Past Relationship history?

LegacyUser

I've started seeing somebody new and we are getting on brilliantly.

He keeps asking me about my past relationships & I'm embarrassed to tell him that I haven't ever had a long term relationship even though I'm in my late '30s. I've only ever had a few short relationships that have lasted a few months. He has had a number of long term relationships, as you would expect at our age. I'm worried he'll think there's something wrong with me or that he'll think we wont last either based on my past history.

So far, I've fobbed him off by saying I'd prefer not to talk about that side of our pasts and to just concentrate on us. However is it expected of me to tell him eventually? Does everybody share their historys? He has brought up one or two of his past relationships already and I know he wants me to reciprocate. I even half lied lately & told him it was a few years since I had a serious relationship but I dont want to start lying at this stage.

I really dont want to mess this up as it's the first time I've felt so compatible with somebody, and he has said he feels the same.
I'd really appreciate your opinions on this - thanks.

ManOfMystery

It's nothing to be embarassed about. If anything, the fact that you've never had a long term relationship might be something he would prefer to hear as it would imply you've never met somebody you click with - perhaps this will be him?

For what it's worth, I've had a couple of long termers (4yrs+) and a few casual relationships over the year. My gf is 35 and when I met her, her longest rship had been 18 months - and in that one, they only saw each other a few weekends a month, which is why it probably dragged out that long. She had a few other rships in her life which were no more than a few months each, so she had never really done the long term thing either. Didn't make any difference to me or how our relationship went. We're seeing each other almost 2yrs now and going stronger than ever.

Taltos

I am never keen on raking over old coals.
To me - what is the point, it's in the past and is better off left there.

You really only have 2 choices.
Tell him
or
Just be honest and tell him again that what is in the past is better off left there.

See I am a bit of a jealous type - so knowing what I do about my OH there are times I wish I didn't - would have been much easier if I didn't feel the urge to share. Somethings you just cannot undo though.

Maybe sit down and find out why it is so important to him?
Is it not more important that you are together and happy???

ash23

I'd be the type that would want to know. However it wouldn't bother me if someone said they'd never been in a long term relationship.

I just think that relationships we've had make us who we are and affect us. Especially long term relationships. If I omitted to tell someone about my one long term relationship then I'd be omitting a pretty big part of who I am. The other brief relationships I have had wouldn't have shaped me as a person. this is probably why your bf brings up his old long termers. It's hard to avoid the topic when a person was a part of your life for a long time.

I doubt it'd worry him that you have never had a long term before. I think personally i'd think "wohoo, bonus, no baggage!"

thefeatheredcat

Be honest!

It's not a bad thing not to have had many serious relationships - it shows your independence and self-reliance in that you've gotten thus far.

If he's going to be with you, then he's going to be with you for you, the person that you are.

Faith

Honestly, if someone told me

tell or not wrote: »

I'd prefer not to talk about that side of our pasts

I'd think they had something to hide, and that would bother me. I'd say you're better off telling him the truth if he's asking you directly. My boyfriend knows very little about my relationships before him, because he has never asked. But if he did, I'd be straight with him.

Shelga

Wasn't this issue in an episode of Friends with Phoebe and Mike?

Tell him, get it over with, you seem like a nice person with no issues, I'm sure he'll be fine with it! Keeping it to yourself and worrying about it constantly will do more harm.

And shure didn't Mike and Phoebe end up married

G-Money

I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you. I'm 32 and I'm yet to have a relationship with a girl. I don't think he will mind that much, if at all. If he really likes you, it won't bother him.

I understand how you feel though. I always hide my zero track record from people as I reckon they'll think I'm some sort of freak.

strongbluebell

I think the main thing is not to lie, it usually catches up on you some time.
Either tell him the truth or say nothing but don't pretend you've had lots of other relationships.
As someone already mentioned I'd be suspicious of someone you wanted to keep their past secret but there's a balance too, not everything has to come into open. Say what you're comfortable with.