Facebook - delete or not?

LegacyUser

Just looking for some general opinions.

I was seeing someone for 6 months last year. We split in January as he moved abroad for work. It was an amicable split and we remained friends. Emails, phone calls, texting every day etc.
But then he told me he was seeing someone else. I was mad about him so it hurt a bit to know this. He remained in contact but I asked him to ease off on contact as I wasn't comfortable with the contact we had as he was seeing someone and I had been cheated on previously and know how it feels. Not that he was cheating on her but personally I wouldn't want my boyfriend ringing and texting his ex girlfriend every day even if she was the other side of the world.

Anyway, he is still a friend on facebook but I find it slightly depressing to see photos of him and his new partner. I want to delete him as a friend to stop myself from looking and basically depressing myself
But I don't want to look like a cow either. I do like him but I know it's over, he;s moved on. But I don't want to be faced with a kick in the teeth every time I log on either.

I'd hate for him to think I was doing it out of spite. For the most part I have moved on, I don't contact him or think of him much. But it does still hurt a little when I see stuff on facebook.
Do I just delete him as a friend?

ManOfMystery

Just don't look? No-one is forcing you to look at his profile photos.

If it's updates you're chatting about, I'm pretty sure you can block status updates on FB from individuals.

opinion guy

disable your facebook for a while

ellie1

delete him as a friend. you owe him nothing.

craichoe

delete? wrote: »

Just looking for some general opinions.

I was seeing someone for 6 months last year. We split in January as he moved abroad for work. It was an amicable split and we remained friends. Emails, phone calls, texting every day etc.
But then he told me he was seeing someone else. I was mad about him so it hurt a bit to know this. He remained in contact but I asked him to ease off on contact as I wasn't comfortable with the contact we had as he was seeing someone and I had been cheated on previously and know how it feels. Not that he was cheating on her but personally I wouldn't want my boyfriend ringing and texting his ex girlfriend every day even if she was the other side of the world.

Anyway, he is still a friend on facebook but I find it slightly depressing to see photos of him and his new partner. I want to delete him as a friend to stop myself from looking and basically depressing myself
But I don't want to look like a cow either. I do like him but I know it's over, he;s moved on. But I don't want to be faced with a kick in the teeth every time I log on either.

I'd hate for him to think I was doing it out of spite. For the most part I have moved on, I don't contact him or think of him much. But it does still hurt a little when I see stuff on facebook.
Do I just delete him as a friend?

It's just bloody facebook !!!!

Deleeeeeeeeeeete !

shellyboo

Hide him rom your feed. Where you see a notification from him, hover over the top right corner of it and click "Hide". He'll remain your friend, but his actions won't appear on your homepage. After that, it's just a matter of not looking at his page to see what he's up to.

craichoe

shellyboo wrote: »

Hide him rom your feed. Where you see a notification from him, hover over the top right corner of it and click "Hide". He'll remain your friend, but his actions won't appear on your homepage. After that, it's just a matter of not looking at his page to see what he's up to.

Isn't that a bit stalkerish though ?
I.E. I want the ability to hide from him but still see what hes doing ?

Clearly shes not over him if shes upset by these pictures, should just remove the temptation together imo.

herya

craichoe wrote: »

Isn't that a bit stalkerish though ?
I.E. I want the ability to hide from him but still see what hes doing ?

No it does not affect how he can see her at all.

It only removes his news from her live feed so she can still see his stuff but only when she intentionally opens his page.

LegacyUser

Op here.
I want to delete him. I know it would be better to delete him as I don't particularly like feeling this way. I'm not stalking his page or anything but human nature being as is, i get curious and look now and then. And I never like what I see

But my issue is that if he ever does check my page and I've deleted him as a friend he'll know as my page is private. He might never cop that I've deleted him but if he does will it look really petty and childish as opposed to what it actually is which is me trying to protect my own feelings?

shellyboo

craichoe wrote: »

Isn't that a bit stalkerish though ?
I.E. I want the ability to hide from him but still see what hes doing ?

Clearly shes not over him if shes upset by these pictures, should just remove the temptation together imo.

No, I have a feckload of people hidden because their Facebook activity (ie, every pointless application under the sun) bugs the hell out of me - but they're still my friends!

Like it or not, having someone as a Facebook friend now has social implications outside of Facebook - to block someone is a pretty clear message of "I don't want you in my life anymore". If that's what the OP wants, she should delete him. If she just doesn't want his new gf rubbed in her face every time she goes online, then hiding him is the better option.

OP again wrote: »

Op here.
I want to delete him. I know it would be better to delete him as I don't particularly like feeling this way. I'm not stalking his page or anything but human nature being as is, i get curious and look now and then. And I never like what I see

But my issue is that if he ever does check my page and I've deleted him as a friend he'll know as my page is private. He might never cop that I've deleted him but if he does will it look really petty and childish as opposed to what it actually is which is me trying to protect my own feelings?

Do you want him out of your life totally? If so, delete him, and who cares what he thinks after that.

kjl

OP again wrote: »

Op here.
I want to delete him. I know it would be better to delete him as I don't particularly like feeling this way. I'm not stalking his page or anything but human nature being as is, i get curious and look now and then. And I never like what I see

But my issue is that if he ever does check my page and I've deleted him as a friend he'll know as my page is private. He might never cop that I've deleted him but if he does will it look really petty and childish as opposed to what it actually is which is me trying to protect my own feelings?

unless he goes looking for you, he wont notice. unless he only has like 2 friends. What difference does it make, you don't owe this guy anything, you were former lovers. Now I have a few of my ex's as friends on facebook, I keep them more to snoop on the from time to time.

You need to move on, if anything this should give you closure in the relationship to see he has moved on.

LegacyUser

I don't want him out of my life totally. Though he isn't in it at the moment as I made it very clear I didn't think us being in contact was appropriate as he was seeing someone. He did pursue the issue for a while after and kept contacting me and I kept re-enforcing that i felt it wasn't fair on his partner.

Eventually he gave up.

Like I said, he lives abroad and is with someone so in terms of there being any chance for me and him, well, it's highly unlikely. I guess I was hoping that the new girlfriend would be a short lived experience and that he would move back over here and we'd pick up where we left off but thats not going to happen.

I think for my own sanity I have to delete him. I just wish it didn't look like such a bitchy thing to do when really it's more about me than about him.

Sanjuro

OP again wrote: »

Op here.
I want to delete him. I know it would be better to delete him as I don't particularly like feeling this way. I'm not stalking his page or anything but human nature being as is, i get curious and look now and then. And I never like what I see

But my issue is that if he ever does check my page and I've deleted him as a friend he'll know as my page is private. He might never cop that I've deleted him but if he does will it look really petty and childish as opposed to what it actually is which is me trying to protect my own feelings?

You're broken up. Unless you remain friends (which, in 99% of cases, cannot and will not happen), delete him. You've both made a break from each other, which means you should delete him from Facebook too. You're not friends in real life, so why remain friends in a virtual world. Who cares if he thinks you're childish. A few of my exes don't have a particularly high regard for me, but I don't really care. They're not in my life, so why waste time on what they think?

Also, the more you see what he's up to because you're curious, the more difficult it will be to get over the relationship. A break up should be a clean break in all ways and forms.

shellyboo

OP again wrote: »

I think for my own sanity I have to delete him. I just wish it didn't look like such a bitchy thing to do when really it's more about me than about him.

Just delete him. If he doesn't notice, then you're in the clear. If he does, you can just set him straight and tell him you needed some space.

Colonel_McCoy

Delete him or use the "Hide" option, you wont see any of his posts on your homepage

LegacyUser

OP here. Ok, it's done.I deleted him.

No point torturing myself over him and getting that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see him wrapped around his new girl. He made his choices and I wasn't one of them so there it is.

Thanks folks.

LegacyUser

Block him on Facebook. That way you will never see him on Facebook, even if he comments a mutual friend. He is your ex-boyfriend and you are never going to get over him if you are constantly being reminded of him. It's a hard thing to do because, of course, you are curious about what he is doing but it's the best thing in the long term. I would message him and tell him that you are going to block him and why you are doing it, then, block him before he responds and changes your mind. It seems harsh but he isn't going to want to give up contact and you need to do it.