just sounds like a geebag.

edit: God I love that word.

The Last quote is a direct response to the same comment I responded to. Now my defense is that while the thread title was clear, the scope of the thread in reality went beyond it. Commenting wasn't specifically banned, in fact it was promoted. The issue here is that negative comments/feedback wasn't desired.

It's a public post on a public forum and unless stated otherwise I see no reason why I shouldn't make an honest comment. To bar me from fair comment while allowing other to have there say is unfair, bias and reprehensible. Its actions like these which lend credence to some of the more extremely opinions expressed elsewhere on this site with regards to the ladies lounge.

Defense .

In the following post, made after Silverfishes warning, Thead continued debating the merits of my contribution. The obvious implication was that it was still open for discussion, so I replied - without having seen Silverfishes subsequent warning - to Thead's post.

I indicated I was dropping the matter and taking on board the warning. Unsatisfied by this Silverfish deemed it necessary to infract me and delete my post. Perhaps because I highlighted the hypocrisy of her initial warning? Perhaps, out of a need not merely to resolve a situation but to punish and escalate matters? I know not why.

Thaedydal wrote: »

I completely and utterly disagree.

There are two types of discussion there is debate and there is sharing.
This thread is about sharing experience not debating them.
Posters are posting to share their experiences not for advice or for them to be picked apart and debated.

My Defense is that I thought the matter still open when a mod engaged mey in discussion and that I didn't see Silverfishes clear cut warning.

Silverfish

Boston wrote: »

Don't ask for other peoples opinions unless you expect an honest answer.

Boston wrote: »

The impression I got from it was that she was looking to her sister in law as someone to consul her over a break up. Now most people would understand that this isn't the right time to start listing all the mistakes you made, or all the ways in which the relationship was destined to fail. But then there's are others who completely lack the social graces and dont realise the role the heart broken want them to play. These people will give you "The hard cold facts" as they see it with regards to the topic at hand.

Lesson learned, does ask for advice, comfort, shoulder to cry on, from someone like that.

Boston wrote: »

I think I see your problem. You give people information about yourself and expect no comment, or to be more accurate no negative comment. You've claimed that you didn't ask her advice, then why where you telling her anything? I'm aware you didn't ask for my advice, I didn't give you any. You didn't have to ask for me to comment, the invitation is implicit by the fact you're posting on a public forum.

These are the comments you were given an on-thread warning for. The poster was not looking for a shoulder to cry on, she was relating nasty comments someone made to her, and to others.

You continually picked apart her posts, and were trying to make the thread into a discussion of why she was wrong.

Your first post was deleted by a moderator - and you posted it again.

Warfi replied in a manner that implied that she didn't want to entertain the discussion with you, yet you continued. This is disruptive, whether you think so or not.

I then posted ANOTHER on thread warning stating that the thread was to go back on topic, which you claimed you didn't see.

It's not really my job to hold your hand and point out warnings to you. The warning was posted and you wanted to argue the warning. That is also off topic and disruptive, and generally unacceptable on boards.
That's what your infraction was for.

Silverfish

Boston wrote: »

My Defense is that I thought the matter still open when a mod engaged mey in discussion and that I didn't see Silverfishes clear cut warning.

Also, Thaedydal is not a moderator of the Ladies Lounge.

So whether she engaged you or not is irrelevant, the second warning was posted to all.

Gordon

You were keeping the thread off-topic after an on-thread warning.

Boston

Silverfish wrote: »

These are the comments you were given an on-thread warning for. The poster was not looking for a shoulder to cry on, she was relating nasty comments someone made to her, and to others.

Yet, none of those posts where infracted. Odd, but I'll take you retroactive word for it.

You continually picked apart her posts, and were trying to make the thread into a discussion of why she was wrong.

Not true. If I wanted to do that, I would have been far more cutting. My reply was a response to hollyday's comment. Which was terribly harsh in my opinion.

Your first post was deleted by a moderator - and you posted it again.

I had a feeling I replied to the thread, but wasn't sure. I received no indication that my post was deleted and assumed that I'd simply forgotten and closed the window that held the post. Its unfair of your to present this as me going against a moderator wishes. You neither infracted me nor messaged me telling me the post was deleted. Did you delete the post or did another moderator, if it was another which one? Or do I no get to face my accused? Is it standard procedure to remove posts without waring?

Warfi replied in a manner that implied that she didn't want to entertain the discussion with you, yet you continued. This is disruptive, whether you think so or not.

Somewhat of a contradiction there, she replied to me several times in an extremely condescending manner, that does not imply to me that she wished to drop it. The matter was dropped and the thread move on until she replied to me. You can't say I alone continued the discussion when she at several points re entered the thread to directly respond. Were we not both derailing the thread at that stage? If so why single me out for a warning?

I then posted ANOTHER on thread warning stating that the thread was to go back on topic, which you claimed you didn't see.

Well don't make hanging comments. If you believe I didn't see the warning then why mention it, if you believe me to be a liar then an admin can check the access logs and confirm that I didn't access that thread from the time just before you issued the warning to when I posted my reply.

It's not really my job to hold your hand and point out warnings to you.

More condescension, that will get you far with me. It appears it's not your Job to do a lot of things which most people would consider common courtesy. If you're too lazy, inept or both to do the Job properly, why don't you quit? It's not the first time I've run foul of your half assed antics.

The warning was posted and you wanted to argue the warning. That is also off topic and disruptive, and generally unacceptable on boards.

The initial warning was posted, I argued the warning, I wouldn't have done so if Thaed (as a moderator) hadn't replied to me and given the impression that the topic was still open for debate, I'm not a fool and I realise how eger you are to flex your mod power whenever possible. I understand now that she didn't see your initial warning in much the same way I didn't see your final one and that she never intended to reopen discussion. This could have all been nicely avoided is you'd learn how to deal with people before rushing to judgement.

From your manner in this thread, its clear you intend to allow only the right sort of feedback on that thread, and tbh on most of the threads which fall under your glaze. I suggest you make you bias apparent to other posters before someone does a damn foolish thing like point out how rediculous someone else is being.

Boston

Silverfish wrote: »

Also, Thaedydal is not a moderator of the Ladies Lounge.

So whether she engaged you or not is irrelevant, the second warning was posted to all.

Gordon wrote: »

You were keeping the thread off-topic after an on-thread warning.

Silverfish wrote: »

Also, Thaedydal is not a moderator of the Ladies Lounge.

So whether she engaged you or not is irrelevant, the second warning was posted to all.

Oh, didn't realise that. So she was infracted then for also ignoring your warning?

Gordon

Boston, your infraction stands, you were asked to stay on topic and you didn't, no amount of wriggling will change that fact. Condescension? You realise that you are sounding really condescending in this thread right?

Boston

I mistook Thaed for a LL mod, my fault. I accept the infraction for arguing against a warning on the thread. I do not accept the merit of being singled out and warned in the first place, nor do I accept that my initial comments where off topic. I want Silverfish to respond to the points I raised and the crisitisms I've made, if she has a defense at all that is.

Gordon, I realise that. Is that a problem? Are you saying Silverfish can be condescending but I can't be really condescending? Is that the new established order? If so I will endevour to report any posts which meet this incredible subjective criteria along with any where the poster is being a dick.

Silverfish

Boston wrote: »

Yet, none of those posts where infracted. Odd, but I'll take you retroactive word for it.



Not true. If I wanted to do that, I would have been far more cutting. My reply was a response to hollyday's comment. Which was terribly harsh in my opinion.



I had a feeling I replied to the thread, but wasn't sure. I received no indication that my post was deleted and assumed that I'd simply forgotten and closed the window that held the post. Its unfair of your to present this as me going against a moderator wishes. You neither infracted me nor messaged me telling me the post was deleted. Did you delete the post or did another moderator, if it was another which one? Or do I no get to face my accused? Is it standard procedure to remove posts without waring?

Another moderator deleted your post. I have brought this thread to their attention. We don't warn every time we delete a post.

[QUOTE=Boston;62470133Somewhat of a contradiction there, she replied to me several times in an extremely condescending manner, that does not imply to me that she wished to drop it. The matter was dropped and the thread move on until she replied to me. You can't say I alone continued the discussion when she at several points re entered the thread to directly respond. Were we not both derailing the thread at that stage? If so why single me out for a warning?
[/QUOTE]

Because she contributed to the thread initially. You just picked apart her post.

Boston wrote: »

Well don't make hanging comments. If you believe I didn't see the warning then why mention it, if you believe me to be a liar then an admin can check the access logs and confirm that I didn't access that thread from the time just before you issued the warning to when I posted my reply.

Ok

Boston wrote: »

More condescension, that will get you far with me. It appears it's not your Job to do a lot of things which most people would consider common courtesy. If you're too lazy, inept or both to do the Job properly, why don't you quit? It's not the first time I've run foul of your half assed antics.

You want us to pm you before we delete a post, pm you when we warn you on a thread, each time, and what else? That's hardly laziness or ineptitude, Boston. If a moderator posts a warning on a thread, TWICE, and you ignore it, that's your lookout.

What 'half-assed antics' are you referring to? Why don't you say what the real issue is here then?

Boston wrote: »

The initial warning was posted, I argued the warning, I wouldn't have done so if Thaed (as a moderator) hadn't replied to me and given the impression that the topic was still open for debate, I'm not a fool and I realise how eger you are to flex your mod power whenever possible. I understand now that she didn't see your initial warning in much the same way I didn't see your final one and that she never intended to reopen discussion. This could have all been nicely avoided is you'd learn how to deal with people before rushing to judgement.

Thaedydal is not a moderator on the ladies lounge. She is another poster. I fail to see how this is relevant.
Unfortunately anyone who gets warned sees it as the 'flexing of mod power' not 'doing the job'.

Boston wrote: »

From your manner in this thread, its clear you intend to allow only the right sort of feedback on that thread, and tbh on most of the threads which fall under your glaze. I suggest you make you bias apparent to other posters before someone does a damn foolish thing like point out how rediculous someone else is being.

Bias? Please clarify this also.

You were infracted for continually dragging the thread off topic despite two warnings. If another mod from the ladies lounge would like to contribute, and if they feel an infraction was too harsh, I will gladly overturn it.
But I will not do so on the back of thinly veiled insults.

Gordon

Boston wrote: »

Gordon, I realise that. Is that a problem? Are you saying Silverfish can be condescending but I can't be really condescending? Is that the new established order? If so I will endevour to report any posts which meet this incredible subjective criteria along with any where the poster is being a dick.

Stop being argumentative for the sake of it.

I'm saying that you think Silverfish is being condescending, I personally think you are being condescending in this thread.

If you're quite finished, your infraction stands, please take heed of mod warnings in future.

Thanks.

Boston

On reflection, I'll give Silverfish the benifit of the doubt and not read more then a simply misunderstanding into this. I'll endeavour to give more forethought into how my postings are perceived in the future.

No need to put up previous reply. Matter closed as far as I'm concerned.

Boston.

Gordon

Boston wrote: »

It appears it's not your Job to do a lot of things which most people would consider common courtesy. If you're too lazy, inept or both to do the Job properly, why don't you quit? It's not the first time I've run foul of your half assed antics.

I missed this.

Boston, if you speak to another mod or user with that tone you're getting a full siteban. You have been warned and banned before for this.

I'm banning you from Helpdesk as this whole thread has been down to you not reading before you posted something, and then complaining about it.