soon30 never had girlfriend

soon30

11

Agent J

Back up a sec.

You are nearly 30 and you are still on anti depressants to which you attribute to an event which happened 5 years ago?

I know its easier said then done but you really need to let got of it. It was a long time ago. She didnt rob you of self esteem. You let yourself get down over it. Its ok to get down about something but it sounds like you have let yourself stay down about it.

First thing you need to realise is having a girlfriend will not making your life magically all better. It is not a state of nirvana or bliss and i think a lot of the guys will back me up with the whole sometimes they are more hassle then they are worth. (Just kidding ladies... well sorta.. ).

You know this. You aren't stupid but its a natural human reaction to build something up they have no experience of until be comes and unattainable ideal.

Forget women for now or at least forget looking for a relationship for the time being. Unless you can love yourself then you cannot expect anyone else to. This might sound like some cheesy springer line but its true, unless you are happy within yourself you will not be attractive to anyone else. You will come accross as desperate and clingy and either one will make women run a mile. And even if you do stumble into a relationship in that state then you risk it being a mutual depenace/general destructive relationship which will end up being much worse then being single and unhappy in my personal experience.

So put the relationship idea to the side for now and work on yourself.
Wanna beat that depression? Then get moving, start doing some sort of exericise which gets you out of the house. Start walking for an hour, then maybe cycling... then take it from there. Wander on over to the fitness forum and read the threads there. When you are ready then being in shape does not hurt your chances with the opposite sex.

Join a club of whatever interests you have. Get out there and met people while you are pursuing your interests. Dont automatically assume that every woman there is a potential. Try to build up a base of female friends first.

This isnt easy. Its one step at a time and it is going to take time to work. You will suffer set backs but ultimately it is up to you. No one else can take your self esteem away unless you let them.

Anyway thats just my 2cent of waffle. Take from it what you will.

starchild

no your certainly not a freak. Not having had a girlfriend does not lessen you in any way, next time you find yourself in a situation where you are talking to a girl you like dont treat it as a big thing, just ask her for a drink or something

if your friends are still giving you grief talk to them seriously and ask them to lay off , if they are good friends they will

im a bloke so i cant say for certain but im pretty sure most women would not run a mile from you if you told them what you have posted here

soon30

hi ajent j thanks for reply and you can be as blunt as you like thats the whole point of these forums i just wonder how much experience you have of depression ive seen it in my family and exerciseing doesnt cure depression and i know no relationship will fix anything basicaly id just like to get the ride every now and again but it doesnt seem to be in me and i do try to keep my esteem up just it gets knocked easily ive seen deppressed people in my family and friends so i know some time you might think they just need a kick in the ass but trust me it doesnt work that way

Sir Ophiuchus

On the depression front: Not that any of us are professionals or qualified to give medical advice, but no, exercise does not "cure" depression. In general, though, becoming more active, engaging more with activities (and their associated people) and moving yourself out of the "comfort zone" depression puts you into (where you'd much rather not do anything at all sometimes) can only have good effects. And I do speak from personal experience of depression.

What I would suggest you do though, is talk to a counselor. I did, and it was a great help in working through all the stuff cluttering my head and sorting out all my feelings and the associated issues. There are plenty of counselors who charge sliding scales based on your ability to pay, and a counselor isn't going to be judging you or telling you how to "fix yourself", but will help you work toward a place mentally that you actually want to be at. http://www.ncii.ie lists accredited professional counselors and can probably help you find one in your area if you want to go that route. If you go talk to your GP about those antidepressants (long-term on those isn't always a good idea and is definitely something to get medical advice about) he/she should also be able to recommend a counselor if you ask.

Good luck.

Agent J

soon30 wrote: »

hi ajent j thanks for reply and you can be as blunt as you like thats the whole point of these forums i just wonder how much experience you have of depression ive seen it in my family and exerciseing doesnt cure depression and i know no relationship will fix anything basicaly id just like to get the ride every now and again but it doesnt seem to be in me and i do try to keep my esteem up just it gets knocked easily ive seen deppressed people in my family and friends so i know some time you might think they just need a kick in the ass but trust me it doesnt work that way

Lets just say i know a little bit about depression. Probably more then the man on the street.

I also have it on the word of several Doctors that exercise is a great way to try and fight back aganist depression. The problem is it feels like the last thing you want to do when you are depressed. However it gets you out of the house and the endorphin release when you actually do it.If you take it further then you begin to physically feel better which futher affects your mental state then you realise you look better which further boosts confidence and self esteem.

You are correct that a kick in the ass so to speak isnt the best idea. A lot of people will think that but to a depressed person someone deleivering a kick in the ass can actually be one of the worst thing to do.

Look you've nothing to be ashamed of. A one night stand every once in a while isnt a bad thing but if you are of a depressed state you can come away feeling worse long term. That is just a personal opinion mind you. Horses and courses and all that jazz...

Agent J

Just to clarify though. It is not a cure but its a good place to start.

Sir Ophiuchus has explained it better then i have.

soon30

ive only been on the meds two years effexor150 ive always had trouble being a heavy sleeper in the mornings but its 10 times worse now and i have no energy no matter how long or short a nights sleep i get can be hard falling asleep too a lot of the time im blaming the meds but not sure

finbarrk

Join a walking club, it's a great way to meet other people while at the same time getting exercise.
Why do you write like that? It's headwrecking trying to read it.

soon30

sorry about the way i write.Take it you mean the lack of stops and commas but im a very slow typer.